Deep Blue Sea

The nightly recap would've been out sooner, but everyone was throwing up because Heroes was insane tonight.

We are recapping the Season Finale on May 21...
If we all can stay alive during it.
What a show.


Picture: The most desirable thing in the world right now.
And the chick from Heroes.

.........................................................................

The biggest battle on Monday night other than Peter Petrelli vs. Sylar was Ottawa vs. New Jersey.

Senator Nation was beyond excited for the game.


Picture: Live look into the press room at the Ottawa Sun.

Nothing but a classic defensive battle to start out with.
Brodeur was his usual money-in-the-bank self.
Ray Emery, to his credit, was equal to the task.
In the third period, things were more serious than the opening of Rescue 911

Ottawa gets a break when some jobber trips Broduer.
Tom Preissing puts the puck were daddy keeps the PCP (top shelf).

Paul Martin = (Synonym of stunned)

The Devils get a bunch of chances, but no dice.
The Senators defense could be likened to Mother Theresa's vagina.

No entry.

The Sens ward off one last rush.
Devils can't keep the puck in the zone.
Empty net.

Ottawa sucks

The Devils are sinking faster than Jack Dawson at the end of Titanic.
Sens up 2-1 in the series.

.................................................
Great game in San Jose tonight

Solid board game by Milton Bradley.

The Red wings got off to a fast start tonight
Nicklas Lidstrom blows one by Evgeni Nabokov.
1-0
But the Sharks are tough to beat on home ice.
They tie the game early in the third on a nice goal by some jobber.

And then Kris Draper takes a bad penalty.
Jonathan Cheechoo takes over:

"Wonder if he hit anyone from behind when he celebrated his goal"
2-1

Detriot came roaring back, but they finally succumbed to the death.

.............................

Some Deliveries

.
......The Hockey news names Crosby the NHL's best player. Malkin, Staal and Lord Therrien get some love


... The NHL announces the finalist tomorrow for their awards..

.....Rumors floating around of a possible 15- year deal for Sid.

.....Rumors also floating around that Ronald McDonald got arrested in Mt. Oliver today

...................................
Lets fly in to Moscow

The Wright Brothers got lucky

At the World Championships

Sweden rocked Lativa 8-2
Canada gets by Norway 4-2
Switzerland squeaks by Italy 2-1

Some other teams played, but who cares.

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May 2 11:00pm


The over/under for Steeler mentions is 14.
.................................

Cannot believe we forgot this last night.
Days 11-12
........................
Photoshop cred
Shark----Jerry Scott
Ottawa fan-----Sparticus

Skating Days

Solid weekend for the NHL...and hockey in general.

First.
On Sunday, Madison Square Garden had its biggest, most important event since the Muppets raised 2.7 billion dollars for aids with a sold-out, 5-hour epic concert that made Woodstock look like a Povertyneck Hillbillies concert.

Kermit the Frog's acoustic version of "The Rainbow Connection" later became an anthem for homosexuals everywhere.

On to the game.

Biggest game of the season for the Rangers, and they knew it.

We all have are opinions of Jaromir Jagr, but if you don't think he is a big-time player, you're insane.
Double J came out with flying and scored the all-important first goal.

Another thing no one will ever doubt:
tucked in shirt = homo

The teams jobbed the rest of the first.

Andy Dufresne risks being nabbed by authorities while attending the Rangers game.

The second period was quiet until Kickgate.
Karel Rachunek, a d-man for the Rangers who has no business being deeper than the faceoff circles, apparently made a kicking motion while trying to stop from going headfirst into the crossbar.
The goal initially stands, but let's go to the war room in Toronto.

The goal was disallowed.

Tough call.
We go into the third.
The Rangers get jobbed again on a questionable call.
Buffalo gets the powerplay going.
Daniel Briere:

1-1 dicks.

Both teams get some great chances, but it goes to OT.
At the end of the first overtime, Derek Roy rings one off the post.
Both teams look extremely tired in the second OT.
Then it happens..
Of all the people in the world, Michal Rozsival lines up a shot from the point.

Game.

Ranger coach Tom Renney jobbed the NHL in the post-game conference.
Complaining about the no goal:
"It has to be a distinct kicking motion," Renney said. "If that's distinct then we're all in trouble."

Game four is Tuesday night.

...............................

On to wonderful Vancouver for Game three of CaDucks.

Vancouver comes out flying.
But Jean-Sebastien Giguere was the living definition of weathering the storm.
He made a few unreal saves to keep the Ducks in it early.
A few seconds after that, Roberto Luongo misplays a puck...

Goal
1-0.

The Canucks battle back and end up tying it going into the third.
Anahiem kills a penalty and then draws one.
Power-play chance:

If we ran Ducksblog, we would've had a photoshop of Cory Perry flipping a light switch off.
Ducks win.

Bitches

..................................

Down on the Farm


Congrats to the baby Pens.
They beat the Norfolk Admirals 3-2 to advance into the second round.

Suck it Norfolk
(Anthony Costa)
...................................................

Let's fly to Moscow


No thanks Payne Stewart...we have are own jet.

Russia smokes the Ukraine

Alexei Morozov: 3 goals, 3 assist.
Almost instantly, 456 posts about bringing Morozov back to the Penguins appeared on the Penguins Message Board.

Team USA crushes Belarus

Adam Banks returned from a wrist injury and scored all five team-USA goals.

The Fins over Denmark

Denmark is a joke.

In one other game, the Czechs embarrassed Austria worse than when Fabio got hit by that bird.

Two seconds after this picture was taken, the chick laughing on the right met the business end of Fabio's wristwatch.
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May 2
11pm

Do-or-die newscast

How many segments does Sally Wiggin have left?
No one really knows.

The Devil's Advocate

We heard there was some type of NFL player draft today.

Gotta love what Mike Tomlin did.
He is a real coach.



Too bad they didn't trade number 7, though.
Steeler jokes/mentions are going away for a while now.
........................................

While everyone was watching the Brady Quinn become the next big homo of the NFL, there was nothing but quality hockey all day, in every part of the world.
.....................................
We start in Hockey Town

Game Two

Lets just say it right now.
Joe Thorton is sick.
San Jose came out flying early and the Red Wings were under attack.

Chris Y
(Don't worry if you sent one in, it will be used.
Chris Y had his in 16 minutes after we asked for it)

But then Detroit started getting lucky.
Henrik Zetterberg scored to make it 2-1 before the end of the first.
The second period was mud.
Early in the third Daniel Clearly saved the cheerleader .
2-2
Just when it looked like overtime city,
Pavel Datsyuk stunned Shark nation with a goal in the final minute.

Throw the squid, jack.

The series shifts back to the Shark tank Monday night.

...........................................
On to New Jersey we go.

Game Two

Just an absolute classic here.
The Devils scored first, as Ray Emery gave up his usual marsh mellow soft goal.

George Hanna

Very psychical game, Orange Shebert was everywhere again.
Right before the first intermission the Devils beat the buzzer to jump to a 2-0 lead.

Back breaking goal.

But just when you think the Sens are done.
Daniel Alfredsson rises to the occasion yet again.

2-1.

If you want to know why Marty Brodeur is considered a great big game goalie, watch the blitz he took from Ottawa after they scored their first goal. He shut the door for four straight minutes of unreal chances.
You may not like Marty Brodeur, but you have to respect him.
The third period is more of the same.
Tick
Tick
Tick
All of a sudden under a minute to play.
You just kind of knew the Senators were going to score.
Puck goes to the corner.
Job in front.

Dany Heatley scores. He should be in jail
( that is not considered a "Heatley joke")

After the Sens tie it up, the refs call a penalty on the Devils at the end of the third period.
Its hard to feel bad for the Devils, but wow.
In the first ot the Senators had a million chances but Marty says no.
Great action from both teams.
The Devils get called for another penalty.
Weak call.
The refs even it up though as they call........... too many men on the ice.

Byran Murray's son is stunned.

The Devils job around on their Powerplay chance, but Ray Emery gets lucky as usual.
We are headed to another OT.

The Devils come out flying in double OT.
Jamie Langenbrunner gets sprung on a breakaway.
He fights off a hook.
Makes a sick move.

The fans in the background are what playoff overtime goals are all about.

Game three in homoville on Monday.

......................................

Now lets fly across the Atlantic to Moscow

...............
Sweden destroys Italy in their opening game at the World Championships.

After the game the Italians complained loudly and drowned there sorrows in pasta

Switzerland beats Lativa in a tough game.

Swiss Head Coach Ralph Krueger chose Jonas Hiller of HC Davos over Montreal's David Aebischer to start in goal for the team's opener.
That's all you need to know about David Aebischer.

Canada barely squeaks by Germany

If Bruins Coach Dave Lewis ever ends up coaching Germany, we are shutting down the blog.

In one other game Slovakia beats Norway.
If you care about this game and want more details,
Move to Slovakia or Norway.

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Day 10
............................
11:00pm
May 2nd


Can Stephen Cropper finally step out of Joe Denardo's shadow?
Only he and god know.

Before Sunrise

Fact: Ben Roethlisberger touches another dudes testicles for a living.

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Big day around the world of Hockey.
We start in Moscow at the World Championships.



Russia owns Denmark
Danish captain Jesper Damgaard played like a stiff.
Malkin had a goal, Gonch 2 assist.
But the star?

You know who that is.


The Czech Repubic smokes Belarus.

Belarus's goalie has to make this save.
Belarus blog is in shambles.


Finland pees on the Ukraine

Jarko Ruutu called six Ukraine players retards.


Team USA opened up against Australia
Coach Gordon Bombay had his team focused early.
But Team Australia scores two quick goals.

Stunned
Bombay organized some type of synchronized chant in between periods,
And Team USA came out flying.
Luis Mendoza scored a power play goal,
Kenny Wu added two goals,
and Adam Banks completes a natural hat trick in 3 minute span.

Team USA faces Iceland next.

............................
Time to fly back to the states.
But not with Aaliyah

.............................
Big time Game 5 for the Baby Penguins tonight

The Baby Pens won
No Idea why we didn't mention the Baby Pens all year.
We are a joke
.................................................................

Huge game in Buffalo tonight as the Rangers tried to even the series with the Sabres.
The Rangers played a solid road game and led going into the third.
But Buffalo is sick.
Chris Drury scored an unreal deflection goal to tie it up.
And then Thomas Vanek put the Sabres up 3-2

Gay

The Rangers had several chances to tie things up, but Ryan Miller is on another planet.
Jaromir Jobr got robbed
Rangers in trouble, down 2-0


............................

Anaheim and Vancouver are in Overtime.
Whatever happens, happens.
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Recap May 2, 11pm

Watch it, or Sheldon Ingram will beat your ass.
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Day 9

Surprise

We don't know how we've done it, but we've managed to make it to the first page of this Blogger's Choice Awards thing.
Thanks to everyone who has voted for us.
If you haven't voted, please do.

Since we don't (and never will) insult you guys by putting any advertising on this site, let alone looking for prospective advertisers actually in our posts while talking about ourselves, we aren't ashamed to plug our drive to the top of the Blogger's Choice Awards charts.
Besides, it's not plugging if you do it on your own site.

But this coming up, however, is a plug:

We got an e-mail for a guy who asked us to push his podcast for "Best Podcast" in these jobber awards.

This here's the link to vote for the 3-Z Sports Bar Talk Podcast:

http://www.bloggerschoiceawards.com/blogs/show/11647

If we ever mention the Blogger's Choice Awards again in a post, we have no soul...or we have a solid chance of victory.

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Click me. Photoshop me.
Sharks vs. Red Wings

.............

We were given the heads-up on a Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Baby Pens blog.
Jonathan Bombulie, the Pens beat writer for a local WB/S newspaper, is the author.

Penguins Insider

Easily the best Baby Pens site in the world.

The second-best one is here.

....................

The Jesuses unveiled a new third uniform to celebrate their 75th anniversary of taking over people's lives and not winning home playoff games.
And for some reason, the Steelers will have a new mascot...which bares a striking resemblance to Gary Roberts.
The fact that the mascot's testicles are made of pure steel further solidifies the argument that it should be named after Roberts.

On the uniform, there will be a patch with the number 75 on it.
It is in reference to how many men Art Rooney has had sex with in his life.

...........................

Playoff Bracket update coming Sunday night.
Maybe.

One Headlight

Before we start anything

A huge thank you to commenter "Dying Alive" for nominating us for a bloggers choice award.

We are mud though, and do not deserve any such credit.
We aren't going to run around and shamelessly promote our blog on Lets go pens like some people.
We instead say vote for Empty Netters.



Best Pens related stuff out there.
Not to mention, Seth, who runs it, is a great human.
Vote for Empty Netters here.
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The NHL was back again Thursday night, with two big-time second-round matchups.

The Red Wings, who in 2001 signed a 40-year deal with the NHL to be covered as much as possible, welcomed the Sharks to Hockeytown.
The Sharks are solid, and they took it to the Wings early.
Joe Thorton made a pass from the GreenTree exit on the Parkway North right to the stick of some jobber.
1-0

Henrik Zetterberg = Stunned.

Right after that, the guy from Reading Rainbow scored a huge goal for the Sharks.

He knows it.

Thats all Evgeni Nabokov would need.
He pooped in everyone's mouth in Detroit. 34 saves.
The Sharks went on to devour the Wings with some great defense.

Photoshop Me

Who has the guts to try and put a Red Wing in this?

Sharks lead series 1-0

...............

For those who haven't heard, Pittsburgh was named the most livable city in America.
Along the same lines, Ottawa was named the gayest city in North America.
The Sens, who have had more off-time then Don Imus, came out flying.
Jason Spezza scored 90 seconds into the game.

Whatever.

The Sens were only starting the pain though. They rattled off three more first period goals.
But remember -- Ray Emery sucks.
The Devils battle back.
Uh Oh.

Mike Costa

Scott Gomez almost ties it up, but he hits the post.
Senators win 5-4.
Huge road game win in game one.
Lead series 1-0.

...............................

Delivery time

.....Ryan Whitney had wrist surgery today...The doctor? Gary Roberts

.....The Hill District is a joke...

"We live, work and play here 24 hours a day," said Kimberly C. Ellis, 34, a Hill District activist. "Other people come here just to play, and then they leave."

Kimbery C. Ellis is a joke.

....Kovy isn't happy... If this was 1999, we'd say bring him back.

...and lastly, breaking news from KDKA.com:

Derek Ausk
.............................

We are such homos. We have made no mention of the Baby Pens.
They are playing in the 1st round of the Calder Cup Playoffs.
They are matched up against the Norfolk Admirals

Series tied 2-2.

If anyone knows of a Baby Penguin blog, let us know.

...............................


11:00pm
May 2


Save Wendy Bell Save the world.
......................................


Day 8

Start Spreadin' The News. Pittsburgh Area Loses.

Even before the camera lens dropped to start the broadcast, tension was building.

At 10:50, KDKA gives us a teaser about the Time 100 and something about dog food.
The deathly tone of the announcer guarantees that you'll watch the broadcast for tips on how not to die.

At 10:58, Ken Rice pulls into the KDKA parking lot.

If you've seen this car at the Giant Eagle in Homestead, you were looking at Ken Rice's vehicle.

There is nothing like flipping through channels and being enthralled by one of these criminal-investigation shows with only like 10 minutes to go in the show.
You have no idea what's going on, but you know Gary Sinise means business.

We get another teaser at 10:57 about George W. Bush dancing on the White House Lawn.
Only KDKA can jam-pack 2 hours of hard-nosed news into 30 minutes.


Powerball at 11:00
the numbers 3-3-3-3-3 Powerball: Gary Roberts.

.........................
Its go time

You want the spoken-English version of sex?
Ken Rice dominating the early seconds with the teaser of Pittsburgh being catapulted to the top of the United States' cities.

America's Most Livable City.
Stunned.

In the one-spot tonight:

David Highfield

Highfield takes a jobber stance up in Mt. Washington to deliver the story.
Even my grandma doesn't care about this story.

We then see some bitch take a dump on Pittsburgh.
And some dude says Pittsburgh should've been abandoned in the 1940's.

Did Highfield say restaurants, arts, restaurants? A double reference? Choke.

The next topic looks familiar. Sid on the Time 100.
But folks, when you talk steady, you talk Patrice King Brown.
She reads the story. The teleprompter catches on fire.

Signed as a free agent in 1978, PKB is sick.

...............................

Ken Rice says murder, and even my cat woke up to hear the story.
Rice with a little stutter when determining if the man used a wheelchair or walker.
Obviously, someone messed with the teleprompter.

Let's go, boys. This isn't WTAE.

But, we don't get Ken Rice's angelic voice to give us the story..
In the two hole:

Ralph Iannotti.

First huge mistake of the newscast.
Iannotti appears to be in the same place David Highfield did his story.
This can't happen. This isn't amateur hour.

Sad story about Mr. Jimmy getting murdered.
Iannotti is solid.
But he has been doing this for a while.

Iannotti's first story:
Bethlehem -- The year 0.

Nothing scares you more than 18 straight stories about death.

King-Brown tell us about carbon monoxide.
Ken Rice takes his turn with the death coverage.

Rice moves from murder and carnage to sex offenders. What a move.

John Mark Karr moved into some house in Penn Hills.

Big news that couldn't wait till the sports segment: Chartiers Valley keeps their basketball coach. Ken Rice bites his tongue.

KDKA licks the Steelers balls. Ken Rice's hands were tied.
If it was up to him, we would be watching a piece on Ponderosa Steak & Seahouse and how great it is.

Fact: In 1968 Walter Cronkite had a Ken Rice poster hanging up in his office.

And while PKB and Rice are locked in.
Their biggest threat appears...............

Jeff Verszyla.

He holds our testicles in our hand as he personally dictates what the rest of our week will be like.
Good prediction.

But what is he doing? He comes out without the jacket on?
Are you kidding? This isn't the 10:00 news on PCNC.

Review:

PKB carried the broadcast for Ken Rice in that first segment.

....................................

KDKA comes out flying in the second period.

We go straight to red-hot Stephanie Watson.

If you care about cars, sweet.
Watson interviews some jobber at the autoshow.
She tells us a magican will appear at the show:

Watson wraps it up nicely, wow.

Back to Ken Rice..

Jimmy Chang visits Mt. Washington. What a popular place.
Ken Rice pulls in a reference from the top of the broadcast saying that Chang was enjoying how livable Pittsburgh is.
Strong stuff.

If your pet eats again, it is going to die, says Ken Rice.

Jeff Verszyla puts the coat on.
And says something that isn't funny, but PKB does the cordial laugh.
Bad times.
Verszyla nearly derails everything.
Ken Rice just shakes his head.

Verszyla predicts some sunshine and shower.

God predicted Jeff Verszyla would be a loser.

Verzsyla tells you if you want to know what tomorrow night's weather is going to be, you should watch Bill Paxton's thriller "Twister."

Ken Rice bites his tongue again as the teleprompter brings across more Steelers stuff.

Review:

They were getting in the groove.

...............................

Bob Pompeani, with the smugness of a terd, comes in to wet the Steelers testicles.
Art Rooney XXII talks about nothing.
No one will even remember that.

Alan Faneca sucks.

More football.
Brady Quinn is awful.
We get 30 minutes of Darrelle Revis' highlights. You can tell how awful quarterbacks are.
Why can't anyone else see this?
The broadcast is slipping away.

Bob Pompeani makes the first and seemingly only mistake of the broadcast...
He uses the Pirates as a hanger to keep people tuned in during the commercial.
Unless Johnny Depp is involved, people turn their televisions off.

.....................................

And then, finally, it happens.
The Volkswagen commercial where the guy is doing a spoken-word poem song thing.
In the former commercials, you couldn't understand what the person driving by said.
Volkswagen advertising finally realized why they weren't selling cars.
They obviously re-shot the segment, and the driver's sentence is now discernible.

..........................................

Pomp comes back with a one-liner.
No idea what is going on.

KDKA gives the show to Ken Rice.
He sends us to Letterman with more charisma than Frank Abagnale.

Broadcast.

Stats

• Rice: 3 assists, 4 incredible segues
  
• PKB: 2 saves
  
• 14 stories about death
• 11 stories about the Steelers
• 1 awkward hand-off.

Miscellaneous

• Get PKB some Tylenol. Her shoulders are aching.
• Good effort but sweeps are coming up.
• The weather man is mud.
• Rice = money in the bank.
  

..........................


Day 7

In NHL tonight
Buffalo killed the Rangers


And the Ducks smoked the Canucks.



Back to basics tomorrow night.
We miss doing recaps.
.....................


11:00pm next Wednesday
Save Wendy Bell, Save the world

What goes around comes back to the Second Round

Whoops.


This Kid -- 1
Geeves -- 0

Geeves made a bigger mistake than when Carlos Mencia's mom decided to have sex.


Joke.

....................
The first round of the playoffs went faster than Willie Parker.


Too bad Jeff Hartings wont be around to hold people this year.

.......


Game 1
Wednesday -- 7:00
Versus

Season Series: Buffalo won 4 - 0.

Note: All four games during the season were played before the Rangers dropped acid.
Sean Avery, like him or not, started some mind games already.

" I'm going to hurt them, I'm going to hit them, I'm going to be in their face as much as I can. ''


Adam: Buffalo
Derek: Buffalo
Chris: Buffalo
Nick: Buffalo

..........


Game 1
Thursday -- 7:00
NHL goes down on CBC

Season Series: Devils won 3 - 1.

Note: What a series this will be.
Apologies to anyone with different sentiments, but the hatred for the New Jersey Devils trumps animosity toward any another team.


Tough.

John Madden and the rest of the Devils will have their work cut out for them.
But if anyone can shut down an unreal line, it's the Devil jobbers.

Marty Brodeur vs. Ray Emery will determine the outcome.


Adam: Ottawa
Derek: Devils
Chris: Devils
Nick: Ottawa

.........


Game 1
Wednesday -- 10:00
Versus

Season Series: Anaheim won 3 - 1.

Note: Roberto Luongo is no question worthy of the Hart Trophy.
But can he go the extra mile -- The Canucks saw more ice time then Kristi Yamaguchi in round 1.


Do it.

A rested Ducks team equals bad news for Vancouver.

Adam: Anaheim
Derek: Anaheim
Chris: Anaheim
Nick: Anaheim
Geeves: Stunned

.................


Game 1
Thursday -- 7:30
Versus

Season Series: Sharks won 3 - 1.

Note: Goals scored this season
Calgary -- 255
San Jose -- 256 ( and no Miikka Kiprusoff )

If this was Sharksblog, could you imagine the photoshop possibilities with Todd Bertuzzi?
This series has seven games written all over it.

Adam: Detroit
Derek: San Jose
Chris: Detroit
Nick: Detroit

Bob Errey:

Sharks in 3.

...............

Speaking of the Sharks, everyone in the comments section will be the jury for a much-heated debate brought to our attention by Jason "Save The Photoshop Save The World" Schiffhauer.

The Sharks come onto the ice surface before games through this huge shark mouth near the entrance to the locker room.
The shark's mouth bares a striking resemblance to Nelly Furtado's vagina.

The question is --
If Lemieux Group LP embarked on such an endeavor, what would the Penguins come through?

• An igloo?
• Belly of a huge penguin?
  
• Gary Roberts' mouth?

.........................................

Jay sent this along --

HELP SIDNEY CROSBY BE IN THE TIME MAGAZINE 100 PEOPLE OF THE YEAR
HELP SIDNEY CROSBY BE IN THE TIME MAGAZINE 100 PEOPLE OF THE YEAR


Just adjust that slider on the site.

....

Town Tavern on Carson Street
Friday, April 27
6:00 - 9:00

Open to the public.
$5 donation at the door.

See you there.

.....

Notes to deliver


(This has an Amber Alert written all over it)

...Welcome to Gary Roberts of our Lives

Should he stay or should he go?

...Some crane collapsed on a car at the new arena site.


Mark Eaton doesn't like people parking in his spot.

....Nice little piece on Malkin

Saturday, Shero summoned Malkin from the players' lounge when it was his turn.

"Geno," he said, using Malkin's English nickname and motioning the player to follow. "We're going to do this in English, so it won't take long."

Malkin, with a big grin, followed the general manager.

.. Joe Starkey with a funny column.
It sure beats anything by Ron Cook...or Bobby S.
( thanks to the commenter Eric)

... The Hill district group will present demands to the Penguins to share revenues.


Go to hell

.............

....If you want to watch the World Championships online.
Here is the site.
You do have to pay $5 cash money though.

..................

Tomorrow night

Ken Rice

vs.

David Johnson



Huge newscast

11:00
Watch it.
Recap, stats, player reaction to follow at 12:15

.....................

The lowdown on playoff brackets is coming shortly.

Time is hard to come by. Pray for rain.
..................................


Day 6

Siete Animosos

4 - 1

The big deal, in our eyes, was the Canucks going with the old-school blue uniforms for Game 7 after going Games 1 through 6 with the modern uniforms.
No big deal, right?
Until you realize that Roberto Luongo's entire equipment wardrobe is changed.
The equipment is identical, but you have to think the modern set is more worn-in and comfortable for Luongo than the old-school set.

Luongo, thoughts?


Idiots, both equipment sets spell one thing: MVP.

...........

This Game 7 was more intense than an episode of Unsolved Mysteries.

In 1990, when Robert Stack spoke, you listened. And then locked your doors.

Joel Lundqvist gave the Stars the 1-0 lead towards the end of the first, silencing the already dead-quiet Vancouver crowd.

One of the Marx brothers scored for the Canucks towards the end of the second to tie it up.

Third period started. Vancouver wanted a goal.

Wily veteran Trevor Lindon deflects one home halfway through the third.

It wasn't over yet, though.
Luongo had to rob Stu Barnes from point-blank range.
And Mike Modano banged one off the crossbar with 4:00 left.
Stars pull their goalie at the end, and the Canucks add two more.

Marty Turco has silenced the critics.


Tuesday:

Round Two Playoff Preview
Tournament Brackets Listing

.............................................

The Pens sign 6'3" Aaron Boorgaard.
Here's his HockeyDB stats.

NHL.com says the Pens future's so bright, they gotta wear shades.

Skank.


Shero Blog:


King Shero talks about changes.
..................................


Saint Art Rooney XII finally made his way up to the head table Sunday night at the Dapper Dan Party.
He's given the Lifetime Achievement Award for owning a football franchise.
Who cares.

Then the Rooney family speaks out over the possible objections with the new casino plans.
"Mr. Rooney said the Steelers would object to the approval of the casino master plan by the city planning commission until the issue had been addressed. The planning commission is scheduled to vote on the master plan May 1."

Where exactly were the Rooney's when they could've brought this up in December?


Too busy watching their team not make the playoffs.

To sum it all up, the Steelers are tying to block a new casino that could bring jobs and money into the region. Because they are afraid of a traffic jam for eight Sundays, and people are worried about it.

Here we go Steelers, Here we go
..................................


Sidney Crosby's All-Star Game jersey went for $47,520 at an NHL auction for Hockey Fights Cancer.

What jersey came in second?
Brendan Shanahan -- $5,681

.......................................


Wednesday Night
11:00

Probable Starters




Jason Schiffhauer does not disappoint.

..............................

We e-mailed Phillip MacCullum, and he responded.
Who is Phillip MacCullum?

The Ottawa-based photographer who shot this:


Day 5

We praised him for being in the right place at the right time and asked him permission to use the picture as the rally cry.

..............................

Go Pens.

Justice Is Served

Fact: Colin Campbell touches himself when he dishes out suspensions and fines.

The hammer came down on Jamie McLennan and the Calgary Flames on Sunday.

• McLennan -- Five-game suspension.
• Jim Playfair -- $25,000 fine.
  
• Calgary Flames Organization -- $100,000 fine.
  

mmmmyeeeaaaaahhhhhsssss

..................................

The NHL was slower than Jerome Bettis on Sunday. Only two games.
The similarities end there, though, as the NHL doesn't fumble the ball in big games.

......


Game Six.

Despite Vincent Lecavalier and Marty St. Louis being on the ice for the entire game, they were no match for the New Jersey Devils.



Lou Lamoriello, thoughts?


" We didn't notice them on the ice. Our team was too busy having depth. "

....................

Before we even touch this game, we are embarrassed to say that we completely forgot about this video that our friend Bryan Bell brought to our attention last year.

Please recognize the person who dominates this video with 1:03 left.
Just look at him. He knows he could bang anyone.


On to the game.
An absolute classic.
If you want an example of why hockey is an unbelievable sport, see the highlights of this game.
Game 6 in Calgary.
First Ot.
Calgary kills a four minute penalty.
Flames get a penalty
David Moss of the flames. Wide open net. Hasek down

Misses everything.
Sick

It slips into a second overtime.
Here comes Johan Franzen, who got slashed in his chest by Flames backup goalie Jamie McLennan yesterday.
Franzen unleashes a rocket. And ensures whoever runs flamesblog will always remember his name.



Hey McLennan
Start swinging your golf clubs dick.

...........................

Dave Molinari of the Post-Gazette did his analysis of the Pens.
Everything was pretty spot-on except for something that left us perplexed.

Gonchar's frequent partner, Mark Eaton, was sensational before dislocating a wrist Nov. 4. Whether that was an aberration is not clear because Eaton never was the same after that injury.


Steve Jobs = Stunned.

.........................................

And this is only fair.

An Ottawa fan found the site and sent us a photoshop.


Isaac Butler from Ottawa

.........................


Wednesday Night.
11:00 News.

We will be recapping it.

...........................................
Monday night


Game 7


9:00 PM
Versus

Also at 9:00pm
NBC

wow

Biggest Monday in long time
.................

Day 4

Unbreak My Foot

... Does Sidney Crosby have Ben Roethlisberger Syndrome ( saying he was injured during the playoffs after the playoffs are over )?

-- We could say the two players are similar...except for the fact that Crosby shows up in the post-season. His production didn't drop off. He still infused energy every time he touched the ice.
And, as always, he didn't turn the ball over on his opponent's 2o-yard line.

Game.

...............................................

If you want a conspiracy theory, look no further than Game 5 between Calgary and Detroit.

With 4:18 remaining in the third, Pavel Datsyuk scores for Detroit to make it 5 - 1.
With 3:17 remaining, Calgary's Wayne Primeau goes off for slashing.
During that break in play, ironically named Flames coach Jim Playfair pulls goalie Miikka Kiprusoff in favor of backup Jamie McLennan.

McLennan plays a total of 18 seconds.
All of those seconds were spent repeatedly slashing Red Wing Johan Franzen in the leg, who was parked in front during the power play.

After getting whistled for slashing Franzen in the leg, McLennan douches him across the midsection; double-handed, baseball hat, Chris Simon style.
McLennan gets 200 penalty minutes.

The most disgusting part about all of this?

The incident was already on Jamie McLennan's Wikipedia page within hours.
Who is sitting around, watching this hockey game, waiting to put something on Wikipedia?
That's not even fathomable. Who even goes to Jamie McLennan's Wikipedia page?


The question remains: Was McLennan sent in to send a message?

Calgary coach Jim Playfair, your thoughts?


"It is what it is. "

The Mayhem in Detriot didn't end there.
Jerome Iginla added a bonzai drop to finish off some Detroit jobber.


............................................

The other game Saturday night was Vancouver at Dallas. Game 6.
Dallas' fight back from a 3 - 1 deficit continued with another Marty Turco shutout.

The Stars were given an early 5 - on - 3.
And they capitalized on that power play.

That's how you win in April, Pittsburgh.

The rest of the game was pretty much Job City.
Dallas scores in the third to make it 2 - 0.

The game got interesting late when Canuck jobber Alexandre Burrows apparently slashed Brenden Morrow across the leg and proceeded to the bench.
As Morrow limped back to the Stars bench, Burrows was screaming something at him.
Morrow attacks Burrows on the bench. A ruckus ensues.

Game 7
Dallas at Vancouver
Monday, April 23

Time:


Not during Heroes.

.......................................................


Sheroblog

Here is the breakdown of the Pens roster.
Courtesy of www.nhlnumbers.com



Click this pic for a much better look.

Gone

• Recchi
• Ekman
• Petro
• Melichar
• Cairns

Stays

• Whitney -- Lock him up
  
• Armstrong
• Talbot
• Ouellet
• Christensen
• Nasreddine

Does Whatever He Wants

• Gary Roberts

On The Fence

• Scuderi
• Thibault
  

We'll job a list of potential free agents very soon.
If you want to scour the market for yourself, just go to that NHLnumbers website.

Given the content of the site, it's probably the most easily navigable site in internet history.

.................................................

Sunday's Game 6's


1:00 -- NBC
Devils up 3 - 2.



9:00 -- Versus
Red Wings up 3 - 2.

....................................


Offseason: Day 3

Free Falling

It's a long day livin' in the Southside

there's Carson Street runnin' through the yard
and I'm a bad boy, 'cause I don't give a shit about them steelers
I'm a bad boy because I peed on my terrible towel
Freeeeeeeee fallinnnnnngg
(Tiff could write this better)

We are all free falling, but if you think we are going anywhere you're on angel dust.
Way too much going.
But times are tough.
....................................................................

Things just don't feel right, no Penguins game to think about it this weekend.
Awful.
But what makes it easier?
Shaun Hill gets suspended for using steroids right before the Isles game five against Buffalo.
Ted Nolan your thoughts:

stunned

In the aforementioned game five Buffalo was up 4-1 cruising.
But Ted Nolan rallied the troops, leaving us to wonder what if the Pens played like that.
Nevermind.
Isles Down 4-3 here comes Satan down on Ryan Miller.

Save of the playoffs. Sick

Buffalo jobs the final seconds.

Goodbye Ted Nolan Jokes too.
This is getting sad.
..........................................

John Denver offers to fly us into New Jersey
.
No thanks John


Not much to see in this game anyway.
All Marty Brodeur all the time.

Yahoo's NHL Photos= sick

The game ended with a words between coaching staffs.
New Jersey leads the series 3-2.

...................................

Great game in Nashville tonight.

Too bad everyone was at a Hank Williams Jr. concert.

For everyone that was their they saw Barry Trotz finally getting eaten by the sharks.

Disappointing end for Nashville.

...................

Little house cleaning:

• We will be here every day/night for the rest of our lives. So don't be strangers. We are going to start recapping other games until the playoffs end, maybe tv shows, and maybe the nightly news to stay sharp.

Two minutes left to go in the newscast, is their any other anchor you'd rather have in the chair then Ken Rice.
He makes David Johnson look like a freshman journalism major.

• Playoff brackets will be posted this weekend
• Photoshops are always in play, its a long off season so stay sharp.

......................

Some interesting notes from SI.com about the Pens.

If this didn't say "Fred Shero" it would have been something.
Come on SI.com.Wow.
Make no mistake though if the Pens get Ryan Smyth.
This is Smythblog next year.

...............................
Tomorrow's Games:


Go Flames
.......................


Off season
Day: 2

Thank You

We are humbled by the compliments in the previous post.
We thank you.



5 months to training camp

Game Five: The End... 2006-2007 PITTSBURGH PENGUINS LOSE.

3 - 0

NHL.COM RECAP

There we were.
Do or die.
Ottawa was in a frenzy after their anthem singer copied off of Edmonton's last year.

Right off the bat, Ottawa came out and said, "Here. You want back in the series? Here's your chance."

The Pens get two 5-on-3's in the first five minutes.
Crosby gets a few shots; stoned.

Nice sign.
Good luck getting laid, fat ass.

The Pens not taking advantage of these power plays -- You just knew it was bad news.

Your grandma knows what this means...as she goes to bed.

Close the door. It's over.

Later on, Orpik owns Chris Neil in the midsection. Orpik goes to the box.
Armstrong and Talbot are on acid and kill the penalty.

Crosby and Spezza do each other, and we see 4-on-4 action.
Nothing doin'.

The first period is winding down, and the Ottawa crowd cannot be heard for miles.
They are too busy making out with each other.

Orpik gets a phantom penalty towards the end.
That was it.
Very uneventful.

.............................

The Senators come out on their continued power play.
Heatley driving to the goal.

Hey look, at least none of our players killed anyone.
Heatley jokes retired until next year dick.
1 - 0.

MAF making some slick saves to keep it a one-goal game.
Say what you want, but when the playoffs start next year, you won't have to worry about MAF.
Solid Effort.

Crosby drives the net and gets hauled down.
Power play.

Old Chinese proverb: Power plays win games.

Unfortunately, the Pens don't care about Asia.
At the end of the power play, Anton Vermette gets a breakaway.

2 - 0.

Time ticking down on the season.

Nothing going on during the middle part of the second except a sick feeling chillin in your stomach.

Later in the second period, the Ottawa fans start chanting "Roberts, Roberts."
Gary Roberts, what a human being.
If you've gotten under the skin of 17,000-plus people, you're doing something right.

You could talk more about the second period, but there are only so many synonyms of desperation.

If you weren't already feeling the blues, Chris Kelly takes advantage of some Pens gayness.

Maaaaaaahhhhhrrrrgggghhhhh

3 - 0.

Comrie comes down a minute later and almost makes it 4 - 0.
But we finally get some help from a third-party entity in this series as it hits the post.

.................................................

20 minutes.
One last go.
Mark Eaton almost scored the biggest goal of his life.
It just wasn't to be.

The Pens get an early power play. Wow.
No dice.

Uh-oh...
Senators get a too-many-men penalty.
You know what that means.

These guys seeing more action than Ray Emery.
Sadly, we will miss making this joke.

11:11 left. Make a wish.
Roberts lines up Anton Volchenkov from the blue line.
Volchenkov doesn't know what's going on.

Please don't retire.

4:00 remaining.
The Pens get their last chance. Whitney carries it up on a 3-on-2.
Malkin one-time slapper.
Black Jesus makes the glove save.
Senators fans start the singing the hey, hey, hey, goodbye song.

Canada is a joke
Who hands out pom poms to their fans?

2:00 remaining.
1:00 remaining.

Season.

Every Senator made sure to get in line for the handshake.
Shaking Mark Eaton's hand guarantees them a Stanley Cup.



....................................


Fri., Apr. 20 -- 10:40 PM
Sat., Apr. 21 -- 10:10 PM
Sun., Apr. 22 -- 4:10 PM

....................................

Stats:

Your Mom: 4 dudes
Ottawa: 4 wins
Pittsburgh: 1 win

Miscellaneous

• Two words: Kris Letang.
• Two words: Kansas City
• Playoff MVP: MAF, Jordan Staal, Gary Roberts
• Who else cannot wait to root against Ottawa?
  

Enjoy your April 20th.

...............................................

If you want to stick around for the rest of the playoffs, we'll be here.

Thanks to every reader, e-mailer, jobber, commentor, monkey, chicken, douche bag, joke, fag, and homo.

Thank you for reading.
We don't talk about how many hits we get because we don't care.

We don't touch ourselves over how many hits we get, but thanks to everyone who has spread the site with word of mouth and giving us a chance to spread some laughs.

We started this blog in early September.
We didn't think it would turn out like this.
We didn't think it would encompass so much of our time.
Complaining, we are not.
It was one hell of a ride.
If you don't think we're gonna be here in September, you have no grip on reality.




................

credits
Sens girls ---- Chris Y.

Us Against The World

If you've given up on the Pens...

If you've come this far with the Pens only to crap on them now...
If you like going on message boards and dampening people's spirits just to see their reactions...
If you like calling out Penguin players with the ignorance of someone who doesn't know what they are talking about...
If you've already conceded that Ottawa is the better team...
If you can't realize that the Pens are a bunch of human beings who shop at Wal-Mart; trying their hardest to achieve something that they want 1,000 times more than you do...

Then motivational speaker Gary Montgomery has something to say to you.


You're a joke

..................................................................



" The Pens are not out of it.
If there's a team that can blow a 3-games-to-1 lead, it's the Ottawa Senators. "

-- Versus turd Brian Engblom

The Pens are down 3 games to 1.

Just one bounce away from this being a 2-2 series.

Hopefully, being on the brink of elimination will let the Pens play the fun hockey they've been playing all year long.
The pressure is on Ottawa to seal the deal.

We did some soul searching on

http://www.whowins.com

And here's what we found:

In the history of the seven-game series in the NHL **Quarterfinal Round**, there have been 67 instances where a team has been up 3 games to 1.

The leading team has gone on to win the series 52 times ( or 77.6% of the time ).

When the leading team plays Game Five at home, they have won 34 out of 41 series ( 82.9 % ).

The 1992 Penguins were one of the 7 instances out of that 41 that were able to win two games on the road to come back and win the series.

Here is Mike Lange calling the highlights of Game Seven of that series in Washington:

** Quarterfinals are the Preliminaries on WhoWins.com **

*** In the audio highlights, Mike Lange refers to it as the Semifinal Round; meaning the Patrick Division Semifinals ***

....................................................

Picture: Jaromir Jagr's son sweeping up what's left of the Atlanta Thrashers.

... Those New York Rangers beat Atlanta 4 -2, complete the sweep ...

Nope.
Solid Islanders sweatshirt top left, though.

The Sabres shut up the Uniondale faithful, jobbing Deepee and the Isles 4 - 2.
It was still a close game.

The Devils sneak out of Tampa Bay with the series tied at 2 - 2.
Pedro Gomez scores in OT to lift the Devils.
Look closely at that picture -- A little Pens fan in attendance.

And Barry Trotz is eaten alive.

Jerry Scott

Derek Ausk

Lauren


We couldn't pick a one winner, way too hard.

...................................................

Delivering some notes:

Not quite worth bulletin-board material, but Jason Spezza said he wants to bury the Pens.

His teammates thoughts:



Bryan Murray jobs Gary Roberts:

"I'd like to comment on Gary Roberts getting free runs at a couple of our guys when they didn't even have the puck and there was no calls," Ottawa coach Bryan Murray said. "We made one comment to the referees, and they shook their head like, 'What are you talking about?' but, the bottom line was, they drew penalties because they were skating more than we were in the early going, and we felt that the calls the referees were forced to make went against us."

On the subject of Murray, reader Jason Fonczak found this on ESPN.com about Murray's grand-nephew.
"He's too big to play with other 8-year-olds. At 4-foot-9 and 110 pounds, he's at least a head taller than the other kids on the ice."

This kid doesn't even know the horrors that could be unleashed if a photoshop demand is issued.
Lay off the pancakes. Jesus.

..................................
And for no reason at all
TSN
Top 10 Playoff Goals

Goals 3 thru 1 =owned


And lastly
Joe F sent this along



Could be one last dance tomorrow night.
Pray to whatever god you believe in

"Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?"
If you can't get that quote now, you never will.

GO PENS

.............
Credits

Marry sens-- J Schiff
Douche---Peter Daniels
Shark--Derek Ausk, Lauren, Jerry Scott
Espn find--- Jason Fronczak
Youtube-- Joe F
Animal House-Anthony Costa

Game Four: No Dice. PENS LOSE.

2 - 1

NHL.COM RECAP

All year, we've likened this season to the Steel Phantom and the Thunderbolt.

We may have been way off.

................................................

Jeff Jimmerson on the left.
Reader Jeff Harr found this picture in the back alleys of the internet.
That shirt is what life is all about.

Jimmerson gets the Mellon going with an unreal anthem.

...........................................................

The Pens came out and tested Emery early.
A nice shot by Recchi from the slot is denied.

The breakneck pace at the beginning of the game got owned by a Ryan Whitney penalty.
The next best thing to an early goal is a sweet penalty kill.
But wow.
Jason Spezza passes it across the slot, but it hits Jordan Staal's stick and flutters into the net.
The War Room says f u.

Mannnnnnnnnn.

Ryan Malone makes his first appearance of the 2007 playoffs by grinding and almost wrapping one in past Emery.

Unfortunately, on the same play, the referee is high and calls a penalty on Ruutu.

Two minutes for hitting oxygen.

The Pens kill the penalty. Huge.

The teams job for a while.
Jobbing, in this case, means the puck not leaving the Pens zone.

Crosby pops onto the ice and starts making things happen.
For the second time already in the game, a penalty is called by the official farthest from the play.
The Pens jump on the power play.
If this is 1991, this game is tied before it gets back from commercial.

But the Sens penalty-kill unit is all business.

The Pens get a nice chance soon after when Talbot semi-fans on a one-timer in front of the net.
It almost made Emery wake up from his nap.

Even so, the Pens kept coming.
Petrovicky starts a little forecheck.
Mellon Arena about to explode.

Just like Estadio do Maracana in Rio de Janeiro exploded in 1991 when Norwegian band A-ha set a still-standing record by drawing 198,000 paying spectators to their concert.
If this were the '80s, you would be reading Ahablog right now.

Sid tries to get something going towards the end of the first.
The Senators defensemen are disgusting.

You can't say the Pens "escape" with a 1-0 lead.
But it's nice that it's only a one-goal deficit.

........................................................

Early in the second, the Pens get a power play.
They can't bang one home, but you can feel it coming.

When you get opportunities on the power play in the playoffs, you got to cash in.
Your middle-school janitor knows that.

Believe it jack.

Malkin gets the best chance of the game up to that point but tries to shoot the puck through Emery's heart.
Save.

The penalty is killed, but it doesn't stop Armstrong-Talbot-Ruutu from dominating for a good minute or so.
So frustrating though.

And then it happens.

Roberts goes in and forces Wade Redden to make his first bad play of the 21st century.
Ouellet dominates behind the net again, finds a way to get it in front.

Battle for the puck.
And that netting moves.
Goal.

1 - 1.
Whatever ends up happening in these playoffs, we waited 6 years to attain the swell of joy that came with this goal.

The next segment of hockey can only be described as sex.
The Pens just keep flying.
Mellon Arena is electric.

But the Senators eventually start getting some chances.

Heatley turns Gonchar into a monkey, but MAF pokechecks it away.
The action then heads to the other end.
Roberts-Staal-Ouellet generating chances
Malkin-Crosby-Recchi generating chances.

Result: Pens power play.

Nope. Again.
Sens power play blocking more shots than 50 Cent.

Where did 50 Cent go, by the way.

Ekman gets a sweet chance during that craziness, but damn it all to hell.

Towards the end of the second, Staal draws another penalty.
Crosby jobs Emery.
Emery's Mike Tyson is just waiting to come out.
Hopefully so is his choking.

Going into the second intermission, we have the "power play working on a fresh sheet of ice" to think about for the next 17 minutes.

......................................................

Third period.
Power play.
Nothin' happening.

Melichar turns the puck over.
Your dinner is in your lap as the Senators try banging the puck in nine or ten times while MAF doesn't know what's going on.

A turnover is when you give the puck to the other team.
And when you talk turnover, you talk Joe Melichar on that play.

The clock ticks to under 14:00 left.

With 10:48 left in the third period, Mike Comrie just makes a great individual play.
Saucer pass to Anton Volchenkov.

Volchenkov grabs the puck in the high slot.

BAM!


2 - 1.

Give it up to the Mellon Arena faithful.
They waited roughly 8 seconds before starting the Let's Go Pens chant.

Here we go.
8:55 left.
Something has to be done.

Oleg Saprikin almost ends our life, but the redirection goes wide.

6:37 remaining.
Oscar goes to the box.
Gut-check time.

Guts host Mike O'Malley definitely tagged that.

Moving on,
The Pens kill it.

The most important person on Earth during the following commercial break was the Mellon Arena game-entertainment coordinator.
You play Welcome To The Jungle.
You show a clip from Miracle.
You do something.
If memory serves right, they played Beastie Boys. Wow.

Faceoff.
Nothin doin'.

1:50 left.

44.7 seconds left.
Bryan Murray calls timeout.

26.6 seconds left.

14.5 seconds left.

You gotta win a faceoff.

Nope.

Game.

Stats

• Staal: 1 G
• Chris Phillips: 6 PIM.
  
• Shots: OTT ( 26 ) -- PENS ( 24 )
• Powerplay: OTT ( 1 for 3 ) -- PENS ( 0 for life )

Miscellaneous

• Somebody get Jordan Staal some Advil. His shoulders have to be killing him from carrying the Pens in the playoffs.
• Imagine if Gary Roberts was a Senator and was torturing us in this series.
• Gary Roberts on Heroes?
  
• What is it with NHL teams that wear black and red frustrating the piss out of you?
  
• When you think that the Pens could be leaving for Kansas City in a month...
• Forget that optimism bullshit. It's time to kill a stranger's pet.
• Two Guts references in two days. It's been a long year.

..............................................

Game 5 in Ottawa.
Perhaps one last dance.

“Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon.”

.................


Don't Stop Believin' -- A. Knor
Choke -- Andrew W.

All We Have Is Now

So, let's take a trip down memory lane...

--- Dateline ---

May 3, 1991. 11:05 PM.
Scott Township
The Penguins drop the first two games of the Conference finals in Boston.


George Striker has to be talked out of his garage.

--- Dateline ---

May 19, 1991. 10:58 PM.
Station Square
The Penguins lose Game three of the Stanley Cup Finals; North Stars go up 2-1 in the series.


Steve Mezinski has to be talked off the Smithfield Street Bridge.

--- Dateline ---

April 25, 1992. 11:15 PM.
Mt. Washington
The Penguins get blown out 7-2 at home; fall behind the Capitals 3-1.


Lucy Wong has a 13-hour-long stand-off with police after refusing to remove herself from one of those hangover things on Mt. Washington.

--- Dateline ---

May 27, 1997. 1:09 AM.
Some Virginia Hotel
Marv Albert is arrested for forcible sodomy and assault.

What do all these people have in common?

Their situations were worse than ours...
And they got out of it.

Expect for Lucy.
She got hooked on angel dust and overdosed in Carrick in July '99.

.................................

Maybe it is the six-year layoff.

But is it time to hit the Pens panic button?
The answer is no.

We all need to start showing some guts.

People are talking about Gonchar and his play on Alfredsson's goal Sunday night.
Let it go.

We fondle Christensen's balls all year, expecting him to bury that wrister opportunity he had Sunday night.
He missed.
Deal.

This isn't the NFL.
It isn't one and your done.

Rumor has it Ben Roethlisberger couldn't make it to the Pens game Sunday night because he was arrested.

Antwaan Randle El had to bail him out.

Again.

....................................

And now the "bash Evgeni Malkin" parade has kicked off?

We don't make it habit to give our real opinions, because we just run a blog, and people will believe what they want.

But this dude from SI went over the edge.

The only thing with the initials "N.H.L." that this guy is inside is his boyfiend.
Nick H. Lachey.

"Malkin has been invisible most of the time, which is no mean feat for a guy who is a legitimate 6-foot-4 and the presumptive rookie of the year"

Stunning.
Especially considering he has assisted on two Crosby goals. And has a decent 4 assists.
It's a tough series.

"The bad news: He took a pair of silly, soft, stick penalties in Game 3 -- a first-period trip and a hook in the second. The good news: His English clearly is getting better, and probably more colloquial, given the way he whined to the referees after the calls"

SI subscription = cancelled.

But all this pales in comparison to the idiots lurking on the Penguins message boards.

Malkin is soft, they say.
They are dissapointed in him.

If it wasn't for Mr. Malkin, this would be Offseasonblog.
Go to hell.

...........................


Suck it.
...........................................................

There also is a lot of fuss about the Pens fans booing the Canadian anthem.
All we can say is that they most likely aren't hockey fans.
Because that anthem is unreal.
But perhaps their mom was raped by a mountie.
At this point, we don't know.

Would you put it past this guy?

............................................

Click this pic.
That's what we're talking about.
Special thanks to Touchdown Tom Quinn for this picture.

............................................

Quick Glance around the NHL.

The Devils are in trouble.

Buffalo jobs past the Isles

2 - 1 Sabres.

And one game in the West.

Sharks over Preds

5 bucks to whoever can photoshop Barry Trotz into this the best

..........................
Credits

Guts - Mike Costa
Marv Albert - Todd " Big game" Lewis
Murray - Chris Y
............................

And one final thing.
Frito Will's (longtime friend of the blog) wife swears that Ryan Whitney will be Gary Roberts (looks-wise) in 2o years.



Go Pens

Game Three: The Nightmare at the Mellon. PENS LOSE.

4 - 2

NHL.COM RECAP

This kind of game makes you wish you had a crack habit so you could go on some type of binge.
If you threw up all over your cat in the 3rd period, you're not alone.

........

The Insane Towels were flying like crazy at the beginning of the game.
Jeff Jimmerson comes out and sends 20 people to the hospital with his rendition of O Canada.
Jimmerson made Pavarotti look like the chorus director at some elementary school.

Take notes.

Early on, the Senators get a quick chance.
The Pens defense doesn't know what's going on, but neither does Dany Heatley.
He mishandles the puck, and the Senators crap on themselves.

The next play, it happens.
Sid knocks it ahead to himself and flies through the neutral zone like he's a monkey.
He gets it to Colby on the wing.
Army gets it to the net, and Sid tries to job it in but can't.
Mr. Roberts is there to bang the rebound home.

Eat the balls, Ray

1-0.

Mellon Arena is insane.
Roberts continues flying around.
What a human being.
He declined having a New Testament book being named after him.

After a TV timeout, Wade Redden jobs behind the net, and Malkin somehow gets a tripping penalty.

The Pens kill that penalty, and Malkin gets a chance on a slapper...but no dice.

Before you know what's going on, the Pens get another penalty -- Rob Scoods this time.
It looked like the penalty saved an apparent goal, though.

It only took a minute for Dany Heatley to ruin the chance.
A crosscheck on Ryan Malone's spine puts the teams in 4-on-4 action.
The Pens can't do anything with their powerplay.

Later, Recchi draws a holding penalty.
The Pens hit the power play again.
No dice on the power play.

After the power play, the Sens came flying through the zone and you get the feeling something not good was about to happen.
Some craziness happens in front of the net, and Dean McAmmond puts the Loose Change home.

McAmmond's goal confirms our suspicions that he was behind 9/11.

Tied 1 - 1.
Huge goal for the Sens.
And for some reason, that goal was like walking in on a lesbian orgy starring The Golden Girls.

...Meaning that it sucked the life out of you.
If the goal turned you on, you shouldn't even be here.

The rest of the first was mud, and you just knew the second had bad news written all over it.

...........................................................

But Armstrong and Roberts come out hitting in the second, getting the fans back into the game.

A little over two minutes into the second, Lee Malvo shoots it from the point.
It plinkos around, and Mike Comrie puts it into a wide-open net.
2 - 1.

The next shift, Gary Roberts jobs Spezza in front of the benches.
Crosby scores, but the whistle was blown.

Then, every Penguin just stands around. Two fall down.

Lee Malvo is robbed by MAF on a semi-breakaway.
Huge.

Malkin takes another penalty.
Uh-oh.
Alfredsson skates in from the half boards and buries a wrister.
3 - 1 Sens.
Mellon Arena feels like Heinz Field.

Danny Alfredsson's life partner is all business after the goal.

The Pens come out with some mojo on the next shift, throwing their bodies around.
It was nothing compared to what was about to happen.
Colby flies into the Pens zone...BOOM.

Patrick Eaves = Done.

Talbot and Dean McAmmond scrum, but it was kind of moot.
The life gets sucked out of the Mellon Arena with that string of events.
The next big play would go far in determining who would win this game.
Unfortunately, it was at that time that the Pens started playing like complete mud.

Orpik falls, and the Senators get three or four chances to bang it home, but they can't.
MAF was gonna have to dominate again.

Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick.
Only 6:00 left in the second, and desperation slowly setting in.

Mike Comrie grabs Orpik behind the net.
Pens PP. It's go time.
To the chagrin of PensNation, the power play was as lifeless as the career of the actor who played Cody on Step-By-Step.

Mud.

And as the penalty expires, Tom Brady scores again.
4 - 1. Pens fans everywhere google "suicide."

I disappear in the playoffs?
Suck it, Pensblog.

And that was it for the second period.

.............................................................

Okay. Here we go.
We've been here before.
Third period.

The classy Senators come out and dominate the early moments of the third.
Pens losing the race for every loose puck.
So frustrating.
The Senators are just sitting the neutral zone, saying bring it.
Bryan Murray is coaching his brains out.

The whistle blows for the first time in the third, and there's only 14:20 left in the game.

Orange Sherbet slashes Sid's glove off.
Power-play time again.

During the power play, FSN gives us the Subway sandwich of the game: some jobber hit that Armstrong laid on Volchenkov.

But the Quiznos sandwich of the game is Armstrong turning Ben Eaves into a woman.

Now there's only 10:00 left, and the Senators are boring the world into submission.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, BAM.
Malkin and Sid connect.
Malkin threads an unreal pass to Crosby who redirects it in.
4 - 2.
Talk about a shot of adrenaline.

Then PensNation is rocked.
Scoods gets nailed from behind.
Visions of a five-minute major dance in our heads.
Not only do we not get the major penalty, but the refs even the play up.

4-on-4 action.
Pens pull MAF to get some chances.

Malkin gets a nice chance, but no dice.
Amidst a skirmish in front of the net, Chris Philips punches Sid in the mouth.
Malkin attacks Philips.

The Pens try to get some more stuff going, but it wasn't gonna happen.

Game.

Stats

• Crosby: 1 G, 1 A
• Alfredsson: 2 G
• McAmmond: 1 G, 1 A
  
• Shots: OTT ( 25 ) ---- PENS ( 19 )
• Powerplay: OTT ( 1 for 3 ) ------- PENS ( 0 for 4 )

Miscellaneous

• No bridge jumping. Pens could be down 3-0 right now.
• Orange Sherbert is an ass. You want Orange Sherbert to die, but you don't even know the man.
  
• Dean McAmmond knows what's going on. Disgusting.
  
• After jobbing in game one, Mark Recchi has stepped it up in the past two games.

We just acquired a early addition of the Post Gazette,
Shocking article in the Dear Abby section:

..............................

Murray - J schiff
Ref - Chris Yarbrough
Colby vid - Burton

No Sleep Til Mellon

Sens vs. Pens
6:00 --- Mellon Arena
What an atmosphere.

Hopefully the Penguins don't follow the trend of Pittsburgh teams choking in Sunday home playoff games.

That's six.
If Gary Roberts plays corner, this doesn't happen.

If you think we're Penguin homers and are jealous of the Steelers, you're high.
There is simply nothing better than making fun of the Steelers and their fans (which include ourselves).

Speaking of fans...
To all Pens fans out there:

If you ever get on the news and some jobber reporter like Alan Jennings asks you if you think the Pens will win the Stanley Cup, say nothing and walk away...and maybe greet their mouth with your boot.
We all hope the Pens win the Cup, but can you say in all honesty that they will win for sure?

This is why FSN should do all news, all the time.
What lazy journalism by local newscasts recently.

Start asking better questions, clowns.

........................................

Great day of hockey on Saturday.

The Pens sneaking out of Ottawa with a 4-3 win set the tone for road teams stealing games.

In Hot-lanta, the Moose returned to the playoffs. And he was unreal.
But the despicable Sean Avery was money in the bank.
He scored a goal from mid-ice on a bad bounce.
And set up Shanny with a sick pass for the game-winner.

Game.

Series 2-0 Ranger(s).

Staying with the New York theme, The Isles stunned Buffalo.
Ted Nolan Voodoo'ed the Sabres in the third.
When you get a chance, watch Rick DiPietro play in net.
He is so relaxed and nonchalant; never panics. Ice in his veins.

The series is tied 1 - 1.
And heading to Long Island.
Good luck, Buffalo.

Tampa Bay evened their series with New Jersey.
Marty and Vinny put the team on their backs.
Good luck playing in Tampa dicks.

.............................................

Touchdown Tawm (the David the Gnome commenter and the Photoshop god from the West Indies), fashioned a nice-sized poster of the Sidney Crosby Stanley Cup shadow picture.
The sign will be at the game on Sunday.


Joshua McGoun sent us the pic.
Not sure if he photoshopped it or what.
It was edited from an NHL.com Frozen Moment.

.............................................

OnTheFly.nhl.com

Wait till you see the video quality of highlights on there.
Solid stuff.

Go Pens.

Game Two: Salvation Lies Within. PENS WIN.

4 - 3

NHL.COM RECAP

3:00 start, right?
By the time NBC finishes going down on their corporate sponsors...and Brett Hull and Ray Ferarro got done talking...the puck finally drops at 3:20.

As soon as the puck hits the ice, the Pens get penalized. Questionable call on Staal.
Two-plus days of waiting for this? Sick.
Ottawa scoring on that power play seemed inevitable.

But Alfredsson jobs Fleury, and the Sens lose their power play.
Pens would get about 1:30 of power-play time; definitely enough time to set up shop.
Whitney cashes in, and the Pens silence Pedophile Arena.

Experience the Evolution of my balls jack.
1-0.

The teams job around for a while; only 11 shots combined in the first period.

Orange Sherbert tries his little jump-check about 9:00 into the game.
Not today, douchebag.
He lays on the ice for 5 hours. What a joke.

The Sens came out trying to nail the Pens on every occasion.
Sidney Crosby responded by jobbing anyone that came close.

Sidney Crosby doing that didn't change the Senators fans thoughts on him; booing him every time he touched the puck.
As NBC alluded, Sid isn't the one Ottawa fans should be booing.

Nice.

The rest of period was like watching a nightmare.
Recchi got humiliated, and then Crosby got high-sticked in the face.
No call.
It would be a theme in the second period.

Towards the end of the first, Christensen takes a penalty, but the Pens PK comes up huge.
You could tell this was going to be one of those blood-pressure games.

...................................

Breaking news from NBC before the second starts:
Chicago will get a possible bid for the 2081 Olympics.
WHO CARES.

...............................

The Pens were running Penaltyblog for the early parts of the second period.

Three minutes in, Christensen goes to the box again.
Little did he know that him skating to the bench after his penalty time expired was gonna be the last time he touched the ice this game.

After Melichar and Vermette go to the box for making out with each other, the Sens capitalize on the 4-on-4 opportunity.
Spezza backhands it in, and play-by-play guy Mike Emrick's voice goes through you like a knife.

He Skeeeoars!
Clown.

Ottawa starts dominating in the shots department in the second period, outshooting the Pens 19-5. Wow.
MAF was on a hallucinogenic that no one even knows about; keeping the Pens in the hunt.

With less than 4:00 left in the second, Armstrong drives to the net on a 1/8 breakaway.
Emery stops him, but that doesn't stop Armstrong from going Mach 3 into Emery, dislodging the net and Emery's brain.

BOOM

Two minutes for being a maniac.

And the Sens, to the delight of the people in Gay Arena, capitalize on the ensuing power play to take a 2-1 lead into the second intermission.

It doesn't matter if Jesus Christ himself walks through your front door -- you will chew off the face of anyone who says anything to you after the opposing team scores a goal in the playoffs.

Five penalties against the Penguins in the second.
Wow.

........................................................

Down 2-1. Here we are.
Nothing going for you; The capital city of Canada and Canada's media against you.
Back against the wall.
What do you do?

You get busy livin' or get busy dyin'.

Right off the bat in the third, Mike Comrie challenges Army to a fight.
They scrap. Mike Comrie's whole life is a joke.
20 seconds after that, Matt Fisher takes a slashing penalty.
Ottawa didn't know they could still be called for penalties.

Huge opportunity for the Pens.
And you know what that means.

On this week's episode, Evgeni Malkin passes to Mr. Gonchar.
Ray Emery can't find the rebound, and Gary Roberts teaches us how to bury an absolutely huge playoff goal.

Fact: 3 seconds after this picture was taken, somebody died.

So, back where we started. All tied up.
Both teams get some great chances.
But then Mr. Gonchar gets called for a penalty. Phantom call.

And you know what that means.
The Pens have to get up for another shorthanded performance.

Sigh.

And they kill it.
And then WPXI flashes a poorly designed graphic.
Its starts off saying " The Steelers Announce..."

Waiting....


" They have released their 2007 schedule."
WTF...
And then with this stupid blue graphic on the screen, Ottawa scores.
We know who was behind this.

Rich Walsh about to go see what Ben Roethlisberger's farts smell like today.
John Fedko about to go see what Rich Walsh's farts smell like today.
Mmmmmmmm. They smell like failure.

Okay, so, now it is nothing but bad times.
Ottawa is up 3-2; third period depreciating fast.
Sick.
But, this is the playoffs. We knew what we were getting into when we signed up for this.

With less than 10 minutes remaining (and let us be the first to say), Michel Ouellet made a huge play.
He nails a Senator.
Roberts executes a tombstone pile-driver on some unlucky and unsuspecting human being behind the net. Ouellet passes in front.

BANG
Staal, Jordan Staal.

Tied 3-3.

After the Pens tied it, you could feel the collective butthole of Ottawa fans getting tighter.

Tell us about it.

The refs let the teams play for two minutes.
Dan Alfredsson has a golden opportunity on Fleury, but his stick chokes.
The puck gets to Malkin. First time in this series he has actually had room to skate.
He makes a sick pass to Recchi.

...You see a white blur at the top of your screen...

Recchi winds up to pass.
The blur becomes an image.
The image is Crosby.
Crosby becomes a man.

4-3.
Canada is stunned.

Someone once said:
"Great players aren't always great; they're just great when they have to be."
Huge goal.
Lemieux-esque.

Now it all lies on MAF's shoulders.
As time ticks by slower than the Ottawa Senators fan club on a treadmill, MAF stands strong.

The dude on the right is Jason Spezza's brother.

Under seven minutes to play, the refs job Evgeni Malkin.
We hate to sound like homers, but wow.

The Pens must rise above again...
And they do.
Byran Murray calls a timeout with six minutes to go.
He draws a play up in the dirt.
No dice.
Tick-tick-tick-tick-tick.
4 Minutes.
Tick-tick-tick-tick.
3 Minutes.
The next two minutes can only be described as a blur.
Somehow we wind up with Ray Emery pulled and there's under thirty seconds left.
The Sens get a chance in front.
But MAF makes the biggest save of his career.
Wow.
You wait till the puck gets chopped out of the zone before going nuts.

Game.

Stats

• Crosby: 1 G, 1 A
• Malkin: 2 A
• Gonchar: 2 A
• MAF: Biggest win of career.
• Shots: OTT : 37 -------- PENS : 21
• Powerplay: OTT : 1 for 9 ------------ PENS : 2 FOR 3
  

Miscellaneous

• If you've watched the highlights of this game on pittsburghpenguins.com at least 15 times, you are not alone.
  
• Fleury answers the critcs. Great performance.
• Gary Roberts telling that ref off in the third is why Gary Roberts is great.
• Ottawa can suck it.
• Sorry if anyone's "Malkin's Gonna Score Saturday" checks bounced.
  
• Mellon Arena, tomorrow night. Goosebumps
  

.......................................................

Sens fans - chris yarbrough

dumb and dumber - Marcie Warner
007 - Matt Felser

.................................................

Islander Watch: 3 - 2 winners of Buffalo.
Series tied 1 - 1.
Nassau Coliseum in the playoffs. Wow.

..................

Special Birthday Wish from Jeneen Ausk:



Go Pens.

Enemy at the Boards

Before we get into anything:

*** BREAKING NEWS OUT OF OTTAWA THIS EVENING ***

Bryan Murray's wife has been held up on the coast of Nova Scotia and will be unable to attend Saturday's game.


...............................

Huge game tomorrow.

If you don't know what were talking about, hang yourself.
Maybe the most important game of our lives.
We start with:

Lord Therrien is pissed off at King Georges

Reporter: "As physical as it was, would you have liked to see Laraque be more of a physical presence - or a presence - in that game?"

Therrien: "No doubt."

: "Why wasn't he?"

: "Ask him."

Ouch.
Harsh tone.
Don't worry, though. BGL got some important fan mail to cheer him up.


.........................................

Speaking of mail, lots of news and notes to deliver...

Malkin is trying to get adjusted to the NHL Playoffs....

Malkin will score tomorrow.

Fleury is right back into the fire....

had to bring this back for good luck
MAF deserves to be in there.
Expect a huge effort.

Sens are going at the Penguins D...

Nice little feature on Gary Roberts on NHL.COM
After this was posted, Roberts released the writer's family.

And finally some junk mail


................................

Not a whole lot of games in the Playoffs tonight.
The Preds got even with the Sharks.


Series 1-1

Dallas jobbed the Canucks.


Shutout city

and
the Ducks go up 2-0 on the Wild.


Banks scores 2 goals, Conway 1A

One other note around the league:
DP is back practing for the Isles.

For Isles fans, this is like Apollo 13 landing safe.

Do it

...............................................

There is only one thing that the world wants more than a Pens victory on Saturday:

Bob Backlund putting Alanis Morissette in the cross-faced chickenwing.
Go Pens

.............................................................................

Photoshops
Jesus--Joe Weir
Maf-neo--Eric M
Junk Mail--George Hanna

Once Upon A Time in the Playoffs

What a great week thus far....

...Unless you're Don Imus or you're related to someone who has touched a little boy.

If you run Donimusblog, the party is over.

Minus the Pens getting dominated like a buffet at Oprah's house in 1986, the playoffs have lived up to the hype that the last 24 seconds of SportsCenter has given it.

Oprah actually ate Michael Jackson in 1989.

In the West, things are tight...as expected.

Anaheim squeaked by Minnesota 2-1. ( ANA 1 - 0 )

In Nashville -- a great early playoff story.
Patrick Rissmiller of the Sharks couldn't clear the puck out of his own zone with a minute to go, and Nashville tied the game at 3.
But the second OT was The Rissmiller Redemption.

Suck it.

( SJ 1 - 0 )

But the biggie on Wednesday was Vancouver and Dallas.
People have billed this as one the most competitive series in the first round.
And the Stars and Canucks don't disappoint, almost going to a fifth OT.

Henrik Sedin devastates Texas in the mouth.
( VAN 1 - 0 )

.........................................................

Thursday night was filled with more sex.

Detroit made Calgary look like midgets.
Calgary = no chance.
I guess that's how the Pens look to everyone else in the hockey world.

The Vinny-Marty Show gave the Devils a scare, but Lamoriello rallies the troops and holds the lead. Devils win 5-3.

The New York Rangers make a huge game-one statement in Atlanta.

Double J in the playoffs = Sick.
Shirt tucked in pants = homo

We have the Islanders upsetting Buffalo in the first round.
You feel safe pulling for the Islanders. They are so deadly.
But they get owned 4-1 in Game One against Buffalo.

NHL SCORES PAGE

....................................................

If you don't have Mac OS X, skip this part.

Most people are aware of the third-party IM client Adium.
It's ridiculously customizable.

It even lets you customize the dock icon.
So we made one.


Download it here.
1. Unzip the file.
2. Double-click the icon.
3. Dominate.

( It's named " Anaheim Ducks " because we had to job a Ducks one. )

Here's how it looks in the OS X dock.

...................................................


Has anyone seen Evgeni Malkin?

We're not stat hawks, but Mr. Malkin has been quiet.
A lot of jobbers are starting to call Geno out. And maybe with good reason.
Who knows.
He has his moments. When he is on, he is unstoppable.

You want to take something to the bank? Malkin is scoring on Saturday.

.......................................................

Empty-Netters has the Eat 'n Park Pens-Sens commercial.

Andy L. finds this Yahoo article about Sidney Crosby...and Phil Bourque.

....................................................


Wilkes-Barre/Scranton Baby Pens in an episode of "The Office."
-- Will from Butler

...................................

And finally, we got the shock of a lifetime when a friend of ours IMed us.


.........................


Thanks to Tyler Piotrowski for the reminder on these
Go Pens

Game One: The Baptism of Fire. PENS LOSE.

6 - 3

NHL.COM RECAP

Remember all those games that we said "felt like playoff games" during the regular season?
They don't even compare.
At 7:08:00 the puck dropped in the playoffs for the first time for us in six years.
At 7:10:43....

Andrej Meszaros says welcome to the playoffs jack

Malkin = Stunned

Fleury tripped over the invisible Dan Alfredsson in his crease and fell over.
1-0 that fast.

Abiding to the laws of karma, Meszaros later makes up for that goal by holding Jordan Staal going into the corner.
Power play.
Half of the arena falls asleep due to lack of power-play activity.
MAF had to come up big all period, but one of his biggest saves came when he stoned Orange Sherbert on a shorthanded 2-on-1.

Talbot almost costs the Pens a goal later on a miscommunication near the Pens net.
Scuderi has to knock the puck out of the air to save Talbot's balls.

Picture: Goalie Ray Emery eyes the puck like it's a 12-year-old boy.

It was all for naught, though.
Eaton blocks a shot but can't find the puck.
R. Kelly swoops in...and beats MAF.
2-0.

Basically, the first six minutes of the game was like getting DDT'd by your grandma at your senior prom in front of all your friends.

Youre dead

Just a giant disaster.
Ottawa was on PCP.

The Pens calm down a bit but then get hit with two penalties on the same play.
Whitney and Orpik both go to the box.
The big play of this penalty kill?

Mark Eaton saving the Cheerleader...twice.

The Pens get a huge penalty kill.

The Pens are given another 2:20 of power-play time towards the end of the period, but no dice.
Then boom...the Pens are on another 5-on-3 penalty kill.

They weather the storm as a second period of myocardial infarction-inducing action looms.

........................................................................

The Pens start off the second period by killing the 5-on-3.
Then the Pens get their 20th power play of the game.
They do squat.

Orange Sherbet knees Evgeni Malkin later in the period.
Wow.

Malkin was physically assaulted all game long, but he kept battling.

The Pens finally get a shot of adrenaline -- Recchi-Malkin-Malone put on the yellow jersey and generate some activity in the Sens' zone.

After some jobbin, Antoin Vermette interferes with Malkin, and the Pens hit the power play.
Of course, the refs have to stop the game and ask coach Bryan Murray what he thought.

The referees keep a towel on-hand for when Bryan Murray talks to them through his thick lisp.

That lasted roughly 3 seconds because Crusher trips up captain douchebag Alfredsson.

One the next play, the Pens get their best chance of the game when Ouellet gets a clean shot off.
But it's not garbage day.

Crusher's penalty comes back to haunt the Pens.
The Sens get a big power-play goal to make it 3-0.
Visions of a Pens Game One victory quickly turning to black.

But

Talbot-Staal-Ouellet cycle, and a goal is somehow scored.
Staal does his fist pump, and all of a sudden, it's 3-1.

Sid gets hit with a penalty late in the second -- the Sens go on the power play.
The PK survives the rest of the second period.
The only thing bigger than the third period on the horizon was your mom's balls.

.................................

That pumped-up, get-the-job-done mentality went out the window nine seconds into the third.
Heatley drives to the net and jobs in a goal.

It's funny because Dany Heatley should be in jail.

That letdown apparently lasted 14 seconds, though.
The Pens go back and drive the Ottawa net, and the puck finds its way past Ray Emery.
4-2.

But wait.
Call up The War Room.

The city of Toronto sees their only hockey action this Spring.

Opinions will vary on whether Cosby kicked it or not...but just keep in mind how smart Crosby is.
Did the war room put that into perspective, too?
Being a Pens fan is like sex, but just don't let that deter you from seeing a jobber play when you see it.

No Goal.

Having that goal called back was Demoralization City.
Soon after, Chris Neil has a breakaway that turns into a 2-on-0.
5-1.

Three minutes later, Mike Comrie jobs in a goal to make it 6-1.
The fans resume chanting Fleury's name.

Notice that there are no females with these gentlemen.

MAF peaces out, and Thibault comes in.

Then it gets interesting.
Bryan Murray thends hith Thenatorth out to thart cheap-thotting the Penth.
The first of the many skirmishes in this series ensues.
Ryan Whitney took a nasty high stick to the face from who else -- Dany Heatley.
And Heatley only gets two minutes.
He gets away with everything.

The Pens find themselves on the power play afterwards.
And then the Sens get another penalty.
5-on-3 for the Pens.

Gonchar blasts one in from the point. 6-2.
Ray Emery sucks.

Sens get another penalty. Power play for the Pens.
If the Pens score a goal there to make it 6-3 with 6:00 left, the entire city of Ottawa would call timeout.

Another Senators chokejob would have been inevitable.

Aldredsson hits Orpik in the face with an errant stick.
The Pens get a 4:00 power play.

First Whitney cut....now Orpik was bleeding.
There was more blood on the ice tonight than at the Dany Heatley crash scene.

Towards the end of the game, Sid scores to make it 6-3.

Then Ruutu starts jobbing Lee Malvo.
Talbot gets into it, too.
After that, you got to hate Talbot if you're a Sens fan.
One classy Senator fan threw something at Talbot on his way off the ice.
Immediately, Penguin fans everywhere stood up like they were going to fight someone.
Don't touch our players, fags.

We'll be back.

Game.

Stats

• Shots: Senators - 108 ------ Pens - 26
  
• Powerplay: Sens ( 2 for 6 ) ----- Pens ( 2 for 10 )
• Ray Emery: 3 difficult saves. 3 soft goals.

Miscellaneous

• Perfect. The Sens coast to a 6-3 win. If this makes the Sens lighten up the least bit, that's good news.
• If you took a shot of liquor every time Recchi mishandled the puck, you might have died of alcohol poisoning.
  
• It's all a matter of breaking the Senators defense. Ray Emery is garbage. If you think Ottawa is going anywhere with him in net, then wow.
  
• There are so many fat people in Ottawa.
• MAF didn't look shaky. It just wasn't a pretty game.
• It's only Game One, but Steiggy and Errey were in pure pissed-off mode. Plus, they were blatant homers for the first time this season.

.............................................

Photoshop

Eaton -- Jannah J
Depends -- Jschiff
Driver -- Anthony Costa

Buckle Up

Before we start anything and before the playoffs commence, we must give shout-outs to the following blogs.

We do not link these guys nearly enough.

Empty-Netters -- Always updated and fresh. Nothing but good times. You have to respect Seth, the writer. He walks a politically-correct line that we don't have to touch.
Steeltown Mike -- Hardest-working man in the business.
Pittsburgh Sports Guys -- Always a good time.
Igloo Dreams -- Never misses a recap. Been around longer than us.
GameDayChat -- Will eventually own the world of sports chat.
No-Pun Intended -- One of our oldest friends. Sorry about the Leafs.
Pittsburgh sports insider-- Money in the bank. Always has the lines/scratches/and any other news.

And thanks to all our folks from our Commentorblog.
Thanks to the photoshoppers.
Thanks to the link-droppers.
Thanks to people who despise this website's existence.
We wouldn't have made it through this year without you.

........................................

Now, all that aside.
It's playoff time.

......................................................................

#5 Pittsburgh - #4 Ottawa
47 - 24 - 11 (105 pts) ------------------ 48 - 25 - 9 (105 pts)
Season Series: Pens won 3-1.

Game One: Friday, November 10, 2006
Sens own Pens 6 - 3.

Game Two: Tuesday, March 6, 2007
Pens come roaring back to win 5 - 4 in shootout.

Game Three: Sunday, March 18, 2007
Ruutu scores only shootout goal in 4 - 3 win.

Game Four: Thursday, April 5, 2007
Talbot scores game-winner with 9.8 seconds left.

.......................................................

KNOW THINE ENEMY

Flag of Ottawa

Ottawa, Ontario, Canada -- FACTS

• It is the capital of Canada.
• They have a Triple-A baseball team -- the Ottawa Lynx.
• It is the gayest city in the Northern Hemisphere.
• The currency -- feces.
• Companies lose tens of millions of dollars in April every year because, much like the captain of their hockey team, workers disappear.
  
• On average, small-tremor earthquakes occur every 3 years in Ottawa.

Now we know how often Bryan Murray's daughter visits him.

.........................................

As always, we hope you aren't coming here to read about some jobber Pens fans who think they know everything.
We know just as much as the next guy, but monotonous analysis is drivel that no one wants to read.
We've been around all year. We know, you know, and every Pens fan knows what to expect in this series.
The varying thoughts in the comments sections of these posts carry more water than the thoughts of a couple homos who try to fit "Die Hard 3: With A Vengeance" into every game recap.

Simon says the Sens' best bet is to stay out of the penalty box.

..............................................................

Picture: Daniel Alfredsson, Dany Heatley, and Jason Spezza about to ruin someone's day.

If you wouldn't take this line as your top unit going into the playoffs, then you don't know what's going on.
Gonna be tough.

Our stance on Dany Heatley and Bryan Murray is known.
Don't worry Sens fans. We will have a list of DUI checkpoints, so you can try to get Heatley's autographs.
Lets get going.
Drop the puck.

Things to look forward to:

• Ray Emery being shakier than Michael J. Fox.
  

• 81,000,007 iso-camera shots of Sidney Crosby

• Watching Danny Alfredsson dissappear

• Don Cherry working for NBC

dick
..................

Highlander -- Lloyd Jones
Alfredsson -- Jason Schiff

......................................

Tyler Lovejoy's Pens 06-07 Highlight Vids
.......................................
And for no reason at all.
CBC'S Video of the 1994 Stanley Cup Finals
This is what the playoffs are all about

And because this is Penbsblog
CBC'S 1991 Tribute
Worst song ever

Go Pens

Lords of the Rings: The Return of the Playoffs

*** NHL says no thanks to Kerry Fraser for the playoffs ***

Tuesday's gonna fly.
And then we'll wake up Wednesday morning and vomit.
The playoffs in any sport are exciting.
But the NHL is a whole different story.
These are the days of playoff beards.
The days where if your team loses, you contemplate swerving into traffic on I-79.
Days of anticipation lead into the joy of the opening faceoff.
Nights of joy lead into unspeakable horror.
These are the playoffs.

Let's kick the tires and light the fires.

.............................................

Our picks mean nothing.


A conference that we know absolutely nothing about.

We get all our info about the West from NHLDigest.com...
...and the Haitian from Heroes.


He knows.


#8 Calgary - # 1 Detroit
43 - 29 - 10 (96 pts) --------------- 50 - 19 - 13 (113 pts)
Season Series: Tied 2-2.

Detroit battled for the President's Trophy this season.
They won it last year...and lost to Edmonton in the first round.
The only team to give up fewer goals than Dominik Hasek and the Red Wings (199) this year was Minnesota (191).
Calgary will play with Miikka Kiprusoff and the support of Canada behind them.
Not to mention the 19,289 Flames fans all wearing the dark-red jerseys at home.
Can Hasek be broken? Yes.
Can Detroit's defense be broken? No.

Adam: Detroit
Derek: Calgary
Chris: Detroit
Nick: Detroit

Blog for info: The Battle for Alberta
.......................


# 7 Minnesota - #2 Anaheim
48 - 26 - 8 (104 pts) ----------------- 48 - 20 - 14 (110 pts)
Season Series: Tied 2-2.

Remember way back when...
The Anaheim Ducks and Buffalo Sabres sprinted out of the gate this season?
Well, Anaheim is still pretty good.
The intimidation factor of Pronger and Neidermayer on the blue line is vital.
Unfortunately, it's hard to think Minnesota will be intimidated.
On the shoulders of no-name goalie Niklas Backstrom (best GAA in NHL but in only 41 games), the Wild have coasted into a playoff spot.
If Wild coach Jacques Demers' trap is executed to perfection, the Wild will pull off the biggest upset in Minnesota since Gordan Bombay in District 5.

Will Banks and Conway be enough?

Adam: Anaheim
Derek: Anaheim
Chris: Anaheim
Nick: Anaheim

Blog for info: Wild Puck Banter
.....................................................


#6 Dallas - #3 Vancouver
50 - 25 - 7 (107 pts) ------------------ 49 - 26 - 7 (105 pts)
Season Series: Tied 2-2.

Will Roberto Luongo make a final push for MVP?
Vancouver joins Calgary and Ottawa as the only Canadian teams making it into the playoffs.
Vancouver's PK was in the top 10 all season.
Dallas only allows 25 shots per game; second-best in the NHL (Detroit).
Dallas' two big names, Mike Modano and Sergei Zubov, get the senior discount at Denny's.

Due to recent playoff performances, the Stars have a trained Heimlich Maneuver expert on-hand this year in case goalie Marty Turco chokes again.

Adam: Vancouver
Derek: Vancouver
Chris: Vancouver
Nick: Vancouver

Blog for info: Canucksblog

.....................................


#5 San Jose - #4 Nashville
51 - 26 - 5 (107 pts) ------------------ 51 - 23 - 8 ( 110 pts)
Season Series: Nashville won 3-1.

The hangup on Nashville (and Detroit, for that matter) is that they get to beat up on Chicago, Columbus, and St. Louis 24 times each season.
San Jose stood tall all season against the likes of the Dallas Stars and Anaheim in the Pacific Division.

Yeah, they stood tall.
Laugh it up dicks.

Nashville's record ( 51 - 23 - 8 ) is a mirage.
Their true colors will show when they are pushed by battle-tested San Jose...who beat Nashville 4 games to 1 in the first round last season -- It wasn't even close.

The only wild card stopping a definite repeat of last season's playoff debacle is the addition of Peter Hospital-Bed Forsberg.

Tip: Tell your shift manager at Hooters that you'll be able to work full-time soon.

Adam: San Jose
Derek: Nashville
Chris: San Jose
Nick: San Jose

Blog for info: The Battle of California

...........................................................................................................................................................

Predicting the Eastern Conference playoff race is as easy as trying to figure out if Don Cannon is drunk on the five-o'clock news.

Downtown Don Cannon is drunk in this picture.

.............

The NHL is Parity City when it comes to the playoffs.

#8 Islanders - #1 Buffalo
40 - 30 - 12 (92 pts) ---------- 53 - 22 - 7 (113 pts)
Season Series: Buffalo won 3-1

This series is great for tons of reasons. The most important reason is that it guarantees us at least 11 more days of Ted Nolan jokes. That is good enough for us.

Speaking of Sitting Coach, how ironic is it that he is playing against the team that jobbed him?
Buffalo was unreal from the start, and even though their JV team played almost all the games, they still won the President's Trophy.
The Islanders may be the biggest bunch of names in the playoffs.
Yashin, Satan, Smyth, Blake...are big-time players, but they aren't as good as they should be.

Buffalo is far superior in the aspect of playing to their potential and beyond.
The Isles don't even know if Ricky DiPietro will be playing.
Instead, the whole world lays on the shoulders of goalie Wade Dubielewicz.
Sure -- Ryan Miller's left ball has more talent, but there is something magical about the unknown goalie in the playoffs (i.e. Johan Hedberg).
Buffalo has all the pressure. The Isles are just happy to be there. It will be a hell of a series.

How do you spell upset?

D-U-B-I-E-L-E-W-I-C-Z.

Derek: Islanders
Adam: Islanders
Chris: Buffalo
Nick: Buffalo

..........................


#7 Tampa Bay - #2 New Jersey
44 - 33 - 5 (93 pts) ----------- 49 - 24 - 9 (106 pts)
Season Series: Tampa Bay won 3-1

Playing the Devils in playoffs is more intimidating than Jack Arnold -- the dad from "The Wonder Years."


He only smiled four times during the show's 6 seasons.

Two teams could not be more different. Their only similarity is their love of men.
The Lightning have maybe the most dangerous playoff duo in Martin St. Louis and My Cousin Vinny Lecavalier.
The Devils have the most dominating goalie of our generation.
If you go by the stats, this series is all Devils, all the time.
But this isn't the old NHL. These series are nearly impossible to call.
Its feels like Upset City, but you got to think Tampa's goalie is easier than Ottawa coach Byran Murray's daugther.
Unless Marty Brodeur turns into a chicken, Devils win in 5 despite Claude Julien's blood on their visors.

Derek: Devils
Adam: Devils
Chris: Tampa Bay
Nick: Devils

.............................................


#6 Rangers - #3 Atlanta
42 - 30 - 10 (94 pts) -------------- 43 - 28 - 11 (97 pts)
Season Series: Atlanta won 3-1.

This series really doesn't have a lot of history or bad blood.
Atlanta won the Southeast division, but the Rangers aren't fooled.
The Rangers are warriors from the back alleys of the Atlantic division -- the only division in the NHL sending four teams to the playoffs.
The Rangers are one of the hottest teams in the league while Atlanta has a lot of pressure on them to do something in the playoffs.
But you talk pressure, you talk Jaromir Jagr in New York City.
Toss-up.

Anyone care to bet against Jaromir Jagr in the Stanley Cup Playoffs?

Derek: Atlanta
Adam: Rangers
Chris: Rangers
Nick: Rangers

....................................

Pens - Sens
Preview on Tuesday Night

We've talked to SensUnderground.com about doing some blog-vs.-blog activities for the series; something along the lines of the mayors of Super Bowl teams betting on stuff and just having fun with it.

We contacted them April 5th and got an e-mail in response saying they were interested.
That was probably before they visited the site and saw Bryan Murray getting peed on in a Photoshop or something.

Our guess is we're gonna be jobbed.

From their website. The trash talking has begun.

It's On

Pens Playoff Schedule Is Up

FSN...where art thou?

.................................

Can't remember if it happened last year, but the suspense surrounding the NHL Shootout format reached the ultimate on Sunday.

The Islanders needed a win to get into the playoffs.
A loss means the Maple Leafs get in.
Behind Richard Park, they had a 2-0 lead going into the last five minutes of their game against the Devils.

The Devils get a goal to make it 2-1 with about 4:00 left.
Then they score again with 0.8 seconds left to tie it.
The CN Tower nearly toppled from the eruption in Toronto.

Just imagine the elation that Leafs fans felt when the Devils tied it up.

Overtime is for naught...and it's shootout city.
New York's goalie Jimmy Somethingwicz has been coming up huge in relief of Rick DiPietro.
It didn't stop today.
Islanders are in the playoffs.

Mannnnnnnn

...........................................

HERE WE ARE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

THE 1991 AND 1992 PLAYOFF GOALS

Don't let the brightness blind you.





Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Game 6 : Minnesota
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Stanley Cup Parade

...............................................

Finally, we give you the Pensblog Playoff Bracket Showdown Mania Frenzy Monkey Uncle Competition.

We procrastinated, and we're mud when it comes to making PDFs.
So here is a jobber JPEG.

Playoff Bracket

RESULTS TO SEND:

• Winners of each round
• The final game count of the series ( i.e. 4 games to 2 )
• GAA of winning team's goaltender
  

IF YOU POSSESS THE CAPABILITIES, JUST TAKE IT INTO PHOTOSHOP AND TYPE IN THE WINNERS .
PHOTOSHOP ENTRIES : NAME THE FILE WITH YOUR NAME.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE PHOTOSHOP, E-MAIL US THE WINNERS.

Things to remember:
*** After the first round, the remaining top seed plays the remaining lowest seed. ***
If you mess up, we'll try to catch it.

Points:
3 points for getting the winner correct.
5 points for getting the series results correct.
Tiebreaker : That stupid GAA thing.

TUESDAY NIGHT 11:59 PM IS THE DEADLINE

thepensblog@gmail.com

1 Prize for the Winner (your choice):

• $10 GetGo Gift Card
• Box of Sarris Chocolate-Covered Pretzels
• 3-pack of underwear
• A 1991 Penguins puck signed by the entire Pensblog Staff
• Pensblog Staff picture, signed
  
• Two packs of smokes
• Mach3 Razor with extra blades
• $20 Gift Card to a mall
• $15 iTunes Gift Card
• DVD of Weekend at Bernie's
  

......................................................

This guy's jacket says it all.

Go Pens.

PHOTOSHOP 2007.1

Again, please e-mail us if your photoshop didn't get love.
It's a guarantee that we missed a couple.

We've received a plethora of Sens photoshops...and we're gonna hang onto those.


SHAWN HARWELL

RON WALKER

JMGILLAM - MIKE COSTA

BRENDAN ROBERTS

ROB JABO

TIFFANY

TOM QUINN - READ THE FINE PRINT

anon - ZAK

MARCIE WARNER - PATRICK JACKSON - RACHEL F.

KARRI AYRES - LINDSAY JACKSON - LLOYD JONES

JASON SCHIFFHAUER

JANNAH JABO

GREGG FOUCH - JAMES FALLEN

CHRIS DALEY - CHRIS YARBROUGH - GEORGE HANNA

ANTHONY COSTA

ADAM KNOR

And In The End, The Shots You Take... -- PENS WIN.

2 - 1

NHL.COM RECAP

...82 games later...

Where did it all go?
One last dance against the Rangers.
Then it's all Ottawa, all the time.

..........................................

Early on, Recchi and Sean Avery get into it near the boards.
Ruutu comes out of nowhere and jobs Avery.
Gotta love Ruutu.

Uh-oh -- The Rangers get a too-many-men penalty 6 minutes into the game.

Picture: Ottawa Senators owner Eugene Melnyk spoils an anti-gay rally.

Absolutely nothing happened in the first 10 minutes of the first period.
MAF was standing on his head.

Later on, Christensen comes down with the puck and almost kills goalie Henrik Lundqvist.
EC gets the rebound and almost kills him again.

We also find out that the Jagr booing is still present.

I get it. You have Sid now. Move on, please.

That was basically it.
The Pens get a late powerplay that goes into the second period.

...............................

Danny P. comes up huge with a playoff-beard piece during the intermission.


..............

The Pens power play decides to come out in the second and dominate.
Gonchar shoots/passes it to Bing who one-taps in on net.
Lundqvist finds himself in the wrong part of the neighborhood.

Mmmmmmmyyyeeeeeaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

On basically the next shift, Recchi takes another stupid penalty.
Jaromir Jagr on the power play is illegal in 14 countries.

Peter Prucha dislodges Scuderi's prostate from his body, but then he misses the net entirely.
Big PK.

Before you can think, Georges Laraque gets two minutes for not moving to the back of the bench.

After the Pens kill that penalty, they go insane.
Easily 42 shots in the following 1:30.
That flurry of shots and the cycling results in the Rangers taking another penalty.

Christensen gets a dose of how a goalie feels...when Whitney's shot on The Play(TM) douches him in the face.

Eaton, angry that he got snubbed for Pens MVP, rings one off the pipe at the end of the power play.
Just be glad he didn't score. The Stock Market would probably crash.

Not entirely sure when this happened...but it happened at least 6 times.

Later on, Malkin gets interfered with.
Thats not really big news, but the refs called it...and that is big news.
And the Rangers pay.

Behind the net, Christensen passes it to Sid.
Before Sid touches it, he passes it to Recchi. The pass was that quick.
Recchi one-times it in. 2-0.

On the next shift, Eaton gets another opportunity close, in the high-slot.
He shoots it...and it's possibly the worst shot of the season by a Penguin player.

The Rangers start jobbing and take yet another penalty.
On their penalty kill, the Ranger's Matt Cullen gets a semi-breakaway.
Eaton neutralizes the threat. MAF gives him a tap on the backside.

That was it.
During intermission, Sean Avery tries to have sex with the Easter Bunny.

No thanks.

......................

Early in the third, the Rangers get a goal.
Callahan came down the wing and fired it at MAF.
The rebound finds Peter Prucha's stick.

2 - 1. Bodies everywhere.

Around this point in the game, the Pens see the Senators had beaten the Bruins.
Knowing their fate is sealed, you have to think, for the first time this season, the Pens could seriously, truly relax and have some fun.

We know the Senators probably had some fun after the win, too.

Wherever your celebration takes you, Ottawa, just remember not to drive drunk.
(The joke may be getting old, but we can't stop.)

Obviously, as Bob Errey pointed out, the game lost some luster after that Ottawa game went final.

One of the few highlights in the first half of the third was another Jagr-Ruutu confrontation.

On the play following that, Crosby goes down semi-awkwardly.
No injuries, please.
The Pens go on the power play.

Crosby gets to walk in all alone but can't beat Lundqvist.
Sean Avery's vagina hurts, and he starts messing with Bing. He even calls Sid a " feckin baby. "

" What? I can't hear you over the dude engraving my name on the Art Ross trophy. "

Avery's jobbing was not done.
Ruutu and Jagr get into it again, and Avery comes over to protect Jagr.
Ruutu drops the gloves, but Avery curls up like a joke.

Ruutu gets a penalty.
On the powerplay, MAF shows us yet again that he has a bit of Mike Richter in him when he flashes some flair with his glove save on Jagr's slapshot.

Picture: Richter making one of his routine glove saves.

Well, that was it pretty much.
The fans rise to their feet in appreciation of the Pens season.
Staal almost passes out tracking down a loose puck.

Game.

...................................

Following the game, a lucky 8-year-old gets Mark Eaton's jersey.
The kid proceeds to eat 50 buffalo wings and then drives home.

........................................................

Stats

• Crosby: 2 A
• MAF: 28 saves
• Pens shots: 30
• Power play: Rangers ( 0 for 4 ) --- Pens ( 2 for 6 )

Miscellaneous

• The jersey ceremony following the game is what television is all about.
• The regular season's over?
• San Avery isn't a man.

.........................................

82 games. 82 recaps.
Thanks for reading what we put out there.

Hockey Night in Canada and in Your Mom

Huge weekend.

7:00 PM Saturday

If Ottawa wins, Pens are fifth seed.
If Ottawa loses and Pens win, Pens are fourth seed.

.........

The entire nation of Canada will shut down for this game.


7:00 PM Saturday

Those pesky Islanders...



Should make for an interesting Easter at the Staal household.

..................................................

Over in Bizarro Conference, Colorado is hanging on for dear life.


Saturday:

Nashville at Colorado
Edmonton at Calgary

Sunday:


9:00 PM
.............................................

... Claude Julien stunned that he was fired ...

Tiff

......................................

Joe Thornton needs 8 points in his final game to overtake Crosby for the Art Ross.
John Fedko needs talent.

Neither are going to happen.

We got nothing tonight, so when in doubt, job Fedko.
............................

Speaking of jobbing....

The Hill District is issuing demands about the new Arena.
"Hill District business leaders and clergy want $10 million in development funding, a share of arena revenue and guaranteed jobs for minorities as part of a construction surge that includes a new venue for the Penguins."

Sounds like they are just mad that Laraque got benched.

But seriously....
"Let's get really creative with how to help out the Hill District," Ms. Milliones said. A contribution of $10 million to neighborhood development "is actually very conservative when you compare it to the list of public dollars going to the arena for the Penguins."

They didn't want a casino built in the lower Hill.
Even though a casino would've meant free arena.
But they want to make money from the arena, even though they did nothing to help the Penguins get an arena.

Right.
..............................................

Read this quote from Byran Murray about Jason Spezza's cheap shot on Ruutu.

"I was glad he did it," Senators coach Bryan Murray said. " I thought it was a very severe penalty for what he did, but I'm not sorry he did it."

Welcome to April Hockey.
(pic by J Schiff)

Go Pens.
Final Game of the 2006-2007 season.
Where did it go?

Veni. Vidi. Vici. Bitches. PENS WIN.

3 - 2

NHL.COM RECAP

Get used to the Ottawa Senators.
Because they are going to be the subject of F-bombs, middle-finger waving, and incoherent rants for the next couple of weeks.

Home-ice advantage on the line tonight.

..............................................

The Pens don't capitalize on an early power play.
And then Recchi takes another stupid penalty.

MAF makes an unreal save on Jason Spezza, but there are no Pens around to clear Spezza or the puck on the second chance.
Goal.

Comrie sucks on Spezza's mammary gland in celebration.

On the next shift, Armstrong decides to charge into goalie Ray Emery.
The first of many Pens-Sens scraps ensues.

After all those penalties are enforced, Ruutu delivers the cleanest non-hit of the season on Spezza.
Jason Spezza, thinking he can't called for a penalty because he plays for Ottawa, punches Ruutu in the face.
Coach Bryan Murray holds the game up for 22 minutes trying to cover up how stupid his players are.

This is acceptable in Byran Murray's NHL.

The teams job around on 4-on-4 for a while, and then the Pens start a 4:15 power play.

A weird unit of Ouellet, Christensen, Recchi takes the ice on the power-play.
Orpik owns at the blue line and keeps it in the zone while getting peed on.
The Garbage man snatches up the loose puck, dances into the slot, and postage-stamps it into the net.

Hey, dicks -- It was a wrister from the slot. get off my back.

On the next shift, Gary John McLane Roberts goes insane.
He dished out a huge check and drove to the net as Bing got the puck back to Joltin' Joe Melichar.
Melichar must not be seeing right 'cause he hit the net with the shot.
Gary Roberts is there to pick up the rebound. With more patience than Gregory House M.D., Roberts roofs it.
2-1 Pens.

Towards the end of the first, Daniel Alfredsson hooks Colby Armstrong and goes to the box.
That was surprising because Alfredsson is usually nowhere to be found in April.

.......................................

Early in the second, Malkin misses the net on pretty much his only shot of the game.

Rob Scuderi, knowing that going an entire season without making a mistake would tip people off to him being immortal, backhands the puck 80 rows into the stands from his own zone.
The Chokers go on the power play.

Ottawa can't get anything going early, but then Joe Melichar basically gets arrested -- six minutes of penalty time? Come on.

The Pens get a rush on the ensuing 5-on-3, but nothing happening.
We could use it as an excuse, but the Pens were in their penalty-killing positions when O.J. Simpson tied it up a few moments later.

Next stop: 66 Mario Lemieux Place. Game One.

Colby Amstrong better figure out what's going on.
He had three great scoring opportunities in the first half of the second but no dice.

Later on, Chris Neil hits Malkin cleanly -- no penalty called.
And then Neil pushes the envelope and puts his hands all over Malkin.
Power play.

The big boys can't anything done.
The second unit jumps on.
Not a whole lot going on their either.
Jesus Christenen almost jobs Emery. I'd let Christensen mate with my sister.

Late in the period, Mark Eaton gets called for a penalty.
While in the box, he takes 13 pints of his own blood and gives it to the local blood bank.

The rest of the second was nothing.
The period was ended early because coach Bryan Murray needed to take his Flomax.

.....................................

GameDayChat.com
Chat with Pens fans during the game -- Please check it out.

.........................................

Early in the third, MAF has to stone Alfredsson on the doorstep. Huge.

Later, Jason Spezza turned a Penguin D-man into a midget, but Gonchar gets back into the play and breaks up an easy tap-in goal.

The most exciting thing during the first 14 minutes of the third was the story about Chris Phillips making a little guy's last few days in the world worthwhile.
You talk solid human beings, you talk Chris Phillips.

................................

5:35 left -- Chris Neil takes his seventh penalty of the game.
Pens jump on the power-play.

Pens don't do anything.
Then the Senators go insane.
Shot, save. Shot, save. Shot, save. MAF blacks out from being too great.

Then Crosby flies into the Senators' zone and solid human being Chris Phillips has to hook him.
1:43 left. Power Play City.

Malkin forgets the Pens are on the power-play and punches someone in the mouth.

We're thinking the Haitian from "Heroes" flew in and erased Malkin's memory.
April 23rd.

If you wanna talk about butterfly effects -- If Malkin doesn't take that penalty, the Pens don't do what they were about to do.

Colby and Max play around in the Senators' zone at the end of the game.
Sens fans are cheering. They are about to clinch home-ice in the first round.

He lacks a penis, but TAL-BOT still was able to bang Ray Emery's wife.
3 - 2.


Game.

Stats

• Crosby: 1 A
  
• Pens: 9 different point-getters.
• Jason Spezza: 1 G, 1 A
• Shots: Sens ( 37 ) == Pens ( 27 )
• Powerplay: Both -- 2 for 8
  

Miscellaneous

• Physically, the Pens got owned tonight.
• Fleury comes up big in a semi-playoff atmosphere.
• Is Malkin conserving energy?
• Wooooooooo.
• Where did the season go?

..............................

Apologies to anyone who's Sens-themed pics didn't get in.
We've tried writing around pics. It just doesn't work sometimes.

Bus -- anon
Talbot -- Marcie Warner
Julien -- MG Jones
Ouellet -- Jannah J.

.......................................

Devils clinch the Atlantic title.
No word yet on whether or not they've cleaned Claude Julien's blood off their uniforms.

Yippee-ki-yay, mofo.

Alice took time away from banging Sam the butcher to clean up The Pensblog a little bit and help out with some housekeeping.

If you link to us and your site is not listed on the left, please e-mail us.

A mini Photoshop expo is coming this weekend.
If anyone has any last-minute ones, please send them to thepensblog@gmail.com.

Playoff goals coming this Sunday, April 8th.
Wear a jock jack.

Baby seals will not referenced again.
Seal, the singer, will be referenced.
So will the movie "Teen Wolf" starring Michael J. Fox.

..............................................

The Pensblog Playoff Madness brackets are gonna be a tight fit, but we will keep everyone updated on how it will work.

We'll probably have three days to send them out and have them filled-out and returned.
We're probably gonna rock it PDF style.

1 Prize for the Winner (your choice):

• $10 GetGo Gift Card
• Box of Sarris Chocolate-Covered Pretzels
• 3-pack of underwear
• A 1991 Penguins puck signed by the entire Pensblog Staff
• Pensblog Staff picture, signed
  
• Two packs of smokes
• Mach3 Razor with extra blades
• $20 Gift Card to a mall
• $15 iTunes Gift Card

We're dead serious.
...............................................

We must start off with John Buccigross' recent column on ESPN.com.

If you're a hockey fan and haven't read it, then you haven't read it.
Here.

" The first five minutes of the Penguins' first home playoff game may be this year's most exciting sequence in all of sports. "

-- John Buccigross

"Crosby is better at what he does than LeBron James is at what he does."

-- John Buccigross

"He plays faster than Kevin Durant and his slap shot is more powerful than any Greg Oden dunk. Malkin is better at what he does than Andy Roddick is at what he does."
-- John Buccigross

This is the best column all season. Bar none.
We, all season long, have jobbed ESPN about their lack of coverage of the NHL.
And honestly, it may never change.

Tuesday night, while playoff lives were hanging in the balance, the lead story on the 11:00 "ESPN Yankees/RedSox/Patriots/ColtsCenter" is the NCAA Women's Final Four?
We support Title IX as much as anyone, but come on.

To make the obvious argument, if the Eastern Conference playoff race was taking place in the NFL, Chris Berman would have to be given CPR every three hours and ESPN would shut down.

Honestly -- where do hockey fans even find coverage of their game?
Times like these make us long for the days of ESPN National Hockey Night and NHL 2night on ESPN2.

If YouTube existed back in our teen-hockey heydays, videos like this would flood YouTube's servers.
What a theme song.
Those kids have the routine down perfect.
How focused are they? That Winnipeg Jets shirt is what legends are made of.

What would you give for a huge Thursday night game when Mario stares the camera down?
Give me Steve Levy all day.

Here's the NHL on ABC theme.

....................................................

Lemieux signing autographs for admirers.

......................................

The Associated Press is mud.

Their newest Pens article says that the Pens' loss to Buffalo was a huge slip-up that's gonna cost the Pens home-ice in the playoffs.

John Larroquette says that's a stupid statement.

Are we gonna nitpick like that?
Stupid.
We can do that all day:

• Pens lost to the St. Louis Blues back on December 19th.
• Shouldn't have let the Islanders break the tie with 3.7 seconds left.
• Should've beat Toronto on Saturday.
• Why didn't we beat Tampa Bay at least once?
  
• If we didn't get to beat on the worst team in the NHL 8 times this year, where would the Pens be?
• If we hadn't been the hottest team on Earth for the past 2-plus months, this Buffalo loss could've eliminated us from playoff contention.
  
• If Malkin could score on breakaways and in shootouts, the Pens would have the number-one seed in the Conference right now.
• If the Mom from the dodge commerical was actually attractive, maybe the Pens wouldn't have gotten physically sick from seeing her.

Ugly
(Thanks to Jesse Simpson for this)
Commentor Blog / Gameday chat is going to be up in arms.

If we're going to play that what-if game, okay. Let's do it.
But don't job a story just because it's easy to write.

The season is a marathon; not a three-game sprint.
Suck the balls, Associated Press. And suck 'em hard.

......................................................

Jumping back again, how would an exclusive hockey show not make sense?

If we want to see a sports show after Rob King gets done dominating the air at 10:30 PM, we would have to turn to the FEDKO FONE(Y) ZONE. And that sucks.

For example, here's a clip from last night's show:

John Fedko is a joke.

If it doesn't invlove telling everyone how great he is or talking about the Steelers, he has no idea.

He thinks Rob Scurdei is a STD.

The only place where we can get local sports news after 11:30pm is from a guy who spends his autumn nights flying in the skies above Western PA, looking for adolescent boys.

One day someone is going to wake up and start an all NHL show.

........................................................

Saturday, April 7, 2007

7:00 P.M.




The Islanders' playoff chances:

(Derek Ausk)

............................................

David Morehouse was appointed the new team President today.
Who?

Post-Gazette article

He's basically running the Penguins.
Look at that face. He's about to approve the purchase of something.

... NHL.com talks about Jordan Staal and the shorthanded goal ...


... Pirates 3-0 ...
... Pens in playoffs ...
... Steelers not playing ...

Great time to be alive.

..........................................

Showdown in Ottawa City.
Bring the noise and the funk.

(Josh B.)

Go Pens

...................................



T. Quinn

One Of Those Nights. PENS LOSE.

4 - 1

NHL.COM RECAP

FSN, where art thou?

This game was balls big.
Buffalo could clinch the top seed with a victory.
The Pens are fighting for the Atlantic crown and want to send that final message to Buffalo and the rest of the NHL.

Ryan Whitney had the night off and took Daniel Briere's sister to the Cheesecake Factory.

Early on in the game, Ales Kotalik jobs and takes a penalty.
Pens PP.

Without Whitney, Recchi sees time at the point on the power-play.
Remember: he did play the point in the playoffs with Carolina last season.
But it doesn't help.

Picture: Midway through the first period, Coach Michel Therrien cannot believe how awful WPXI's John Fedko is.

The Penguins take it upon themselves to be offsides more times in the first period than the rest of the season combined.

Buffalo's Dmitri Kalinin takes a shot from the boards that finds its way off the far post and past Fleury.
In honor of baseball season, the announcers refer to it as a seeing-eye liner.

In honor of baseball season, we call the entire Versus Network an error.

There was some back-and-forth action before Jordan Staal burned Phil Housley and fired a wrister off Miller's shoulder.
Recchi drives to the net faster than Dany Heatley on quaaludes and jobs one in off his skate. First goal for Recchi in 21 games.

Dennis Herron -- the goaltender of record the last time Recchi scored a goal.

Melichar gets pulled down later, but nothing called.
Before you can blink, Melly gives the Sabres a great breakout pass, but Fleury closes the door.

Christensen puts his Superman cape and tries to take on the Sabres one on five.
He makes it through four but can't close the deal.

That was it for the first period.

...................................................................

Somehow, arguably the two most exciting teams in hockey put forth one of the most boring periods of hockey of all time.

Buffalo's Derek Roy knocks a rebound in after Fleury made a ridiculous save.
Roy celebrates as if the goal just clinched the Stanley Cup. If this was 1992, he would've been slimed.

Derek Roy's whole life is a joke.

Lindy Ruff and the Sabres complain all game long.
For all the talking they do about the Penguins and their whining, it's pretty ridiculous.

Picture: Lindy Ruff takes his team's timeout in the second period to go murder a defenseless baby seal.

A few power-plays each way, but both teams had no idea that they were even playing hockey.
Mellon Arena was quiet.

Almost as quiet as the Buffalo Bill locker room following Super Bowl XXV after Ray Finkle went wide right.

..............................................

The third period commences.

Briere gives the Penguins a huge gift by shooting the puck directly out of play.
Great leadership in the playoff drive. Hopefully Buffalo doesn't choke down the stretch.

Goat.

Nothing formulates on the power-play again.
No real chances...and Thomas Vanek makes the Pens pay moments later.

3-1 Sabres.
40 goals on the year for Vanek -- Big turnaround from last year when he was benched in the playoffs for not being strong enough defensively. He's a +40 on the year.

A little later, Pominville scores. 4-1.

Hopefully the douche in the background gets mauled by something in the near future. Dick

After some penalty killing, Malkin gets sprung on a breakaway.
He misses for the 113th consecutive time this season.
In retrospect, he could have possibly wasted all of his moves on that Brodeur goal back when the Pens record was 4 - 3 - 0.

Malkin was hooked on said breakaway however, and the Pens have a power-play.
The power-play sucks again.
Gary Roberts, fresh off batting cleanup for the Pirates last night, can't get anything going.

Biggest mistake of Ryan Miller's life.

Buffalo hits the post on a 3-on-1 later.

Another meaningless power play for the Pens seals the deal.
Pens were 0 for life tonight. Terrible.

Game.

Sabres and Pens split season series 2 games apiece.

You really couldn't expect a Buffalo team to lose 4 straight, right?


You suck.


Fact: Brett Hull's skate is in the crease in this picture.

Stats

• Garbage.
• Powerplay: sucked

Miscellaneous

• Playoffs are 8 days away.
• The Versus announcers immediately discredit their playoff chances. Ed Olczyk can go to hell.
• The ice was awful.
• First really bad game for a long time.
• Buffalo is gay
  

Paying The Devil His Due

" After a 47 - 24 - 8 start. "
How stupid does that sound?
Who writes for Yahoo?

What a terribly bizarre move by the Devils.

But we have seen it before.

In 1999-2000, the Devils replaced Robbie Ftorek, who was an eerily similar 41 - 25 - 8, with Larry Robinson.

Did it sink the Devils?

No.

They won the Cup.
But that was because Larry Robinson took over.
The last time sweet Lou Lamoriello took over, the Devils got beat in the first round.

We hope Lou can eat with Claude Julien's blood all over his hands.

As for Claude Julien, he is off to figure out how he will support his family.

Help me. Please

...........................................................

... TSN is in love with Sidney Crosby ...

... On NHL.com, Gretzky gives the blueprints for a Sidney Crosby 200-point season ...

"Empty-net goals and empty-net points, they count," Gretzky says.

At least Crosby won't call any NHL teams a "Mickey Mouse organization" like the Great One did back in the day.


Hey Wayne. I miss your wife, and your daugther. Dick.

... Crosby is 8 points ahead in the Art Ross race with 3 games remaining ...

... Ray Shero talks about the Pens surpassing expectations ...

... Ken Sawyer lays out what Wheatley Arena is gonna be all about ...

....And just in case you need a another reason to hate TSN's Penguins haters.
This was a sidebar in the Post-Gazette.

"A reporter for TSN, Canada's version of ESPN, floated the idea that the Penguins began the evening with a league-high 435 chances with the extra man at least in part because the league office is eager to see the franchise succeed, a stance that gets reflected in the way referees call their games."


Here you go, TSN -- $5.76 at your neighborhood Eckerd.

.................................................

2002 -- A Belarus player beats Tommy Salo on a shot from center ice.


It inspired this stamp:



.............................................

3 - 0 - 2 in last five games.
They are still clinging to playoff hopes.




Dead.

.............................................



The Buccos started their quest for a 162 - 0 season with a come-from-behind win against the Houston Astros.

No offense to any Pirate blogs out there that read and link to The Pensblog (e-mail us), but our stop for Pirates talk is Where Have You Gone, Andy Van Slyke?

WHYGAVS is the reason Pensblog exists.

Go Bucs.

................................
One last thing.
Our good friends at the Mario Lemieux Foundation emailed us.

Today is the beginning of a T-Shirt fundraising event to benefit Cancer and Neonatal research.
The T-shirts will be available later this week at www.mariolemieux.org
And also at Pens Station in Mellon Arena.
All proceeds benefit the Mario Lemieux Foundation.

Go Pens.

.............................................
Julien -- Anthony Costa

Penguins Playoff Killers

Playoffs are on the horizon.
It's time to look back at some human beings who have destroyed Penguins playoff dreams in seasons passed.

The order is debatable, so we just threw all of them together with no rhyme or reason.
Except for the number-one killer...which is a no-brainer.

...................................................

If you're devastated after reading this post, just visit the Top 10 Penguin Goals

......................................................

10. Keith Primeau


Primeau -- French for "small penis."

The Penguins finished the 1999-2000 season with 88 points; good enough for the seventh seed in the playoffs. As per tradition in the '90s, the Pens faced Washington in the first round and convincingly beat them in five games. Next up were the number-one seed Philadelphia Flyers.

All the Pens did was go to Philly and win the first two games of the series. Stunning.
The series came back to Pittsburgh for games three and four...
Andy Delmore scored an OT goal for Philly in game 3...but suck it, the Pens were still up two games to one.

Game four is where we finally get to Keith Primeau.
This game went 5 overtimes. Disgusting.

Both teams were ringing shots off the post in the overtimes. You can still see the replay in your mind of Kovalev's shot earlier in the fifth overtime smacking the outside of the left post. The ebb and flow of this game meant that the Flyers would have the next great scoring chance.

At 12:01 of the fifth overtime, Primeau tugs our nuts.


....................................

9. Uwe Krupp


666

March 30, 1990 --- Buffalo at Pittsburgh --- Last game of season.
Some people may remember; some don't.
The game wasn't televised. Pens fans were forced to listen to the game on the radio.
The Pens were chillin with 72 points; sitting in fifth place behind the New York Islanders and their 73 points.
A win or tie in this game catapults the Pens into the playoffs. A loss sends the Pens to the golf course.
The game was tied 2-2 as overtime came.

Uwe Krupp scores on a shot from the point 1:00 into overtime.
Game.
Season.

..................................................

8. Chico Resch

1974-75.
The Pens jumped out to a 3-0 series lead against the New York Islanders.
There's no way that lead could be blown...
But Islanders goalie Chico Resch took acid before game four.

From that point on, it wasn't even a contest.
In the remainder of the series, his GAA was 1.00.
The Islanders win the four games and advance to the next round where they almost accomplished the same exact feat against the Flyers, before losing in Game 7.

Resch turned the Pens "Century Line" of Syl Apps, Jean Pronovost, and Lowell MacDonald into mud during the furious 3-0 comeback.

.............................................................

7. John Tonelli

The year was 1981-82.

The Islanders were amidst their Stanley Cup dynasty.
They finished 54 - 16 - 10 (118 Points) --- Patrick Division Champions.
The Penguins finished 31 - 36 - 13 (75 Points) --- Fourth place. They sucked your balls.

The Pens were up 3 - 1 with 5:00 remaining in the deciding game of the teams' first-round playoff series.
Islander player John Tonelli assists on a Mike McEwen goal to make it 3-2.
With 90 seconds remaining in regulation, Tonelli scores to force overtime.
...John Tonelli scores again in overtime.

The Islanders went on to win the Stanley Cup by sweeping Vancouver in four straight.

If you think that was the last time the Islanders would crush the Pens' playoff lives, you're high.

............................................

6. Tom Fitzgerald


Vomit City.

After Lemieux's hiatus during the 1994-95 season, the Pens came out with a vengeance in 1995-96.
Still sporting one of the hottest offenses in recent NHL memory, the Pens captured the Northeast Division crown and the second seed going into the Stanley Cup playoffs.
They survived the Washington Capitals in the first round...with the aid of Petr Nedved's gender-transforming OT goal in game 4.
The Pens took care of the Rangers in five games in the second round, but they lost Ron Francis to injury.

The Eastern Conference Finals: Pittsburgh Penguins - Florida Panthers

Even the Panther players' moms didn't give Florida a chance in this series.
But the moms weren't banking on Florida tackling Lemieux and Jagr off of every faceoff.
Looking back, it's easy to say that this series was the catalyst of the garbage league that the NHL was turning into. It was sickening to watch.

In the series:
Jagr - 1 G
Lemieux - 1 G
Power play - 4 for 32

Picture: Barrasso getting owned by rats.
Florida fans would throw rats onto the ice after every goal because Panther Scott Mellanby went down on a rat prior to Game 2 of their first-round matchup against the Boston Bruins.

The tone of this series was set early in Game One when Panther goalie John Vanbiesbrouck stoned Lemieux on a breakaway.
Game 3 gave us the Barrasso-Beezer fight.

What an oaf.

Penguins took a 3-2 series lead into Game 6 in Florida.
Florida wins it; setting up a Game 7.

Game 7 was a blur.
It was a Saturday night.
Sergei Zubov scored on the power play for the Pens.
That's pretty much it.

There is, however, one thing that is easily recollected when thinking about that Game 7.

Tom Fitzgerald's shot from the Eat 'n Park in Dormont finds its way past Barrasso 6:18 into the third period to break a 1-1 tie.
Imagine the New Jersey Devils holding a 2-1 lead in Game 7 of an Eastern Conference Final -- it was kind of like that.

Pens lose 3-1.

It remains the closest we've been to the Stanley Cup Finals since 1991-92.

............................................

5. Garry Valk


When you do a Google Image Search of a player and you get the picture of the goal you're looking for, you know that person hasn't done anything else in their life.

The 1998-99 playoff season was made up of heroics.
The Pens limped in with the 8th seed and had to face number-one seed New Jersey in the first round.
Down 3-2 late in Game 6, German Titov set up Jagr in front to tie the game with less that 3:00 remaining.
In overtime, perennial playoff hero Marty Straka set up Jagr who beat Marty Brodeur...and the series went to a 7th game.
The Pens managed just 13 shots in that game, but 4 went in.
Marty Straka scored with 5:30 remaining to give the Pens a 4-2 lead.

Game.

The second round brought the Toronto Maple Leafs into our conscience.
The best part about this series: Dan Kesa scoring in Game One for the Pens.

The Pens were up 2-1 in the series, but Toronto came roaring back.
Toronto was up 3 games to 2 going into Game Six at the Civic Arena.

The Pens jumped out to a 2-0 lead in the first, but Toronto came back in the second with 2 goals in 26 seconds.
They later took the lead, but Jagr tied it up before the third.
A scoreless third spelled overtime.

Game.
We're not sure if Barrasso was that far out of position on the actual play.

"There's such a fine line between winning and losing in overtime.
When we get into overtime, we seem to find a way to win."

-- Mats Sundin on Toronto's 3-0 overtime record in the 1998-99 playoffs.

.............................................................

4. Aleksey Morozov


Picture: Morozov wanting the puck so he can show how much he sucks at playing American hockey.

The 1997-98 season: The post-Lemieux era begins...or so we thought.
The Pens, behind Francis and Jagr, captured the second seed going into the playoffs.
Their first-round opponent was the Montreal Canadiens.

Game One in Pittsburgh.
The Penguins' goal scorers this game: Brad Werenka and Jiri Slegr.

The game was tied 2-2 at the end of regulation.
Early in the overtime, Martin Straka is awarded a penalty shot.
But because people were in love with how Aleksey Morozov's name sounded, the Pens gave him the chance on the breakaway instead of Marty.

Dicks.

Alexsey Morozov.
Andy Moog.
Game One on the line.


Choke.

Benoit Brunet scores for Montreal with under 2:00 left in that first overtime to win Game One.


Mark Recchi and the Canadiens go on to win the series 4-2.

.........................................

3. 2000-01 New Jersey Devils

Mario returned.
Jagr won the Art Ross.
Moose was loose.

The playoffs started, and the Pens beat the Caps in six games in the first round.
The second round had the Pens jump out to a 2-0 series lead against Buffalo before losing three straight.
The Pens had to come back to tie it late in Game 6 and then won in overtime.
Game 7 gave us a new hero in Darius Kasparaitis.

Bring on the Devils.

Mario was tired.
Jagr was tanking.
The Devils were trapping.

The Pens lost Game One but somehow managed to win Game Two in New Jersey.
Games three and four at Mellon Arena were so pathetic, it wasn't even funny.

Game Three
3 - 0 Loss

Game Four
5 - 0 Loss

Wow.

Pens lose Game Five 4-2.
Bye Jagr.
Bye Playoffs.

...........................................

2 & 1. Glenn Healy and David Volek

If you don't know the backdrop of this, you shouldn't even be here.
If you've blocked it out of your memory, you are excused.

The 1992-93 Penguins were easily the most dominant hockey team Pittsburgh has ever seen.
The Penguins were 56 - 21 - 7.

Mario Lemieux had come back from Hodgkin's disease and somehow scored 400 points in 11 games after returning in early March.
The Penguins also went on their illustrious winning streak at the end of the season.

When they playoffs arrived, everyone knew the Pens were taking the Cup.
They beat the Devils in five games.
Then the lowly New York Islanders walked into town.

At that point, the Penguins had won 15 of their last 16 playoff games.
But the Isles were all business. They came into Mellon Arena and beat the Pens in Game 1.
The Pens would win the next two, but Islander goalie Glenn Healy played out of his mind in Games 4 and 6.

It all came down to this.

May 14, 1993.

Stevens basically had his career ended in the first period. See video.
The Pens got on the board early with an Ulf Samuelsson goal, but Glen Healy was on PCP.
Healy was out of his element against these Pens, and everyone knew it.

The Islanders kept peppering Barrasso with shots and eventually had a 3-1 lead with about 5:00 remaining.
If you remember when we talked about John Tonelli before...this was basically the same situation -- a fact Mike Lange pointed out in the broadcast of the game.
Instead of John Tonelli -- enter Ron Francis.

Francis scores with less than 4:00 left to make it 3-2.
With exactly 1:00 remaining, Francis deflects a Larry Murphy wrister past Glenn Healy to tie the game.
Some people say it is the loudest they have ever heard the Arena.

Overtime started...and ended.
At the 5:16 mark of OT, everyone's life changed.
David Volek became a man we would remember for the rest of our lives.
Sick.

Caution: Put on old clothes because you will crap and vomit all over yourself.



.............................................................

Bonus:
Mike Lange's call of those moments in Game 7.

His call of the tying goal late is well worth watching this thing.
The video is pretty much garbage, but just go with it.

Mike Lange's Call of Game 7 Moments

.............................................

If you want to research anything pertaining to hockey, here's what we used.

Sportsecyclopedia

HockeyGoalies.org

Tales From The Pittsburgh Penguins -- Joe Starkey

Wikipedia

The HockeyNut

CNNSI.com

HockeyDB.com

jmgillam

Anthony Lenze
...................................