Monday, August 18, 2008

31 Flavors of August

There might be some new reports in the "will he or won't he" Mats Sundin saga, but you won't read about them here. Nothing until he makes a decision.

Mats is the guy that your stuck behind at Baskin Robbins.


It's VeryBery Strawberry, you dolt. What the hell do you think it tastes like?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::





[ Shop.NHL.com ] is confused as to what the Penguins primary logo is.

vomit.

[ johnny ]

:::::::::::::::::::::::

[ Matthew N ]

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

OV the Wolf

"They open the door.You're dressed as a wolf. You chase them down and grab them from behind. Next thing, they yell rape."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
4-3

Coach calls out player.
Fans rip player.
Player responds.
Fans shower player with love.

Coach = Doing his job.

Huge win.

::::::::::::::::::::::

The Pens dominated life early on, getting some chances with wide-open nets, but their sticks were tied up or they just couldn't corral the puck.

You miss some solid chances like that, and you will ultimately get jobbed for it.

And that happened a few minutes later, in a moment reminiscent of that time you took a girl home and then realized she was a man.

Conk misplayed a puck, everyone craps themself, Mike Comrie flushes the toilet.
Besides feeding his dog, it was the easiest thing Comrie did all week.

1-0.

2-1.

If your name is Kris Beech, what could be the worst thing you could do in your first game back in the Pens uniform?
Take a penalty that results in a goal.
Ruslan Fedojoko puts one home on the ensuing power play to tie the game up.

2-2.

It looks like one of those games.

After a solid stretch of hockey, Andu Sutton goes off for interference.
The Pens powerplay would connect again, when Ray Bourque puts one in on the backhand.
3-2.

Puppet Master

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The Islanders set up shop.
Richard Park finds Comrie. He goes top shelf shortside.
3-3

But for some reason, Comrie isn't heard from for the rest of the game.
No clue why.



As Father Time waits outside, it looks like this game has vomit all over it.

But then it happens.

Under five minutes to play, Ricky D. can't stop a puck coming around the boards.
Letang pinches in. He snaps a shot loose.
It hits king douchebag Brendan Witt's stick.
The netting flutters.
4-3


Turd sandwhich
[BlacknGold]

The Isles were stunned, but not down for the count.

Under a minute to play, Staal can't finish the empty netter, which always spells trouble.
Isles head the other way, and the puck eventually gets on net.

Oh shhhhhh--
Not.
Ref blows the whistle.

LeGAME.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
[Picture+3.<span class=


::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

[ stoosh ]

Go Pens

184 comments:

P.O. said...

jokes

c152captain said...

second

Hip said...

Bwahahah
That Turd Sandwich is epic.

Love you BnG!!


In related news, for those who know Ani... I am 31 flavors and then some.

WOOOOOOOOOOO.

dying alive said...

Ah, Ani. The soundtrack of my college existence.

Dan said...

whitney isn't out because of his foot, it will take him that long to shave his beard from the playoffs

P.O. said...

i bet your girl ani has more armpit hair than i do

woooooooooooooo

dying alive said...

Possibly. I guess it depends on which of you has more testosterone.

Woo.

Pops Freshenmeyer said...

If you wanted to make it the Letang Play, you'd have to run it from the other side of the ice, because it runs through Whitney on the on-wing side.

shawnawwwesome said...

I have sympathy. Being a Flyers fan has got to be a miserable existence.

BlacknGold66 said...

Poop

Dan said...

poop, indeed

akus said...

Yesterday had to be one of the longest days of the year,not as bad as the 365 days the month of July seemed to take, but close.

To pass the time, i went to read some Acid Queen trash, which led me to this.

Charlie and Staff are peddling
Classic Soft Rock

Sign me up and give me my bonus CD.


***Look at the comments, Nov 11 and Feb 8***

Charlie

GO PENS

1 month
17 days
3 hours

__

Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough>VeryBery Strawberry

TheFandangler said...

Diarrhea > VeryBerry Strawberry...

Dan said...

my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard

Max Power said...

Dan I wouldn't make that claim public

Max Power said...

Damn it! So close.

Maria said...

This graph proves that my milkshake brings more boys to the yard than Dan's milkshake.

Good lord, Ovechkin is so strange.

Dan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Max Power said...

dan you Munsoned your link

Dan said...

ugh i ledgered it hold on

Dan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dan said...

mulligan

no maria your milkshake brings all the turks to the yard

i share opinions with the nwa regarding public servants

Maria said...

Dan, I can't control what kind of boys are brought into the yard by my milkshake. Besides, even though they think I'm beautiful the Turks have no use for me.

Dan said...

ya i still don't get that, to each his own i guess. it was probably this guy who sent the picture

Raybin said...

Mats is the guy that your stuck behind at Baskin Robbins.

It's VeryBery Strawberry, you dolt. What the hell do you think it tastes like?


Lines like those change lives and confirm my opinion that the staff should be on late-night infomercials hawking a new system on how to live.

tPB > Kevin Trudeau

Oh and it's "the guy you're stuck behind"

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Raybin said...

Holy crap, maria, that graph is hysterical. I don't know why, but it's had me giggling for ten minutes straight now.

And yes, I giggle. STFU, all of you. It's manly.

Raybin said...

whitney isn't out because of his foot, it will take him that long to shave his beard from the playoffs

It's actually upsetting to contemplate Whitney shaving that beard. The hair from it should be preserved in the Smithsonian.

If I'd been his friend, I would've told him to keep growing it. By the end of the playoffs next June he could be rocking it full-on Billy Gibbons style.

Dan said...

i giggle too, usually those it has mischievous undertones though. if you would like raybin, give me your email, i have a bunch of ones like that i can forward to you.

Raybin said...

@dan

raybin @ gmail

DO IT

Dan said...

@ raybin

done. let me know if something didn't work.

Raybin said...

@dan

HAHAHA! Those are awesome. Especially fond of the O.P.P one. The Unified Bitch Theory is pretty unreal as well.

Dan said...

hahaha unified bitch theory is my favorite. 99 problems is up there too. i had to close my office door when i first got that email i was laughing so hard.

M. Vanderlasser said...

Wow, that milkshake graph is FUNNY! Thanks, Maria.

Since you didn’t ask, here’s my list of my favorite events at the Midget Sex Olympics:

1. (tie) 10 meter platform/3 meter springboard midget sex
2. Beach midget sex
3. Midget sex relay
4. 48 kg women’s midget sex
5. (tie) midget sex (prone)/midget sex (standing)
6. Midget sex team dressage
7. Synchronized midget sex
8. Rhythmic midget sex
9. Greco-Roman midget sex
10. Opening Ceremony/Parade of Midgets/Lighting of Midget Sex Olympic Torch

M. Vanderlasser said...

P.S. I don't appreciate people taking pictures of my mother-in-law: "...a photograph of a hairy heap, bearing a close resemblance to a shaggy full-body gorilla costume, stuffed into a container resembling a refrigerator."

dying alive said...

If you were Whitney's friend, you'd be worried about getting lost in that beard and never being heard from again.

I was chuckling and guffawing (but not giggling) at the thread over at LGP where several people weighed in with their opinions on how Whitney should have had this surgery months ago and he somehow nefariously hid his injury from the team for over a year despite being under the care of team trainers. I started to think that reading the thread was a waste of my time until I came across the phrase, "Yinzer McBinzer." Classic.

Max Power said...

m. van

Don't forget the freefall midget sex and midget sextoy polevault.

TheFandangler said...

Midget sex... It has begun!....

.....again!

akus said...

4/25/08 Game 1



NHLN 7 pm tonight.


At least that series will make the week go a little faster, till Thursday anyway.

akus said...

Make that till Friday...

Max Power said...

I didn't start it this time but...

Max Power said...

I didn't start it this time but...

Maria said...

Dan, love the picture of my Turkish boyfriend. (Yes, he had graduated from creeper to boyfriend even though he has no use for me)

Midget sex again?!

@raybin, this one makes me giggle.

jefe penguino said...

midget motivator

Dan said...

may i leave work and go home?

boyfriend now maria? wow, that's gotta be an interesting conversation to have with your folks. "Mom, Dad, this is Aznir. He is from Turkey, and involves fish, nintendo, and bondage. Believe it or not, he's a big Simon & Garfunkel fan. He is learning English now, listen to him!"

"Nice to sex you."

"Oh guess what mom and dad, I'm pregnant!"

(mom, dad simultaneously smash their heads through the wall)

i am bored

Maria said...

Dan, I think the conversation would end with my Dad grunting from the recliner after blocking me out because how dare I interrupt the Steelers game, and Mom telling me for the thousandth time that my boyfriend from high school just got engaged.

They'll be so distracted by football and my lack of an engagement ring that maybe they'll ignore that Azir is less than ideal.

Dan said...

maria - bringing up the high school boyfriend/girlfriend is always a low blow. actually for me though i win. that's what happens when you get pregnant and don't know it for 6 months (not mine, don't worry). it may not have ended well, but boy did i come out a winner. in your face, mom!

although, in all fairness, on sundays during football season, i'm like cartman playing world of warcraft. i don't move for like 11 hours. there's a lot of me yelling "Mom, i need another beer!"

TheFandangler said...

Mom, Bashroom... Bashroom!...

(Diarrhea spary all over her face)...

It had to be done, Dan.

Dan said...

cutest death march ever!

Dan said...

fandangler - i was setting someone up there, hoping for a bite. well done, sir.

Dan said...

Free Breakfast, Lunches Available At City Schools

School Superintendent Mark Roosevelt hopes to improve performance by offering a free, nutritious breakfast and lunch.

"It hugely important for kids to have breakfast," said Roosevelt. "There's lots of evidence and research shows kids who get a good breakfast will be more able to absorb academic content all morning long."


apparently they do not feel proper english is an important facet of education.

M. Vanderlasser said...

Actually, midget sex jokes aside, I've seen lots of signs and advertisements for "midget football" here in the Carlisle area.

That just doesn't seem right.

Akus, thanks for the heads up on the Pens game on NHLN tonight.

Dan, I'm glad that the turtles who wandered into that restaurant were released into the sea. Good thing that they marched into a restaurant instead of into an industrial chipper/shredder or something like that.

TheFandangler said...

...Always glad to lay down the SP quote.

I Have Kasparaitis said...

Does this classify as rape?

How about this?

What goes on in Russia, seriously?

jefe penguino said...

good stuff.

Dr. Turkleton said...

Good thing that they marched into a restaurant instead of into an industrial chipper/shredder or something like that.

or that restraunts' soup du jour was CLAM Chowder.


after finishing the latest edition of Men's Vogue™...I started thumbing thru my The Hockey News Yearbook for the upcoming season:

How bad are the Thrash?

•Christensen listed as the #1 center on their depth chart.
•Armstrong listed as the #1 Right Wing.
•Chris Thorburn as the #2 Right Wing.

74-75 Capitals > 08-09 Thrashers

P.O. said...

dr turk

ilya kovuljoke has a calender on his wall were he is anxiously counting down the days until his unrestricted free agency

Dan said...

it would be nice to get ilya at the deadline this year............. just sayin

Dr. Turkleton said...

p.o.

If Waddell was smart, he'd trade ILLya for something THIS YEAR, once they're eliminated from playoff contention [so...about October 21st?]...cause he'll get squadouche trying to offload him in his final 09-10 year.

What am I thinking...Waddell will end up doing something that makes Patricks' Jagr to the Caps deal look good in comparison.

somechic said...

thanks for the graphs and what not today....i was having a rough day and then i came here and actually laughed out loud

TheFandangler said...

Ilya KovalChooker for Sydor and a buries it autographed puck.

P.O. said...

Dr T

maybe we can send dupuis, taffe, a sack of pucks, and our next years first rounder and waddell will send us kovalchuk and a third rounder... sounds about right as far as don waddell hockey moves go

Max Power said...

making fun of waddell is like picking on that retarded kid you grew up with that banged his on things as another way to interpret his environment. Its just too easy and you know its wrong but you know your going to do it anyway.

Dr. Turkleton said...

fandan...

last night.

Beaver County.

I had a 'joke' lined up involving Beaver Co. + guns...but, I went to bed.

me = old + tired.


po...

that looks right out of the TIOPS/Waddell playbook!

P.O. said...

Waddell > TIOPS > Eklund

Flyer Hater said...

Best part about the playoff replays on the NHLN, they show the CBC feed.

TheFandangler said...

Lol, sorry Turk...

I was wondering what you were getting at. It's cool though... the old have their place in society as well.

Raybin said...

So how smart does King Shero look now for ignoring fools and twits like myself and keeping Sydor on the roster?

Nostradamus = stunned

KS securs Kovy and Colby for Kennedy, Fedotenko and a third rounder come February. Mark it down!

TheFandangler said...

Colby can like be in a tandem with Potash... other than that he can be like a mascot or something... perhaps a lady penguin.

TheFandangler said...

66th and 68th spots....

ME > #1 spot.

Max Power said...

old people do have their place. If not for them who's to greet you with a toothless smile when entering WALMART?

Max Power said...

old people do have their place. If not for them who's to greet you with a toothless smile when entering WALMART?

TheFandangler said...

Right on max...

twice.

mattb171 said...

Random question: Does anyone know where I can find a Ryan Malone, on the Penguins, poster?

Any help would be appreciated

eileenover said...

WALMART = freaks on parade.

KaylaJ said...

walmart makes you feel good about yourself, until you realize people are looking at you thinking the same thing.

i used to like baskin robbins until they tempted me with birthday cake ice cream and then took it away from me. now like a crack addict who hasn't passed the first rule of the anonymous program, i shake at night. so they along with sundin can suck it!

and sorry i had to bore you with my rant, but i've been stuck inside all day thanks to sky falling outside

eileenover said...

Isn't it Monday?

KaylaJ said...

it is monday. the worst day behind thursdays in my opinion

eileenover said...

It says Sunday at the top of the post. I thought I was going crazy for a little while.

KaylaJ said...

well don't worry, it is monday. however you may still be going crazy ;)

sexymexyjeffy said...

Alright August, cut the shit. You need to be over now.

shawnawwwesome said...

If they don't do a post that says Monday over it, the streak will be broken. The internets are harsh mistresses that way.

eileenover said...

Walsh and May are amazing.

Pensblog Staff said...

time stamp fail ... fixed

Dan said...

if i could say ass pussy to the counselor i would be so happy

KaylaJ said...

dan's watching south park!

shawnawwwesome said...

Wow. That was like Superman circling the Earth to turn back time.

And by that, I mean LAME.

J.S. said...

I finally landed in NY after I didn't pay attention to how I set my GPS. Important detail to all: make sure you set your time to fastest time and not shortest distance. The latter caused me to find the Newark ghettos, the Lincoln tubes, and eventually downtown NYC. My 6.5 hr trip turned to 9.5, and even with being on the road for that long, the one thing I didn't find were any Islanders fans. I'm guessing there's like 2 up here, and that does include Hillary and her dog bowl.

debrisslide said...

olympicsblog: Nastia Liukin got robbed.

BlacknGold66 said...

@Dan: PIIIISS!

PISSS!!

PISS OUT MY AAAASSS!!!

eileenover said...

I agree debris. These judges must seriously be doing crack before these events.

Brett said...

It's VeryBery Strawberry, you dolt. What the hell do you think it tastes like?

BEST. LINE. EVER.

Brett said...

and I'm sorry, I try not to be like this -- but how is it that every womens' gymnest controversy ends up with the Chinese girl winning out?

eileenover said...

Because they're Commies Brett.

I Have Kasparaitis said...

Yahoo figures it out

I didn't care to read it all because I'm tired but apparently it's explained there. I have known about it since this morning when I checked my mail, so I wasn't shocked (Stupid Yahoo for posting this before I can watch it)

KaylaJ said...

they have a bad way of figuring out a tie. i say give them both the same medal or make them do the routine again

Brett said...

for those interested in the explaination given over the NBC broadcast --

in the event of a tie, additional highest- and lowest- scores from the judges are dropped, and the scores are tallied again. Because the chinese gymnest's remaining scores after the additional score elimination were a 9.1, 9.1 and 9.0, and Nastia's was 9.1, 9.0, 9.0. Fishy, yes. But you've really gotta question the merit of any sport whose winners are determined via panel.

Jonny Van Mundegaarde said...

Donna Martin graduates!

Justin said...

Olympic Ping Pong on CNBC

eileenover said...

Olympic badminton is nuts.

Flyer Hater said...

Badminton is by far the best sport in the olympics.

KaylaJ said...

wrestling is by far the creepiest sport.

Flyer Hater said...

How the fuck is jumping on a trampoline an Olympic competition? By last check, gravity isn't a sport.

Joose said...

Yang Yilin (gymnastics) has the face of someone who is a complete bitch. I can't stand it.

Joose said...

I lied. I meant Jiang Yuyuan.

Beav said...

wow I get up this early for an interview and no new tPb to read?

Looks like it's going to be a bad day.

Dan said...

i love that episode of south park. i turned my computer off because i could not look away from it.

i've been at work for 41 minutes and no new post. hella lame

Duff said...

I wonder what happened...

1. They got drunk and passed out while watching the Olympics. They had to take a shot every time someone said Beijing or china.

2. Someone thought the turd sangwitch looked tasty.

3. They chased down a van that had "Free candy" painted on it to find out the guy dressed in leather was not a pens fan.

akus said...

Living the same day over and over again

Chewbacca said...

Gary Glitter is a free man!! Feel free to play to the "Hey Song" guilt free!

Dan said...

in honor of this post i am getting baskin robbins today, and i will take forever to decide what i want

Dan said...

DICK

Victor Raison said...

Ahh, dan...That hurt, I'm not going to lie.

Dan said...

it hurt me too, but that had to been seen. remember the alamo. we're all here for each other.

TheFandangler said...

Vigilante on Hossa...

I called it.

Maria said...

Way to ruin my morning, Dan.

Is it bad that I am so over the Olympics? What's left to watch, track and field and ping pong?

Donnie Shulzhoffer said...

i'm beginning to worry. were you guys working out with marty straka last night or something?

Dan said...

sorry maria, that makes dan sad :(


i never got into this olympics. i'd actually be glad if the basketball team lost, i hate the nba.

dammit fandangler, i can't beat him up when he comes to town now.

KaylaJ said...

whoohoo, go alamo!

KaylaJ said...

and ps, while i'm an nba fan...ok, that's not true, i like my team but can barely watch the rest of the league, its hard to root for lebron and kobe.

Dan said...

kaylaj - i must say, the picture you have up is hilarious

KaylaJ said...

thank you much dan, trying to get into the football mood by reminding myself that tom brady loves goats.

plus, i made it late last season and didn't get to showcase it enough so i figured i'd dust it off

akus said...

...and i will take forever to decide

...and i think that is what the staff is doing.

--

@ dan,
The only time i was happy to have a suck ass internet connection.
Reading the headlines, i knew what would assault my eyes, so i bowed my head in honor of the hamster wheel that had spared me my sight.

__
O-games
Besides swimming, i enjoy gymnastics and track/field. I have barely watched either of those. Perhaps i Od`ed on the Phelps gold

I did see the "highlights" this morning of the USA vs China baseball game..


"The U.S. baseball team beat China 9-1 in a game that featured three ejections.

Jake Arrieta struck out seven in six shutout innings Monday night and Taylor Teagarden and Nate Schierholtz each hit two-run doubles for the U.S.

China's top player, catcher Wang Wei, was knocked out of the game with a left knee injury following a collision at the plate with Matt LaPorta in the fifth.

After Schierholtz made a hard slide home against backup catcher Yang Yang on a sacrifice fly in the sixth -- and Yang was held back from Schierholtz by teammates -- China manager Jim Lefebvre was ejected for arguing about the rough play.

Chinese reliever Chen Kun and China pitching coach Steven Ontiveros were tossed when Chen plunked LaPorta in the head to start the seventh.

-


Offseaon is tuff as a Pen/hockey fan, so to fill in during that time i watch one show
and that is "Rescue Me", but with the writers strike, this season is a wash. So it wont be back till March 2009.


Thank gawd for YouTube & the minisodes.

dying alive said...

I guess I am in the minority because I couldn't care less that Hossa is gone. I figured he'd be a rental and despite all of the media squawking we didn't give up that much for him (lovable third line guy, soff underachieving head case center, guy with bust written all over him and a low draft pick), so whatev. He was great for us during the playoffs but I never really got very attached to him. The fact that he signed with the Wings doesn't hurt me any more than if he had signed with the Jackets - it basically just shows that he's a frontrunning dick. But you have to admit, he did exactly what he said he would do...he signed for less money where he thought he could win. We all assumed he meant the Pens, but apparently not. The Wings are the current Cup champs, and when you factor in all of the free Geritol he's going to get in the locker room and all of the Maj Jong tournaments he gets to participate in on those long road trips, it's easy to see why he made the choice that he did.

I will miss the Hossa! Hossa! Hossa! Jumbotron thingy, though.

akus said...

^^^
Above story

Plunked = BEANED.

He was taken to the hospital with a concussion

Dan said...

in all fairness, once hossa started talking so to speak, that got everyone's hopes up that he was coming back. we did everything he asked pretty much to bring him back, and he went to detroit of all places. that's why it stings so much. and he's a dick.

Dan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dan said...

i have nothing to do at work, either i should write today's fake post or go to adultswim.com

dying alive said...

I do agree, Hossa probably should have kept his mouth shut. And I can totally see why people are stung by what he did. It's just that I personally don't give a crap about him. We've got Sid, Geno, MAF, Orpik and Whitney (shut it, haters) locked up, and that's what I care about. We've got Gonch for a few more years, and hopefully more. I think they'll get something worked out with Staal. They'll lock up Max and Letang. Dupuis is coming back, and I actually did grow kind of attached to him as opposed to Hossa. I get to keep the Rob Scuderi fan club in business for at least one more year. I can't wait for Eaton to come back. That stuff was all more important to me than Hossa.

I was far more upset over Malone and Ruutu leaving, though I wasn't surprised by either. Malone's contract is egregious and I'd have been pissed if Shero had given him that kind of money.

Victor Raison said...

I think the worst part about Hossa leaving is that a lot of people, including Pens fans, take it as an indicator of how the off-season went. As fans, we became comfortable with the team, and we were thrilled at the success they had steamrolling through the East in the playoffs. After free agency, it was also easy for us to focus on what we lost rather than what we gained; and we now face an unknown as to how the team will mesh together. I think that has us on edge a bit. Add to that the dog-days of August, we're just itching for some hockey; and the Pens haters are looking for anything to call us out on, mostly the Hossa fiasco, so it's still fresh, and it still stings, but it's oh-so-superficial. It's just a flesh wound.

When you cut to the chase, the next season will not be defined by Hossa, I refuse to let it be. And despite what many people are saying, the Penguins off-season was not a bust. That fact is simply not latent right now. We just need to remember that it's a damn exciting time to be a Pens fan; we have so much to look forward to and the unknowns make looking forward that much more intense.

Ok...let's play some hockey.

dying alive said...

A lot of people thought that the last off-season was a bust for us as well because we "only" signed guys like Sykora. It didn't turn out too badly. Satan might not have been the splashiest name on the free agent market, but the guy was clearly dying alive on Lon Gisland. Put him with a playmaker like Sid and I will be shocked if his numbers don't increase dramatically just as Sykora's did playing alongside Geno. Not to mention that my co-STH - who refuses to wear any Pens gear aside from an occasional hat and who I harrass mercilessly about it - stated last season, "If they sign Satan, I'll at least get a name/number t-shirt and I'll wear it to every game." Ha! The day is mine, Trebek.

People can blather on about the downfall of the Pens all they like. Aside from potentially the Canadiens, I don't see any team in the East challenging them this year.

Dan said...

am i the only one who thought the canadians were way overrated last year?

Victor Raison said...

Canadians are always over-rated.

Oh, you meant the hockey team...

dying alive said...

I think they overachieved a bit, but I think they're a good team nonetheless.

TheFandangler said...

Good team but it was obvious they weren't the best in the conference and they weren't a threat to do anything.

BlacknGold66 said...

I fully expect a post by this afternoon. Perhaps a computer crashed. That's my guess.


@DA: Totally agree with you about Hossa. Yes, he opened his big ol' yapper... but any Pens fan that expected him to stay is kidding themselves (myself included for a few weeks there).

What really kills me is the people that not only purchased a Hossa jersey (seriously??)... but those that burned them.

I don't care who it is... I'd have a hard time burning a jersey that cost an arm and a leg.

Dan said...

mmmmmmmmm baskin robbins is delicious

31 flavors of your mom

Guy Germaine said...

I'm bored...where is today's post? I'm a government worker and have nothing to do.

PittHockey said...

They found the thirty-second flavor.

Dan said...

here is today's post

tuesday, august 19

PLEASE DIE ALREADY AUGUST

yes it's august
yes we have nothing to talk about
at least camp opens in september

*************
big thanks to kukla's korner for pointing out this picture
DICK
hopefully he gets hit in the head with a puck

********************

more proof that michael phelps is indeed a beast
S.I. cover
much to the chagrin of other countries, there is no sports illustrated cover jinx for the olympics. pictured next to him, is john holmes brother mark spitz. look at that stache. he's a maniac.

***********

the hill district development package was signed today
kdka story
everyone was satisfied with the package, except for jake wheatley. he was seen leaving a bag of flaming dog poo on mario's doorstep
(insert photoshop here)
what a joke. why was he elected in the first place?

nice to see david morehouse not working for al gore. apparently morehouse was told by the man himself all the secrets of the gore. he is guarded by secret service 24/7.

************
island in the sun




see how easy it is?

Raybin said...

Looking at what the Eastern teams did in the off-season, I can't see that any of them made themselves serious contenders to the Penguins juggernaut.

Montreal did add Alex Tanguay and the Devils got Brian Rolston, but neither of them are an impact player to the degree that they can help elevate an entire team. Somehow I doubt Glen Metropolit and Steve Eminger are enough to put Philthy over the top. The Tampa spending spree is a great deal of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Meanwhile Shero locked down the franchise goalie, a highly coveted defensemen and one of the two best players in the league for over five more years. We lost a good thug and a good agitator, but signed equally good replacements.

He re-signed Pascal Dupuis who's a great third-line winger and Mark Eaton who, when healthy, is as good as just about any d-man in the league.

He snagged Miro Satan for a season who can and should score 30-35 goals playing with Sidney Crosby.

About the only question marks I see are Fedotenko as Malone's replacement and Pesonen as Hossa's. But Malone's game went way up playing with Evgeni Malkin and there's no reason to think Fed's won't either. If Pesonen can play up to potential, we won't even remember who Hossa is by deadline day next year.

Not to say I won't go to the Red Wings game in February and boo the everloving shit out of his sorry ass. But that's just fun, not a serious expression of bitterness which faded within a week after he jumped.

I guess this is just a long winded way of saying that if the Pens don't make a repeat appearance if the SCF next year, they'll have no one to blame but themselves.

Maria said...

So that SI cover...Mark Spitz looks like a porn star.

Dan said...

john holmes was a porn star, in classics just like "deep throat"
he was later portrayed by val kilmer in the movie "wonderland"

i should have cleared that porn star thing up, and used the val kilmer line. shit.

SexyChubbs said...

My first day back at school after the summer, been swamped with meetings all day, and there is no post to entertain me.

Today sucks!

dying alive said...

K, I am still looking for the baby blue number t-shirts. I know I can order them online at nhl.com and I'll do that as a last resort, but I was hoping to find them locally first. Anyone have any suggestions? Dicks doesn't have them right now, they're too busy selling every item imaginable with the Steelers logo on it.

I'm looking for Winter Classic hats, too. Not baseball hats, the touques. And I don't want to pay $75 like the retards on eBay are asking, there isn't a hat in the world I'd pay that much for.

Dan said...

i saw some of those shirts at dunham's

Victor Raison said...

What about a hat made of Jagr's mullet?

Maria said...

Why buy a hat? Grow the real thing. You'll need a crimper to get the full effect though.

dying alive said...

My hair is really long. If I were to cut the front, I would have a femullet of legendary proportions.

And thanks, dan.

Dan said...

da - go for the mullet, you won't regret it, your family might though. no probs.

dying alive said...

I don't know. I'm sure it would look fabulous, but do I really want to deal with the hassle of turning down countless yinzer guys? Probably not.

In one of life's little ironies, I actually do have a hair appointment right after work today. I think I'll walk in and request that she cut the front short and leave it long in the back and watch the look of horror on her face.

Victor Raison said...

You must be mindful of your Hair-to-Mullet ratio though.

Maria said...

da, check out these. You can pick the mullet that best suits your lifestyle.

As for turning down Yinzer guys, just tell them you don't like the Steelers. They'll leave rather quickly.

TheFandangler said...

If you grow a mullet... I'll give you a complimentary gun with one bullet in it. It'll have your name on it.

The mullet is the grossest thing to happen to American culture since nascar... it figures they go hand in hand.

Victor Raison said...

Ah, mullets.

August, you fickle bitch.

Dan said...

for all your mullet needs, mullets galore!

brndlynn said...

i guess with Derek on vacation its taking a little longer to get the new posts out.

da - Ive been looking for the WC t-shirts as well and basically every store Ive gone to has told me that they arent keeping them in stock. Most stores didnt realize that people would want them this long after the WC. I have yet to check the store at the arena but Im thinking that online is basically the only way to get them right now.

Dan said...

i should have said i saw some at dunham's on sunday to be specific.

brndlynn said...

mullets were the reason I hated school functions when I was younger. My dad, brother, grandfather, and 2 uncles all had mullets during the early 90's. It was awful. Every time there would be a school play or something like that I would bed for them to cut them off beforehand but it never happened. One time "someone" must have broken into out house and cut my dad and brothers hair while they were sleeping but that person was never caught. ;)

Dave said...

Hi everyone. I've been around for a while, but this is my first post.


da, you said you were looking for WC hats and shirts. I saw hats at JC Penny's at century III mall last weekend. I think they also had some shirts.

dying alive said...

@ maria - No question, I'm going for the Lita Fordullet. I can look stylish and relive my days of listening to hair bands all at the same time! Good suggestion on saying that I don't like the Stillers, although I believe there are still obscure laws on the books here that allow stoning or hanging for an offense like that. I'd better be more careful and stick with my usual rule of thumb - if you have ever worn a pair of Zubaz, you're automatically out.

We always play Spot-the-Mullet when we go to concerts and sporting events, though in Pittsburgh it's sometimes like shooting fish in a barrel. One point for a male mullet, 2 points for a femullet or a skullet, 5 points for the elusive kid mullet.

@ brndlynn - I think the baby blue is supposed to be the third jersey next season, so hopefully they'll start stocking them more. I see tons of them at the games.

dying alive said...

Thanks Dave. I work in Robinson so I'll run over to the mall some day this week and check the Sears there.

Also, for anyone who was following his story, John Challis died this afternoon. :(

Dan said...

maria - what will you do for fun once your internship ends?

BlacknGold66 said...

DA that is seriously depressing.

God rest his soul. I will be praying for his family.

That poor kid.

PG article from the playoffs

Victor Raison said...

Kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

Victor Raison said...

I know it is cliche to say that, but seriously, it does.

RedWings said...

I am very sorry to hear the news. I saw a couple of specials on him during the playoffs and always thought, if the Wings do lose, at least he would get to see the Pens with the Cup.

It still shocks me though, because in those specials he appeared to be relatively healthy and strong. But that insidious disease can change so quickly.

Our prayers are with him and his suffering loved ones.

Dan said...

i've been around that before, and believe me, it sucks.

r.i.p.

Jonny Van Mundegaarde said...

Saw that about John Challis DA, prayers go out for him and his.

While you're at Century III, u might want to check the Pittsburgh store on the second store. They have Pens stuff in there year round. And the baby blue is definitely the third jersey, and all third jerseys will start to be available a couple weeks into september. I've asked around several places and they all say the same thing.

Brandi, if you're really saying that you had an espionage mission where u secretly cut your family members hair, that might make my month. That's ballsy.

Jonny Van Mundegaarde said...

Not a cliche at all Victor. Very true.

That kid was not supposed to make it out of high school. I remember seeing on the news when he got a hit batting in a game. Then they showed him during the playoffs, and finally his graduation from high school. I def. had a tear come to my eye when he was hugging his teachers after accepting his diploma.


Every one of us can use a reality check sometimes, that whatever we might be going through isn't so bad...

Maria said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Maria said...

Poor John. I met him once at an event at the Children's Hospital. He was such a great kid.

Dan, I'm not sure what I'll do for fun. Not being around Rossi everyday is going to be rough.

Brett said...

Raybin,

If you're even thinking that Pesonen was thought to be a replacement for Hossa, I've got a planet to sell you. There's nobody higher on Pesonen than I, but Hossa he ain't. Hossa Replacement he ain't. He'll be fortunate to make the team this year.

dlonlo said...

Is the post streak in jeopardy?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

brndlynn said...

that poor family. thoughts and prayers are definitely with them.

jon - im pleading the 5th on that one. lol. they still bring it up every once in a while and I deny deny deny to this day. although i have been threatening my dad for years that teh same person who broke in that night may make a reappearance if he doesnt cut off the minimullet when I get married.

dlonlo said...

AMAZING PENS VIDEO!!! this is definelntly a MUST WATCH!!!>

Rage said...

@dlonlo-thanks, nice effort...but you lost me at the captain, besides, I am FAR more intrigued by the storyline dealing with the stealth skillz of the mullet-killing ninja

eileenover said...

R.I.P. John =(
He was such an inspiration. This is really heartbreaking to hear. My complete sympathy goes out to his family and friends. I hope a full post is dedicated to him.

Rage said...

...and speaking of videogames...to whomever I jumped on about the metal gear solid reference for a goalie mask, I OFFER MY SINCEREST APOLOGY FOR BEING A DICK...seriously.

Jonny Van Mundegaarde said...

You're a good man for that, rage

Rage said...

@jonny...so I've heard...

Rage said...

and the "whomever" I was referring to was threshold9k, I think

Rage said...

@jonny...did I misinterpret again? lol...I assumed you were saying basically that I am good for being known as a dick...as akus and others have been kind enough to let me know...if you meant that it was good of me to acknowledge my dick-ness and apologize, then thank you, kind sir.

Flyer Hater said...

What a pathetic display by the staff. I'm ashamed to be a c-blog hall of famer right now.

brndlynn said...

new post

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