Wednesday, December 31, 2008

We thought this game was gonna be like a classic episode of Home Improvement.
Instead, it turned into an episode of Family Feud when Al Borland hosted it.
What a mistake.

It's like every home game now is an AFC Championship Game at Three Rivers.
The only difference is that we don't even know where we're going with this.
Cowher was a joke.

The Pens beat the Bruins 2-1 in a shootout back in the 7th game of the season.
We had this to say:

"As far as the Bruins are concerned, they are solid.
They'll be in the playoffs.
If we go any more in-depth than that, we'll shoot ourselves."

It still rings true.

Is there trouble brewing in Pittsburgh? Yes.
If there wasn't trouble, we'd be worried.
You want your team to be pissed, and the Pens look beyond pissed at this point.

The thing about all of this is that you get more spin than you can even handle.

In the [PG] recently:

"But in this case, even players speaking strictly for background information, with no possibility of their identities being revealed, absolved Therrien of responsibility for the Penguins' struggles."

Even notorious Therrien critics like Mark Madden and Rob Rossi
haven't really approached the subject.

And let's face it.
This has nothing to do with Therrien or Mike Yeo or even Andre Savard.

This is a slump. The players either come out of it or they don't.
If you don't realize that, you shouldn't be allowed to watch TV.

This is an NHL season.
This is adversity at its absolute finest. No one is happy.

But this isn't our first rodeo.
The season starts now. Hold onto your balls.


We didn't feel like crediting anthems.

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The Bruins and the Pens come out flying. Good hockey. Tim Thomas shows why he ain't no joke.
The Bruins are relentless. But Fleury matches Thomas save for save.

Mark Eaton gets called for a penalty, but the Pens kill it off.

Chara tells Malkin to go tell it on the mountain with a big check.

After more MAF saves, the man with two first names, Dustin Jeffrey, gets a harmless shot on net. Tim Thomas has no idea what's going on.

Petr Gunn.


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Everything was going fine until the Pens got called for a penalty.
Chara goes to the backdoor.
Top shelf.


The Pens get sent to sinbin city again.
Bad call, whatever.

Marc Savard makes them pay, short side high. 2-1

Things were calm until the Bruins turned it over.
Crosby plays shortshop, gets it to Dupes.
Dupuis Play™.

Weirdest picture of all time:


The good times were short lived.
Phil Kessel buries a Savard pass. 3-2
Pens still improved the play through the second.
As usual, they were in the game going into the third.

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There are moments in a game and ina season that make a difference.
After killing another penalty, Dupes and Staal roll down on a 2-1.

Staal's redirection at a wide-open net almost hit somebody in F.
That was bad.
This entire game pretty much hinged on him burying that.

As we all dreamed, the Pens finally get a powerplay, but the Bruins get a shorthanded goal.

Vomit city.

Bruins added another goal just to make you sick. 5-2.

If there's a Baby Pen who has left his impression on the big club, it's Tim Wallace.
He had seen enough in the third period and goes head-to-shoulders with Lucic.
Lucic needs some Tums 'cause he ate Wallace's lunch for him.

What a pic.


  • Surprised Big Ben wasn't at the Arena.
  • Therrien's post-game presser = Intense.
  • Pens held a closed-door players meeting after the game.
  • Tim Thomas is like a chastity belt.

Let 2008 burn.

Go Pens

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Pens haven't won at home in forever.
We're guessing that Islanders blowout. We don't care to look.
And the Bruins always seem to give them a tough time.

The Bruins haven't played a real hockey team in a while...
They're not as good as everyone thinks they are...
Blah blah blah blah.


:: Pens are a mess at home and shit. [TRIB]

:: Top 10 moments in 2008. [SWEATERTED]

We personally don't do year(s) in review(s).
We have the halfway mark of the season coming up, which we grab by the balls.


Tim Thomas thinks it will be an easy win for the Bruins tonight.

I don't think so Tim.


It wasn't even worth getting out of bed today, let alone coming here.
Hal Gill is back tonight.

[PenguinsExperience] with a great youtube.

Good stuff.


The Caps retired Mike Gartner or something. We could care less.
But check out his banner:


Thanks to [Hooks]


Some of the stuff we get in our e-mail.......

No idea. That bitch on the right is all kinds of messed up.
Thanks [Nicholas]


You have no idea what it's like to be stopped at a red light and checking your e-mail and you get the following e-mail with these picture attached:

Around my house, we use the word "Holmstrom" instead of "get the fuck outta my way". If one of the dogs is under my feet, if my wife is blocking the refrigerator, or if somebody is blocking a doorway, we call them "Holmstrom". Anybody else do that? Check out the pics I'm sending you of my awesome Satan Penguins mask. I wore it to the San Jose Sharks game this year, and with any luck, I will get to wear it again when the Pens meet the Sharks for the Stanley Cup Finals. It will not be the Wings this year. Hopefully. By the way, I live in Sacramento. So when that commercial with dude making his flat screen tv behind the glass in his garage while wearing a Crosby shirt comes on, I really get a kick out of it. That is exactly what the houses look like out here in suburbia.

Reader [Mike S]

Go Pens

Monday, December 29, 2008

Why So Serious??



Unless your whole life is a joke, you don't need to be walked through that statistical comparison.

But you should know that the '07-'08 stats are what the Pens had accumulated through 38 games last season.
They've only played 36 games so far this season.

Malkin's 18-point increase is just ridiculous.
Crosby's numbers are down across the board. Wow. 3 points.

As far as the power play goes, 2 more goals on the PP so far this season would have them sitting at a 19.6% right now.
Yeah, better than last season.

And their PK has battled through injures this season and has improved upon last season's numbers.

Before we looked up these numbers, we were ready to attribute the Pens' woes to perhaps overworking Malkin and Crosby with their new occasional PK duties this season.

But there are no woes at all.
Malkin is on fire. Crosby is doing whatev.
And people just forget what an 82-game NHL season is.

This isn't to say that certain debates creeping up among Pens fans aren't reasonable.
We need something to occupy our time.

Last year's team had an unforeseen hurdle to leap in mid-January last year.
Let's not even think about that right now.



There's no entity more obnoxious that New York media.

EXHIBIT "A" today is the NHL INSIDER at

We didn't even know anyone was still talking about this, but NHL INSIDER still has some thoughts about the Crosby ball-punch.


But LARRY BROOKS at the NYP takes the cake and feeds it to his wife.

He starts off a column about Ovechkin threatening to break Phil Esposito's single-season shot record of 550.
Ovechkin has 216 as we eek towards the halfway mark.

For people that are interested in this stat, Ovechkin's shooting percentage this year is 10.6%.
That's 160th in the league.

In Brooks' eyes, Ovechkin challenging this record makes him the league's "greatest player."
But hold the phone. Brooks follows up this claim with this group of words:

The gulf between Ovechkin and every other player in the league is growing wider by the day. Even if Ovechkin may not be the most talented, or the best skater, he is by the far the most compelling athlete in the league.

So, wait a minute.
Ovechkin being compelling (which Ovechkin is and which Brooks based his entire column around) makes him the greatest player? Come on.

It's sad that these "sportswriters" let their annoyance of Crosby cloud their judgment in clearly seeing that Malkin is the best player in the league this season.

We know Ovechkin is nasty.
He's as exciting as it gets in the NHL.
We more than gladly acknowledge Ovechkin's dominance of the league when it's happening.

But that's not what's going on right now.
Malkin's on pace for 135 points this season.

That would make him the first player to break 130 points since Lemieux in 1995-96.
Malkin is a +22.
Ovechkin is a +13.

Ovechkin-Malkin went 1-2 respectively in the 2004 draft.
Has there ever been a better top-two picks?

A quick list of every draft since 1990:

Two solid NHL players.

Lindros was good until his head fell off. Pat Falloon. Ouch

Yashin's turtlenecks were solid.

Daigle= not so much. Pronger is a beast.


Ottawa's drafting in the '90s was a comedy of errors.
Redden sucks.

Take Phillips. Zyuzin was a disaster.

Yeah, that is a good draft.

If Legwand would have panned out, this draft could have been something.

Yea, Stefan sucks. Sedin is cash.

Two franchise players.
Two joke human beings.

This one is a contender, possibly. But not really.

Nash is wasting away. Lehtonen never shows up.

Another challenger. Still coming up short.
Fleury with only 5 assists?

Looking even further back, the 80's were whatev.
The 1988 draft might currently be the best 1-2 combination of all time.

Just to vomit -- The Penguins had the fourth pick in the 1988, they drafted some dude named Darrin Shannon.
Look who they could have had:

Jesus. Does anyone even know who Darrin Shannon is?
Tony Esposito was the GM in 1988.
We may have to look into his one-year reign a little closer.
What a joke.



Last season, we were on top of everything related to the Winter Classic.
Not so much this year.

But there's some good links floating around out there.
You can find most of them at NHL.COM.
The most intriguing is the time-lapse camera of Wrigley Field's transformation. HERE.

This passed us up, too.
Winter Classic Lost Logo Challenge. LINK

Spot the player with the Reebok logo missing on his jersey, and you win whatever.


We do want to address the rumors Eklund posted over the weekend. LINK

Beaker and Splinter share the same agent.
Eklund said we've initiated talks in bringing Beaker to Pittsburgh.
100% unfounded.



Go Pens


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