Friday, August 31, 2007

SportingNews Loves The Pens

Hockey media outlets are starting to print their preview magazines that gullible jerk-offs like us buy for $8.

The Sporting News' hockey preview is what these magazine are all about, though.
You won't see a better collection of stats and crap.
Unbelievable pictures.


Sid is the logical choice for the regional cover.

Who do they say is winning the Cup this season?



Of course, with Sid and how the Pens did last year, they are a playoff mainstay for years to come.
But winning the Cup this season?

We live in Pittsburgh, so we can't look at this 100% objectively.

Does the rest of the NHL see the Pens as being this good?

There is one problem with the Sporting News preview.
Something happened to the page where the Ottawa Senators preview should be.

You turn the page...
All you get is this.



....................................

NHLToL released some Vancouver jersey concepts.


That is a sick jersey. Case closed.

And for another definition of "sick"...


Concept artist was on a drug that no one even knows about.

*********

Now, for some legit Pens jersey news:


Remember, FaceoffFactor broke this before anyone.

They will be unveiling them up at Pittsburgh Mills.[ Pittsburgh Penguins.com ]

And also, as we suspected, there will be a patch commemorating the 40th year of the Pens franchise.



Can anyone remember if the Penguins wore the 30th anniversary patch at all during the 1997-1998 season?
So far, Gore has not produced the desired results.

The Pens may try to nab some casual fans by preying on the minds of dumb Steeler fans with a big XL on the patch, to remind people of the Super Bowl.
It's how the mind works.

We'd cover the unveiling of the Pens 40th-anniversary patch, but we are as reliable as Jeff Serowik when it comes to breaking news.

...................................................

The Edmonton Oilers are asking fans to donate their tickets to a November 24th game to Canadian troops. [ NHL.com ]
Solid stuff.

Colonel Nathan R. Jessup, thoughts?


"Canada has an army? I'll Code Red all over your mom's face buddy."

...........................................



House M.D. has revived [ The Guins Blog ] at the last minute.
It narrowly escapes a visit to the gallows with an August 29th post.


A great guide to Fantasy hockey. [ Barry Melrose Rocks ]

A nice, easy breakdown of the Steeler game in quarters. [ PSAMP]

Was is just us, or was Brian St. Pierre trying to get hurt?

If you got 50 bucks, why not spend it on a Milan Kraft jersey? [ Craig's List ]


Two mere observations:
  • It is hard to believe Milan Kraft knew how to write.
  • Who was dumb enough to actually buy a Milan Kraft shirt.
................................................



Day number:


We started the athlete numbers at 37 on the way up, so we can use pictures again.
We would've used Jerome Bettis.
But we don't support drug dealers.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

Top Ten Biggest Douchebags

All sparked by commentor Steve from Denver, we figured we would do the obligatory top-ten list to kill some time during the summer.
We used some of the suggestions we have gotten and added some of our own.
Now, mind you, there have been thousands of douches in hockey; past and present.
We encourage you to tell us what we missed.

.......................................................

ThePensblog.com's Top 10 Douches in NHL History

Honorable Mentions:
  • The entire Ottawa Senators organization and their fanbase.
  • Mick McGeough
  • Kerry Fraser
  • Howard Baldwin
-------------------------------------------

10. The Washington Capitals



No matter what year, no matter who plays on their team,
you cannot help but call a Capital a douchebag.

Dale Hunter, Al Iafrate, Kevin Hatcher, Don Beaupre, and Dino Ciccarelli led the way in the early '90s, posing as great as Penguin villains that we have ever seen.
That group gave way to the likes of Petr Bondra, Todd Krygier, Joe Juneau, Steve Konowalchuk, Olaf Kolzig, Mark Tinordi, and Jaromir Jagr.


2007-08's Crapitals have tons of potential.
With OA-Hole and Semen, they will no question be called a bunch of douchebags.

9. Cam Janssen



It is hard to imagine a less-talented player and a bigger douchebag.
Watch a Devils game when this scrub gets in, and you will know why.

He loves to jump into people and deliver late hits.
Basically, he is what's wrong with hockey.

Don't believe us?
Ask a Leafs fan:



8. Guy Carbonneau



We all remember Guy's jobbing last year:

"We all know they can score goals; we have to take advantage of their defence," Carbonneau said. "They like to go on the offensive and all five players join the rush. They like to take chances. We have to take advantage of the mistakes they make and get a lead on them early so they have to play catch-up."

-- Guy Homobonneau

There is not a bigger whiner in the league.
And it just seems he would be someone who, when the camera pans on him,
you would call a douche.

7. Adam Graves





Unreal. Anyone who has seen the smack of ugly intent knows it was exactly that.
He swung his stick like a baseball bat and owned Lemieux's wrist.

That's like Luciano Pavorotti getting whacked across the vocal cords during a big-time opera.

Imagine the hatred for him if the Pens hadn't won the Cup that year.
Graves may also be one of the ugliest humans ever born.

6. Brett Hull



He takes every opportunity to remind people that he scored 86 goals one year.
He cheated in 1999 to win the Stanley Cup for the Dallas Stars.


The most doucheness ever captured in one picture as Guy and Brett do each other.

He admitted in a recent SI.com article that his stick curve was illegal during his entire career.
The only bright side of this whole thing was when Don Cherry owned him during an intermission segment at the 2007 Stanley Cup Finals.

5. Philadelphia Flyers


Some people can only dream that one day, their team's logo will also look like a penis.

They traded away the Liberty Bell to get Lindros from the Nordiques.
Great move.


Not.

The fact they are the Pens' cross-state rivals is the main reason they are on this list.

Ron Hextall and Derian Hatcher come to mind, as well.

4. Mike Keenan


Picture: Another combo of two douches.

He's been known as Iron Mike to the NHL for a number of years.

Symptoms of douchedom:
  • Fired just a year after leading the Flyers to the Stanley Cup Finals
  • After leading the Blackhawks to the 1992 Finals, he was dismissed as coach.
  • He went to the Rangers in 1994 and led them to a Stanley Cup. What a douche.
  • Amidst the celebration of that Cup, Keenan laid with a woman for the only time in his life.
  • When Jeremy Roenick has choice words for you, you know you're a clown.
  • As general manager of the Panthers in 2006, he traded away Roberto Luongo then resigned as GM shortly thereafter.
He is presently head coach for the Calgary Flames.

3. Claude Lemieux



It is tough to put into words how big of douchebag Claude Lemiuex is.
He is a little bit of an exception, though, because he is the type of player that murders one of your players, and then scores a game-winning goal.

Kris Draper, your thoughts?

Stunned.

You ask why Lemieux is so high on this list?
Because, as stated, he could douche you in so many ways.
He owned everyone in the playoffs,and always showed up.
Watching him play against your team was not easy.

2. Chris Chelios

It's hard to tell why doucheness reeks from this guy.
He's been playing since the Ice Age and has been a steady defenseman.

Flyers fans hate him 'cause he owned Brian Propp back in the '80s somewhere.
We mostly likely hate him for attacking Larry Murphy in the end of Game 3 of the Stanley cup playoffs in 92


Again, we cannot say how important it is for against the odds to be on Youtube.
Even though you have to go to the very end of this video.
Is it really that bad seeing Mario Lemiuex bring the Mellon to a frenzy?

Like we said, we have no idea why we want him this high on the list.
But he belongs here.

dick

1. Wayne Gretzky
Here's a Douchie McDoucherson if you ever saw one.
What a homo.

People think he's so great 'cause he scored 130 points or more in 12 consecutive season.
He scored 92 goals in 1981-82. What a puck hog.

He recorded 163 assists in 1985-86. What a player.


Gretzky could not be reached for comment.
He's still wiping his butt after crapping on the entire nation of Canada in 1988.

That is what makes Wayne Gretzky a douchebag.
He sold out.
Does anyone remember when he played for the Blues?
or the Rangers.
What a joke.
Yea his records may never be broken.
Or will they?


A Jeff Harr & Canaan collab
sick


Wayne Gretzky sucks.

GO Pens

Prepare to be stunned:
John Fedko Wikipedia

....................................

Before we get to the big news of Vancouver's new uniforms,
we feel it's necessary to talk about the hometown team first.

Bob Grove wrote on the Pens website that other than run-of-the-mill changes every other team is making, the Pens uniform will look the same.
No New Logo.[Pittsburgh Penguins.com]

And when Bob Grove tells you something.
You better listen, or you don't know whats going on.

............................................................

No one can explain why more anticipation has swirled around Vancouver's RBK jerseys than any other team's.


There you go. That's it. Nice colors.

[Yankee Canuck] is all over it.

The lettering will be unique in the RBK Era of the NHL.
Whatev.


Trevor Linden is now contemplating retirement.

****

The next big thing on the RBK Tour:

Calgary and Montreal will be unveiling their stuff within the week.
So will the Pens.

Speaking of which, unless the Pens logo starts implementing a 1-4 delay, it ain't beating the Habs logo in the tournament.

.................................................
In Washington county news.
No Joe Hardy didn't get divorced again.
Washington county native, George Parros brought the Stanley Cup home.[Observer-reporter]


That old lady has touched the Cup officially one more time than any Maple Leaf player has in 50 years.

In other news:

Team Canada shutout team Russia in Game 2 of the Summit series. [NHL.COM]

do it
.....................................................

Jokes about Michael Vick are too easy. Way too easy.
Anyone who makes a Vick joke is mud.

But someone has to do it.[AOL Fanhouse NHL]

" It's a rare opportunity to post positive news about hockey attendance that hasn't been artificially inflated by the NHL, but here goes: The Anaheim Ducks and Pittsburgh Penguins are more popular than Michael Vick at a Korean BBQ convention. "

Ouch.

The post goes on to talk about the Pens season-ticket sales and crap.
As if all of us Pens fans who stood by the team for the last 5 years didn't see this coming.

Jimmy McBusinessman will be in our seats now until Crosby retires.


"Mmmyeah, let's talk about these reports at the Pens game tonight, bitches. Mmmyeah."
Dick.

..........................................................



Apparently, AO broke Malkin's agent's jaw.[Empty Netters]

Great new Maple Leafs Jersey [NHL Digest]


Breaking down the top 15 Penguin prospects [Faceoff-Factor]

Breakdown of one of the most annoying, yet indulging shows on TV, "The Pick-up Artist."
[Post Game Heroes]

..................................................


37

SnoopyJode is right. This offseason picture is on its last legs.
This picture will be officially retired when the Penguins play their first exhibition game.
Thus, finally letting us move past how last season ended.

It's served it's purpose like the Lunar Excursion Module did for the Apollo 13 crew.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

The Penguin logo needs our help in defeating the Canadiens logo over at NHLToL.


Dream on, bitches.

..............................................................


Dave Lewis has been added to the L.A. Kings coaching staff.[LA Times]

Frankly, it is good to have him back.

..The Kings also signed former Pen J.S. Aubin.[Battle of California]

Retard

..Is Scott Niedermayer not retiring after all?[TSN.CA]

The Top Five injuries in Penguin history [Taking One For the Team]

Ron Francis's foot injury in 1996 is really put into perspective.

...........................................................

Paul Kukla makes a list of players that bring him out of his seat.

A 99-cent double cheeseburger somehow did not make a list.

Best one-on-one offensive player - Pavel Datsyuk

Best assist man - Sidney Crosby

Power-play Specialist -- Ilya Kovalchuk ( can't argue )

If You Need One Save -- Kukla wants Marty Turco in net.

Best Guy You've Never Heard Of -- Igor Grigorenko
( Kukla is the definition of a homer. In his case, it's Detroit. )

The Best Home Crowd -- San Jose.
( Our vote goes to Ottawa. )

Picture: Ottawa fans get ready for a big home game

.............................................................
Pics of the new Arena [Pittsburgh Penguins.com]


You will be able to see all the drug transactions on the hill now.
Good times.
...........................

The big day is tomorrow.
Vancouver is finally unveiling their new uniforms.





...................................................................

Serial Killer Blog

Jeffrey Dahmer was a douche. No question.

But the bigger douche was John Balcerzak:

John Balcerzak is a police officer in Milwaukee, Wisconsin and president of the Milwaukee Police Association. In 1991, he was fired for having returned an injured victim to serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer.

Balcersak and his partner Joseph Gabrish discovered the victim, 14-year-old Konerak Sinthasomphone, after he had managed to escape from Dahmer's apartment. Konerak was a Laotian who did not speak English. Dahmer found the boy with the police and convinced them that the boy was his 19-year-old lover. Two African-American women, Sandra Smith and Nicole Childress, were convinced that Sinthasomphone's life was in peril and tried to save the boy. However, Balcerzak and his partner chose to believe Dahmer and allowed him to keep Sinthasomphone. Dahmer later sexually abused, killed, and dismembered the boy.

Both officers later appealed their termination, won, and were reinstated with back pay. Balcerzak and Gabrish were named "officers of the year" by their local union, the Milwaukee Police Association, for fighting a "righteous" battle to regain their jobs.

Then in 2005, he was elected president of the Milwaukee Police Association.

Really?

.......................................................


38

Disclaimer

We are in no way affiliated with the Pittsburgh Penguins of the National Hockey League.

In accordance with the Fair Use Copyright Law, The Pensblog uses logos and registered trademarks of the National Hockey League to convey our criticism and inform the public.

Photos on The Pensblog are used without permission but do not interfere with said owner's profit.

If you own a specific image on this site and want it removed, please e-mail us (thepensblog@gmail.com) and we will be happy to oblige.

wooo