Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Previewing The Wings: Sick

We didn't really get to all the season previews we wanted too, but who cares.

We also didn't get to introduce a lot of the team bloggers.

But to wrap up this failed experiment it is time to bring in the "Chief."

We first started our feud with [Abel To Yzerman] after last years season preview, because we called Detroit "HomoTown."

Thanfully, Bill Houlihan, who runs the site on world class human Paul Kukla's [KuklasKorner] is as immature as we are, and he gave it to us right back.

We'd insult Bill, but he has his world championship ring stuck in his ear.

He also holds the world championship blogger belt.
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Without further ado.

The Chief has the floor:


I'd like to drop a quick thank you to Charlie, Thad, Skip and Staff. What an honor to have this opportunity to briefly visit and remind all of you (a) how the Wings kicked your asses last year and (2) how much fun it will be to watch it happen again.

Oh. And it will.

And now you're whining, like little bitches. Stop. That wasn't a slam. There will be a few, but that wasn't one of them. You're coming out of the East and we're going to see the same two teams in the Final next June. I'll leave it up to you geniuses to obsess over the reason the Pens will be there.

I'll let you know why Detroit will join them.

The most talented pair of men this side of Darren Garcia and PensBlog Charlie. Hank Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk. Better than Gary's Baby Boy and his Invisible sister Evgeni? Yes. But, your girls are gaining. When Crosby makes his debut on a penalty killing unit, we may consider him nearly Zetterberg's equal.

Last year's loss to The Dynasty, if Crosby has any heart at all, should have been bouncing around his head all summer. Kinda like the Wings' sweep at the hands of New Jersey in '95. There's a good chance Steve Yzerman spent the months of June, July and August that year perched in a belltower with a sniper rifle.

If Crosby hates losing as much as Yzerman did, and if he doesn't take one Finals appearance for granted as some sort of annual privelege, he'll get his Cup...eventually.

If he's angry.

Zetterberg and Datsyuk were angry last season. The loss to Anaheim the year before, a shaft job if there ever was one, pissed them off because they know--as we all did--that Detroit outplayed the Poultry. If not for a fluttering prison washroom assault of a goal to tie Game 5, the Wings win that series then sweep the candy ass Sens.

So they were motivated. They still are, but now for different reasons. Winning the Cup was fun. So was winning the Selke and the Conn Smythe. Stamping a Dynasty will be even better and that's their goal.

Start gritting your teeth Cbloggers. Reason number two all the Wings will do is kick ass?


My Uncle Mike has been scribbling lines on the back of Phonics workbooks all summer, speaking in Pentacostal tongues, just fucking babbling to himself about power play units. He's had strange visions of Hossa, Zetterberg, Datsyuk, Franzen, Filppula, Hudler, Holmstrom doing things with each other on the ice that would be illegal in most states other than Tennessee and either one of the illiterate backward-ass Carolinas.

The core of Detroit forwards was talented before, as you're all fully and horrifically aware. But with the addition of your boy, it creates the strong possibility that Detroit will average somewhere around 19 goals/game. Just from the two top lines. Offensively, I could make a case that this could be one of the greatest teams ever assembled.

Better than your second favorite team, the Oilers of the 80's? Well, when you think that each of the Wing forwards is as committed to back checking as they are scoring? It's possible.
Consider this: with Datsyuk, Draper, Zetterberg and Filppula the Wings have two Selke Trophy winners and two more on the way. Zetterberg's a lock to win one within the next two years and Filppula's next in line after him.

Hell, Hossa may even win it this year considering he's shown a tendency toward defensive responsibility and will be even more prone to that with all the influence surrounding him.

Are you guys fond of Nik Kronwall? I can't recall if he brutalized every Pens forward in the Finals last year or just nine or ten. My memory's fading.

Nick Lidstrom is the best defenseman to ever play the game. Well maybe second best behind Orpik. Lidstrom is the king..acknowledged. But Kronwall is the next one. He's not a Lidstrom clone though, actually much more like Konstantinov than anyone else. This year you'll see more offense out of him than a lot of people realize is possible. To the tune of about 65 points.

Lidstrom, Rafalski, Kronwall, Stuart: all the geniuses said Anaheim had assembled "the best blue line ever" last year, but they were nothing compared to Detroit's top 4. This season we may end up seeing another Holland draft day miracle, Jonathon Ericsson. There's a good chance that by the time our reunion takes place in next year's Final, Ericsson will be the number 5 dman. You'll dig him. Fleury will be in a puddle of his own feces after the first 120 mph slapshot bounces off his forehead.

Yeah, despite all the talent and the potential for greatness, there could be an issue. You may look at Detroit and see decay. You find it easy to pick on our city, our glorious mayor, our football team and our state slogan, "what happens at the cabin, stays at the cabin...until your sister opens her big fat trap". But none of those, in our minds, constitute weakness. If there is one, it could be the old standard: goaltending.

Chris Osgood, as brilliant as he was last year, could slip into mediocrity. Is it likely? Not really because the Wings will still only give up about twenty shots per game, and most of those won't be quality. There's no reason to expect Osgood won't be very good. Brilliant? No. Just real good. But we don't think that way.

Wing fans aren't saying it now. But secretly, when we're scared and it's raining and the carnival workers are wandering the streets? We worry about Osgood.

Thankfully we got ourselves a quality backup for like 8 bucks. Can't remember who he is or where we snagged him from, but I just know we got one. Help me out there if you can.

Will we need Conklin to earn his 850? Maybe fifteen times. The Wings, thanks to pal of PensBlog Gary Bettman, have more back to back games than any team in the league (16). Add in a few more if (when) Osgood gets hurt and he'll play a key role.

Or he won't. No team in the league asks less of their goaltender than the Wings do.

If Osgood does his job. If the Wings stay healthy. Those are the two keys. If those "ifs" both turn out in Detroit's favor? The greatest regular season in NHL history. In year's past that would be a punchline leading to, "followed by another first round choke job". But not anymore. Not after the last two years.

Nope. The Wings will be back in the Finals, and your boys will be there too. You want it. I want it. Most importantly, Little Gary Bettman wants it.

Good luck to you bitches. See you on the Cblog...sometimes.


Raybin said...

The Red Wings drink their own pee. Any team that still employs Grandpa Chelios is not a team I'd want to be associated with.

I will say, however, that Detroit has the most intimidating starting 5 in the league with Hossa, Zetterberg, Datsyuk, Lidstrom and Rafalski.

Pinning your hopes on Osgood to carry you an entire season in a risky business, though. Especially when he's backstopped by a guy who had one amazing season last year that only punctuates his previous mediocrity.

But you guys are fucked anyway, when we meet you in the finals.

Why? Well, we've got a secret weapon...

Kris Beech cleared waivers, motherfucker!


christina said...

oh don't worry, Bing's angry all right.

and dare I say, so is the rest of the team.

bring it. woooooo

demondg1 said...

Abel To Yzerman : Paper Champions

J.S. said...

[[rolls eyes]]

You mean the same Kronwall who left his feet on most of his hits? You're pinning your hope on him?

You can have Conklin. We got our use out of him, but look at the big picture: AHL goalie who ran a hot streak for a few weeks last season. Osgood is still a product of the system. Take him out of Detroit and look at the numbers. 70 some games, and barely a .500 goalie outside of Detroit.

Detroit: where the players sell out, but their arena does not.


Joshua said...

Lidstrom is better than Bobby Orr. Yeah.

dying alive said...

Detroit: where the players sell out, but their arena does not.

That should be printed on a t-shirt.

Raybin said...

You mean the same Kronwall who left his feet on most of his hits?

Glad to see I'm not the only one who noticed this....how the hell did he not get called for some of those hits during the playoffs?

Just had a Hossa thought:

I can't speak for CBloggers or Pens fans more generally, but as for myself, I wasn't bothered so much by the fact that Hossa left, but by the manner in which he did it.

If he had just said, "Hey, thanks for the memories, but I'm gonna hit the road," I wouldn't have said peep.

But, hey, all that salary cap space left free when he left allowed the Pens to extend the contracts of Malkin, Fleury and Orpik.

What the whole Hossa situation ultimately comes down to is what I said at the time: Shero can't hear Hossa anymore, he has the two best players in the world clogging his ears.

StillsandNash said...


Fleury29 said...

Ha-ha! That was awesome. Solid jobbing.

Harry Lips said...

This guy from Detroit is a total moron..they is not way in hell the Pens are going back to the finals...let face it...Pen Blow!

Btw...I'm 10th...WOOT!

J.S. said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
IwoCPO said...

Yes, Kronwall left his feet several times in the Final. A few more times than that against Dallas. And 3 more times than that against Nashville.

I'm sure his conscience troubled him all summer, as did the rest of ours.

In other words...who gives a shit? If it's a penalty, it'll be called. If it's even close to a penatly, it'll be called.

Chris Moore said...

You guys can give shit with the best of em. The true champions (like the Pensblog Staff & Iwo) can take it and give credit where due too.

Steve In Denver said...

The 92-93 Pens looked great on paper, too. Far greater than the Wings.

I say they choke on their own vomit in the 1st round next spring.

RaCHeLeYoS said...


couldn't agree more..... i feel like maybe we could have kept malone or another player if we had known hossa was going to screw us sideways. oh well. shit happens! lol.

gonchar injury sucks....but nothing is worse than seeing an already battered down steeler team it seems lose some key players for the season...yikes.

letsgopsu said...

That post sucked the soul right out of me. The PP is gonna be mud for the first half of the season, every single Steeler that is half-decent is getting hurt, so they're gonna be mud the rest of the season, and Detroit is looking really scary....

I'm basically gonna wanna die once Penn State blows it against Michigan after going to Wisconsin and winning making everybody think they are the best thing north of the Mason-Dixon line....

I hate sports, why do I watch them?


debrisslide said...

I say they choke on their own vomit in the 1st round next spring.

I find it funny when teams that were unstoppable one year turn around and look like shit the next. The Penguins had a hard-fought road to the SCF last year. . .really. With all of the key guys back in the lineup for the playoffs, they made it look easy for a few weeks. And then, as we all know, the Penguins got beat by a better team and made up for it by battling back. It was a beautiful thing to behold. If we have to struggle again, I think that decreases the chances of karma raping us in the ass. The Penguins have a chance of doing just as well this year, if not better. It's all a matter of knowing how hard it is and displaying the right amount of effort. The Red Wings still have a great team, an amazing team. Just don't let it go to your heads, guys.

I think Crosby is pretty much obsessed with kicking ass, despite the fact that he comes off as such a gentleman. He won't let it happen again.

Bring it. Seriously. Haha. ;)

Aron said...

how did hossa become our boy? he's played 12 regular season games as a hired mercenary. He had 66 points last year placing him a whopping 44th in the league. Even J.P. Dumont had a better regular season than him. Sure he would have been nice to keep, but we're not crying over it. And really you feel confident you'll get another good year out Chris Osgood? good luck

debrisslide said...

The Pens are also brushing up on their Swedish culture (watch out Detroit!):

The Penguins had a day off from practice Tuesday, but took part in a team-building event in the afternoon. Six teams of four Penguins players each embarked on a "scavenger hunt" at 2 pm Stockholm time. The competition challenges the players to locate various landmarks throughout Stockholm and take photos. They had to navigate the city on foot or by cab, bus or boat. The team that completes the task in the shortest amount of time will be the winner. The names of the teams (with their team captains) are: H+M (Darryl Sydor), Nobel (Ruslan Fedotenko), Roxette (Matt Cooke), Bjorn Borg (Sidney Crosby), Volvo (Hal Gill) and IKEA (Mark Eaton).

Am I the only one who thinks the Penguins travelblog is HILARIOUS? Probably.

DrunkArmyFan said...

Chris Osgood, as brilliant as he was last year, could slip into mediocrity

After seeing his performance in the conference finals and finals, I'd say he's more likely to dive than slip.

xuscbausp said...

as soon as my fever goes down, ill take a cheap shot at detroit.

until then; your mothers.

xuscbausp said...

question: does NHL centre ice mean that i have the nhl network? cause i have since i ordered the season package.

Michael said...

They may have the cup, but they still live in Detroit; advantage: Pens.

Brett said...

Detroit is good, but you can't keep wishing on Chelios' cursed monkey paw to give you championships. he used up all the spunk to keep himself from staining his pants the last few seasons.

Upset by Phoenix in 1st round.

Annie said...

The Red Wings are full of old men.

I can't wait to hear what Stoosh has to say about this.

Gabriel P. said...


Upset by Phoenix in 1st round.

Hey, let's keep it civil.

Brett said...


I've said it many times and I'll say it again -- Phoenix makes it to the cup finals in the next 3 years.

Dr. Turkleton said...



I say they choke on their own vomit in the 1st round next spring.

Why go that far?

Hows bout they don't even make the playoffs...and get beat out for the 8th spot by some schlep team like say....Nashville?

That'd be kinda cool, eh?

ripping Hossa = old.

these same peeps probably still get out the old HS yearbook and curse at their prom 'date' who hasn't spoken to them since.

like raybin said & I've stated many times...Pappa Pump did the Pens a cap space FAVOR.

will they miss him? Sure. But it's water under the Fort Pitt Bridge that's already made it to the Gulf of Mexico.

Rolling with Raybin [isn't that a new Comedy on the CW?] on the 'enthusiasm' of Kris Beech:
I posted this yesterday: Players clear waivers.

Ten of the 11 practiced this morning at the Wachovia Arena, with Kris Beech being the lone exception. Bylsma said he didn't know what Beech's plans are.

perfect scenerio?
Everyone clears + Beech MIA

maybe Beechy snuck onto the Pens plane headed to Europe [like Father Vito Cornelius did in The Fifth Element] to seek out employment overseas...

Todays Investment Advice. [please don't report me to the SEC]

Buy Bluestar....tell 'em Bud Fox sent ya.

xuscbausp said...

thanks, dr turk. so cablevision is teasing me with the nhl network. thats about right.

Tony Little said...

I know that this will sound crazy, but if the defene shines in light of Gonchar and Whitters absense, you gotta contemplate trading off 5Mil of cap space with Gonch and make a run at signing Gaborik at the deadline. Only of course if Golgi and LeGame shine.

dying alive said...

So the Pens' team names are all things associated with Sweden.

Roxette (Matt Cooke)

If Cooke came up with that name, he is officially my favorite new player on the team. When I think Sweden, I think "crappy 80s pop band."

Dr. Turkleton said...


if it's like Comcast here in the Burgh...the NHL Network is part of a 'Sports Package' that's separate from buying the Center Ice package...I think I read that CI might be coming up with more coverage than just showing the games: some Pre & Post Game shows possibly.

Center Ice in years past have usually shown on their Saturday CBC-Hockey Night In Canada games the half-hour pregame and aprox. 30-45 post game 'After Hours' show. Plus, CI would usually start a feed early for any type of a jersey to the rafters-ceremony...if they expand on this type of coverage this year + have some home and away feeds like DirecTv does...that'll be a nice bonus!

is the NHLN available on your cablevision?...if it is...I'd call cablevision, tell 'em you just ordered the CI pkg and were interested in the NHLN and see if they can give you a promo deal or something...I pay ~$5-7 per month for it...which if it was only for the NHLN, it'd still be worth it, IMO.

have fun with Center Ice!!!!

Dr. Turkleton said...


don't they sing that The Look song with the Pesonen-ish type lyrics?

Na na na na na......she's got the look

I ♥'d that song!

J.S. said...

I think I have the reason why Beech hasn't reported: maybe he's stuck in Canada again.

xuscbausp said...


NHL Network is available but as an add-on. I'm assuming that I'll only have it till the season starts. I may have to do that, though, as I really am a fan of the Network overall.

Anybody else watching the Rags play at Swedish team?

akus said...

@ xus,
I am watching em. I had to check my hearing aid when i heard the "Horn" when the Rangers scored.

Beat those drums!!
@ Dr Turk,
Roxette, indeed got the look.

Stilly said...

Glad to see the Cheif had something to do while his boat is in the shop. To quote one of my favorite TV shows "The Unit"..

I'd rather have a sister in a whore house than a brother in the Navy.

Detroit can have Hossa and Conklin. At the end of last season, Hossa was pretty much the equivalent of a used up hooker. I didn't want Hossa to come back in June and I'm glad today that he's gone. Like Turk said, this is a great thing for the salary cap.

I'm sure he'll satisfy you Detroit, but don't be suprised if he won't kiss you on the mouth.

Puckshagger said...

Lets face it. Even if Osgood shits the bed, Lidstrom breaks a hip, The Mule leaves mid-season for a sex change, and Zetterberg contracts Hepatitis A (you get that from eating poop) the wings will still dominate the joke they call the Central Division.

Stilly said...


For those unaware, the Chief is a Navy guy. I'm just busting his balls, and am in no way anti-military.

J.S. said...

I'd rather have a sister in a whore house than a brother in the Navy.


You might be surprised at the number of ex and current Navy on the board. Doesn't mean I can't job a retired Chief from afar though, right?

xuscbausp said...

are there actually people who are anti-military? whatever happened to disliking people because of different ethnicity? i miss the good ol' days

xuscbausp said...

thanks to msg, i now know that they speak three languages in Switzerland.

couldnt tell you who is on the ice, though

gdoawg said...

"how did hossa become our boy?"

Well, just about every pens fan on the internet seems to be acting like hossa grew up in pittsburgh and played his entire career there only to stab them in the back by signing with the wings. You seem to be the level-headed one.

gdoawg said...

"They may have the cup, but they still live in Detroit; advantage: Pens."

Hah, really?

To paraphrase Bret the hitman Hart, if the USA were to get an enema, they'd stick the hose in Pittsburg.

dying alive said...

To paraphrase Bret the hitman Hart, if the USA were to get an enema, they'd stick the hose in Pittsburg.

Yes, living in the Most Livable City in America is a cross that only a few of us are strong enough to bear.

And nice blanket statement on "every Pens fan on the internet." Most of us don't really give a damn that Hossa is gone other than the great opportunity for jokes that it provides. Way to take the attitude of a vocal minority and apply them to an entire fan base!

Docciavelli said...

@ gdoawg

Two words: Kwame Kilpatrick.

[failed pimp]

meecrofilm said...

detroit is gonna be blindsided by chicago.

xuscbausp said...

hahaha 2-1. so SCB

xuscbausp said...

that was supposed to be "go." blame the flu

Docciavelli said...

Seriously, I hear every Wings fan singing the same tune: "Our team is sick on paper."

Exactly. On paper. Games aren't played on paper. Detroit's lineup sure looks intimidating, but it's a long season.

I was surprised last season to see the Wings last without major injuries. I'll be shocked this year. They have more than a Gonchar-shoulder coming to their lineup. Think Hossa's MCL will hold up? And what happens if two key players go down? Detroit has absolutely no cap space to make a late move (the Pens have $1.3 mil)

This "dynasty" talk is a bit too much. Beginning next year, they've got to dish out every $ of Hossa's current salary to Zetterberg. Franzen steps up to the trough. Samuelsson leaves for more money elsewhere. And they're still stuck with Osgood. This all assumes they don't sign Lilja to an extension beyond '09-'10.

Over the next 5 years, I'd rather be in Pittsburgh's shoes with Sid, Gino, Fleury, Whitney and Orpik locked up. Lock up Staal next year, and I'm feeling pretty good long-term.

crusher524 said...

I can't wait for Orpik to give out the free candy to these guys like its Halloween. Revenge is going to be sweet.

Stilly said...

You guys need to check out this photoshop at A2Y.

Check out the PS in the comments section.

debrisslide said...

I love how jobbing Pittsburgh or Detroit seemingly has something to do with hockey.

Detroit = toilet though, don't get me wrong.

Rage said...

@stilly-just goes to show...the only people who join the Navy or Air Force are people who are afraid to fight. I second your statement...better a sister in a whorehouse than a brother in the Navy...but then again, they'd both be in the same situation n'at, wouldn't they?
I'm an Army Ranger type. FTW, FTN

CUP#12 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
CUP#12 said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHA!! there will be a flightless bird shooting contest on nov 11th in detroit all are welcome. it will be fun and dont forget your octopi on feb 8th you know i'll be tossing on at that lil arena they like to call the igloo!!

debrisslide said...

Detroit fans on Pensblog right now = the pinnacle of intelligence and maturity.

Stilly said...


I just want to reiterate. I don't have a beef with the Navy. I was just jobbin the Chief. It was just a funny quote from a TV show.

dying alive said...

there will be a flightless bird shooting contest on nov 11th in detroit all are welcome.

I'm guessing they won't have a hard time finding people with guns.

Rage said...

@Stilly-I know, and I gotcha. No beef...I say fuck the chief AND the wings...and if I happen to be anywhere near somebody trying to throw an octopus in the Igloo, I will GLEEFULLY inflict harm on their person. I'll even bring my own bail bondsman.

Just sayin

Too much?

RedWings said...

dying alive said...
there will be a flightless bird shooting contest on nov 11th in detroit all are welcome.

I'm guessing they won't have a hard time finding people with guns.


That's right. That close to deer season, and weez all packin' heat.

Great job on the preview, Chief, and great followup by thePensblog and C-Blog.

Pensblog & A2Y = 2 best hockey blogs on the gore.

Rage said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Rage said...

but as a friend said I should say:"I am by nature and angry person." I assured her that yinz already knew that...or at least it's true %46.7 of the time.

snickerdoodles said...

"He's had strange visions of Hossa, Zetterberg, Datsyuk, Franzen, Filppula, Hudler, Holmstrom doing things with each other on the ice that would be illegal in most states other than Tennessee and either one of the illiterate backward-ass Carolinas."

Ummmm, Chief...about those visions your uncle Mike keep having..

If those illegal things on the ice with the above mentioned redwings involve livestock, pudding, whipped cream, or hot oil, those are not visions. That is a regular redwings morning skate. So it is perfectly safe to give Unky Mike back his case of Wild Turkey. He is normal compared to the redwings.

Dr. Turkleton said...

Pens scavenger hunt pics

no word if one of their tasks was to snag a ticket stub from the hottest show in Stockholm...Swedish Meatballs: An All-Gay Male [not that there's anything wrong with that] Burlesque Show.

probably improbable since the show is 'dark' until early APRIL '09.

Anthony said...

I can't wait for the Hossa experiment to fail miserably, and all the bandwagon Red Wings fans to fall off that high horse they're on into a steaming pile of reality at the hands of someone like the Blackhawks who hand them yet another early round exit. Crash and burn mother fvckers!

dying alive said...

Are they putting together IKEA furniture in some of those scavenger hunt pics? If so, I hope it was an all-day scavenger hunt.

I love it that a bunch of grown men were walking around Sweden in plastic Viking helmets.

xuscbausp said...

MAF is so pumped in the scavenger hunt pics haha

Max Power said...

@ harry lips

Malkin has better gramar and can spell better than you. I can only assume that based on your English skills your a f'tard product of the Filthadelphia public school system.

Annie said...

Top Ten Mario Lemieux Goals on at 7 on NHL Network! If you miss it, shame on you for six weeks.

Annie said...

A wise man once said,

"NHL previews are often superfluous collections of popular opinions that, in the end, usually have no relation to how life actually works out."

I'll be laughing my ass off when something happens to fuck you guys over.

PS, why can't there be more fans like RedWings?

PPS, Dr. Turk, I'm loving those scavenger hunt pics. Looks like the guys are having a total blast.

Brett said...

Malkin's expression on that one picture is gold! you'd think he just caught a glimpse of babcock sucking on the big one.

Juice said...


picture #7?
you just beat me to it, i was just gonna say how golden of a shop opportunity that is for someone to get a little (blow)jobbing in on malkin

Steve In Denver said...

Did they happen to find Max Talbot's head between the St. Pauli Girl's boobs in that scavenger hunt?

Steve In Denver said...

cup12 - and after you toss that octopus on the ice in the igloo, you'll be tossing salads in the Pgh jail.

debrisslide said...

Did they happen to find Max Talbot's head between the St. Pauli Girl's boobs in that scavenger hunt?

Bahahahahahaha. I fucking love Max Talbot.

Kraus said...

Nothing to do with the wings...who gives a shit. In more important news, has anybody checked out Talbot's new "Clark Kent" look he's going for? It's borderline disturbing. Check out the pictures from the scavenger hunt on the Pens website if you haven't yet

Kraus said...

Aparently me, the virgin cblogger, didnt read the previous comments. my apologies

TheFandangler said...

but nothing is worse than seeing an already battered down steeler team it seems lose some key players for the season...yikes.


Stoosh said...

There's no doubt that Detroit is indeed going to be the odds-on favorite to win it all. It's scary to think how good they might be.

It's scary to think how many games they could win in the regular season.

It's conceivable to think that they could blow through the playoffs undefeated.

As Bill said in the preview...

Offensively, I could make a case that this could be one of the greatest teams ever assembled.


That's why, your honor, that at this point I'd like to call my first witness, - the 2007 New England Patriots - and ask their testimony to be included in the record as part of the "This Is Why They Play The Fucking Games" evidentiary file.

And if it may please the court, we are also prepared to call the following witnesses who will offer similar testimony as teams who fell short despite being panned almost universally by experts as potential "best teams ever" in their respective sport:

- the 2008 USC Trojans football team (one day you're being mentioned as one of the best college teams ever; the next day, you're crapping all over yourself in the middle of Corvallis, Oregon while a team that LOST TO FUCKING STANFORD is kicking your ass up and down Reser Stadium).

- every New York Yankees team from 2001 through 2008

- the 2005 Indianapolis Colts,

and finally, your honor...

- the 1996 Detroit Red Wings - often considered the most dominant regular-season team in NHL history as they set an NHL record with 62 regular season wins and 131 points. The playoffs proved to be a different story, though, as they needed six games to beat eighth-seeded Winnipeg in the first round, seven games and an overtime win in Game Seven to beat St. Louis in the second round, and then lost in the Western Conf. Finals to the Colorado Avalanche.

So I don't blame Wings fans for being excited about their team and its prospects for this upcoming season. But if there's any fanbase that knows how little is guaranteed at this point of the new season, it should be Red Wings fans.

maxwellmoseley said...

"He's not a Lidstrom clone though, actually much more like Konstantinov than anyone else."

Anyone else laugh?

Kurt said...

Least cared about post in PensBlog history.

RedWings said...

Excellent post, stoosh. That is why I never count my chickens...

(Plus, another example in your defense, the 2008 Detroit Tigers. All the "experts" had already given them the World Series back in April.)

fleuryous said...


your thoughts on the weather?

Yep, that's all I have to say.


That, and those pictures are ridic.

vodkaburner69 said...


I R A Darth Aggie said...

What an honor to have this opportunity to briefly visit and remind all of you (a) how the Wings kicked your asses last year and (2) how much fun it will be to watch it happen again.

Oh. And it will.

No. No it won't. Y'all will win the President's Cup.


And then go up 2 games to none against some no-name 8th seed pansy. Like the Kings, or maybe the Flames.


Then lose 4 straight and go golfing in April.




Xtroll said...

Pen fans are absolutely hilarious. Taking cracks at Chelios being old. Maybe but he's still taking opponents to school and making players much younger than him look pathetic. As for Kronwall allegedly leaving his feet on hit's. If that were true, after the Wings had spanked the Pens in the first 2 games and Bettman told the officials to get the Pens and his gay lover Sidney Crybaby back in the series any way possible, it would have been called because the officials were calling everything else on the Wings, even making up a few calls while ignoring the Pens. Face it, it would have been a 4 games series if the refs hadn't put on their Penguin jerseys after game 2 and the Wings still beat them even though it was 7 on 5. Not that you can blame Bettman after all he had spent marketing Crybaby as the next Gretzky to have him looking like some UHL player compared to Zetterberg or Datsyuk.
But hey, I wouldn't mind seeing a rematch next spring. Do I think it'll happen. NO!!! The Pens lost too many players, they didn't replace what they lost with players of even near the same caliber and they definitely didn't get better. With the injuries to the blueline already, Pittsburgh is going to be lucky to play .500 hockey until they get healthy. No, too many other east teams got better while the Pens got worse. Not a lot but enough to hurt them. So no such luck as a rematch. The Wings will be there but the Pens won't.


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