Hockey media outlets are starting to print their preview magazines that gullible jerk-offs like us buy for $8.
The Sporting News' hockey preview is what these magazine are all about, though. You won't see a better collection of stats and crap. Unbelievable pictures.
Sid is the logical choice for the regional cover.
Who do they say is winning the Cup this season?
Of course, with Sid and how the Pens did last year, they are a playoff mainstay for years to come. But winning the Cup this season?
We live in Pittsburgh, so we can't look at this 100% objectively.
Does the rest of the NHL see the Pens as being this good?
There is one problem with the Sporting News preview. Something happened to the page where the Ottawa Senators preview should be.
You turn the page... All you get is this.
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NHLToL released some Vancouver jersey concepts.
That is a sick jersey. Case closed.
And for another definition of "sick"...
Concept artist was on a drug that no one even knows about.
And also, as we suspected, there will be a patch commemorating the 40th year of the Pens franchise.
Can anyone remember if the Penguins wore the 30th anniversary patch at all during the 1997-1998 season? So far, Gore has not produced the desired results.
The Pens may try to nab some casual fans by preying on the minds of dumb Steeler fans with a big XL on the patch, to remind people of the Super Bowl. It's how the mind works.
We'd cover the unveiling of the Pens 40th-anniversary patch, but we are as reliable as Jeff Serowik when it comes to breaking news.
All sparked by commentor Steve from Denver, we figured we would do the obligatory top-ten list to kill some time during the summer.
We used some of the suggestions we have gotten and added some of our own. Now, mind you, there have been thousands of douches in hockey; past and present. We encourage you to tell us what we missed.
The entire Ottawa Senators organization and their fanbase.
Mick McGeough
Kerry Fraser
Howard Baldwin
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10. The Washington Capitals
No matter what year, no matter who plays on their team, you cannot help but call a Capital a douchebag.
Dale Hunter, Al Iafrate, Kevin Hatcher, Don Beaupre, and Dino Ciccarelli led the way in the early '90s, posing as great as Penguin villains that we have ever seen. That group gave way to the likes of Petr Bondra, Todd Krygier, Joe Juneau, Steve Konowalchuk, Olaf Kolzig, Mark Tinordi, and Jaromir Jagr.
2007-08's Crapitals have tons of potential. With OA-Hole and Semen, they will no question be called a bunch of douchebags.
9. Cam Janssen
It is hard to imagine a less-talented player and a bigger douchebag. Watch a Devils game when this scrub gets in, and you will know why.
He loves to jump into people and deliver late hits. Basically, he is what's wrong with hockey.
Don't believe us? Ask a Leafs fan:
8. Guy Carbonneau
We all remember Guy's jobbing last year:
"We all know they can score goals; we have to take advantage of their defence," Carbonneau said. "They like to go on the offensive and all five players join the rush. They like to take chances. We have to take advantage of the mistakes they make and get a lead on them early so they have to play catch-up."
-- Guy Homobonneau
There is not a bigger whiner in the league. And it just seems he would be someone who, when the camera pans on him, you would call a douche.
7. Adam Graves
Unreal. Anyone who has seen the smack of ugly intent knows it was exactly that. He swung his stick like a baseball bat and owned Lemieux's wrist.
That's like Luciano Pavorotti getting whacked across the vocal cords during a big-time opera.
Imagine the hatred for him if the Pens hadn't won the Cup that year. Graves may also be one of the ugliest humans ever born.
6. Brett Hull
He takes every opportunity to remind people that he scored 86 goals one year. He cheated in 1999 to win the Stanley Cup for the Dallas Stars.
The most doucheness ever captured in one picture as Guy and Brett do each other.
He admitted in a recent SI.com article that his stick curve was illegal during his entire career. The only bright side of this whole thing was when Don Cherry owned him during an intermission segment at the 2007 Stanley Cup Finals.
5. Philadelphia Flyers
Some people can only dream that one day, their team's logo will also look like a penis.
They traded away the Liberty Bell to get Lindros from the Nordiques. Great move.
Not.
The fact they are the Pens' cross-state rivals is the main reason they are on this list.
Ron Hextall and Derian Hatcher come to mind, as well.
4. Mike Keenan
Picture: Another combo of two douches.
He's been known as Iron Mike to the NHL for a number of years.
Symptoms of douchedom:
Fired just a year after leading the Flyers to the Stanley Cup Finals
After leading the Blackhawks to the 1992 Finals, he was dismissed as coach.
He went to the Rangers in 1994 and led them to a Stanley Cup. What a douche.
Amidst the celebration of that Cup, Keenan laid with a woman for the only time in his life.
When Jeremy Roenick has choice words for you, you know you're a clown.
As general manager of the Panthers in 2006, he traded away Roberto Luongo then resigned as GM shortly thereafter.
He is presently head coach for the Calgary Flames.
3. Claude Lemieux
It is tough to put into words how big of douchebag Claude Lemiuex is. He is a little bit of an exception, though, because he is the type of player that murders one of your players, and then scores a game-winning goal.
Kris Draper, your thoughts? Stunned.
You ask why Lemieux is so high on this list? Because, as stated, he could douche you in so many ways. He owned everyone in the playoffs,and always showed up. Watching him play against your team was not easy.
2. Chris Chelios
It's hard to tell why doucheness reeks from this guy. He's been playing since the Ice Age and has been a steady defenseman.
Flyers fans hate him 'cause he owned Brian Propp back in the '80s somewhere. We mostly likely hate him for attacking Larry Murphy in the end of Game 3 of the Stanley cup playoffs in 92
Again, we cannot say how important it is for against the odds to be on Youtube. Even though you have to go to the very end of this video. Is it really that bad seeing Mario Lemiuex bring the Mellon to a frenzy?
Like we said, we have no idea why we want him this high on the list. But he belongs here. dick
1. Wayne Gretzky Here's a Douchie McDoucherson if you ever saw one. What a homo.
People think he's so great 'cause he scored 130 points or more in 12 consecutive season. He scored 92 goals in 1981-82. What a puck hog.
He recorded 163 assists in 1985-86. What a player.
Gretzky could not be reached for comment. He's still wiping his butt after crapping on the entire nation of Canada in 1988.
That is what makes Wayne Gretzky a douchebag. He sold out. Does anyone remember when he played for the Blues? or the Rangers. What a joke. Yea his records may never be broken. Or will they?
Before we get to the big news of Vancouver's new uniforms,
we feel it's necessary to talk about the hometown team first.
Bob Grove wrote on the Pens website that other than run-of-the-mill changes every other team is making, the Pens uniform will look the same. No New Logo.[Pittsburgh Penguins.com]
And when Bob Grove tells you something. You better listen, or you don't know whats going on.
The lettering will be unique in the RBK Era of the NHL. Whatev.
Trevor Linden is now contemplating retirement.
****
The next big thing on the RBK Tour:
Calgary and Montreal will be unveiling their stuff within the week. So will the Pens.
Speaking of which, unless the Pens logo starts implementing a 1-4 delay, it ain't beating the Habs logo in the tournament.
................................................. In Washington county news. No Joe Hardy didn't get divorced again. Washington county native, George Parros brought the Stanley Cup home.[Observer-reporter] That old lady has touched the Cup officially one more time than any Maple Leaf player has in 50 years.
In other news:
Team Canada shutout team Russia in Game 2 of the Summit series. [NHL.COM] do it .....................................................
Jokes about Michael Vick are too easy. Way too easy. Anyone who makes a Vick joke is mud.
The post goes on to talk about the Pens season-ticket sales and crap. As if all of us Pens fans who stood by the team for the last 5 years didn't see this coming.
Jimmy McBusinessman will be in our seats now until Crosby retires.
"Mmmyeah, let's talk about these reports at the Pens game tonight, bitches. Mmmyeah." Dick.
SnoopyJode is right. This offseason picture is on its last legs. This picture will be officially retired when the Penguins play their first exhibition game. Thus, finally letting us move past how last season ended.
It's served it's purpose like the Lunar Excursion Module did for the Apollo 13 crew.
Balcersak and his partner Joseph Gabrish discovered the victim, 14-year-old KonerakSinthasomphone, after he had managed to escape from Dahmer's apartment. Konerak was a Laotian who did not speak English. Dahmer found the boy with the police and convinced them that the boy was his 19-year-old lover. Two African-American women, Sandra Smith and Nicole Childress, were convinced that Sinthasomphone's life was in peril and tried to save the boy. However, Balcerzak and his partner chose to believe Dahmer and allowed him to keep Sinthasomphone. Dahmer later sexually abused, killed, and dismembered the boy.
Both officers later appealed their termination, won, and were reinstated with back pay. Balcerzak and Gabrish were named "officers of the year" by their local union, the Milwaukee Police Association, for fighting a "righteous" battle to regain their jobs.
Then in 2005, he was elected president of the Milwaukee Police Association.
Reader Greg Nardine is starting the Ice Bowl Blog It will list hotels in the Buffalo area, information about the game, etc. Great idea.
Speaking of the ice bowl, someone brought up a good point on LGP. When the Oilers and Habs played in the Outdoor game, they had an old-timers game beforehand.
Would the Pens and Sabres be interested? It can only spark interesting conversation.
Lemieux-Francis-Stevens Bourque-Errey-Loney (Jobber Hall of Fame line)
Ulf - Murph Tommy B. in net.
The Sabres could have the French Connection come out if their still alive. Maybe Pat Lafontaine? Grant Fuhr.
This needs to happen.
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The Hockey News released its top 50 players rankings.
Notable Pens: 1. Bing 42. Gonch 44. Malkin
It is no question, though, an awful list. Some lowlights:
8. Joe Thornton
Say what you want, but Pensblog Adam played on Thornton's line for three game last year and scored 7 goals. Thats how sick of a passer Thornton is. He should be top 5.
11. Patrick Elias
Awful. Lets just move on
31. Martin Havlat
Top 20 player. Easy.
38. Rob Brind'Amour
If this was a list in 1997 maybe.
49. Mattieu Schneider
Who put this list together, Schneider's Mom? ............................
This ain't Gossip Blog, but it looks like Sean Avery and Elisha Cuthbert are done.
A woman accepted his marriage proposal at his trial.
Bundy had a remarkable advantage as his facial features were attractive, yet not especially memorable. In later years, he would often be described as chameleon-like,able to look totally different by making only minor adjustments to his appearance, e.g., growing a beard or changing his hairstyle.
He acted as his own counsel at his trials.
Bundy also confessed to visiting his victims' bodies over and over again at the Taylor Mountain body dump site. He stated that he would lie with them for hours, applying makeup to their corpses and having sex with their decomposing bodies until putrefaction forced him to abandon the remains.
He jumped out of a second-story window to escape from custody.
Since we can't speak intelligently about the intricacies of every NHL team like we can about the Penguins, we've went around Gore and asked different blogs to provide us with their respective team previews.
They will be starting on Monday September 3. And before you know it, it's gonna be October 5.
Thankfully, Empty Netters has been given its place back on the PG Pens page.
Big thanks goes out to Loser Chris at Taking One For The Team. He asked us to take part in his salary cap challenge. We feel good about our team, Even though we screwed up and somehow left Gary Roberts off our roster.
"In terms of national recognition, Crosby will never attain what Roethlisberger did in 2004 and 2005," Rovell said. "People around North America will always think of the Steelers first when they think of Pittsburgh. The worst Steelers team is more identifiable to the city than the best Penguins team."
Whatever.
But maybe the best of them all:
Ravenstahl, thrust into the national limelight with the death last year of Mayor Bob O'Connor, has met both stars. He golfed last month with Crosby at Lemieux's charity tournament and met Roethlisberger at a Penguins game before Super Bowl XL. Ravenstahl and Roethlisberger occasionally exchange text messages.
"Generally, with both Ben and Sid, we have discussed our experiences as young people that have busted onto the scene and been thrust into the spotlight," Ravenstahl said. "We have talked about how we are all on the same path. In many ways there is a lot of commonality between us. We are all growing into our leadership roles."
Awful. Who cares what some jobber mayor thinks.
The article also went on to mention sponsorships. Crosby is Reebok. Big Joke, on the other hand, has been trying some new endorsements:
Credit to J Schiff, who is already in mid-season form.
...........................
In case you didn't watch the local news, or talk to anyone in Pittsburgh today, the Steelers played. Big Ben looked good throwing a vintage INT on the first drive. The only good part about the game was that it was on NBC. And that meant tons of Heroes previews and talk of the DVD release. August 28
Sick.
We also got treated to Jerome Bettis talking about how great he is. He went on tonight defending his book, something about him being a drug dealer or something.
A quote from Bettis: " My image is how people see me." Hopefully people don't see him as a complete joke like we do.
To sum everything up...
When WPXI took over the post-game coverage, John Fedko broke this story: "Despite water pressure issues in Heinz Field, the Steelers will be able to take showers."
We are not making that up. At this point, the fact that he even has a job is the biggest upset in the history of journalism.
I frequent sports blogs on the internet more than anyone.
There's no one more informative than middle-aged men who have been lifelong fans of their favorite hometown team.
That's why I was pumped as shit when I saw Mondesi's House was going to be doing a Steelers preview for the upcoming season.
I'm on dialup internet, because high-speed internet is racist.
My internet service provider suspended my account because I was taking up too much bandwidth when I tried to access Mondesi's Steeler preview.
I visited it on my iPhone.
Weirdly enough, the preview was actually a RE-view. It mentioned nothing of the upcoming season. It made 22 references to Bill Cowher, the guy who doesn't even coach the team anymore.
Here's my Steeler preview:
Starting me = 16-0. ....................................
Interesting choice of music. But not bad uniforms. Look closely at the kid on the right-hand side.
If you are going to a hockey function, don't wear a football shirt. Please.
The Pens should institute a rule, where if someone wears a Steeler jersey to a Penguins game, people are allowed to throw feces on them.
So dumb. ...............................
Big ups to our new friends down at Post Game Heroes. They bring us this magical moment from the Miss Teen USA 2007 contest
Tough to watch. ......................................
Give credit to emailer Hooks and again Post Game Heroes for finding NHL 2008 ratings.
Gary Roberts originally was slated to be rated 128. But the game blew up and killed 16 people during a testing period. The game must be realistic this year, because here we have a screen capture of Mark Reechi not scoring a goal. .....................
Scales of Justiceblog
The wheels have been set in motion for what should be an interesting Civil suit filed by Steve Moore, against Todd Bertuzzi. Moore is seeking about 20 million dollars from Bertuzzi. Moore's lawyers have been conducting examinations for discovery over the past several weeks. Rich the Panda bear took the stand in a heartbreaking testimony, to announce he was molested by Bertuzzi.
...........................
Steelers play the Eagles today. Game is at Heinz field. And usually the Steelers win meaningless games there, so hopefully you can hang your hat on that.
We've worked our way up to number 27: 27. Ben Roethlisberger's Excellent Offseason Adventures. Big Ben lead the league in interceptions in 2006. To remedy this, Ben's offseason is an attempt at leading the league in celebrity appearances and frequent flier miles. A sampling of his travels:
Bahamas- Michael Jordan Golf Tournament LA- Guest host "Best Damn Sports Show, Period" LA- Guest, "Last Call with Carson Daly" Seven Springs Resort- "Winterfest Weekend with Povertyneck Hillbillies" Las Vegas- Jerome Bettis' birthday party @ Caesar's Palace Florida- ESPN the Weekend Pittsburgh- Sprint "Power to Play" Mini-camp Miami- Dan Marino Golf Tournament Phoenix- Muhammad Ali Celebrity Fight Night Rancho Mirage, CA- Kraft Nabisco Celebrity Golf Championship LA- ESPY Awards Lake Tahoe - American Century Celebrity Golf Championship New York - The Jim Kelly Celebrity Golf Classic Virginia - William & Mary Football Camp Pittsburgh - Highmark Celebrity Classic for Children Tampa - Derek Jeter Celebrity Golf Tournament
Who actually keeps track of where another man goes? Plus, at least follow it up with a joke like:
The only place Big Choke didn't go was the endzone. ..............................
And lastly. If you are looking to kill some time when you are out shopping, page Gary Roberts over the loud speaker. We did it three times today at our local Wal-Mart. No one else thinks it funny, but it is worth it. ........................
The Ice bowl has become a reality. Pens @ Buffalo It will be the first January home game played in Ralph Wilson Stadium in years. Mud
Honestly we wouldn't pass a chance like this up. It is truly going to be a special scene.
We aren't going to try and organize anything, mainly because we can't organize our own sock drawers. But we will be there, somehow. Hopefully someone took a time machine into the future to make sure there isn't going to be a giant snow storm.
"Last call is at 4 a.m. in Buffalo, rather than 2 a.m. as in most other areas of the U.S. This is often attributed to the historically high density of industrial facilities and the demand of second and third shift patrons. It is also because New York law allows bars to be open until 4 a.m. (However, local municipalities can override it to an earlier time.) This law was actually designed to accommodate the thriving late nightlife of New York City, but the state's "Second City" has adopted it as well."
Should be interesting.
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We had some harsh words for Homo's house because of the 450,000 word joke that was supposed to be a Steelers preview he wrote today. We stand by those criticisms. As Steeler fans we are ashamed to have something like that even happen. But ashamed and Steeler fan together, is nothing new these days.
A few things about this video
Stacey Smith is as solid as a rock
Why does some Asian announce the name.
The women who named the mascot had this to say when she was asked how she came up with the name:
"Well Steely, because, OK, it is a Steel T'awn. MC because the Steelers are Irish. And Beam because Steel "beam," and because my Husband likes to drink Jim Beam."
If you watch the video twice, your head may wind up through your computer desk.
Project Cros-way… Selected from thousands of hopefuls who lined up outside Primanti’s all night for the opportunity, an all-new cast of fifteen Penguin puck bunnies will compete for the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to model the latest line of Crosby chic. The winner will get an all-expense paid shopping tour of Target.
Imagine how funny that would have been if the Capitals would have won 30 games last year. Seriously, stay warm in the basement all winter.
Dick. ............................. A Winter in the Sun Season Finale Game #82 April 7, 2007
Where did it all go? One last dance against the Rangers. Then it's all Ottawa, all the time.
..........................................
Early on, Recchi and Sean Avery get into it near the boards. Ruutu comes out of nowhere and jobs Avery. Gotta love Ruutu.
Uh-oh -- The Rangers get a too-many-men penalty 6 minutes into the game.
Picture: Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk spoils an anti-gay rally.
...............................
Danny P. comes up huge with a playoff-beard piece during the intermission. ..............
The Pens power play decides to come out in the second and dominate. Gonchar shoots/passes it to Bing who one-taps in on net. Lundqvist finds himself in the wrong part of the neighborhood.
Mmmmmmmyyyeeeeeaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
On basically the next shift, Recchi takes another stupid penalty. Jaromir Jagr on the power play is illegal in 14 countries.
Peter Prucha dislodges Scuderi's prostate from his body, but then he misses the net entirely. Big PK.
Before you can think, Georges Laraque gets two minutes for not moving to the back of the bench.
After the Pens kill that penalty, they go insane. Easily 42 shots in the following 1:30. That flurry of shots and the cycling results in the Rangers taking another penalty.
Christensen gets a dose of how a goalie feels...when Whitney's shot on The Play(TM) douches him in the face.
Eaton, angry that he got snubbed for Pens MVP, rings one off the pipe at the end of the power play. Just be glad he didn't score. The Stock Market would probably crash.
Not entirely sure when this happened...but it happened at least 6 times.
Later on, Malkin gets interfered with. Thats not really big news, but the refs called it...and that is big news. And the Rangers pay.
Behind the net, Christensen passes it to Sid. Before Sid touches it, he passes it to Recchi. The pass was that quick. Recchi one-times it in. 2-0.
On the next shift, Eaton gets another opportunity close, in the high-slot. He shoots it...and it's possibly the worst shot of the season by a Penguin player.
The Rangers start jobbing and take yet another penalty. On their penalty kill, the Ranger's Matt Cullen gets a semi-breakaway. Eaton neutralizes the threat. MAF gives him a tap on the backside.
That was it. During intermission, Sean Avery tries to have sex with the Easter Bunny.
No thanks.
......................
Early in the third, the Rangers get a goal. Callahan came down the wing and fired it at MAF. The rebound finds Peter Prucha's stick.
2 - 1. Bodies everywhere.
Around this point in the game, the Pens see the Senators had beaten the Bruins. Knowing their fate is sealed, you have to think, for the first time this season, the Pens could seriously, truly relax and have some fun.
On the play following that, Crosby goes down semi-awkwardly. No injuries, please. The Pens go on the power play.
Crosby gets to walk in all alone but can't beat Lundqvist. Sean Avery's vagina hurts, and he starts messing with Bing. He even calls Sid a " feckin baby. "
" What? I can't hear you over the dude engraving my name on the Art Ross trophy. "
Avery's jobbing was not done. Ruutu and Jagr get into it again, and Avery comes over to protect Jagr. Ruutu drops the gloves, but Avery curls up like a joke.
Game.
Commentorblog
Anonymous said...
because of you guys, i called my girlfriend a jobber.
Starting September 1st, we will do a daily preview of every team in the NHL. We're gonna do the Western Conference first, to get those teams out of the way.
The best part: We will be giving notice to those respective teams' blogs when they're on the hot seat.
The Panthers were bored and decided to sign Stephen Weiss to a six-year deal. Picture: Panther fans can't wait for the new season
........................ No Pun Intended gives us this picture of Ducks backup goalie Ilya Bryzgalov: One of the great shirts of all time. We'd make fun of him, but he wouldn't be able to hear us. He has his Stanley cup ring in his ear.
Hey, dicks -- It was a wrister from the slot. get off my back. On the next shift, Gary John McLane Roberts goes insane. He dished out a huge check and drove to the net as Bing got the puck back to Joltin' Joe Melichar. Melichar must not be seeing right 'cause he hit the net with the shot. Gary Roberts is there to pick up the rebound. With more patience than Gregory House M.D., Roberts roofs it. 2-1 Pens.
Towards the end of the first, Daniel Alfredsson hooks Colby Armstrong and goes to the box. That was surprising because Alfredsson is usually nowhere to be found in April.
.......................................
Early in the second, Malkin misses the net on pretty much his only shot of the game.
Rob Scuderi, knowing that going an entire season without making a mistake would tip people off to him being immortal, backhands the puck 80 rows into the stands from his own zone. The Chokers go on the power play.
Ottawa can't get anything going early, but then Joe Melichar basically gets arrested -- six minutes of penalty time? Come on.
The Pens get a rush on the ensuing 5-on-3, but nothing happening. We could use it as an excuse, but the Pens were in their penalty-killing positions when O.J. Simpson tied it up a few moments later.
Next stop: 66 Mario Lemieux Place. Game One.
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5:35 left -- Chris Neil takes his seventh penalty of the game. Pens jump on the power-play.
Pens don't do anything. Then the Senators go insane. Shot, save. Shot, save. Shot, save. MAF blacks out from being too great.
Then Crosby flies into the Senators' zone and solid human being Chris Phillips has to hook him. 1:43 left. Power Play City.
Malkin forgets the Pens are on the power-play and punches someone in the mouth.
We're thinking the Haitian from "Heroes" flew in and erased Malkin's memory. April 23rd.
If you wanna talk about butterfly effects -- If Malkin doesn't take that penalty, the Pens don't do what they were about to do.
Colby and Max play around in the Senators' zone at the end of the game. Sens fans are cheering. They are about to clinch home-ice in the first round.
He lacks a penis, but TAL-BOT still was able to bang Ray Emery's wife. 3 - 2.
Game.
Commentorblog:
FritoWill said...
i almost died last night...my heart rate during the game was unreal.
the first during the interfearance, the scrapping, me yelling about no Lauaque, and some other stupid things.
The 2nd when hits were handed out like free sample day at Giant Eagle.
The third so happy with us on the PP, want to Kill Malkin when he took his penality, and of course when Talbot had the game winner.
i am no longer in Playoff condition, its been to long. I need to rest up and stock up for this playoff run.
Doritos and Pepsi, Pizza Joes with their new Wings, and i need to do voice exercises so when i scream at the top of my lungs (F you Ottawa when Talbot scores) it doesn't hurt so much.
sorry to gameday chat crew, i had to bail on the account that I may have punched the monitor if i didn't.
Fact: Ken Wregget played the entire 3rd OT against the Caps in 1996 with 1.3 gallons of feces in his pants. He's letting some loose in this never-before-seen photo.
........................................................ Speaking of choking. Wait nevermind
"Man, did I do a nice job of acting,'' Bettis wrote in the book, co-authored by ESPN.com national columnist Gene Wojciechowski. "The thing is, I wasn't faking that I had an injury. I was just faking that the injury happened on that short-yardage play. I had to fool the coaches and the team's medical department into thinking the injury had occurred on that play. Otherwise, the Steelers would have had their reason to cut me and my salary."
Apparently this was in 2000. Everyone knows the Steelers weren't going to cut Bettis. Looks like Bus's giant eagle contract ran out and he needs some cash money.
We'd pick up the book, but the last book we read was something from R.L. Stine 's Goosebumps.
The New York Times Best Seller list isn't a list of best sellers. It is a list of books that R.L Stine's Goosebumps are better than.
And we suppose while on the subject of writing.
Jobbers has been officially postponed indefinitely. We kind of hoped people forgot about it, but whatever. If you didn't know already, we never get anything done on time. We were supposed to finish goalie mask in march or something.
..................................... Sorry this post is short. But is it as short as Joe Hardy's marriage? ZINNNNNGGG Picture: Joe Hardy peeing into his colostomy bag.
"It's possible the details will come out in a book that Georgi's mother said Kristin is preparing to write using notes from her journal that she's kept over the past four months.Her mother said she moved out prior to Hardy filing the papers and wasn't aware he had decided to make the divorce official.Georgi's mother said she's surprised by all the attention the marriage attracted, but said that had nothing to do with their breakup."
Hockey season is the only thing that can save us. ..................................... Winter in the Sun Game #79 April 3, 2007 One Of Those Nights. PENS LOSE.
Every other blog is taking this dead time to deeply analyze everything under the sun.
We couldn't analyze our own stool. So whatev. Something we have actually been working on is our state-of-the-art Flash bar at the top. You can cycle through games, and we've added a monthly schedule.
Pictured with Sid are his first two scores of the new season. Who wouldn't plow that blonde?
In the article: "I’ve never been a rah, rah guy," Crosby shrugged. “I try to lead by example, and I’m looking forward to having some older guys on the team who I can learn from"
Found on that website, a poll
The 1980 U.S. Men's Olympic ice hockey team celebrates their exemption from this poll.
NHL Tournament of Logos has taken over the internet.
A bored Canuck fan got fed up with uniform and logo rumors, so they just made a hybrid of all 4 Canuck logos.
And it looks like the Penguin logo will be advancing to the second round of the tournament.
And guess who breaks out their uniforms today? ...........................................................
DoubtAboutIt has followed up their Against The Odds post with a tribute to One From The Heart. We were originally slated to make it, but as you know we get nothing done:
"It was here, amongst 16,000 Met Center Fanatics that the Pittsburgh Penguins discovered WHO. THEY. WERE...(footage of the penalty kill)...it was a BEAUTIFUL collective harmony of movement...it was the dance...of champions."
Also kudos to the boys over there for posting this up:
Since we're on the subject of YouTube. Reader Christina tipped us off to this.
What a nightmare. Leafs fans are having fun. Everyone is laughing. Slapping hands. You know who is not having fun?
All the baby seals the Maple Leaf fans kill. Dicks.
If the second period was frustrating, the third period was uplifting. The pens completely owned the entire period, sans a Maple Leaf Powerplay. MAF was solid, and the Pens kept pushing.
But Raycroft was out of his mind. It felt like the nothing was going to get past him.
But not so fast. The wizard of Croz scores a jobber goal in front, after Whitney gets it to the net. 4-3
The quick kick of the puck from his skate to his stick in 3 nano seconds, is why Crosby is a big deal.
But the refs get worried and call a penalty on Melichar with four minutes to play.
The Pens kill it.
The teams job around, and all of sudden there is one minute to play. Maf gets pulled. Empty net. Leafs get it. Miss. Pens turn it over. Leafs get it. Miss.
One last dance, Rex flips it into the corner. Gary Roberts is faster than a speeding bullet
He beats Bryant McCabe's ass, and gets the puck to Recchi.
Recchi to Gonch.
Tick-tick-tock-tick-tock
Gonch to Whitney Shoots Scores.
eyyahhhhh
four seconds left. Its been that kind of year.
But now it just gets wierd. After the four seconds roll off the clock to end regulation and the teams are ready for OT. There is a delay. A fan apparently collasped after the Penguins tied the game. Turns out he had a heart attack.
And by all accounts he was in trouble. We would make a joke..... It was probably Mats Sundin dad.
So after they pulled the lifeless body out of the stands, we go to OT. Crosby puts on his pumps, and is flying around. They can't score though. MAF does all he can, but the Leafs win a faceoff. Puck gets deflected
.................................. If this was mid-november we would have a segue into this next thing. Maybe show a picture or something about the Senators. And then say. Wow this is more homo erotic than the Brawny man. But its not, so oh well. Picture: The Brawny man is all smiles after making out with another man
................................. When we have sought the opinion of notable scholars in the past, we've chosen the likes of Sir Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, John Madden, and Beaker from the Muppet Babies.
" Diogenes, a beggar who made his home in the streets of Athens, made a virtue of extreme poverty. He taught contempt for human achievements and a return to animalism. His was a relentless campaign to debunk social values and institutions.
The most shocking feature of his philosophy is his rejection of normal ideas about human decency. Performance artist, exhibitionist and philosopher, Diogenes is said to have eaten (and masturbated) in the marketplace, urinated on the man who insulted him, defecated in the amphitheatre, and pointed at people with his middle finger. Sympathizers considered him a devotee of reason and an exemplar of honesty. Detractors have said he was an obnoxious ragpicker and an offensive churl.
The stories told of Diogenes illustrate the logical consistency of his character. He inured himself to the vicissitudes of weather by living in a tub belonging to the temple of Cybele. He destroyed the single wooden bowl he possessed on seeing a peasant boy drink from the hollow of his hands. When asked how to avoid lust of the flesh, Diogenes began to masturbate in answer. When rebuked for doing so, he replied, "If only I could soothe my hunger by rubbing my belly."
And he jobbed Alexander The Great at least twice:
The story goes that while Diogenes was relaxing in the sunlight one morning, Alexander, thrilled to meet the famous philosopher, asked if there was any favour he might do for him. Diogenes replied, "Stand out of my sunlight." Alexander still declared, "If I were not Alexander, then I should wish to be Diogenes."
In another account, Alexander found the philosopher rummaging through a pile of human bones. Diogenes explained, "I am searching for the bones of your father but cannot distinguish them from those of a slave."
WHAT A SLAM.
In addition, a depiction of Diogenes "Seeking an honest man" is prominent on the Led Zeppelin album "Four Signs" also known as Led Zeppelin IV. "
It is so overstated these days, but -- back in October, if you told people that that Pittsburgh Penguins would have 100 points on March 29th -- Someone would've beat you within an inch of your life and crapped in your pet's mouth. Good times.
But 45 seconds in, it looked like bad news. Andy Ference shoots one from the point, and Brandon Bochenski gets the rebound into an wide-open net. 1-0 Boston. After a delay while jobbers fixed the ice, Lance Armstrong knocks a shot out of mid-air past MAF. Tied.
Before you knew what was going on, the Pens come flying back into the Bruins' zone. Christensen fires another wrister past Tim Thomas. The best part was the awkwardness felt in the arena when the Boston P.A. announcer did his post-goal "wooo!" right after Christensen scored. Boston is a mess.
Later, Zdeno Chara, the 8th wonder of the world, trips over himself while Laraque was just chilling there.
You're black, so that's a penalty pal. Heil, Dave Lewis.
While the Bruins are on the power play, some monkeylicker hits Colby with a high stick.
That's legal.
The rest of the first was mud other than Zdeno Chara breaking out into the parking lot and flipping over cars onto 50 Causeway St. in downtown Boston.
Before we get to the second period, we wanted to wish the Bruins and their fans good luck on the golf course this off-season.
April 8th.
As back and forth as the first period was, the second was much more controlled. Both teams playing good defense. Midway through the second, the Pens get called for yet another too many men on the ice penalty.
do it.
MAF is focused and doesn't let the Bruins get anything going. Malkin comes storming out of the penalty...drops a pass to Army. Big Ben strikes one.
Towards the end of the period, the Bruins start coming in waves. They hit the post on consecutive shots, and almost score even after those two. Dave Lewis no question has rallied the troops.
This was only a matter of time. Don't be offended. We think every ethnicity and religion sucks.
The Pens fought back though. Malone made a nice move on a breakaway, but Thomas said no. Just before the period ended, the Pens drew a penalty. Nothing doing though, as Boston ace Dice-K struck out Malkin with the bases loaded to end the threat.
Dice-K strained his scrotum and didn't make it out for the third. ....................................................................
The third period opened with the Pens on the powerplay. But they couldn't get anything going. Tim Thomas woke up and actually started play halfway decent. After killing the PP, the Bruins gained the inevitable momentum.
Michel Ouellet helped out even more, as he mistakingly shot the puck into the stands from his own zone. But the penalty killers stood tall yet again. Ryan Malone fielded a puck with his glove and got it out of the zone.
Gotta make that play.
The teams continued to trade scoring chances, but the goalies were up to the task. Midway through, Joe Melichar got faceplanted into the boards, hitting his forehead on the crease of the boards on his way down. But he got up and laughed it off.
Joe Melichar might not be that great of a defenseman. But he is tougher than you are.
The Ruutu-Malkin-Laraque line generated some chances tonight. Laraque led Malkin on a sweet pass, but Andy Moog says no dice whitey.
Terrible goalie.
The hard work does pay off, though, as Aaron Ward takes his 400th penalty of the game. You could almost picture Gary Roberts drinking an I.C. Light and nodding his head in the press box.
The Pens PP looked even worse this time. But they keep jobbin around.
Right as the penalty ends, 87 finds 71. That was more insurance than State Farm.
Courtesy of "Three Stars" on LGP.com finding this:
Against The Odds on Youtube. The music, the narrator. Stunning. If youwere able to make a highlight reel of your life, you would want Earl Mann to do narrate it. The video is in different parts. Part 1
Part 2
Part 3 The Playoffs begin. What a opening montage.
Part4 Your computer might crash due to the emotion of Ron Francis taking over Game four. Maybe one of the most underrated moments in the history of Pittsburgh sports.
Part 5 1940 forever. WOW. At the 2:00 mark -- what a prediction What 66 did to Andy Moog was unreal. At the 7:45 mark. What a song.
Part 6 Sick. The 4:00 mark will tear you up. At the 8:08 mark is a Blackhawk fan that predicts the Penguins are gonna lose. Maybe the best moment in the history of film. Tommy B. in Game 3: Unreal.
at least 36 games will be in HD ...................................... Steelers play tomorrow night God only knows what is about to happen here. ..................................... Great idea Steve from Denver brought up. Who is the biggest douche is hockey past or present. We are going to compile a big list. A front runner will be Pat Verbeek. Mainly for taking this picture: What an asshole. You can find that shirt in the "poor as balls" section of Gabes. ............................... Winter in Sun Game #77 March 27, 2007 LOOKS LIKE WE MADE IT. LOOK HOW FAR WE'VE COME, MY BABY. PENS WIN.
Kind of fitting that we clinch our first playoff berth since 2001 with a come-from-behind win over the Washington Capitals.
Solid uniforms. The color scheme is returning for 07-08. If you don't think the Washington team's color scheme should be the America's red-white-and-blue, you're a mess.
We are told at the top of the broadcast that a Pens win puts them in the playoffs. No crazy tiebreakers and crap. Win and in.
About 5 minutes in, Semin explodes all over MAF's face. Ovechkin sets him up with a pretty pass in front, and Semin takes his time before burying it past Fleury. 1-0.
Five minutes after that, Boy Gordon from Culture Club scores on a trash rebound goal to make it 2-0 Caps.
The Pens don't know what's going on and call timeout. While everyone including Olaf Kolzig was watching them and waiting for them to fight, Therrien calls the Whitney Play (TM). Malone sets it up. 4-2.
Besides Caps' owner Ted Leonsis posing for pictures with fans, the rest of the second period was mud.
Picture: Morgan Rodgers poses with Cap owner Ted Leonsis during the second period. 4 seconds after this picture was taken, Morgan was covered in whale feces.
It felt like the third period of the Coyotes game. Okay, no one get injured. Please. No such luck. Gary Roberts hurt his leg. Don't worry -- he will heal himself. Steigerwald and Errey are just jobbing around, having a good time.
Wow. 7 minutes left out of nowhere.
Okay. 5 minutes left.
The only thing happening is the Let's Go Pens vs. Let's Go Caps chant battle.
Goal judge.
Orpik wakes everyone up again when he owns some monkey into the boards. The Capitals are on a power play to finish the game and pull Oli the Goalie.
UH-OH. Fleury gets interfered with on a Washington goal. What a blatant interference penalty. If a game in the playoffs is lost because of a no-call like that, science help whoever that ref is.
The Capitals get together for one last chance:
Picture: Head coach Glen Hanlon lays out some possible vacation spots for A.O. to watch the playoffs from.
Pictures of the Islanders new uniforms have sprouted up on Gore.
The white looks okay with the orange sleeves. The blue jersey looks depressed. And Rick DiPietro looking emo in that picture doesn't help.
.........................................
Speaking of semi-related Islander stuff. New friend Eddy Spaghetti blog made some iPhone wallpaper. Our favorite:
Gold.
.......................
Big Ben News reported the situation developing at the center position for the Steelers. Ben had something to say:
"ChukkyOkobi and free agent signee Sean Mahan are candidates for the Pittsburgh Steelers' starting center position. Quarterback Ben Roethlisberger isn't taking sides, or backsides: 'They have different styles, if you will. Their butts feel different, but you know what, they both do a great job, and I don't have a favorite, one or the other.' "
It's not even fair for us to say something after reading that. Anything we would want to say about that basically wrote itself.
.............................................
Rick Tocchet is facing sentencing on Friday for the gambling ring.
He most likely won't be getting jail time.
We need him to get out of coaching and back behind the bench of a team. That way, we could get ahold of him and ask him about the Game 7 goal.
......................................
Remember how everyone was pooping on Kevin Lowe?
"He's not doing anything against the system or behind the backs of anyone, and good for him," said Wayne Gretzky.
Well gee, if Wayne Gretzky said it's OK, it must be. Dick.
Wayne Gretzky with a little boy. You draw the conclusions.
Where is Gary Roberts in that logo? Hell maybe even Talbot.
Here is a interesting look at the schedule through the eyes of a Caps fan. [Caps Nut]
" Now a fair amount of this has to do with the NHL's current schedule format. There isn't a Caps-Kings game for somebody to pick up this year. But a quarter of the Flyers-Penguin Scum tilts will be on NBC. I can understand the "history" and "rivalry" but when was the last time the Penguin Scum and the Flyers were both in the playoffs? "
Our response to this:
Eat it. Call us Penguin scum when you actually win 30 games. Homo.
This would be different if your boys could've sealed the deal back in 92.
...................................
The always-informative Pens Insider breaks down his projected defense pairing for the Pens and the Baby Pens.
His last NHL game in Canada was on April 16, 1999, in a 2-2 tie with the Ottawa Senators, and his final game was a 2-1 overtime loss to the Pittsburgh Penguins on April 18. The national anthems in that game were adjusted to accommodate Gretzky's departure. In place of "O Canada, we stand on guard for thee", Bryan Adams sang "We're going to miss you Wayne Gretzky".[19]The Star-Spangled Banner, sung by John Amirante, was changed from "the land of the free" to "the land of Wayne Gretzky."
You never realize how big of a joke your life is until you run a hockeyblog and it's mid August. But there are things to do.......
Job Tour remix
It almost feels like we are a terrorist group when we claim a jobbing. But we visited our old friend Fedko tonight. We said we were mad at the Pirates for showing a Barry Bonds tribute and not showing Gary Roberts. We then said "Gary Roberts made Barry Bonds." It all got through. Expect the video on youtube later this week. PCNC does re-air the Fedko phoney zone at three or so in the afternoon.
Go Pens ....................................... Winter in the Sun Game #74 March 22, 2007 Dirty Deeds... Pens Lose 3 - 1 Well, right away, you could tell there was something weird about the ice. The paint on the ice was brighter than your balls. Then we are told that the Islanders put a new ice surface down.
Why change the ice now when you're moving into Running Bull Arena in the fall?
The Islanders came out flying tonight. They are fighting for their collective playoff lives. Unreal.
During the national anthem, Ricky D. thinks about how he is going to show off for some little boys tonight.
Not too much was happening early. Sidney Crosby played for about 8 seconds during the first 8 minutes.
Campoli tries to job Gonchar, but he gets caught.
Not much happened on that power play, other than Recchi forgetting what he's doing and brings an offsides call the Pens way.
The Pens take their 44th too-many-men-on-the-ice penalty of the season.
Huge save by Fleury on Miroslav Satan. How long has Satan been in the league? Who doesn't lift that puck?
With about 3 minutes left in the first, the My Two Sons line comes up big.
Talbot gets an unofficial assist on the goal. Roberts comes into the zone, dominates, and gets it over to Colby...who buries it. A loud "whooooooooooooo!" resonates throughout the Nassau Coliseum. Those away-team goal celebrations are what the playoffs are all about.
Ravishing Rick Rude celebrates the goal. Look at those pants.
Commentorblog:
Anonymous said...
Dudes! Please please PLEEZ keep up the pedophile and Injun jokes! AWESOME. How else would I know you were a bunch of flabby goateed losers who jerk off to YouTube videos because you're too cheap to pony up for pay-porn? And the Photoshop competition? AWESOME!!! Although why not just use scissors and Elmer's? Seeing as nobody KNOWS HOW TO USE THE FUCKING SCALE COMMAND.
You lost your wit. The homer/self-hating Burgher comes out when the Pens lose. Take a deep breath. And go fuck yourselves.
-- Frame One -- Larry Murphy wrists the puck towards the net on an upward trajectory.
-- Frame Two --
The puck continues as Ron Francis prepares to deflect it. Tocchet's stick, in his left hand, begins its descent. His right arm is being owned by an Islander.
-- Frame Three --
Immediately following Francis' deflection, the puck is redirected on an even sharper angle of upwards trajectory than Murphy's original shot. The puck is headed straight for the Islanders' crest on Glenn Healy.
-- Frame Four --
Contact is made. The actual contact cannot be seen on the grainy video on YouTube. Healy's jersey does not flutter.
-- Frame Five --
After contact, the puck takes an immediate plunge to the ice and bounds into the net.
Hypothetically, the puck could have grazed off of Healy's jersey. But the puck's continued momentum into the net after such contact cannot be explained within the laws of physics.
Sir Isaac Newton, thoughts?
What a goal by Tocchet.
.......................................................... Back in October '06, we did the Magnitogorsk Redemption.
Back to that picture. A lot of people love to forget Gonch and Malkin had 140 points between them last year. Malkin is going to be have a huge year, if John Leclair doesn't try to kill him again.
And honestly, isn't it time to finally accept Gonchar? Sure he has the occasional breakdowns, but who doesn't. When you pound home 67 points and play in all 82 games as a defenseman, you are solid.
"The Penguins ... there are a lot of great young players there, and they have a great future. I can be proud of that," Patrick said Friday prior to serving as keynote speaker at a UPMC-sponsored student-athlete leadership academy at Robert Morris.
Throughout all of history there may have never been a more mysterious GM. Perhaps Patrick set the bar way too high for himself with the trades he made in '91 and '92. To this day, the mere mention of his name can set off debates about his legacy.
All we can say is that without him, those two Stanley Cup banners wouldn't be there.
But in the end, no matter how you feel, it was time for a change. Which is interesting if you read into this:
Patrick wouldn't say if he's bitter with Lemieux after the Penguins' co-owner decided not to renew the former general manager's contract."It is nice to get a break once in a while," Patrick said. "I am anxious for another challenge."
One day, we will have to deal with Craig Patrick again. You could imagine him sitting in his house, with a bottle of scotch and picture of Ray Shero saying " I will take those bastards apart piece by piece--PIECE BY PIECE!"
" So if you’re wondering where the next great youth movement in the NHL is going to take place, where the kids are going to fill the rinks with energy and exuberance, look no further than the Windy City. A lot of losing got the Hawks a lot of high draft picks. And going intro the 2007-08 season, Chicago just might start seeing the fruits of all that futility. "
Go Hawks. If you don't know about Martin Havlat, get ready for him.
The Senators new logo on the left. The main change is the red collar around the dude.
The "SJ" in the new Sharks logo. What a find by Chris from nhlLogos.
Seemingly a lot of people missed the boat on this one, but we were recently brought to the attention of the gray "H" in the Whaler logo. Just makes you wonder what other gems are hidden in NHL logos.
And here's a big uh-oh for Pens fans. If you remember when the new jerseys were leaked, we didn't see the front logo. And the Pens website uses a favicon that looks like a new eye of the Penguin.
There's no way in hell that this would happen with 66 at the helm.
" On May 14, 1993, Tocchet scored the tying goal with 1:00 left in Game 7 against the New York Islanders. Although it is thought that Penguins center Ron Francis was the goal scorer, replays conclusively show that Tocchet re-directed the Ron Francis deflection past goaltender Glenn Healy. The Penguins went on to lose in overtime. "
1985 - Japan Airlines Flight 123, a Boeing 747 jumbo jet, crashes into Mount Ogura in Gunma Prefecture, Japan, killing 520 in the world's worst single-plane air disaster. Four people miraculously survive.
Those four people: Gary Roberts, Mark Eaton, Nicholas Cage, and Sheldon Ingram from WTAE.
can someone explain how the sens are 2nd on tsn's power rankings when the pens have matched them more than point for point over the past month on top of beating them twice ??
Scales of Justiceblog On Thursday Chris Chelios testified at a double-homicide trial. Chelios was called to testify that he spoke by phone on his way to hockey practice with a manager at his restaurant minutes before someone fatally stabbed her and a chef.
Justin Blackshere, is accused of the crime and has admitted to doing it.
No real point to this story. It's just funny that since Chris Chelios gets away with murder 82 nights a year, he would say anything.
That's a tasteless joke, we do apologize. Murder is no laughing matter. But getting away with it is.
....................................
Pizza hut is now the offical Pizza of the Penguins. "Jerry Buss, president of Aurora Huts LLC, purchased the majority of the Pizza Hut restaurants in the Pittsburgh area in March. He said in a statement that Pizza Hut foods will be sold in the Penguins' current home, Mellon Arena, when the 2007-2008 season kicks off "and will continue to follow them into their future home across the street."
If you aren't excited to eat a personal pan pizza next year, you can't be helped.
A huge thanks to our new friend, Gabor from Hungary, for pointing this out. He was nice enough to make this sick logo as well. ..........................................
Could you imagine if beer distributors adopted this idea come playoff time? Stunned.
......................
More on Steely McBeamGate
Further checking into Steely's past revealed a brief stint with the Village People. The Steelers had no comment.
(Canaan) ................................
We have looked long and not so hard for when the official start to Pens training camp is. Does anyone know?
We do know the Ottawa Senators will be starting the first week of September. Some of their stars actually got together this week for some offseason workouts. (D. Ausk) ..............................
"We all know they can score goals; we have to take advantage of their defence," Carbonneau said. "They like to go on the offensive and all five players join the rush. They like to take chances. We have to take advantage of the mistakes they make and get a lead on them early so they have to play catch-up."
-- Guy Homobonneau
Yeah, that almost worked.
( Justin )
Huge game tonight. Montreal was in a must-win position. Somehow Dandenault forgot about that, and he took a penalty ten seconds in. Nothing rolling for the pens. Gary Roberts gets called for being to cool. 2 minutes -- box.
Montreal jobs around and the Pens kill it.
Bing gets the puck at center ice as Montreal decides to have a meeting in their own zone to talk about how gay they are. Crosby takes a dump in Sheldon Souray's mouth, and everyone else stands there and watches. David Aebischer is a joke. 1-0.
Because of the goal, Aebischer's girlfriend breaks up with him.
Crosby. Sick. I remember some guy wearing 66 making moves like that a few years ago...
Speaking of 66, I finally met another hockey fan in Korea today. Best part is? He is a tailor. I was out looking for someone to make me some Pens sweaters, and what do you know? So I ordered a 1986 Mario Lemieux throwback jersey. Custom made just for me. I finally found something I like about Korea (45 bucks, who's jealous? HA)
But seriously, I remember last season, and at this point, we were cheering for Sid to get to 100 points. I would get so excited if we would just win a game every now and then. This season, I don't expect them to lose. This team is so exciting...And the Tournament is just around the corner. Outstanding. I am so excited about this team...
Helen Keller's submission in the Steelers mascot contest turns out to be the winner.
STEELY McBEAM Should've just named it Art. Or Gary Roberts.
Thoughts from Mascotblog:
"What a joke."
"Call me when you're in a movie. Dick."
"No Comment."
There are several embarrassing things about this Steely Mcbeam thing.
The first being that they let a 16-year-old girl name it.
Secondly, for the standard touchdown celebration what is this mascot going to do? Is it gonnamake a workshop in the back of the endzone and mold steel? Is it gonna go into a trailer and listen to Hank Williams, Jr.?
What a mistake by the Steelers. Especially when you realise that they didn't do a background check on Steely Mcbeam.
In a story you will find only on The Pensblog, we found the real Steely Mcbeam.
His real name is Lewis Martin from Swissvale. And he has a criminal rap sheet longer than Big Ben's injury list.
According to documents obtained by The Pensblog, Steely Mcbeam has been charged with the following crimes.
The third period began with the score still 1-0. Halfway through the third, Lance Armstrong makes another appearance. Ruutu is on acid and hits Christensen with the pass.
Goooooaaaaallllll. ( Steve Craig )
It was now 2-0. The Devils offense was nowhere to be found.
Dora was stunned when she could not find any offense.
its definitly a crazy world- we sell out all our games yet we were still treated to the thought that the pens would be leaving to greener pastures, meaning farmland behind cousin jimbobs doublewide, but the devils have one of the best goalies ever, dont even fill half the arena, yet they get treated to a new arena... which prices are supposed to jump 9 billion percent, jokes on kansas city now i guess
Did this guy register a blogger account for one post?
In terms of selling out, Gretzky beats out Gordan Bombay in D2, but only because Bombay realized the error of his ways. One of the great acting performances of the 21st century
*Update. Since the aftershock of Estevez's performance registered a 0.5 earthquake in Bern Switzerland on January 11, 2002, it qualifies as being in the 21st century.
........................
The 2008 Beijing Olympics are 365 days away.
Picture: Olympics officials preparing for Gary Roberts' arrival.
What a stadium.
Too bad Beijing officials are jobbers:
" The new toilet facilities built in the Beijing stadiums can no longer be used by regular Chinese citizens living or working in the area. Concerns have been raised by Communist party officials that the hygiene issues of local citizens would affect the Beijing Olympic image. There is now a penalty of 100 to 500 yuan imposed on any Chinese locals caught using the bathrooms. "
Picture: Xiang Zimmy celebrates after taking a dump in one of the toilets and running away.
2. “With the brass of a riverboat gambler, Craig Patrick pulled the trigger on another blockbuster trade.”
It is easily the best post by a Pittsburgh blog in the Pens offseason. We've been given permission by the author to do a "One From The Heart" list. Coming soon.
Melichar and Scuderi are both on the plus side in the plus minus department this season. Nasreddine is in at an impressive + 12. Whitney and Eaton are even and Gonch is a minus 7.
Scuderi is actually 4th on the team in +- and is averaging about 20 minutes per game over this 10 game stretch.
Melichar is -6 over the past 10 games but is playing almost 23 minutes per night and is paired up with Gonchar on the top offensive unit. Eaton is widely recognized as our top defenseman and he is only even, and he normally plays with Gonch.
As far as I'm concerned, there is nothing wrong with the defensive performance that our players have been putting up. They're playing to their ability and actually doing an admirable job if you consider the fact that they play on a team that is 4th in the NHL in goals scored.
Let's face it, this is a team built around offense and putting the puck in the other team's net. We do have three first rounders in Gonchar, Whitney and Orpik. However, Melichar(3rd), Scuderi(5th), Eaton(undrafted), and Nasreddine(6th) are doing an admirable job considering their potential coming into the NHL. In the salary cap era, who else could you honestly see coming in here and filling in their roles?
Patrick was aware yesterday that he will be criticized in many circles for parting with Jagr for three little-known players, but he asked for patience from the team's fans.
"I'd say five years," Patrick said. "Give it time."
"I've noticed in my short time with Craig Patrick that, if you watch him, he doesn't make many bad deals," MacLean said.
A center so promising, in fact, that[Greg] Malone quickly concluded the Penguins had absolutely no hope of getting him with their first-round draft choice, which turned out to be the 18th overall.
"I said, 'We'll never see this kid,' " Malone said yesterday. "Not unless we trade up.' "
Patrick described Beech, the best of the three, as a "Ron Francis-type," which is quite a mouthful. Of course, being a Ron Francis-type and performing like a Ron Francis, a certain Hall of Famer, are two different things. Beech played for Calgary in the Western Hockey League last season and was the team's fourth-leading scorer.
What a bad time to be alive. ......................................
Although if he does get signed, no one will be mad because a) the Pens aren't leaving b) it's not our money c) The Pens power play would execute at a 70% clip.
Winter in the Sun Game #68 March 10, 2007 Solid Comeback. PENS WIN. 3 - 2 OVERTIME
A late Marek Malik slashing penalty in the second period gives the Pens a power play to start the third. The Pens don't get anything out of it. And that's when boos from Pens fans were audible (probably from all the people who scream "shoot".) Are you serious?
It goes without saying that the entire string of comments in the previous post are going to be eliminated.
A very embarrassing display.
KM,
Everyone in Commentorblog gave you the benefit of the doubt when you came over here. We aren't harboring you as a fugitive. LetsGoPens management knew we couldn't judge you.
But now you have confirmed it for us.
You got to learn when people are joking.
Do you see anyone else taking shots at people like you do?
Jonny V. is a solid Commentorblog jobber if you want a role model. He brings the pain when it has to be brought, but retains courtesy.
Gary Roberts has a poster of Canaan in his bedroom.
And while we aren't his biggest fans, this is a solid idea. He wants to know "Why your team is better than the 2007 Steelers."
Of course, being that we don't root for anyone besides the Steelers, we decided to tell him why the 2007 Penguins are going to be better than the Steelers. And being that he hates us, and rightfully so, we figured he won't have guts to post it on his site. So we will post it here instead.
..........................
Now, as always, you must remember that we are Steeler fans -- have been since we were 5 years old and the Steelers had a magical ride in the 1989 playoffs.
Never should've lost to John Elway.
And we firmly believe that you can be fans of all three sports here in Pittsburgh.
The 2007-08 Penguins > 07-08' Steelers
Reasons Why:
5. Sidney Crosby is better than the Big Ben. 4. Pens play a harder schedule.
3. Pens fans will be in better shape to cheer when it matters.
2. Better Ownership.
Mario Lemieux has scored 690 more goals than Dan Rooney.
Number 1 reason.
Because of that stare.
Go Pens.
...........................
Anyways, nothing going on.
Except for some jobber coming into Commentorblog to plaster his new blog. Just e-mail us if you're gonna start a blog. We'll mention it without jobbing you (maybe).
"You would be able to say what you like and don't like," said Urban Design Planning representative Don Carter. "I think people, for the first time, understood where the building was going to go, and (I) think it was very enlightening for a lot of people."
In case anyone was interested, we have an idea where the arena will be.
Is this right or wrong?
This was the one sketch we could find that gives a proportional view of the arena.
Another view from Jake Wheatley's house Oh wait, it must be on the other side. Sorry Jake. .....................................
CBS SportsLine grades the Atlantic Division's offseason moves.
Winter in the Sun Game #67 March 8, 2007 Point Taken. PENS WIN.
4 - 3 SHOOTOUT
Emily Pandolfo scored her first career field-hockey goal on MAF's sister in 2004.
The third period commences, and the Devils start clamping down the trap.
Devils coach Claude Julien invites little boys over to play MouseTrap at his house. If the boys lose, they are molested. Claude Julien's record: 120-0.
Mayhem ensues in the closing minutes. Malkin being taken down along the boards brought everyone in the Mellon to their feet, screaming.
Rasmussen takes a cheap shot on Rex.
Rafalski takes a cheap shot on Malkin. Malkin responds with an elbow.
Malone plants Jonny Oduya with an inverted DDT.
People start getting out of the way of Gary Roberts. Bodies, sticks, elbows flying everywhere.
Colby delivers the knockout punch on Brad Lukowich. Lukowich is down on the ice, while the entire Mellon Arena crowd is still on their feet...and booing. Great sight.
"The Devils will trap until the rapture..." Or until the fateful day that Brodeur hangs up his skates and decides to become a full time refrigerator magnet salesman. Awesome game, esp. the last two minutes, I love to see that type of hockey without players actually getting hurt, or taking hockey sticks from a two handed slash from a Native American.
Tiffany, u have me convinced that you are Pensblog's answer to Adam Sandler. How u come up with those lyrics so quick is a gift, you've been blessed girl.
And at least there was "substantial progress", instead of quotes saying that it was all for naught. Like a few of yinz said, until those moving vans come to the Igloo, there is still hope!
First things first. Ben Roethlisberger leads the Steelers to a touchdown on his only drive.
Solid Although he needs to lose the whole cheerleader act on the sidelines.
The real story is how great of a human Mike Tomlin is. Pregame interview: "Coach, do you feel pressure, coming in after legendary Bill Cowher?"
"Pressure is feeding your family."
What a quote. Hopefully he won't lose eight AFC championship games at home.
We were going to recap the game, but we didn't want to step on the toes of our good friends at Steelersblog. Their recap will be up soon. So check it out.
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Joe Dziedzic update. Rumor has it he may have been on Fox News or CNN again this morning.
In case you missed it last night:
Dziedzic, the former all-time jobber for the pens, captured the tragic Minnesota bridge collapse on video. Is it to much to ask for Shelly Anderson to do a story about this? Someone needs to look into that.
In the meantime... Joe Dziedzic stats. What a lackluster career. ...........................
As always, we must continue to say how tremendous NHL Logos is: His latest find:
Those are both proposed logos and jerseys submitted by fans/allegedly leaked.
The Maple Leafs jersey looks perfect. A nice modern update.
It's questionable whether or not the Islanders would abolish their legendary logo for these. But don't forget they tried it once in the 90s with this guy:
You talk fishsticks, you talk Gorton's.
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We're dominating the entire Internet, looking for NHL news. And it just isn't there.
So it's Pictureblog
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We are looking to extend our NHL blog network for the season. Drop us a line(k) if we haven't linked you. Or conversely, if anyone out there would like to share some good NHL blogs, let us know.
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Winter in the Sun Game #66 March 6, 2007 Don't Give Up. PENS WIN.
5 - 4 SHOOTOUT
And early on, the Pens came out flying.
They were rewarded with a Colby Armstrong goal that gave the Pens a hollow lead. Coming out in Canada and silencing the Senators fans? That's clutch.
Almost as clutch as Kurt Russell landing that plane at the end of "Executive Decision."
So we're feeling good. Everything going nice. Ottawa doesn't even manage a shot on goal for the first eight minutes.
Then, everything collapses faster than Nelly's music career:
BGL gets called for being black. Sens score. The defense falls asleep. Sens score. MAF falls asleep. Sens score.
He just appeared on Fox News, because he captured amateur video of the Minnesota bridge collapse. Dziedzic is from Minnesota. He was wearing a Penguins sweatshirt. More details as they come in. Stunned .............................................
It is pretty safe to say August is going to be the worst month of the offseason.
Really nothing going on at all. You know it is bad when you get stuck watching a Hallmark Channel movie. You haven't tasted desperate until you've watched a potential sex scene with Tom Selleck and Mimi Rodgers. Bad times. This movie was as good as the Toronto Maple Leafs in the playoffs last season. .................................
He's a free agent currently and is deciding whether or not to return to the NHL. Simong Gagne wants him to come to Philly. There are rumors that Detroit wants him.
But he has strong feelings for Colorado. Colorado is $5.6 million under the salary cap.
Check out that dude in the white shirt behind Sakic.
Recchi forgets what to do on a breakaway and Biron just blows the puck from his crease. Sid then flies into the net. It looked like he got shot out of that big slingshot that the Pens cheerleaders use between periods.
NBC apparently doesn't find it necessary to show the power play clock for the entire game.
After that, you just knew the Pens probably wouldn't get a better chance on the power play...and they didn't. MAF morphs into Tom Barrasso and gives up an awful goal on another stupid bounce.
Picture: Derian Hatcher's wife throws up in excitement after the Flyers scored.
Commentorblog
Anonymous said...
Big question for you guys, do the Heatley jokes unretire for a night?
A. Punch a woman B. Vomit C. Drink yourself to sleep
(If you can do it in that order, your name is Martin Brodeur.)
It all started out pretty well, with the Pens and Canes going back and forth.
Eric Staal and Jordan Staal got to face each other again. Most likely the most important sibling rivarly since Tia banged Tamara's boyfriend on "Sister Sister." Your 15 minutes are up, bittchezz.
The Pens came out throwing the body again. BGL lit up Rob "The Bod"Brindamour. The only bad part of the hit was that Brindamour would return.
Body by Jake flew in to makeout with Brindamour so he could return to play.
The Pens kept the pressure up, and some player wearing number 87 scored to beat Cam Ward. Rumor has it that the player wearing 87 now has 200 career points. FSN has yet to confirm.
The rest of the period was Penalty City. The Hurricanes may be the biggest babies in the entire NHL.
The second period gave us the typical two-minute Penguins meltdown. Scott Walker and his huge nose scored a goal, and then some jobber beat Thibault.
said
FaceFromRaleigh said...
I was able to attend the game last night, and all I can say is, we have the wrong Whitney, the wrong Staal, and the wrong goalie. If we don't get some goaltending, we're more done than dinner...
But here's all you need to know: Student Rush is all but history.
There's some bullcrap about text messages and raffles and crap for student rush. It was great while it lasted. But the fairweather fans are swooping in to get tickets.
Without those fans buying up season tickets and showing overwhelming fan support, the Pens may not even be here, so eh.
pens87 -- how is roberts different from a leclair??
pfim -- Comparing him to Gary Roberts is a joke. Loaf31 -- I HATE this trade
Kovy27 -- I personally like this deal. Roberts gives us a gritty, leader type player who has experience in the playoffs. He is someone who will go infront of the net...I like that, we don't really have anyone who will do that.
tluke53 -- Roberts, is not going to make a big impact on the Pens, unless he is being brought in to replace Oulette on the second line. He does provide more scoring depth as a third liner. My opinion is that this move is meaningless unless it accompanies another trade.
44bash -- Welch for a rental... no thanks, Roberts has 13 goals all season, and I didn't see him skating all that fast. Is he really going to be able to keep up with Crosby?
HockeyDaddy -- Not happy giving up Welch for a 40 year old.
Jesse--I guess his age is making me hesitant. To be honest, I haven't noticed Roberts much this year, so I can't really comment. But his leadership, alongside Rex, is invaluable. Most accounts say his intensity is still unmatched. Bowser--I'm heading out for a few hours thanks for a promotion announcement but I would expect something to break within the next 2 hours about Roberts and Malone deals. Zscout -- The Pens should also bring back Leclair. With Leclair and Roberts, the Pens would corner the market on *has been* power forwards.
Paul Baxter -- I would rate this deal somewhere between "Lost a little too much" and "Utter disaster". This trade is just stupid, IMHO. Moreover, Roberts is washed up at 40
bigkam -- Way too much for a 40 yr old rent-a-player. Anyone who argues this was a good deal is completely missing the potential with Welch, and the fact that Roberts will be gone in 2 months.
Draftnik- How many Toronto ML playoff games did you watch between 01 and 04? I watched nearly every one. Roberts brings a presence, intensity, intimidation, attitude, grit, etc that can't be quantified. Toronto beat an infinitely more talented Ottawa team twice because Roberts led a team wide effort to scare them. He could pass on some invaluable lessons to the Pens on what it takes to be successful in the playoffs. He would be valuable even if he didn't score a goal.
netwolf- I don't like giving up Welch for a rent-a-player. I do have some doubts as to whether or not he is the player in question. First, that would contradict the TSN report that said the Pens would be giving up a young roster player with potential. Welch isn't a roster player; he's in the minors. Second, Welch is hurt right now. He might very well be concussed, though WB officials have not characterized his injury as such. I'd prefer EC to be the guy. I like him, but I don't see how he fits into the team long term. Moving him for Roberts would bump Malone to the ECs spot on LW with Talbot and Armstrong and that make the forwards better overall IMO. Welch does still have a spot in the team's future plans IMO. And though this point will be largely missed by most people, Welch not being up here has more to do with contracts than his play, not that he's performed at an All-Star level to this point. Scuderi and Melichar are on one-way deals. Nasreddine is subject to waivers. Welch is on a two way and is exempt from waivers.
Welch was told by management coming in that due to his contract status, he would be shuttling back and forth. .............. From Empty Netters-- Say what you will about the Penguins, they definitely added a physical element in both Laraque and Roberts. Laraque's probably the best fighter in the league and Roberts won't back down from anyone. (Solid) .....................
From Commentorblog:
Karri -- No, Ray Shero can't be that dumb.
A "young roster player"? Welch? I don't know if I even like that. Roberts born on May 23, 1966, is at the end, or past the end, of his career.
Tiffany -- Karri, That's true....why would we want a 40 year old?? Maybe Welch just needs some time to improve his game.
Shanna -- Now Noah, I wasnt to big on him anyway so I'm ok with dealing him. But for a guy that's almost retired?
Justin -- did the pens bring back craig patrick to work on these deals? WTF????????
Loser Chris -- Roberts is the wrong guy to bring into this locker room. He's a "me guy" not an "us guy". Proof:
- He spent too much time in Toronto when they were an embarrassment to the league recently. I'm sure there are refs that still carry a grudge against him. - When Ron Francis signed with Carolina, Roberts wouldn't let him have his number 10. - When Roberts then signed with the Leafs, he bugged Lanny McDonald to let him wear his retired number 7.
Is that the type of guy you want coming into this locker room right now? I sure would prefer him to stay put where he is. I'm sure there are other options out there for moving Welch if Shero is really determined to do so.
Antonette -- This is a ridiculous Craig Patrick trade. Lets send MAF down to the Q while we're at it.
rachel -- Go away Roberts!
seth -- roberts can suck my left nut. i dont like the deal one bit.
Andrew -- i don't like this trade with Roberts one bit.
loralei -- Seriously. I think I automatically hate Gary Roberts. Unless he removes his face to reveal that he is really Ron Francis in disguise there is really nothing about that trade that i like.
dogwithshftyeyesdealing --welch is a smart move for us, he cant even crack out top 7 d men right now. let alone when letang gets here. welch's ship has sailed
Nice.
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The most recent soap opera in the National Hockey League has come to an end.
Picture: Islanders coach Ten Nolan shares notes with The Lone Ranger prior to Thursday's game.
What resulted was the most inspiring shorthanded performance the world has seen since the drummer from Def Leppard.
Jordan Staal uses his Bunyan to own Cullen and then pops it in to make it 2-1. There have been a lot of huge goals scored this season. Don't forget this one.
Check out Danny Potash. He is all business.
Commentorblog:
Anonymous said... Roberts is money. Anyone over 35 that can play in the NHL and hit like that is alright in my book.
Staal never seems rattled, he just seems like he is taking it all in, but somehow always manages to come up with clutch goals when the team needs a boost.
Sarge's wrister tonight brought my neighbor (who claims to like the Caps as much as the Pens, how that is humanly possible is beyond me)very close to shedding a tear. -eric .........................................
After the $500,000 Avery will probably pay in fines this year, he'll be making roughly $1.4 million.
After all that jobbing at the arbitration hearings, it's gotta be awkward.
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No malice is intended here, but when you hear about something collapsing in Minneapolis, you instantly think of the 1991 Minnesota North Stars in Game 6.
Our thoughts and prayers are with Minnesota tonight.
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In 1995, this would have been sweet. Not anymore. It's kind of sad. James Farrior is a solid football player. But you'd have to believe this guy is the only person on Earth to have James Farrior tattooed on himself.
The rest of second was a nightmare. Malkin, the only one who looked fresh, hit the post streaking down the left wing. Brodeur was as solid as ever. He's been motivated ever since his wife left a message for him on the fridge last week.
Towards the end of the period, Homo Scott Gomez took a penalty. All of a sudden, there was hope for the third.
When playing the Devils, it's hard to tell if your team is not playing well or if they just can't get it going. " Man we are so awesome "
The Pens killed it off and gained some momentum from the penalty kill. An Armstrong hit and Talbot laying his life on the line brought some life to the team.
No truth to the rumor that Talbot blocked the shot that could've killed Reagan. Look at that dude with the gun.
this blog is so stupid. all you do talk about yourselves. you guys don't have girlfriends. and you don't have lives. you're angry at everyone because you are losers.
I read three "posts" and was sick to my stomach.
Paul Kukla linked some blogs on NHL.com today, and thank God yours wasn't on there. This blog does Pittsburgh a lot of shame.
Everyone here, Confessions of a Hockey Fanatic is the best Penguin blog out there. I suggest you start reading that. The writer blogged for charity a couple days ago. That's more noble than what is going on here.
You guys are going straight to hell.
Yessssssssssss.
We never talk about ourselves. Except for that sentence. And that one. And that one. Adam runs Girlfriendblog. Derek runs Singleblog. And we don't have lives. Never have.
As for Paul Kukla, we doubt an NHL.com blog is going to link to this site.
As for Confessions, it was around before our time. It's untouchable.
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As always, if you come here for breaking news, you're a mess.
"Avery is not a mature player. He plays, at times, like an individual rather than a member of a team," the Rangers said of Avery. "This is sometimes referred to as an inability to see the ice, and in Avery's case this seems to fit with his overall approach to the game."
Avery, who received plaudits from both the team and his fellow Rangers for his play, was stunned upon hearing the team's evaluation of him.
"I have no idea what to say," Avery, who went into the hearing seeking $2.6M, wrote in an e-mail to The Post following the hearing in Toronto. "I don't know what this was about.
"I'm shocked."
Sean Avery is a joke.
Avery (far left) helped to silence the Pirate bats in the early '90s. Maddux is all business.
Also, The Great Homo made waves recently when he recorded a video message to Barry Bonds that was played at a Giants game.
"Hey Barry, Wayne Gretzky here. On behalf of my wife and kids we want to congratulate you on a job well done, but remember don't stop there and we'll be rooting for you as you chase down history."
We got nothin to say. Moving on.
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AOL Fanhouse -- NHL, which we have started visiting recently, is pretty sharp. We found this pic on there of those '96 Panthers.
Game.
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We're out of the Wikipedia business, but we periodically check Gary Roberts' page. Go there.
The Rangers re-signed Marcel Hossa to a one-year deal. The terms were undisclosed. But using the recent signings in the NHL as a benchmark, Hossa's 18 points are worth $11 million per year.
MMMMMYYYYYEEEAAARRRRGHHHHH
Speaking of the Rangers. Adrienne from commentorblog recently visited MSG and took a nice picture for us: Gold .............................................
As you can imagine, there's a lot of terds out there who are photoshopping new-uniform concepts to try and dupe fans on the internet.
But since the buck stops at that blog when it comes to uniforms, the author jobs everyone's feeble attempts.
This picture of a Stars jersey was leaked recently. That isn't pretty.
Stars fan Ronald M. reacts to the leak.
But hold on. Look at the official picture of the Bruins released RBK jersey. You'll notice all the creases and everything are the same as the Stars jersey, even the strings. A solid photoshop job. But it's a hoax.
And is this a hoax? That's pretty solid. Vancouver is releasing their new logo and jersey on Wednesday.
But wait.
Are the creases the same as this official Capitals jersey? Conspiracies abound that the jobbers behind the Canucks jersey printed out their photoshop, and placed the piece of paper behind of piece of glass to give it a hazy feel.
We spend about 2 hours and change every night getting things together for a post. But if you would go through all that to trick the 11 Canucks fans out there, you need to reassess your existence.
"News anchor Don Cannon appeared dishevelled and unable to read the TelePrompTer during KDKA-TV's 6 p.m. Saturday broadcast, prompting calls from viewers to the station as well as e-mails and calls to the Post-Gazette. Cannon did not appear on later newscasts and was also off Sunday."
We have tried to track down the footage of this meltdown. It is like the newscast never existed.
If you heard someone singing after the Richards goal, it was this thing. Holy shittttt.
Commentorblog
John said...
The Penguins just didn't have their usual heart. They have had an exhausting schedule until now. I just hope this was one bad game before they gear up for their March schedule because it looks vicious.
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because of you guys, i called my girlfriend a jobber.