Sunday, January 27, 2008

Life Is A Beech

Sometime during your adventures on Sunday, your cellphone beeped.
You take your phone out, thinking it's some friend asking you "what's going on 2nite?"

Instead, you get hit with this:

"pens picked up beech"

There is not a word in the English language that describes the concept of Kris Beech returning to the Penguins. [ TSN ]

Picture: Kris Beetch being a bust.

For some reason we can't explain, we have nothing but contempt for the man.
But that has to change.

It's not his fault that Pens GM Craig Patrick pinned him as the next Ron Francis.

Looking back is always painful.
Check out this article from the [PG].

It is from April 2004

Asked if the Penguins plan to extend qualifying offers, which require at least a 10 percent raise, to Beech, Lupaschuk and Sivek in order to retain their rights, General Manager Craig Patrick responded simply, "Right. Yeah."

Patrick added a predictable asterisk -- "All this contract stuff is a little premature, because we really haven't had meetings to discuss everybody" -- but was firm that all three could figure in the Penguins' long-term plans.

His thumbnail assessment of each:

Beech -- "He'll have a good career ahead of him. ... He understands the game defensively a lot better than he did when he first turned pro."

On a 2008 Pens team laden with centers...and after a career of being passed around the NHL more than Mike Richards' sister at a fraternity, it's time for Kris Beech to do something.

He's a Penguin, again.

In a perfect world he will score three goals against the Devils, then go on to win the Art Ross Trophy.
But this ain't no fairy tale.

The fact that this is happening is a little hard to take.


We've elaborated numerous times the danger that the Post-Gazette's archives entails.
We found out there was an opera in Prague about the 1998 gold-medal Czech Republic hockey team.

[ ]
[ ]

That has to be Jagr front and center.


This is either the re-enactment of Petr Svoboda's game-winning goal,
or someone is being murdered.


For your balls-out ASG coverage, [ Fanhouse ] has the skills to pay the bills.

Lemieux's performance at the 1990 ASG in the Civic Arena.


[ ] takes a crap in Jarome Iginla's mouth and asks when a REAL African-American will be a superstar in the NHL.


The Penguins will always be in the backseat in the Pittsburgh sports scene.

But think how tough it is for the Thrashers in Atlanta,
one of 13 U.S. cities to house teams from all four major sports. [ AJC ]


Speaking of Atlanta, we wanted to entertain an interesting thought:

Ilya Kovalchuk was suspended one game for that hit on Michal Rozsival on Tuesday night.
He then served that one-game suspension on Thursday night when they played the Rangers again. [ ESPN ]

This leads to the question, should (does) a player get to participate in the ASG while in the midst of serving a suspension?


-- The NHLPA still has to give the okay for those games in Europe next season. [ TSN ]

-- Scott Burnside handed out his half-season awards. [ ESPN ]

Ty Conklin gets his comeback player of the half-year.

But then he also gives Todd Bertuzzi the "biggest disappointment" award.
To be a disappointment, doesn't the player initially have to generate expectations?
Bertuzzi has been mud since the Moore incident.


-- Jschiff M.D--

Go Pens


Anonymous said...

That video of Beech verbally laying a stinky turd on the Penguins.

From Greg Snyder

Todd said...

Yeah, I saw that one, Greg. What a douche.

I hope the legit media asks him about that one.

Fleury29 said...

That Lemieux video was insane.

And a Kirk McLean sighting?

Wow... just wow.

geezer said...

Mario lighting the lamp like he owned it. Good times. Guy never fails to amaze going to the net. Smooth as glass.

firefox said...

So Beech was waived 4 times in a month and the Pens picked him up. Lets get past the shock and awe of the fact that was actually brought Beech back. That in itself is obsurd. But after being waived and picked up 4 times, how much are we paying him? I think it has to be close to the wage the head fry master at McDonalds is making. He is already a low-paid player and we are paying no more than half of his salary, right?

Flyers fans being nice...Kris Beech coming back to the Pens...WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO?!

Flyer Hater said...

The skills competition was an absolute joke last night. For the love of God can Gary Thorne please replace Mike Emrick?

Gary Thorne=chills, everytime.

Gary Thorne is a beast

adam vacancy said...

anyone else hear douchepietro drop the f-bomb like 4 times last night?
the first night of the all star game was a mess. it was almost embarrassing.

if AO is next in line as the face of the nhl, why did he straight up not show up until the very end shootout.
geno and gonch should have gotten a try at hardest shot.

stokes said...

I dont understand all the hatred i'm seeing on here about beech. while he never panned out and wasn't actually even that good, i dont remember him being a Melichar either. did patrick get a good deal for Jagr? absolutely not. was he going to get a good deal that he could afford? i doubt it. either way, if your hatred is coming from the fact that craig patrick sucked at his job in the latter parts of the decade, you probably shouldn't take it out on beech.

what got me about this signing is that it happened at all. i am truly shocked because it came out of seemingly nowhere. but i dont think that shero is a joke because of it.

i'm not jobbing any other cbloggers...just adding my two cents....

lis said...

When I heard the news about Beech last night I kind of felt like Nancy Kerrigan "WHY...WHY...WHY GOD WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

My hatred for Kris Beech comes from seeing him play in could tell he just thought he was TOO good to be playing in the minors. Cocky dickhead!

Flyer Hater said...

Beech will be a 4th line center at best who will see limited playing time. 6 minutes a game, tops. When Sid is back, he'll be back on the waiver wire. Nothing to be too distraught about.

The Penguins Experience said...

Watching Lemieux dominate was awesome.
Watching how both the fans and - especially - the players cared about the game was even better.
Those were the days.

Stoosh said...

Thank you, Flyer Hater.

I understand some people dislike the Beech signing because they didn't like him. Kudos to the staff for saying they hated the move because they hate Beech.

I don't think there's anything to really like about this move, but I also don't think there's anything to overreact negatively to, either.

It's a low-risk/low-reward move designed to address some depth as this team battles through some injuries.

They didn't make a trade to get him. It was a relatively minor investment in salary and it made more sense than gambling on someone like Samsonov, who seems to be playing his way straight back to Russia at the low, low cost of almost $1.5 million.

If nothing else, it tells you all you need to know about what the organization thought of Tim Brent and Chris Minard. I think it was said on LGP boards that the Pens had a chance to get Beech about a month or so when he was on waivers and they passed; the fact that they took him now says this is mostly about securing some depth to work through the injuries.

Stoosh said...

Also, there were some rumors floating around recently that Columbus loves Christensen and might be willing to give up Ole-Kristian Tollefson to get him.

If so, perhaps Beech was also picked up to fill an eventual gap in the depth chart.

Tollefson, incidentally, would be a terrific pickup to fill that stay-at-home, physical presence in front of Conklin.

Anonymous said...

Does J-Schiff just sit around thinking of photoshops to do?

Flyer Hater said...

J-Schiff is unreal

Anonymous said...

Hey guys what's up...I'm organizing a pick up street hockey game next Saturday at Palmer Park in Donora Pa...They have a FREE dek facility right in the middle of the park...I was there this week to check it out and it's pretty sweet...Drop me an e-mail if ANYONE wants to play...Any and ALL are

thanks josh

Anonymous said...

Why on earth did the Pens mobile people deem it appropriate to notify me of this worthless piece of news at 3:53 AM?

My TXT notification is of an old WWF/E soundbyte, and 3:53 AM isn't a good time to 'smellllll what the Rock is cookin'....

Anonymous said...

agreed, my text came in at 3:33AM. what the fuck?

J.S. said...

So I'm guessing on game night that it's not ok for me to leave the signed GR jersey at home in lieu of the home Beech jersey that's been sitting in my closet for the better part of 4 years.

Tough crowd.

Jeffry said...

i got the beech text around 700 last night i think. im not saying hes a great pick up or anything, but. he is having a career year in the 20 games hes played 11 points +4 not that those stats are anything good, but still. eh, i just dont get all the hate.

Anonymous said...

Why does a black kid need to emulate a black player or a white kid have to emulate a white player? I love how this article talks about how racism needs to be combated, but then if your black or white you can't emulate a person of the other race? What a bunch of crap.

That being said, I hope the NHL has plans to add funding to not just inner cities in the US, but to the US in general. Getting more kids playing equals more fans. A kid can play high school football for free but needs to pay thousands of dollars to play ice hockey, that needs to change.

luvnmypens said...

Do we know for sure that Beech will stay up with the Pens? I thought he might have been picked up to play in WBS. Anyone know if he has a 2 way contract?

P.S. My niece sent me a picture msg while sitting beside me at the Mellon one night during a game and I received that message at 5am.

Dr. Turkleton said...

@ firefox....

also heard that Markus Naslund is being traded back here for the Ghost of Alek Stojanov & my sources have told me that Roman Oksiuta is in the Best Shape In His Life & back down to his playing weight of 230

Beechy will be here for a cup of coffee & back on the waiver wire once everyone is healthy....or he could land a 4th liner role if he plays biggy either way

Johnny Wrath said...

·I sincerely believe we just wanted to fuck with Washington, who were intent on Beech playing for their AHL team. Go Pens.

·Not a single pundit is happy with the ASG. Everyone offers their 10 or so suggestions, most of which are "Have it in Toronto", "I have a hard-on for Sundin", and "Seriously, Toronto is really important. Important people do really important things here. Demanding tickets be made available specifically for Leafs ST holders for the Winter Classic doesn't have anything to do with a superiority complex."

·Maybe Shero has a Transmogrification machine that will allow him to combine Christensen and Beech, creating a single valuable roster player?

·Columbus must want something more than just EC for Ole-Kristian Tollefson. I've been watcing him since we were linked to Dan Fritsche, and he's a beast.

He reminds me of former Red Wing Jiri Fischer, although slightly smaller and Norwegian. Great upside at 23, already plenty mean.

Seeker said...

They mentioned the Beech aquisition (one sentence) on the Channel Four 6 O'Clock News sports segment yesterday...I guess those text messages aren't exactly timely to say the least eh?

Adrienne said...

I don't even know what to say about us picking up Beech again. Wow.

DiPietro had me cracking up listening to him through the skills competition last night. In all honesty, I think that was the only thing that kept me watching that shit.

The skills competition/young stars game was SO horribly organised, it was amazing.

Stoosh, you ruined my day. I'm going to cry if the CBJs take Christensen :(

Anonymous said...


Beech was on waivers because the caps wanted to send him to the AHL, so the Pens (hopefully) aren't stupid enough to try the same thing.

They grabbed him because we currently have AHL players on our NHL roster, and it's hurting the Baby Pens as much as it's hurting Pittsburgh. With him here, we can send the players who actually should be there back to WB/S.

Flyer Hater said...

The uproar over the Beech signing is truly comical. There's a six page thread about it over at LGP. I just don't get the point of analyzing this move so much. It's not like the guy killed Mario Lemieux's mother while he was here.

Anonymous said...

beech will be here until the injuries stop happening. it would be amazing if he contributed anything.

craig patrick should've been fired long before he actually was. the pens traded/lost jagr, straka, kovey, etc and got nothing in return.

i remember him talking about people in the front office "jumping up and down" when they learned they would get beech.

pathetic. when he could spend some money after the lockout he screwd that up as well. he could've been the gm of the pirates.

RWHC said...

"Nagano" remains the only opera that I saw in my five years in Prague :3 I actually wore a Pens jersey to the event amid a sea of suits and ties. I did spot a few Czech and Canada jerseys, though..

The first two acts are actually very entertaining (gosh that female hockey puck was so alluring, agile, and simply hawt)and it was very interesting to see how they choreographed the action onstage. The third act was a little bit more confusing, mainly because it was a big Czech inside joke and I had no idea what was going on, but seeing an opera with songs about Jagr was amazingly surreal :D Best song was probably "Jsem Dominik (I am Dominik", referring to Hasek...

Whistler said...

anyone see the ASG?

...Doc Emerick.. whatta cock. If he would just shut up long enough we'd be able to enjoy the game.

...The Chicken..(Ovechkin) is a cherry pickin' SOB..

...WTF with Staal getting the MVP?? Are peoplel smoking crack???

...Love it when Butthole (Bettman) got boo'd... Best moment evah....

Flyer Hater said...

That was one of the best ASG in years. It definitely kept me entertained and that's all anyone could hope to get out of this game. Legace was great on the mic. Bettman is a tool.

Flyer Hater said...

That was one of the best ASG in years. It definitely kept me entertained and that's all anyone could hope to get out of this game. Legace was great on the mic. Bettman is a tool.

Flyer Hater said...

Oh and btw, the vagina man Mike Richards was MIA tonight.

Aunt Penny said...

surprised that no one has commented on Gary Roberts back on skates this week.

Also this is the week for free Center Ice.

Now if I'm repeating anything, please remember that I'm old and a little forgetful....

Hip said...


Get back on the ice this week.


wilsmith said...


Anonymous said...

did anyone else notice how ugly the ASG jerseys were?

why cant they stick with the same ones they had a few years ago that were half-decent?

cg said...

You know this PB has affected your life when you see the boys choir singing the national anthem and the first thing you think to yourself is "Man, you know Downie's head is getting photoshopped on to that"

Pittsburgh Girl Forever said...

Yeah, good news about Gary; I miss him! Someone is making a WWGRD website but it isn't finished yet. Yins know how amazing that's gonna be!

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