Sunday, November 23, 2008

Sanford and Son. PENS LOSE.


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We're not racist, but it was good to see the Pens in black again.

We don't make it to many Pens games anymore, and that maybe is a good thing.
Because if we had to listen to one more middle-aged man or new-age fanboy scream SHOOOOOOOOOOOT at the top of his or her lungs, we were going to go up to section F and take a dive.

This problem has been as ignored as that of the slutbag cousin or drugged-up uncle you'll see on Thanksgiving.

Now, look, you pay whatever you pay to go to games.
Truthfully, you can say whatever you please.
But honestly, people are yelling SHOOOOOOOOOOOOT when there is no position for a shot.

It is safe to say that most of the Penguins have played hockey their entire life on the highest level there is. Something tells us that they know when to SHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.

We don't know what it will take. But we are willing to do whatever is necessary to stop this.
We need suggestions.

We believe that a PSA from 66 right before the game would work.


"Hi, my name is Mario Lemieux. I scored 690 goals in the NHL. None of those goals were scored because you were yelling for me to shoot it. Suck it."

We would shut down the blog if someone could make this happen.

:::::::::::::::::

Were there any bright spots in this game?
Sure. Dany Sabourin still hasn't had a bad game.
A guy we brought in for faceoffs scored a huge goal to kick off the third.
That's it.

Vanouver came in 6-0-2 in their last 8 games.
The Pens came in 7-0-1.
It was like the button on a pair of Oprah's jeans.
Something had to give.

We thought the Pens were gonna spend the afternoon in Luongo's world.
Stunned.




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This is probably the longest removed from a game which we wanted to recap.
It's a war of attrition.

If we were professional journalists, we would fill our paragraph quota by ripping on some players and harping on all the bad stuff.
But the Pens are kinda good.

All that needs to be said is that Matt Cookie set the tone early.

[capt.9335d52d3a494ac49ff95c14d1f09e01.aptopix_canucks_penguins_hockey_pagp101.jpg]
Is that Al Gore in the left hand corner?

But then the refs took care of that.
Top 10 emotional moments to start a hockey game.
It was a Survivor Series.

The refs sent Matt Cooke to the showers before he could even work up enough sweat to necessitate a shower.
Terrible call.
The Pens lines were in complete disarray after that.

Without trying to capture any moments in words, the first period had the Canucks scoring and Luongo and essentially the Canucks' season being helped to the dressing room.

The Canucks were on lockdown after Luongo went out.
With the melee at the beginning and every Canuck player getting hurt throughout the first period, it was the longest period of all time.

But the second period compensated for that.
Mary Kate and Ashley teamed up for a big goal early on.



There were like 2 whistles the entire period.

Zigomanis came out and rejuvenated a comatose Mellon crowd to kick off the third.
Just a huge goal.

But the Canucks shut things down like your girlfriend when she is tired.
All of a sudden there was like 10 seconds left.


Game.
Boucher had a tough game. But let's give him the benefit of the doubt.

If that baptism by fire is what gets the Pens and Boucher accustomed to each other's styles of play, we'll take a jobber 2-1 loss to a Canuck team whose whole season relies on three letters now: M.R.I.

When he scores the game winner in the Eastern Conference Finals, you'll be sick.

The good thing about a tear like the Pens have been on recently is that a turd loss like this doesn't sting as much.
Pens are 7-1-1 in their last 9.


gold

We apologize to everyone who sent in PS's and anthem pics.
Don't let it discourage you from doing it again, please.
We are out of gas for today.
But gas is like 8 cents a gallon now.

This is what recaps look like when we go to a game.




Go Pens.

29 comments:

BlacknGold66 said...

"Hey Roberto! Roberto! When the Pens go on the Power Play, half the assholes in attendance are going to yell 'SHOOT'. They're going to yell 'SHOOOT!'"

debrisslide said...

I've never looked forward to an Islanders game before. Eeeesh. I'm just glad we're done with the West for awhile.

Jonny Van Mundegaarde said...

Not only would the blog shut down if people were to stop yelling "Shoot!!11" at games, but people would stop typing "FIRST!", then the oceans would stop waving at us. The Earth would get knocked off of orbit and tour the solar system. The sun would stop doing the hydrogen-helium cha-cha.

In other words, it ain't gonna happen. Sorry dudes...

debrisslide said...

btw, the "gold" picture got me rolling. I'm fucking delirious due to a sleep schedule that is challenging the laws of science. But it's hilarious.

nikki said...

god, that pic of the sisters was good enough for me. hahaha
living in bc and having to put up with "henrik, to daniel, to henrik, to daniel..." every 10 seconds is enough to make you want to kill every canuck fan with a 10-mile radius (which would be a lot...)
oh well, at least they'll be able to jerk each other off tonight as usual

debrisslide said...

nikki, it's called TWINCEST BAIT.

rebecca said...

why do they call it ovaltine? the mug is round, the jar is round; they should call it roundtine.

meecrofilm said...

Ok, I hate sounding like a repetive dick and everything, but.

WWLBD?

Teach your ass how to read and then beat it to the ground.

He needs to start again soon.

Kenny Bania said...

Nice post fellas!

Hey! Maybe we can go out to dinner later.

I thought of a new joke:

We move a team to Tampa Bay!

Get it?!

That's GOLD Bettman! GOLD!

Bobby Brown said...

I'll make a post since I said I haven't posted in awhile.

Tough game to watch. Oh well. I cried with laughter and joy when I saw Luongo go down because the leader of our Fantasy League banks on him to kill everyone. Hope he's alright, though.

FUN TIMES TONIGHT! YOu all missed out if you didn't attend Wingblog.

fleuryous said...

Goddamn, that Cookie Monster photoshop is beautiful. Hahaha.

Thank you for putting things into perspective, Staff.
7-1-1 in our last 9 games.
More than decent.
So if you're worrying, JOKE.

Sabu has been playing like a genuine beast.

Sedin twins are actually robots.
It's true.

Zigo= more clutch than the forgotten 2-year-old condom in your wallet.

Go Pens.

nikki said...

people may have seen this but...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1TRXOPL_vU&feature=related
still hilarious
who knows, maybe they actually do this to make a little extra cash (i can think of some people who would probably pay for this...). well, either that, or work at ikea part time in the summer i guess

penstone410 said...

wingblog 3.0 was hella good. i love you people. it just makes me all the more excited for the redwings game in feb. pictures to come for sure. (and maybe even some video of stoosh dancing.. oh wait.. who said that?)

roberto going down made me laugh but i do hope he is okay. cookes call was a joke. the refs were just horrible today.

and staff, thanks for bringing up the tagalong fans. it really takes away from the game and its just fucking annoying. buries it PSA must happen.

christina said...

sounds like Jurassic Park game warden Robert Muldoon managed to sneak into the Mellon again.

someone needs to get danny-po's intermission feature on the cookie monster up on youtube. now THAT was gold.

urban said...

I think a good place to start would be bringing signs to the games that simply say "DON'T YELL 'SHOOOOOOOT'. THEY KNOW WHEN TO SHOOOOOOOT."

And face them towards the crowd.

I think it's safe to say that if enough people that read this blog bring a sign, it would make an impact.

Laura said...

Captain Planet: he's not our hero.

Stoosh said...

Urban -

I like the idea because probably 85% of the people who need to get the message might actually get it.

The only problems? The dumbass yinzer in the Franco Harris jersey who's at his first Pens game because he got his tickets from his brother last-minute and has spent the entire first period wondering where Troy Polamalu is. He's not gonna get what you're trying to say because he's the same guy who thinks the Steelers should score touchdowns on every possession.

Either that, or you'll get the obligatory fan who has to defend his right to yell "SHOOOT" because he "paid good money for these seats."

kstewy16 said...

Can we make it a rule that no one can enter the Igloo without being given a test first? Just ask some basic questions, something like, how many stanley cups have the pens won? How many career touchdowns did Mario Lemieux score? Do you plan on buying a drink during halftime?

I swear to god if I hear one more person say "Just wait till this quarter/half ends and we'll get a drink" I'm jumping off the Veterans Bridge.

akus said...

What the hell was up with those hats that they were giving away yesterday.

--

Four day lay-offs suck.
--

lol @ touchdowns. I am sure You would get alot of blank stares on that one, as they try and think of the correct number.

--

One time my youngest daughter, ask me what quarter was it ,my reply, it's the 2nd period. She reminded me that i always say,period, when she asked what quarter it is.

By God(ard) i think finally she got it.

Dr. Turkleton said...

frustratedblog

is there an NHL team that has all 4 lines that has their oooh fence based on cycling the puck below the goal line?

I'm not in the category that yells 'SHOOT' .0006 seconds after it's on someones stick....HOWEVA...

I do shout the occasional SHOOT when I see a player skate in:
•past the blue line
•past the top of the circle
•past the faceoff dot
•into the corner and fires the puck into a defenders' legs when he passed up an excellent scoring chance 20 feet earlier...

when Sykora firing a puck from at or a hair behind the goal line is your best scoring chance in several shifts --- you're in trouble.

I wish the Pens would follow new Sharks coach, Todd McLellan's philosophy: Shoot Early & Often...as they lead the league with 37.4 SOG/game [no surprise that he's brought that philosophy from DET who are 2nd at 36.4]
the Pens?...27th at 27.4 SOG/game.

even HCMT kinda echoed these sentiments in his post game presser, that went something like:
Dey tink dey can make da fancy plays allda time [when on the PP] dey haveta know dat dat dont work all da time

maybe playing the trapping shenanigans of the Wild + Wild-lite in back to back home games made the boys think about trying to get into the zone more so than shooting the puck & thus, creating some more scoring chances...let's hope these past couple games doesn't turn into some sort of ugly trend.

[Next Home game: the Trapping Devils]

AceWilde said...

I agree with easing up on Boucher. It takes a few games to figure out a teams system. Remember last year when Gill came to town. He was horrible for the first few games but once he got accustomed to the new style he turned into a beast.

Hip said...

Had to watch the game on tape delay and once Cookie got jobbed, I realized it was going to be mud. Fast forwarded to the Ziggy goal and then just shut things down.

The toolboxes yelling shoot all the time are asking for another George Michael blue(line)berry turnover special.

But the good Dr. Turk has a point too. If there's one team that should shoot more it's probably us. It's just that all our stud centerman want to touch themselves after another thread the needle pass. Could you imagine if Geno or Sid took the number of shots Ovie does? Shitballs.

stokes said...

"It was like the button on a pair of Oprah's jeans.
Something had to give." -Awesome, Staff.

Sometimes you just don't work hard enough and then you don't win.


Put Malkin back at the point on the Power play.


Nice one, BNG.

Along the lines of what The Good Doctor was saying: HCMT's whole presser subtley ripped the team without his patented flying off the hook. I liked it.

I like to yell SHOOOT when the opposition is breaking the puck out of their own zone. Although, i'm sure the people that i'm mocking won't get that either.

Very cool to hang with those i've met before last night at QS&L, and also to meet more Clboggers last night. Good times.

sven butenschon said...

@ B&G brilliant

I really want the new arena to have minimum hockey knowledge sections give them a test and if they can't pass it give them steeler tickets
I would give anything to get away from the cockbag that sits behind me in D-6
Last year it took him 20 games to realize that melichar wasnt on the team anymore
He screams shoot constantly
He wants to know why he people won't take the body on a penalty kill
It was pretty much over when he screamed @ Fleury to get back in the net on a delayed penalty

If I could move my seats I would in a heartbeat

J.S. said...

my favorite has to be when random douchebag yells "hit him! hit him!" as we're moving the puck up ice, only to follow it up with "I don't understand why (player with puck) wouldn't make that hit."

Maybe because IT'S NOT FOOTBALL, where you're not required to make several hits while you're moving the ball...err, puck.

pride85 said...

The best moment of the entire game. The only ones not in it were Jordan and Sabu, but I feel like Sabu would do well in a thrown-down. Skinny guys fight til they're burger.

Pens_MINI66 said...

The fans at this game were soooo damn, I swear that over half were fair weather fans!

I think that there is a trade a coming, and Golgoski is going to be leaving us!

Vern said...

There is so much "SHOOOOT!" and "HIT SOMEBODY!!!!" and "OMG WHERE'S THE PENALTY" cluenesses at the local Steelers bar (yes, I know I know, sometimes the jokes write themselves) that it was hard for me to go during the playoff run last season.

But I guess you have to expect that in Ft. Lauderdale.

aaron said...

you think that "shooooot" garbage is bad at the mellon? try sitting through it at the local ECHL rink in the burbs of atlanta. good god.

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