Wednesday, December 3, 2008


Sean Avery has been suspended indefinitely by the NHL. PUCK DADDY
Why? The YouTube below has the comments he made that brought the punishment.

The background of the story is that Avery used to date Elisha Cuthbert.
Since breaking up with Avery, she has dated Canadien Mike Komisarek and currently Calgary's Dion Phaneuf.

He called an impromptu press conference in the locker room in Calgary after the morning skate.
Hell, even TMZ is all over it.

Former captain Mike Modano, who recently suggested he might be better suited for a front office job if Avery's on-ice antics continued, was also visibly disgusted by the completely uncalled for shot at both Phaneuf and his girlfriend. EDMONTON SUN

We're still visibly disgusted over Mike Modano's acting in The Mighty Ducks.

We think the NHL suspended Avery to protect him from being murdered.
Mirtle likes the move. FROM THE RINK.
And so do we. In fact, we love it.

The Flames/Stars game would have turned into a bloodbath last night, and it would have put the Dallas Stars in a bad situation.
Bettman and the NHL acted swiftly. And that had to be done.
Who cares if this gives him attention?

None of Avery's teammates even stood up for him. Marty Turco, Brad Richards, and many other Stars players were sick about it. Coach Dave Tippett was stunned. Even owner Tom Hicks said the Stars would have suspended Avery.

So could you imagine something happening in the game?

Bottom line, this does give Avery attention, and he loves it.
It is going to be funny when he has to hold a press conference to say he is sorry.
What a douche.


:: The assistant captains for the month of December:
Matt Cooke and Jordan Staal. PENS

:: Late as balls on this, but Bing and Geno took home some honors this week.
Crosby gets NHL player of the week.
Malkin gets second-best player of the month. PG

:: THE CONFLUENCE goes to town on the Pens inability to keep a scoring winger for Sid long-term.

Sabu is sticking with the old mask.
And MAF is skating.

There's more secrecy surrounding the MAF injury than a Bilderberg meeting.
No clue what's going on. recognizes Ziggy's faceoff percentage leading the league. NHL
The Penguins brand is ranked 8th out of 122 teams. PENS
Na-na-na is a low-risk investment. TRIB

Alyssa Milano selling Pens stuff. NHL



The next YouTube is actually the dumbest thing you will ever see in your entire life.
Ryan Malone is on a breakaway with 16.5 seconds left in a 3-3 game.
Scott Hartnell throws his glove at him.
You do that in your local Dek Hockey league, and you might get suspended.
This play should have its own blog, one of the dumbest things of all time.

Mike Emrick with the call. At least "the game wasn't on his stick."
Of course Malone blows the breakaway, then takes a bad penalty in O.T and the Lightning lose.


Speaking of gay hockey players, Pensblog Charlie made his debut on NHL 09 Tuesday night:


We spent way too much time working with face combinations.
This is the best we could do.


The best of the NHL in November.
KYLE K. with the YouTube.

If you were watching Sports Soup on Versus Tuesday night,
you may have seen the host making fun of Talbot's acting skills in the current A&L spot.
Anxiously awaiting a YouTube.


We're on a small media tour on Wednesday, if you want to check it out.

First, around 3:15, we will be going on Barstool Talk on 660 AM.
If you're not in the Pittsburgh area, we assume they'll put a podcast up HERE.

Then somewhere between 6:10 and 6:40, we will be on MVN LIVE, streaming on Gore.


We never like posting personal pictures of the Pens.
Another self-imposed rule of ours.

But this is awesome.
H/T coffeytalk
This will be photoshop city when we play the Sharks again.


Angelo said...

Is it just me or does the footage of Modano being loaded into the ambulance remind you of back stage attacks during WWF Monday Night Raw?

I half expected Messier to come out and beat Modano with a steel chair, throw him into the ambulance, then drive off.


KaylaJ said...

charlie looks disturbingly awesome

i'm going to hell because i always laugh when modano gets dropped. of course i may get a pass since modano has said he doesn't remember it

as for the fishing photo, i really have nothing.

Joose said...

All of the YouTubes combined make me feel like I am living in a surreal, terrifying, dream-like state. What a crop of unsettling awkwardness.

Stoosh said...

Thoughts, dudes...

1. I still can't believe I once hoped that Pittsburgh would've had a chance to sign Scott Hartnell. The only player in the league I'd want to see in a Pens jersey less than Hartnell is Sean Avery.

2. Has anyone ever played their way out of four franchises in less time than Avery? One good thing about hockey is - unlike the NFL or NBA - douchebaggery is only tolerated to a point. Avery is going to run out of chances like quick. Word appears to be getting around that this guy has been poison in every locker room he's ever been a part of, and my guess is that Avery may not be seeing the ice in Dallas for a little while. Caveat emptor, Mr. Hicks. You should've known better.

3. And hopefully no one insults guys like Esa Tikkanen, Claude Lemieux and Ulf Samuelsson by trying to lump Avery in with them. Lemieux was a Grade A prick on the ice, but he was also a locker room leader and a good teammate. Same with Tikkanen and Samuelsson. Playing on the edge is a lot more tolerable when you're a good teammate, and Avery has no concept of what it means to be on a team. He was a douchebag going all the way back to his OHL days. When Don Cherry calls you out for being a douchebag in junior hockey, you're pretty much redefining the term douchebag.

debrisslide said...

I still haven't stopped laughing at this picture. Help.

Jonny Van Mundegaarde said...

Charlie needs the squint, making faces on video game characters is one of the most frustrating tasks imagineable though. Nice job, staff.

Geno and Sarge need their own fishing show. Or at least a between-periods segment with I, Potash.

Like Akus pointed out, Avery isn't exactly banging girls still in possession of their fleury, pretty lame comment by him.

justincredibleh said...

avery's suspension is retarded. the league has other things to worry about.

on a brighter note, that fishing picture is hilarious. where the hell did that come from?

Allison said...

Staff- that has to be one of the top 5 personal pictures of all time. It blows all of talbot's rediculous drunkeness out of the water.
Seriously, my eyes don't even know what to look at when I see that picture: the goofy get-up or the smiles on their faces like they just got a big hug.

Doppler said...

As for Avery, if you have followed hockey long enough you have always known he is tool. As for the suspension I say let him play, the target is on him now.

Like Stoosh said the guy doesn't know how to be a teammate and he will run himself out of the league before long.

Which I would love to see.

eileenover said...

im on ur lakez, catchin big fish

fleuryous said...

Seriously...I'm waiting for the day that Avery insults someone who won't take his shit at all and he gets PULVERIZED. I mean, eventually, when you insult enough people, you won't have anyone to turn to.

With his suspension, will Avery be spending more time at Vogue headquarters?

If Modano makes such audacious comments (which I don't think are too audacious), you KNOW you're a douchebag.


The Hartnell situation is priceless. Did he learn proper playground etiquette? Dear God. How can you stand up for a guy who does that? Furreal.

Annie said...

Avery isn't exactly banging girls still in possession of their fleury

I can't stop laughing at that last comment, Jonny. Thanks a lot! :D

meecrofilm said...

Alyssa Milano is a such a whore. But she's hot. She's a hot douchebag. Damn you hotness paradox.

I've always been a fan of Mikey Mo. He definitely wants to castrate Avery. Bad times in the locker room.

Also, solid choices for the 'A's I'd say.

There's a hilarious thread going on at LGP right now about how Caputi is a bust and will never project into a top-6 role because he hasn't lit it up in his first 20 games at the pro level. Although to be fair it's only a couple people saying that.

Nulpher said...

Well... Plaxico Burress is probably thankful that he is in the NFL rather than the NHL right now.

NFL: Carry an unregistered gun and have it discharge = 4 Game suspension (Served after his return from injured status?)

NHL: Get in a verbal fit over how other players 'Steal' your girlfriends = indef suspension.

coffeytalk said...

I am awesome.

the end.

Allison said...

@Nulpher-As someone living in the heart of all this Plaxico shit, let me tell you he's in a fuck of a lot more trouble than a 4game suspension.

Erica said...

@ fleuryous: "I'm waiting for the day that Avery insults someone who won't take his shit at all and he gets PULVERIZED."

dude, he insulted *dion phaneuf*.

your wait is over. phaneuf is pure murder, and the fact that avery based both his opponent and his ex on game day just convinces me that he has a death wish.

Adrienne said...

You really gave Charlie Survoy's old number? I'm hurt :(

Grégoire said...

I'm not a fan of the suspension. (For the record, I find Avery's comment completely retarded.) If the league wants to avoid a potentially ugly on-ice incident, then fine, I think this was the right move. But this is not the justification they used. Their justification was more something like "Shut up Avery, you're embarrassing yourself and the entire league".

stokes said...

Personally, i think it would have been the best situation to put Avery on the ice, get his life crushed by Phaneuf, and to watch his teammates not give a shit. Not that it would have been a wake up call to Avery, but it would have been awesome.

sven butenschon said...

@ Stokes
I agree with you but last night would have been a bloodbath and there could have been a a repeat of the Moore incident
I hate him
I wish he would go for a ride in Heatley's car
But the last thing the NHL needs is something like that

demondg1 said...

Phaneuf: "Sean, tell me how my ass tastes."

Raybin said...

I always knew Sean Avery was a worthless dickhead, but I had no idea he had suicidal intentions too. Jesus. Mocking Dion Phaneuf's girlfriend is taking your fucking life in your hands. Why not kick a pit bull while you're at it?

Keith Jones of all people had it exactly right: with emotions running that high, we might've got a another Bertuzzi/Moore situation, which is not something even Sean Avery should have happen to him.

All of this is mild though compared to the big news of the day: I GOT NHL CENTER ICE LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Joy in Mudville! I flipped between the Dallas/Calgary game and the Sharks/Toronto game. Holy balls, San Jose is a great fucking team. Tod McLellan = Jack Adams award. Bank it.

I literally laughed out loud when I saw Hartnell throw his glove at Malone. I rewound it like four times before I even saw what happened on the penalty shot.

I love Bugsy and all, but I'm pretty sure no one in Philly was worried. He's not exactly money one-on-one. Wish to God he would've scored see Little Scotty Hartnell blow another one for his team would've been a thing of beauty.

Raybin said...

And Avery is finished in Dallas: when the three biggest leaders of the team (Modano, Morrow, and Turco) all throw you under the bus, you know you're pretty much done in that locker room.

Raybin said...

Also, the Staff making the media tour is a thing of beauty.

No comments from me yesterday on the Dark Ages post because my poor mortal words would just disgrace such a thing of beauty. It would take Shakespeare to do that piece justice.


jefe p said...

hartnell is just a caveman. he knows not of this world.

modano falling on the stretcher is hilarious and it did remind me of the wwf.


Hip said...

Back to reality - I love naming Staal co-A captain.

dying alive said...

Sean Avery is the kind of guy you have sex with once and then spend the rest of your life trying to avoid. Totally gross. Either way, as I said yesterday, his suspension is probably less about what he said and more about the fact that he's a huge douche and the NHL, the players, and the coaches are sick of dealing with him. He deserves to be suspended just based on how pathetic he made himself look crying about Phaneuf dating his ex-girlfriend. Time to move on, Sean.

Alyssa Milano's clothes = barf. I am constantly annoyed by people (male and female) who treat hockey games like they're at a fashion show. Just wear a regular damn jersey like the other 17K people there. Don't even get me started on PINK jerseys.

Gonchar is all business about fishing, check out that hat!

dying alive said...

BTW, thank Godard the Pens play tonight. Going three days without a game is for the birds.

BlacknGold66 said...

@Jefe: He is just a caveman. Our world "frightens" and "confuses" him.

dying alive said...

OK, how adorable does Malkin look in that fishing picture?

Last week I was telling my friend that I have an idea for a sitcom called "I Love Evgeni." Basically the show will consist of nothing but following Geno around with a camera all day and observing the hijinx that is sure to ensue. I think it's got potential.

bennybobandphantom said...

Avery is king douche of the NHL.

I wish there was a youtube of that fishing trip.

Hip said...

"How many players wear their IQ on the back of their uniforms?"

In reference to Hartnell as heard on Sports Center just now.


The said...
This comment has been removed by the author. said...

I thought you were joking about Hartnell throwing his glove at Malone, but it actually happened!

What an idiot!

TheFandangler said...

Lol this just proves what I heard. My bro works at Sportsman's Warehouse and Geno and Gonch came in and bought tons of fishing stuff. They have a chick in the store that can kind of speak Russian and Gonch kept trying to get her to come and hang out with him and Geno.

BlacknGold66 said...


"Get 'Em Gonch!"

blufftalk said...

  Greatest... picture... ever.

Robert Ullman said...

Alyssa Milano? Whatev.

But I'd buy a hoodie from this woman.

wilsmith said...

Avery has insulted just about everyone possible and still no one has done anything about it.

The league is full of softies. If he didn't get beat down by now, it's not going to happen any time soon.

TheFandangler said...

I was in Squirrel Hill in some gay boutique shop and they were selling like the male version of that hoodie...

$99.99... I wasn't buying it.

You can find the same thing at Dick's for $29.99...

BlacknGold66 said...

Girl in Robert Ullman's pic = Man hands!

Robert Ullman said...

@ BlacknGold66

I prefer to think of them as fists of fury!

Docciavelli said...

You know, I wasn't a big fan of the suspension at first, but now that I understand it from Modano's standpoint, it makes sense.

First, nobody likes to have a teammate who's a total dick. It's embarrassing. You're expected to stick up for teammates when scrums occur and punish those who cheap-shot them. I know on more than one occasion I've had to stick up for a teammate who's probably crossed the line. I almost want to apologize to the other team.

Put yourself in the shoes of, say, Trevor Daley. Your teammate - a consommate douche who probably has called your own mother a whore to your face - just got butt-ended in the jaw by Dion Phaneuf. What do you do? I'd probably get up in Dion's face as if to mix it up, and while grappling, thank him. He then might think twice about destroying me as well.

Now, in a perfect world, the Stars would've suspended Avery without pay for the incident rather than the league. But remember, the players' union can fight the suspension, and the suspension's more easily defended if the league makes a determination that he violated their policies.

So, for the sake of Trevor Daley and Mike Ribero, I say Avery was rightly shit-canned. This is one instance - and perhaps the only instance - in which I will back up Bettman.

Now here's a loaded .40 cal., Sean. Do us all a favor and go out to a Manhattan club tonight.

BlacknGold66 said...

@RU: That works out better. Either way, I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating crackers.

@Sean Avery: You're going to end up on the Flyers. That's your only hope.

Stilly said...

That fishing picture is epic. I'd probably have sex with a goat if it meant an invitation to a fishing trip with Geno and Sarge.

Sean Avery is a dick. I kinda wish Phaneuf had a change to beat the piss out of him.

The Goon Blogger said...

Sean Avery is going to get Steve Moore'd. Bank.

dying alive said...

@ BnG - I don't think Avery would be tolerated even by the Flyers. His antics wouldn't bother them so much as the fact that he turtles from every fight he faces, and Phily fans don't like anyone who isn't punching faces every time they hit the ice. I'd give him a month before they'd run him out of town. Tops.

crmzak said...

I don't think I could buy any of that Alyssa Milano garbage. Have you read the writing on the back of several hoodies?

Love of Game
True to Team
Allegiance to One
To Rally for Each Other
To Play Fair
To Run With Abandon (I think??)
To Dance With Life
…Is to Touch"


That's the same cutesy little poem on the back of her NFL shit line. I'd rather wear something outta Mona's closet.

KD said...

Christmas came early with that fishing picture. Pure gold.

dying alive said...

@crmzak - Mona was awesome. I was shopping around on yesterday for some stuff and I ran across Milano's clothing line. As soon as I saw the "rayon peasant top" with the Pens logo, I got disgusted and logged off. If your objective in going to a hockey game is to look cute/be seen, you have many, many issues with need for attention and self-esteem. Seek help.

Women's sporting apparel leaves much to be desired. Half of it is pink and the other half looks like some middle-aged housewife went nuts with a Bedazzler. Nothing with a sports logo on it should be fucking pink, sparkly, or ruffled.

Robert Ullman said...

That Alyssa Milano stuff would be fine if it only came in in Devils and Islanders.

homesprout said...

Ya, too bad Malone didn't score on the penalty shot....

Hurricanes fired Laviolette and replaced him with former coach Paul Maurice.....

Victor Raison said...

Alyssa Milano is over-rated. Nevermind that she is a sports apparel whore, it is excruciating to actually watch her mouth move when she talks.

I like that Cooke is getting an A for the month. He deserves it.

Also, what does Guido's placement of his name on the "Sloppy Seconds Next Door" photoshop tell us?

Steve In Denver said...

Yesterday was not a great day for hockey.

Thank you Mr. Avery, and Mr. Hartnell.


crmzak said...

And I gotta say, that Dark Ages post is the reason I'm not afraid to fight with my husband about how many tPB views are in my internet history as compared to the # of laundry piles requiring attention in my house.

Yes, my life is that damn interesting.

I wonder if that post is why my husband said to me yesterday morning, like he often does to rub it in, ..."remember I called YOU to tell you we won the lottery!?!?" We lived in FL at the time and couldn't afford internet or credible media, so I remember getting that phone call at work from him like it was yesterday. I think that’s the only time he’s ever one-upped me with anything hockey-related.

It also reminded me how my first Pens game ever, on 12/7/95 against Montreal, I had to sit behind that fucken pole. Still, totally worth it.

Just like I'll never forget that night of Nedved's 4OT goal against the Caps. I don't know why, but that memory sticks out as well. Shortly thereafter, I took a kitten from a stripper who had it living off of pizza in her car and I named it “Zubie” (full, legal name being Zubovatthepoint). Damn thing pissed all over just about everything I owned.

crmzak said...

@dying alive - that bedazzler comment cracked me up. Yes, I agree 100%.

Are there any other local retailers that carry Penguins stuff? Like how here (Boston) there's Sully's and Chowdaheads that make shit like this ... Lucic Fight Club tshirts, etc.

(my kid's climbing onto the pool table, so deal with the cut and paste :)

Jonny Van Mundegaarde said...

Sean Avery's hairline is doing an eerie impression of Robbie Brown's circa when he was banging Milano. Everything's connected

Rage said...


"I am awesome.

the end."


Rage said...

@robert ullman-DUDE that chick is a meth-head! ewwwwwwww....

@crmzak- i threw up in my mouth a little when i read that shit

milano and avery should swap STDs, hep C or whatevs..

I'm with the group that says hockey doesn't need somebody else getting moore'd, but Avery REALLY needs it done. The human race cries out from eternity at the travesty of that insignificant weasel getting to be alive when so many other, more worthy people are dying/dead. I'd totally Bertuzzi his ass, given the opportunity, but I'm glad Iginla din't get his rep ruined by ending his ass.

meecrofilm said...

Tal-bot on The Hockey Show today.>

He hits on Carrie Milbank at the very end. Superstarrrrrr

dying alive said...

Cuthbert is an amateur. Milano has been skeezing on hockey players since the days of Jofa helmets.

Matt D said...

Scott Hartnell is by far the most amusing player to watch the NHL.

Who laughed their balls off when he screamed and pouted after Sabu made that sick stick save in the SO? Everyone.

Now he goes and does this? I can't stop laughing about it.

Novos51 said...

Bass Pro Shops have a new winter advertisment

Novos51 said...

I wonder what Geno would sound like telling Gonch "I caught you a large bass"

*Disclaimer - I have no idea if that fish is a bass or not*

aaron said...

Total win on the Priates shop, btw.

Joshua said...

Damn. Orpik has been playing with walking pneumonia this month.

meecrofilm said...

Orpik is a beast.

J.S. said...

lmao @ the avery/rob brown hairline comparison.

I forget who was talking about the KO Gear (Oliwa's old clothing line) in the last thread, but this is the best I could do.

don't bother clicking the links on this page, site is obviously dead.

Howevah, has a few pics of his old gear. Unfortunately, none of it is for sale. The original run of stuff (this is the only logo that I remember) can be seen here. Not very many pics though, so you may want to try the archive from 2/2003, or another look at the website from later in the year can be found here

stokes said...


What are the odds that Max bangs/banged Milbanks? I mean, he is a superstarr. chicka chicka.

ellen said...

Come on...Charlie's not number 69??!! That's a gimme.

meecrofilm said...

stokes: judging byThis>, it either has already happened or is going to happen. Odds are 1 to 1 on this one. Chicka yeeah

Earl Skakel said...

I was actually a celebrity endorser for K0-Gear as I'm a stand up comic who wears gameworn jerseys on stage and Oliwa contacted me about wearing K0-Gear on stage. I told him that nobody is going to buy FUBU style clothing from a white Polish guy and about 2 weeks later he went out of business!! I must say he was a great guy and from the stuff he sent me it was very high quality.



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