Monday, April 30, 2007

Deep Blue Sea


The nightly recap would've been out sooner, but everyone was throwing up because Heroes was insane tonight.

We are recapping the Season Finale on May 21...
If we all can stay alive during it.
What a show.


Picture: The most desirable thing in the world right now.
And the chick from Heroes.

.........................................................................

The biggest battle on Monday night other than Peter Petrelli vs. Sylar was Ottawa vs. New Jersey.

Senator Nation was beyond excited for the game.


Picture: Live look into the press room at the Ottawa Sun.

Nothing but a classic defensive battle to start out with.
Brodeur was his usual money-in-the-bank self.
Ray Emery, to his credit, was equal to the task.
In the third period, things were more serious than the opening of Rescue 911




Ottawa gets a break when some jobber trips Broduer.
Tom Preissing puts the puck were daddy keeps the PCP (top shelf).


Paul Martin = (Synonym of stunned)

The Devils get a bunch of chances, but no dice.
The Senators defense could be likened to Mother Theresa's vagina.


No entry.

The Sens ward off one last rush.
Devils can't keep the puck in the zone.
Empty net.

Ottawa sucks

The Devils are sinking faster than Jack Dawson at the end of Titanic.
Sens up 2-1 in the series.

.................................................
Great game in San Jose tonight

Solid board game by Milton Bradley.

The Red wings got off to a fast start tonight
Nicklas Lidstrom blows one by Evgeni Nabokov.
1-0
But the Sharks are tough to beat on home ice.
They tie the game early in the third on a nice goal by some jobber.


And then Kris Draper takes a bad penalty.
Jonathan Cheechoo takes over:

"Wonder if he hit anyone from behind when he celebrated his goal"
2-1

Detriot came roaring back, but they finally succumbed to the death.


.............................
Some Deliveries


.
......The Hockey news names Crosby the NHL's best player. Malkin, Staal and Lord Therrien get some love


... The NHL announces the finalist tomorrow for their awards..

.....Rumors floating around of a possible 15- year deal for Sid.

.....Rumors also floating around that Ronald McDonald got arrested in Mt. Oliver today


...................................
Lets fly in to Moscow


The Wright Brothers got lucky

At the World Championships

Sweden rocked Lativa 8-2

Canada gets by Norway 4-2
Switzerland squeaks by Italy 2-1

Some other teams played, but who cares.

......................................................

May 2 11:00pm


The over/under for Steeler mentions is 14.
.................................

Cannot believe we forgot this last night.
Days 11-12
........................
Photoshop cred
Shark----Jerry Scott
Ottawa fan-----Sparticus

Skating Days

Solid weekend for the NHL...and hockey in general.


First.
On Sunday, Madison Square Garden had its biggest, most important event since the Muppets raised 2.7 billion dollars for aids with a sold-out, 5-hour epic concert that made Woodstock look like a Povertyneck Hillbillies concert.


Kermit the Frog's acoustic version of "The Rainbow Connection" later became an anthem for homosexuals everywhere.

On to the game.
Biggest game of the season for the Rangers, and they knew it.
We all have are opinions of Jaromir Jagr, but if you don't think he is a big-time player, you're insane.
Double J came out with flying and scored the all-important first goal.


Another thing no one will ever doubt:
tucked in shirt = homo

The teams jobbed the rest of the first.

Andy Dufresne risks being nabbed by authorities while attending the Rangers game.

The second period was quiet until Kickgate.
Karel Rachunek, a d-man for the Rangers who has no business being deeper than the faceoff circles, apparently made a kicking motion while trying to stop from going headfirst into the crossbar.
The goal initially stands, but let's go to the war room in Toronto.


The goal was disallowed.

Tough call.
We go into the third.
The Rangers get jobbed again on a questionable call.
Buffalo gets the powerplay going.
Daniel Briere:


1-1 dicks.

Both teams get some great chances, but it goes to OT.
At the end of the first overtime, Derek Roy rings one off the post.
Both teams look extremely tired in the second OT.
Then it happens..
Of all the people in the world, Michal Rozsival lines up a shot from the point.


Game.

Ranger coach Tom Renney jobbed the NHL in the post-game conference.
Complaining about the no goal:
"It has to be a distinct kicking motion," Renney said. "If that's distinct then we're all in trouble."


Game four is Tuesday night.

...............................

On to wonderful Vancouver for Game three of CaDucks.

Vancouver comes out flying.
But Jean-Sebastien Giguere was the living definition of weathering the storm.
He made a few unreal saves to keep the Ducks in it early.
A few seconds after that, Roberto Luongo misplays a puck...


Goal
1-0.

The Canucks battle back and end up tying it going into the third.
Anahiem kills a penalty and then draws one.
Power-play chance:


If we ran Ducksblog, we would've had a photoshop of Cory Perry flipping a light switch off.
Ducks win.


Bitches
..................................

Down on the Farm


Congrats to the baby Pens.
They beat the Norfolk Admirals 3-2 to advance into the second round.


Suck it Norfolk
(Anthony Costa)
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Let's fly to Moscow


No thanks Payne Stewart...we have are own jet.

Russia smokes the Ukraine

Alexei Morozov: 3 goals, 3 assist.
Almost instantly, 456 posts about bringing Morozov back to the Penguins appeared on the Penguins Message Board.

Team USA crushes Belarus

Adam Banks returned from a wrist injury and scored all five team-USA goals.

The Fins over Denmark

Denmark is a joke.

In one other game, the Czechs embarrassed Austria worse than when Fabio got hit by that bird.


Two seconds after this picture was taken, the chick laughing on the right met the business end of Fabio's wristwatch.
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May 2
11pm

Do-or-die newscast

How many segments does Sally Wiggin have left?
No one really knows.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

The Devil's Advocate

We heard there was some type of NFL player draft today.
Gotta love what Mike Tomlin did.
He is a real coach.



Too bad they didn't trade number 7, though.
Steeler jokes/mentions are going away for a while now.
........................................

While everyone was watching the Brady Quinn become the next big homo of the NFL, there was nothing but quality hockey all day, in every part of the world.
.....................................
We start in Hockey Town


Game Two

Lets just say it right now.
Joe Thorton is sick.
San Jose came out flying early and the Red Wings were under attack.

Chris Y
(Don't worry if you sent one in, it will be used.
Chris Y had his in 16 minutes after we asked for it)


But then Detroit started getting lucky.
Henrik Zetterberg scored to make it 2-1 before the end of the first.
The second period was mud.
Early in the third Daniel Clearly saved the cheerleader .
2-2
Just when it looked like overtime city,
Pavel Datsyuk stunned Shark nation with a goal in the final minute.

Throw the squid, jack.


The series shifts back to the Shark tank Monday night.

...........................................
On to New Jersey we go.

Game Two

Just an absolute classic here.
The Devils scored first, as Ray Emery gave up his usual marsh mellow soft goal.


George Hanna


Very psychical game, Orange Shebert was everywhere again.
Right before the first intermission the Devils beat the buzzer to jump to a 2-0 lead.

Back breaking goal.

But just when you think the Sens are done.
Daniel Alfredsson rises to the occasion yet again.

2-1.

If you want to know why Marty Brodeur is considered a great big game goalie, watch the blitz he took from Ottawa after they scored their first goal. He shut the door for four straight minutes of unreal chances.
You may not like Marty Brodeur, but you have to respect him.
The third period is more of the same.
Tick
Tick
Tick
All of a sudden under a minute to play.
You just kind of knew the Senators were going to score.
Puck goes to the corner.
Job in front.

Dany Heatley scores. He should be in jail
( that is not considered a "Heatley joke")

After the Sens tie it up, the refs call a penalty on the Devils at the end of the third period.
Its hard to feel bad for the Devils, but wow.
In the first ot the Senators had a million chances but Marty says no.
Great action from both teams.
The Devils get called for another penalty.
Weak call.
The refs even it up though as they call........... too many men on the ice.

Byran Murray's son is stunned.

The Devils job around on their Powerplay chance, but Ray Emery gets lucky as usual.
We are headed to another OT.

The Devils come out flying in double OT.
Jamie Langenbrunner gets sprung on a breakaway.
He fights off a hook.
Makes a sick move.

The fans in the background are what playoff overtime goals are all about.

Game three in homoville on Monday.

......................................
Now lets fly across the Atlantic to Moscow
...............
Sweden destroys Italy in their opening game at the World Championships.

After the game the Italians complained loudly and drowned there sorrows in pasta

Switzerland beats Lativa
in a tough game.

Swiss Head Coach Ralph Krueger chose Jonas Hiller of HC Davos over Montreal's David Aebischer to start in goal for the team's opener.
That's all you need to know about David Aebischer.

Canada barely squeaks by Germany

If Bruins Coach Dave Lewis ever ends up coaching Germany, we are shutting down the blog.

In one other game Slovakia beats Norway.
If you care about this game and want more details,
Move to Slovakia or Norway.

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Day 10
............................
11:00pm
May 2nd


Can Stephen Cropper finally step out of Joe Denardo's shadow?
Only he and god know.

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