Thursday, July 3, 2008

The Mark of the Beast

Staying level-headed, let's first talk about the best news that came out of Pittsburgh on Thursday.



Ohh, beautiful.
Marc-Andre Fleury will be making $5 million a year for the next 7 years.
Just 3 years down the road, when he is 26 and in his prime, this deal will look great on the books.

Franchise Center: Check.
Oh, another Franchise Center?: Check.
Franchise Defenseman On The Verge (Whits) : Check.
Franchise Goaltender: Check.

All of them under the age of 25 and locked up for at least the next 5 years: Check.
A charismatic GM who knows what he's doing: Check.

It is good to be a Pens fan.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

[0528shero-b.jpg]
Ray Shero looked around and got the job done.

The Pens bring MIROSLAV SATAN and RUSLAN FEDOTENKO into the fold.

Satan: 1 year, $3.5 mill.
Fedotenko: 1 year, $2.5 mill

If there was actually an Islanders' fanbase presence on the internet, we'd be hearing about taking away their trash for them.
But there are no fans to be found.

Rumors were running rampant on who the Pens would sign.
The whole time we were wondering...could it be...


[ SabreJets ] with the inspiration

MIROSLAV hmmm, SATAN?

http://i.a.cnn.net/si/images/hockey/nhl/players/666.jpg

Here are links to his various player profiles on the internet:

Yahoo -- http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/players/666 [ Link ]
ESPN -- http://sports.espn.go.com/nhl/players/profile?statsId=666 [ Link ]
SI.com -- http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/hockey/nhl/players/666/ [ Link ]
Fox Sports -- http://msn.foxsports.com/nhl/player?statsId=666 [ Link ]

Get it?



[satan.png]


[ Bobby T. ] with the pic.

He may not have come out and said it, but he might have been dying alive in New York.
We're optimistic Olivers, so we're saying coming to the Pens is a much-needed shot of adrenaline.

RUSLAN FEDOTENKO



Aside from looking like a Russian female tennis player, Fedotenko is a solid signing.
But don't go around having unprotected sex in celebration of the signing just yet.

[fedotenko.png]


[ JMill ]

He has a cool name and has a ring with Tampa from '03-04.
The knock on him that we're finding everywhere is that he's inconsistent.
So was Robbie Brown when he wasn't on Lemieux's line.

****************************************************

Let's break the rules and look forward to next summer real quick.
( And we'll be looking at this breakdown again in about 2 minutes. )

[cap.png]
-- Courtesy of [ HockeyBuzz ]

Fedotenko, Sykora, Satan, Talbot, Staal, Kennedy, Goligoski, and Scoods.
We'll be doing this again in 362 days.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::


As someone mentioned in the comments (C-Blog),
there's no use posting links because everyone is getting their shit from the same place.

BGL went to Montreal today. 3 years, $4.5 million.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::


Finally, we come to WWJJD. Again.

Where do you think the most credible source for hockey rumors would come from?
Most likely from hockey-hungry Canada. Okay, we have that covered.

And how about the rumor coming from a city that was interested in but couldn't land a certain free agent?
Sold on that, too.



David Staples at [ The Cult of Hockey ] at the Edmonton Journal says a Jags deal is imminent.
He tips his hat to a source he has in the Euro hockey world.

You can ask for the salt to go along with this rumor if you want.
We've actually run out of salt as a result of these past few days.

But it's the most credible source to mention a pending Jagr signing, we feel.

But does JJ fit? He'll be looking at $4-$6 mill a year.

[cap.png]
Sydor and USS Gill get traded to teams who didn't get what they wanted in free agency?
Glad it's not our money.

P.S. -- If you're accustomed to the way pics work on our blog, 95% of the time, clicking on a pic itself will open a new tab, and the picture will be bigger.

For screenshots such as these cap numbers, we click the picture ourselves before we post,
copy the big pic that comes up in the new tab, paste it back into the post, and resize it to fit the most common 1024x768 resolution.

There had to have been someone out there wondering why clicking the pic isn't even an option.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::


[ Brian Mack ]

It will be Photoshop City this weekend. We got some solid ones in.
Go Pens.

358 comments:

Allison said...

i cant wait to be the FIRST in line to buy a SATAN jersey

J-Farm said...

666 buries it..

Matt said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dan said...

fuck we should've got nazeroo for that price

fleuryous said...

AH, TOP 10.

Big deal for me.


SO excited for a Satan jersey. haha

dlonlo said...

first person to say first!!!!

Pensblog Staff said...

This post proves that when we decide to proofread, you can take it to the bank.

:)

penstone410 said...

im already saving up for a SATAN jersey!

penstone410 said...

go staff!! proofreading winners haha

$hero said...

when is gonchar's contract up?

J-Farm said...

so now are the players gonna grow playoff unibrow's with satan this season?

AmericanHero269 said...

Double J to the Burgh, let's do it.

Sabrejets said...

Could it be...
Satan?

xuscbausp said...

the douchebag jersey is amazing. i love it.

jagr at 2yr/10 mil? like i said in the other post, im not jumping up and down about this, but;

in sHERO i trust

sh0ez said...

Just got home to find out all the good news! Awesome! I can't wait for a Satan player tee!

$hero said...

2 yrs for 10 mil isn't THAT bad
plus we'll get money back if we free up sydor

STAN1SH said...

Anyone think we have a chance at Jagr? I say 30%.

P.O. said...

JJJJJAAAAAAAGGGGGGSSSSSSS








bring it back






i wanna hear Jaromir Jagr weather again!!!

cdubbs29 said...

for god sakes bring back his mullet at least

jefe penguino said...

they should have a SATAN bobblehead night near halloween.

TheNWChica said...

Hooked on Phonics worked for Staff. ;)

J.S. said...

I thought the cap was 56.7 and not 53

brndlynn said...

thr next few years will be a great time to be a pens fan.

Pensblog Staff said...

SabreJets, we edited and gave you love

mikey said...

2 years, $8 million for naslund to the rangers. does this mean there will be no jj in ny?

J.S. said...

miro satan kinda has that devilish grin

jefe penguino said...

i think hossa left because there wasnt enough required signatures over at the please keep hossa petition. lesson learned.

cdubbs29 said...

Im pretty sure Bonuses count against the cap as well

I Have Kasparaitis said...

My Shero and Satan picture got snubbed because my photoshops = lame. *laughs* I'm dead serious, they usually suck ...

How was Satan cursed with that name and that mug? I'm kinda depressed that I won't get to scream at Satan and get my Mom angry because I call him that ... oh well, life goes on (Mellencamp is stuck in my head ... that ended up coming out ...)

@sinops: No problem ... I remembered you posting when I would just read c-blog and when I started to comment anon., too ...

Party of Sykie said...

LOL @ all those sites giving Satan the 666 ID.

And The Drive for Five is an Isles blog and I get alerts for like 5 other Isles blogs daily. We exist. *And the one team per sports nazis can suck it.

Sabrejets said...

Solid work staff. I've got my striped sabretooth kitten on my lap, and every so often he jumps on the keyboard...

Novos51 said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AUOpUqni0_g

Money

PS how to you add a clickable link?

blueline said...

You know how I know you're gay: you used the term "optimistic Olivers."

HAHAHAHA!

$hero said...

what does gonchar's current contract look like and what year does it end

Silky Smooth said...

Rob Blake to Sharks

Looks like they won't be needing Sydor

Spencemo said...

Well, if we do sign JJ, my husband can wear his Jagr jersey in public without feeling dumb again...

Am definitely stoked about Satan, too...

Flyer Hater said...

It's either Jagr to here or Russia

Party of Sykie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
somechic said...

has blueline not met charlie?

cdubbs29 said...

gonchar is 6 million for this year and 5.5 next year. thats how long hes signed for

Pensblog Staff said...

Charlie wrote the optimistic Oliver part. He just got back from California today.

Sabrejets said...

Tony D says it's not "Satan"-- it's
"sa-TAN!"

somechic said...

and hes probably sportin a new pair of dockers

penstone410 said...

@staff
does that mean charlie got married?!

I Have Kasparaitis said...

TSN

Gonchar has a 5 year contract at $25 million dollars that started 2005 ...

@Novos51: Go to the FAQ Scroll down until you see hyperlink mentioned ...

Party of Sykie said...

Sabre- or Shuh-tan.

blufftalk said...

  Start the season.

Novos51 said...

Jagr just finished a press conference here are some of his comments

"That dying alive comment? Totally out of context. I had just had a Primati Brothers steak sandwich and it was way beyond my digestive ability. I was backed up a little, thats what I meant. A little time on my throne and wa laah, no longer dying inside"

On why he left Pittsburgh to go to DC:

"Did you see the money they threw at me? And come on, it's pretty clear now how awesome the hookers are in DC. Senators are taking a flyer on their careers for some of that fine capitol loving"

On being a Ranger

"Yeah, it sucks, but again, kaching"

On coming back to Pittsburgh for less money

"It's pretty clear I'm not gonna get the scratch I want so hey, why not back home. I still got a crib, 66 is still burying it, a new arena coming, and Shadyside girls are still fat, so why not"

xuscbausp said...

press conference=clutch

nice reporting

Christina said...

shero = beast.

that is all.

KaylaJ said...

well, like i said yesterday, when GMs say something, don't always believe them.

matthew said...

From TIOPS douche:

5:47 p.m. Daryl Sydor and Rob Scuderi are on the trade block.

Perhaps to make room for double J salary?

megz590 said...

trade a defensemen.. bring me jaggie

J-Farm said...

i cant see scuds leaving...or anyone wanting sydor for that matter

megz590 said...

scuderi=weak link

his mistakes alone led to atleast four detroit goals

daismog said...

I don't really understand trading Scuderi - he's what, a 550k cap hit? Great value there.

I guess Syd-Scuds as a package is more enticing to other GM's?


Anyone hear about wingers up for trade anywhere, because I haven't seen much yet.

cdubbs29 said...

you'd think carolina would be interested in taking sydor. I mean they are paying Joe Melichar 1 million. Thats like paying sydor 5 mil. thus its a bargin. do it sHERO

Flyer Hater said...

Season 6 Finale of Charmed=Life-Changing

Unreal performance by Leo

I Have Kasparaitis said...

@megz590: Then you could say the same for other D-men ... Scuds is only the weak link in the season that he doesn't have a NTC ... he plays 5-on-3 time and does very well ... Scuds isn't the weak link defensively, plus Scus and Whit = weak pairing.

Flyer Hater said...

Trading Scuderi makes no sense, it's either Sydor or Gill.

KaylaJ said...

speaking of charmed, while paying bills this afternoon i turned on the TV and was flipping around, not only was TNT playing Charmed but another channel was showing a BIlly Mays ads. amazing

STAN1SH said...

5:44 p.m. According to a source, Brendan Shananhan has approached Ray Shero expressing a interest in Pittsburgh but from what I'm hearing Shero is not that interested.


5:58 p.m. I'm hearing Shero is a bit worried about team toughness and has continued his pursuit of Matt Cooke. Hopefully I'll hear something on him soon.

megz590 said...

they won't trade gill. he's another one of our big intimadating guys

I Have Kasparaitis said...

Me = fail ... *Scuds ... I'm sorry, Scuderi

Flyer Hater said...

I think this post on LGP should be its own separate post here.

Enjoy:

"His grade is a F+.

First he wastes 2 days of free agency negotiations on a player who they can't even afford for more than one season, and then that player signs somewhere else for one season! He couldn't have F'd that up more with a clown suit on and a gallon of Mad Dog 20/20. He had over 20 days to negotiate and he still waits like a broken hearted school girl for the star quarter back to call her after a night of love making. Can someone install a clue phone in his office please? Because he really needs to find one.

So while Ray Shero waits for his prince charming to sign a 5 year deal that destroys his teams depth for the next 5 years and pretty much makes the Pens the second sucking of Tampa Bay, he signs a 3rd line left winger (who will probably play on the top line now) and a goon.

He holds onto 3 goalies, the #1 franchise goalie, the leagues leader in save percentage over a third of the season played, and Sabourin. He saves 250k for a guy who can't play more than 2 solid games in a row if his life depended on it. Conklin, an influential force in Fleury's career, is gone. I guess he has learned all he needs to learn now? Or is Sabu going to teach him some more tricks? If Fleury gets hurt again for 20 or more games, the Penguins will not make the playoffs. They could have bought out and waved Sabu for a mere 250k and had tremendous goalie insurance. Now watch in awe as Fleury gets run 5 times a game.

During the entire month of June, there was ample time to sign Malkin. His deal was a no brainier. He called his salary. All they had to do was sign it. There was no need for a George Bush "Mission Accomplished" Presentation, my 7 year old niece can sign her name too Ray, it doesn't make you special. Oh but that's right, you had to wait for Hossa to sign a deal the team couldn't aford before doing all of that....

Did he even stop for a second to consider asking Hossa if he wanted a one year deal? Maybe let him know how much better the team would get if they had him inked for that one year ahead of time? Guess not, seems that nobody in the Pens camp had their ear to the tracks with that negotiation. Hossa,"We never discussed a one year deal with Pittsburgh." So, is he implying something there? Perhaps maybe if they did he would have signed it? Way to go Shero, way to go.

San what about Malkin's savings, his generous offer to sign here for so much less than he could command. What are they spending that on? The 8th defense men that's who. Another classic RS blunder. Never mind the capologist, they need an exorcist.

Which brings us to the cream puff known as Satan. His 10 or so hits a season are sure to jar a few pucks loose for Sid, and his willingness to go to the net is....well..not exactly hell on wheels. The deal is for one year, so am I to be excited about that? Don't get me wrong, it's better than Naslund who is pretty much the exact same player, but wasn't there a few other guys out there that are better all around and even righty shots? Oh that's right, they had to wait a month for Hossa to give his awnser before they could talk to those guys.

Meanwhile Orpik is almost enticed away. Luckily he managed to be patient enough for Hossa to finish his Cap n Coke from the beach house before decidiing where to spend his career. This earns RS a +.

So it's been like 3 seasons and RS has yet to find a righty sniper. Should be another fun season of one dimensional power play shots.

He rips on Gary Roberts for only playing 40 games, but gave a guy a raise for only playing 40 games each of the past 2 seasons.

And then there is Feditenkov or whatever. I guess Shero wont rest until they are the second sucking of Tampa Bay.







Well, at least they will have a high draft pick again! WOOT!!"

megz590 said...

how much is shanahan asking for?

PDX Pens said...

Funny how it only took the addition of Miro Satan to get everyone back on the Jagr nostalgia wagon. He can/won't/shouldn't/wouldn't come here. He doesn't respect Sid and why should he? HE used to wear the "C", he has the Cups, he's never gonna be second fiddle to some young punk. WE all know better, but that's what's going on in his mullet-bare head.

smitty said...

Flyer Hater, is he saying the Pens aren't making the playoffs?

STAN1SH said...

6:05 p.m. The Penguins have had preliminary talks with Jordan Staal. The number I'm hearing right now is 4yrs - 13.5 million. The agent for Jordan Staal has been flirting around the idea of 5 million per season but that is just speculation at this point.

not too sure about TIOPS. I think he's been decent throughout the past few days.

KaylaJ said...

shanny? boys better lock up their wives

cdubbs29 said...

theres no way the penguins give staal 5 million. other teams might, aka kevin lowe, but the pens cant do that

I Have Kasparaitis said...

@Flyer Hater: I just threw up in my mouth a little ...

People that stupid should have labels featured on everything they say and write that say "Try to ignore the Stupidity flowing out of me"

Wow, I bet that person will be praising Shero later this year ... wow, really?

Staal isn't a $5 million player yet ... and wouldn't it be bad if we had all our core going at the same time? Plus, I think Gronk would wait until next year to up his possible contract money ...

Sinops said...

I would say Staal should get 4 year $14 mil. If Staal's agent is greedy shouldn't he wait until after next season just in case JS breaks out for like 30 g 40 a and try to get more cash.

TheNWChica said...

@kayla: *snickers* Hey Janney! How's it goin' baby? ;)

STAN1SH said...

more from TIOPS..


6:10 p.m. The Rangers have 9 million in cap space with the Naslund signing and I'm hearing they are in talks with Demitra about a 2yr - 6 million deal. Demitra also talking to Ottawa Vancouver, Buffalo, NYI and Washington Capitals. I'm hearing Jason Smith really wants to sign with the Lightning but that is only possible if they move Dan Boyle. I heard earlier in the day Buffalo and Ottawa made offers to Smith.

I Have Kasparaitis said...

The Lightning Organization must have the most annoying idiots ... Jason Smith really sucks and Boyle is your best D-man ... quit trying to get rid of Boyle for Bugsy, Roberts, and Hall's sake!!

STAN1SH said...

I agree no way Staal is gonna get 5 mil per from sHERO. I think 4 yrs 14.5 mil is decent. about 3.5 per years is reasonable, i'd be happy with that.

PDX Pens said...

I hate to agree w/ Flyer hater, but he has valid points. I think everyone in Pensland ASSUMED that Hossa wanted long-term years cause that's what the media was saying. We all thought he would be gone b/c we couldn't afford him for long term years. But we still went for it. And he burned us...but in the meantime, we bungled negotiations w/ other players we actually COULD'VE afforded to sign while waiting for Benedict to "get back to us". What a dick that guy is. I can't believe that SOME people (mostly Detroit fans) think it was *barf* NOBLE of him to take only a one year deal for less money to win a cup. The guy wants to have his cake and eat it too. My only hope is that he NEVER gets his name on Lord Stanley. Next year when his year is up, it'll be the same stuff...everyone wondering and waiting to see where Marian Ho$$a decides to go and teams throwing gaggles of money at him. Shero will probably be right there on his knees for Ho$$a to kick in the face and then teabag.

We are left scrambling after the J.V. scraps out there (Satan and Fedotenko) and we're getting to the salary ceiling. If Fleury struggles, man o man are we in trouble.

Flyer Hater said...

How in the hell do the Rangers have that much cap room?

Sinops said...

wow pdx,
flyer hater was posting irrational lgp threads then you agree with them. hilarious.

Parklife said...

Bay Area sports radio announced the Blake signing but also mentioned the Sharks are involved in trade talks and may be announcing a trade sometime soon....

Not sure who they're after (they had talked to Pittsburgh in the last couple of days i believe) but they were in the market for an offensive defenseman... Not sure Blake is the answer, certainly not for more than a season.

Sabrejets said...

...And then, Depression set in..

cmumarc said...

When are they coming out with the new t-shirts:

WWSD

What would SATAN do

Kat said...

Well, at least we signed SOMEBODY. And I fully plan on using Fedotenko as a word from now on. For example, "What the Fedotenko is going on here!?"

AND YES! Fleury! Thank goodness.

John said...

Fedotenko - 12 goals during the playoffs in the Lighting cup run in 04. I likey.

Flyer Hater said...

LOL@ PDX, talk about being unintentionally hilarious.

cdubbs29 said...

they only have 6 defensemen signed right now. i think they are trying to resign mara

Flyer Hater said...

Kat, we'll be signing Jagr in a few hours, don't worry...

PDX Pens said...

I was mostly just ranting about how much of a jerkov Ho$$a is. How could he have given the Pens and their fans more of a collective middle finger? If he wins the Cup, I'll burn his 5 houses down.

John said...

Is it wrong to wish that Hossa tears his ACL next April? Yes, that's wrong, isn't it? Somebody?

I Have Kasparaitis said...

Hey everyone Kasparaitis is a UFA ... bring back Kaspar's Krazies! I'm sure we could sign him cheap and we could make him play Whit's spot ... *laughs* JK ...

Although, I hope someone thinks about my Kaspar who was forced to Russia because the Rangers are the devil (not Satan ... hmm, the devil as in Eric Lindros ... there perfect!) Don't give up hope Tampa Bay! *evil smile*

Maria Caldwell said...

@ john: Totally not wrong.

Hey, is anyone willing to go egg Hossa's house with me? Key his car, maybe? Anyone?

Is it bad that I'm still so bitter about this?

Erik said...

@allison and other SATAN jersey buyers!

Great idea! It will fit perfectly with your Hossa jersey deep in your wardrobe by next year.

Ahaha.

PDX Pens said...

@maria:

Bitter doesn't even start to cut it sister.

Dr. Turkleton said...

if [Hossa] signed for 7.0 mil here and we didn't sign Satan & Tank, the Pens would've had ~800k left and 9 forwards.

Stone WOULD have been on the 2nd line.

If King Shero had all his FA eggs in [Hossa]s basket, then shame on him.

Kat said...

FH, haha, Mullets for all? John Stamos would approve.

Sabrejets said...

cmumarc
Great idea for storeblog!

I'd like to request a bumper sticker that just says "JOBBER!"

smitty said...

Holy shit!

Is Sonny Crockett hosting Stan on sportsbeat?

Pensblog Staff said...

cmu 6:29 -- Remember that comment in January when we're selling wristbands and we're in a debate on CNN with a Catholic group.

We're adamantly opposed to doing anymore wristbands. But WWSD would be unbelievably awesome.

Sinops said...

john,
it is wrong. you should hope he tears it in december so he misses half the season and the playoffs.

Stanley P. Kachowski said...

From the Edmonton JJ column comments:


Charlie said:

If you're wrong, I'm going to make sweet love to your butt.
July 3, 2008 5:26 PM


Nice.

Sabrejets said...

Pensblog Staff:

Just make sure and tie in a hockey logo for plausible denial.
I'm in tight with the church hierarchy, and I'll handle it...

Hip said...

I want to make out with Shero. I'm thrilled.

The Penguins Experience said...

Jaromir, all is forgotten.
The "dying alive" on your side, the constant booing on ours.
We can make this work. We can do it. Together.
This has always been your home.
That Hossa thing was just a fling. What we have together is real. I can tell there's still feelings between us.
We just need to put the last few years aside and remember the good times. The Stanley Cups. The scoring titles. The mullet.

Please come home.

Flyer Hater said...

I'm just glad we signed Satan so when ESPN gets hockey back, Gary Thorne can pronounce his name.

Flyer Hater said...

Jagr's coming

I Have Kasparaitis said...

@Pensblog: Hahaha!! Oh come on, your blog would be even more popular! Though my Mom would be one of the people in the Catholic group going after yinz ... *laughs*

Yeah I thought that we decided the no wristbands because it would just seem like it was cheap and less real ... like all the girlfriends Osgood has ever had ...

@Hip: We are on the same page here ... when he signed Free Candy I wanted to marry him ... How's the medical work been?

dlonlo said...

flyer hater's favorite website is tiops. hes left like 50 comments on there.

cdubbs29 said...

@FH

you really are optimistic about jags coming back...i like it

CK said...

I think the fact that they're being sold by a hockey team fan site would be enough of a clue as to it's meaning.

...Then again, maybe not.

Dr. Turkleton said...

King Shero = "getting these 2 instead of Hossa gives our lineup more balance."



"Jagr is NOT coming to Pittsburgh, unless he wants to buy a ticket...then, I'd suggest he call to get on the waiting list." [/sarcasma]

Sabrejets said...

What? Flyer Hater frequents
Ye Olde Buzze on Ye Turde?

-I'm hurt.

Raybin said...

If Gill gets traded, I'm locking myself in the bathroom and guzzling Drano.

I Have Kasparaitis said...

@sabrejets: He posts a tons of posts that say stuff like "Buzz on Turd" ...

@Flyer Hater: Don't bring them back ... they were annoying ...

Maria Caldwell said...

My mother isn't pleased that we signed Satan. At first she thought that was his nickname, and she was really offended. Then I explained that no, it's his real name, and she said she wouldn't cheer for him. Gotta love devout Catholics.

Allison said...

@ eric
Firstly I don't have a Hossa jersey.

Secondly i meant shirt jersey, but was in a rush typing to be first.

Thirdly I liked Satan before he came to the Pens. He was my favorite Islander ever since Blake went to Toronto. For a period of time I wanted to name my firstborn son Miroslav... but the half Puerto Rican bf vetoed that one fast.

Fourthly having a Penguins shirt that said Satan on the back would be unbelievably badass.
Forever.
Even if Miro got hit by a crazy NY driver on his way out of the city and never became a Penguin.
I would still wear it.
I've wanted him to play for the Pens for years, just so i could have that shirt.

Kat said...

"Yeah I thought that we decided the no wristbands because it would just seem like it was cheap and less real ... like all the girlfriends Osgood has ever had ..."

ZING! Fedotenking hilarious. This is going to catch on, I swear...

Dr. Turkleton said...

dlonlo

FH has a love/hate relationship with Buzz on the Turd:

Luv's 'em like Milano when they give him something he agrees with...

Hate's 'em when he doesn't agree and fills their comments sections with profanity laden posts not fit for man or beast --- causing their 'followers' to invade cblog and create a forum full of FH-ish type shenanigans.

penstone410 said...

@allison
i'm with you.. pens shirt with "satan" on it = badass
who cares how long he's here i still want a satan tee!

Dr. Turkleton said...

fedotenko nickname = TANK.

catch the wave.

Sabrejets said...

Maria:
I'm guessing that's how you were named Maria...

smitty said...

Fedotenko put the puck in the net via FEDEX.

get it, FEDEX


I know , Me=LAME

Maria Caldwell said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Allison said...

@maria Caldwell
tell your mom it's not pronounced Satan. It's pronounced Sha-TAN.

It's so funny, it never dawns on me that his name is like the devil, i see it and think Sha-TAN.
i was reminded when i read one of the best one liners in a NY newspaper a few seasons ago...



What do all metropolitan teams (Islanders, Rangers, Devils)have in common?

They all have to do with Hell.
Obviously there's the team's moniker "Devils"
The Islanders have Satan skating around.
And the Rangers have a snow ball's chance in Hell of making the playoffs.

Flyer Hater said...

dlonlo, I posted like 5 comments over there the past 2 days. Don't make shit up, DICK

penstone410 said...

posts like this on TIOPS just make me so fedotenkoing happy::

"Anonymous said...

HALF OF THIS CRAP ON TIOPS IS JUST MADE UP

THEPENSBLOG RULES!!!!

6:44 PM"

I Have Kasparaitis said...

@raybin: *approaches with caution* Step away from the Draino everything's going to be okay ... just breath ... Look at me I'm still here and I lost my fav. player ... just put down the poison ...

@kat: I'm proud of that comment ... Osgood ticks me off ... And it was Fedotastic (Does that work for you?)

@maria: Did you tell her it wasn't pronounced that way and that he's from Slovakia? I remember when my Mom thought his name was pronounced like Satan the first time. She said "Explains what team he plays for." Alas, my mom is not a fan of the Islanders ...

Maria Caldwell said...

@ Sabrejets

I have a brother named Joseph. I seriously think my mother would have named him Jesus but my dad probably talked her out of it.

Erik said...

@allison

Good for you.

Go spend money on a SATAN shirt while he registers for a lazy ass 12P/0G season and leaves for Detroit to win a cup.

Wear it with pride, sister!

Kat said...

"so fedotenkoing happy::"

YES! lol. It's working.

@ihk, It was definitely a good one. +15 dry humor points for you.

And Fedotastic totally works.

Maria Caldwell said...

And yeah, I told my mom the pronounciation. She'll lighten up eventually. She's just still pissed that Malone is in Tampa. She loved that man

penstone410 said...

yes kat, that line was just for you

its catching on, trust me

Erik said...

@allison

Oh, and by the way: Tell your mom it's pronounced RHIM-JAWB.

Hip said...

@IHK - med work is good so far. A lot overwhelming but you just keep treading. At least no one has kasparitis yet!! That would be terrible.

@flyer hater - that F+ stuff you posted is just pure gold. Unreal.

Am I the only one that doesn't give two shits about Hossa going? Ok, maybe I give one shit, but I'm really not that bent out of shape about it. I think we'll be alright.

I'll also take a HUGE PASS on Double J. I'm not feeling it.

Can someone please create a graphic of Buddy Christ from Dogma wearing a WWSD bracelet? PLEAAAAAAAAAASE.

Jobber The Hut said...

Is a Satan jersey for 1 yr really worth the investment? I'm thinking about going with a tee instead.

Satan = The Shat

Maria Caldwell said...

@ hip

I would have liked to see Hossa stay, but when he wouldn't sign before the 1st I wasn't too upset. It's just the fact that he went to the Red Wings and basically flipped off the entire city of Pittsburgh while doing it that really Fedotenkos me. (Is that in the right context, Kat? I'm trying...haha)

bvrhockey9 said...

Jagr isn't coming back you idiots. Get over that fact now.

Spencemo said...

@ Hip:

Buddy Christ wearing a WWSD bracelet is the funniest shit I've heard all day. I think I need to go watch Dogma now.

Kat said...

@ maria: yes, very nicely done. I love cblog...

I Have Kasparaitis said...

@Maria: Don't worry ... I won't get over Malone ever ... kinda like Kasparaitis ... oh come back, my buddies!

@Kat: So Torres is Fedotastic? *laughs* His goal was amazing and I didn't have to see David Villa cry like a 2 year old ... that was the main reason I was okay with Germany losing even if I was rooting for them ... that and what Ballack kept doing *rolls eyes at Ballack's behavior*

@Hip: It's a troubling disease to overcome ... I'm still having problems coping *smiles* Good to hear everything's going okay for you.

Allison said...

@eirk
I will.

And come talk to me at the end of the season when you and the rest of the critics are busy digesting your words.

and 12 points 0 goals?
do you know anyting about him?
the lowest goal total he's ever in a season was 8...and that was in 12 games!
to say he'll get 0 playing on a team where he's indisputably playing with one of the best centers in the world...
ok
you could cut off six of Satan's fingers and and he'd still get more than 0 goals.

J.S. said...

For Hossa's sake, he better remember this when he plays Pittsburgh this season

a warning?

Dr. Turkleton said...

Steigy on Sportsbeat:

"Winter contacted Holland in DET about a 1 year deal...then didn't phone Shero about a 1 year deal"....."the Pens offered Hossa 5 years...Ritch Winter wanted 7...so the Pens upped the offer to 7...then he signs in DET for 1. Winter isn't a very...um...pleasant guy to deal with."

Agents are the scum of the earth.

FU Jerry Maguire!!!!!

Flyer Hater said...

"Jagr isn't coming back you idiots. Get over that fact now."

Who knew that Shero was a c-blogger

Erik said...

@bvrhockey9

Exactly. Jagr and Sundin have the same agent. Both are playing for Rangers next year. Write it down.

Without Ruutu, both will make Cindy look like the silly little girl she is.

Silky Smooth said...

J.S.- Priceless

Dr. Turkleton said...

erik...JJ playing for the Rags is even LESS LIKELY to happen than him suiting up for the Pens.

Allison said...

@js

:)

J.S. said...

there has to be a point where the player says no though. Yeah, the agent does the dirty work, but Marian was the one who scratched his name on the dotted line.

If what was said is true, Winter is a grade A dick, but Hossa still deserves partial blame.

penstone410 said...

@j.s.
LOLed on that one!

Kat said...

@ihk, Torres is definitely Fedotastic. But I guess in this case, he could also be Fernandotastic. I loved his goal, it was sick. Sadly every time I watch celebration stuff on Spain I have to see Villa shedding his crocodile tears all over my screen while running around like a crazy person. The hell happened to your poor hurt hamstring? Fedodiculous...

mikey said...

is anyone else watching stan on fsn? white coat, light blue shirt, he's pretty much don johnson right now.

J.S. said...

Cindy? Oh, I get it. You call him Cindy because it's a girl's name and because it sounds like Sidney.

It wasn't funny the first 34830 times trolling "fans" posted it on here, so why would it be funny now?

You fail at life.

Docciavelli said...

I have a tendency for bulleted lists instead of 5 separate posts, so here goes:

1. FH won't like this, but I seriously doubt JJ will be in the Burgh. I don't think Jags can handle playing a 1-2-2 for an entire 3rd period--way too much backchecking for him. Since he's out of NYR, I think he goes to...Montreal or San Jose. Yes, Montreal. Just a feeling.

2. I know we want to be as positive as possible here, but I just can't be happy about $6 mil. for Satan/Fedotenko. Sorry. I hope I'm proven wrong here.

3. GMRS gets big ups from me for locking up Geno/Candy/MAF long-term. Absolutely genius--bravo. I think the phrase, "The Core"(tm) will take on it's own life aroudn here.

4. To the toolbag claiming that we could've gotten MAF for $3.5 and that $5 is too much: Call me next year when Biron and Gerber get $4.5 for winning 30 games each. Better yet, call me in 2 years when Turdco gets $6 mil. for listening to more than his share of Iron Maiden.

5. Since this worked so well last night: Jason Williams = [vomit AND kill yourself]. There, now Shero will sign him (don't tell GMRS that I secretly like Williams)

6. If I say nice things about Bertuzzi, will that keep Shero from signing him? If so, I hear Bertuzzi plays a mean lounge piano in Miami.

7. Jeez, to read Cblog, you'd think Sydor was already traded. And exactly who takes him off our hands? Someone who can't snatch Boyle from Burgh South? Look, I wouldn't mind a trade, but I'll be the first to say that if Sydor sticks around for one-year of veteran presence, it wouldn't be the end of the world. And if the Pens really needed the cap space, they could buy him out.

8. Rags signing Naslund 2yrs/$8mil is a good deal for them. Wish we'd have done that instead of Satan, but maybe I'll be proven wrong next by next April.

9. Sorry to see BGL go. Honestly, I thought he'd be worth the extra $750k as protection for Bing/Gino, but hey, Godard's no slouch. I'd like to see one more tough-as-nails winger added, just so I can stomach attending games in Philly this year. Aaron Downey anyone?

10. JS: Brilliant. Hopefully Staff adds that to the next post.

Flyer Hater said...

Glen Sather has come out and said that the Rangers won't be signing Jagr.

Flyer Hater said...

doc, did you watch the Rangers play at all this year? They play a more conservative system than the Pens.

Erik said...

@kat

Pens fans watch soccer?!

That explains a lot though.

wilsmith said...

I can't believe people are excited about Satan.

The only thing this guy brings to the table is a last name.

Jimmy Hugs said...

Someone call the Feds?
Lame?
yes?

Erik said...

@docciavelli

"8. Rags signing Naslund 2yrs/$8mil is a good deal for them. Wish we'd have done that instead of Satan, but maybe I'll be proven wrong next by next April."

Like Hossa, Naslund would rather play for a cup contender. Makes sense when you think about it. You should try it sometime.

Kat said...

@ erik, indeed we do. We have had quite the soccerblog going on during Euro.

Karnage said...

@erik

o, u mean that team we beat in 5 games? yea real playoff contenders over there in new york...

Jimmy Hugs said...

Jagr's not making the playoffs.

Erik said...

@j.s.

You don't get it.

Cindy fails at life... Until she has a sex change, signs for Detroit, reunites with Hossa and wins a cup.

Docciavelli said...

@FH

Yes, I did in fact watch the Rangers a number of times this year. And you can't seriously tell me that the Rangers play a more conservative style of play than the 1-2-2 trap that the Pens employ when leading. You certainly can't tell me that Jagr plays more a more conservative style. Maybe Hollweg, et al. do, but not Jagr.

I'd bet Shanahan echos Ronnie Francis' comments about working the hardest he's ever worked on D when Jagr's on the ice.

Erik said...

@kat

Like I said. That explains it.

Karnage said...

@erik

lol @ anyone failing at life being younger than you and making more than your whole family tree.

go die somewhere faggit

Docciavelli said...

@erik

Doing something worthwhile with your life other than trolling message boards and working the fry station. You should try it sometime.

Docciavelli said...

Oh, and Rags = "Cup Contender"

Lolz. Ur Doin It Wrong.

wilsmith said...

Trade some of these d-men, ffs.

Karnage said...

"@kat

Pens fans watch soccer?!

That explains a lot though."

lol cuz soccer fans are all the same amirite?

all 300 million of them are the exact same people LOLOLOLOLOL.

fucking idiot.

wilsmith said...

I think he's saying it means we approve of diving.

That's original.

penstone410 said...

thank you karnage! someone needed to say that to the idiot erik.. get off of here man

Erik said...

Don't get all defensive just because I possess superior prognostication skills. Hossa wanted a cup contender, just like Jagr does. Is anyone still playing for the Pens? Hmm. Again, use your brains. Seriously, you should try it sometime.

And soccer + LOLs/stunned/turned = pensblog fan. I get it now.

Maria said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hip said...

@spencemo - glad to make you chuckle!

Hahah, my dad just called to make sure I checked out tPB today.

prozach said...

anything new regarding jj?

Flyer Hater said...

From the dude who runs buzz on the turd

also hearing jagr said he'd take $2 million less to play in pittsburgh. a deal is being worked on as we speak.

Erik said...

@penstone410

I don't know if you're Dame Edna or Fallon Gong on your profile photo. Both of you look way too happy to be making comments like that.

prozach said...

he said a deals being worked on and close to finalizing forever.

Maria said...

Jagr? Take less? Sorry, had to laugh at that one. I want to see JJ back in the Burgh in the worst way but as the day goes on I can't see it happening

wilsmith said...

We should sign the ShamWow! guy.

You'll be sayin Wow! every time.

Nature Boy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dr. Turkleton said...

FH:

I don't bother going to that site anymore...[unless you create a train-wreck, then I have to go over and see what all the commotion was about...BTW, that one time when you just kept on repeating the same thing over and over and over again...why did you go back and delete everything?...just curious.]

Dr. Turkleton said...

FH

whoops..forgot my Q...did he & his 'sources' predict anything about Satan or Tank becoming a Penguin?

Nature Boy said...

@ erik:

Does it depress you how alone you really are? I mean it's the first day of a long weekend and the best thing you can do is troll on a message board? I award you no points and may God have mercy on soul.

WOOOOOOOOOOOO

Erik said...

@nature boy

Are you upset because I'm not out playing soccer in my Cindy jersey with the rest of you?

RUUUUUUUUU, oh wait, he's gone too, isn't he?

snickerdoodles said...

Awww, erik has a cwush. I bet he wants a sex change, then go to detroit, and unite with hossa. But they will have to fight osgood for the Cup, cause we all read the story in the Onion (and you know it's the truth!!!) about ossy and stanley's hot night of passion.

Maria said...

Don't feed the troll, kids.

wilsmith said...

Shut down all the trash compactors on the detention level!

IV on Spike.
woooo

akus said...

Trolls are mud.

Turk, i loveeeeeeee the Tank!!!

We got the USS Gill & the Tank!

I like they way Fedotenkoooooooooooooooooo rolls off the tongue.

These last two days have been He||.

Flyer Hater said...

The whole calling Crosby "Cindy" was funny the first 10,000 times Flyers Fans used it.

penstone410 said...

so apparently sean avery was at the fashion couture shows in paris this week.. apparently erik was there too.. here are just some of avery and erik's favorites...

outfit one >

outfit two >

outfit three >

J.S. said...

Apparently, you don't get it. Making jokes about men with females names = not funny.

Mrs. Doubtfire = bad flick
Jim Rome calling Jim Everett "Chris" = boring

you see, the joke wasn't edgy or innovative 10 years ago. To recap, if it's not funny years ago, why would it be funny now. Then again, we can call you the Carlos Mencia of C-blog. You can use other peoples jokes that you think are funny, but in the end, people are just looking and saying "I've heard these jokes before and you know what, they still aren't funny"

Erik said...

@snickerdoodles

LOL! Agreed on Osgood! :))))

Damn, this place is contagious1!!

Turned?

Erik said...

@j.s.

You still don't get it do you? How is saying Cindy funny?

Dr. Turkleton said...

wow...

missed the Rob Blake to the Sharks for 1y 5mil signing...

me = stunned.

Blake = still old.

J.S. said...

erik, but at least nobody on the penguins roster is a powder sniffing addict with a gambling problem.

J.S. said...

pageturnah!!

J.S. said...

I said

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