Stealing Points...PENS LOSE

5-4
(OT)

NHL.COM RECAP

The only thing more desperate than the Maple Leafs tonight are American Idol producers hoping Ted Nolan's gay son doesn't win.

homo

The Leafs, on the outside looking in of the Eastern Conference playoffs, were coming hard from the opening faceoff.

A really tough task for T-bo who got the nod tonight.
First trip down the ice the Leafs almost knock one home, but somehow the puck stays out.

Two minutes later, the Pens aren't that lucky. Mark Eaton lays out to block a shot. The puck bounces around. T-Bo tries, no dice.
Alain Nasreddine apparently forgot how to play hockey while sitting out.
Chad Kilger puts it in a empty net.
1-0

The Pens respond however as Army runs over some leaf jobber.

Army lining up a leaf

The Maple Leafs lose control of themselves and take a penalty.
And you know what that means:

An all new episode of Mr. Roberts Neighborhood.
On this episode Gonch gets the puck at the point. Roberts taps his stick on the ice, Gonch shoots. And kids, Mr. Roberts doesn't miss deflections.

1-1

The Leafs and Pens trade some scoring chances.
Staal almost gets a breakaway but gets pulled down.

Toronto is a joke.
The Penguins can't get anything going on the Power Play.
And the Leafs take advantage of the momentum swing.
They cycle hard, the Pens look lost.
Some jerkoff scores.

2-1.

Just before the end of the first the Leafs tackle Malkin.
At least they will get a power play at the start of the second.

.......................................

Three things about the second period.

1. The Leafs were dominating
2.The Refs clearly were trying to play into the Leafs Dominating.
3. If you forgot how big of assholes the Leafs, at least you remember.

It all started off simple enough, with the Pens on the power play.
They could not get anything going and it was all downhill from there.

Alain Nasreddine just aimlessly drifts in front of T-Bo.
Goal.
3-1

Next up Brooks Orpik has a tough four minutes.
He gets called for hooking a Leaf.
Very Phantom call.

After the game the Phantom of the Opera said he never saw any penalty on Orpik.

The Leafs at this point can do no wrong.
They play with the Penguins minds.
Sundin smokes one
Byrant Mccabe puts it home
4-1.

Picture: Mats Sundin and his teammates prepare for a game of spin the bottle.
Fact: Gays Joke are back jack

What a nightmare.
Leafs fans are having fun.
Everyone is laughing.
Slapping hands.
You know who is not having fun?

All the baby seals the Maple Leaf fans kill.
Dicks.

Lord Therrien saw enough.
He pulls T-Bo.
But unless T-bo was purposely telling Alain Nasreddine to not play defense it is kind of hard to believe that this was T-Bo's fault.

Mark Eaton, stunned

It just looked like one of those games that Pens had no chance.
Even the Fat Lady has started to warm up.

Hal Gill's wife doubles as anthem singer/ freak of nature

But if you have watched all season, you just knew it wasn't over.

Cue Gonch hitting Max with a nice breakout pass, he gets knocked down.. Ouellet gets the puck. Max gets up.
Ouellet with a non-jobber pass, sick
Goal.
4-2

A little hope going into the third.

......................................

If the second period was frustrating, the third period was uplifting.
The pens completely owned the entire period, sans a Maple Leaf Powerplay.
MAF was solid, and the Pens kept pushing.

But Raycroft was out of his mind.
It felt like the nothing was going to get past him.

But not so fast.
The wizard of Croz scores a jobber goal in front, after Whitney gets it to the net.
4-3

The quick kick of the puck from his skate to his stick in 3 nano seconds, is why Crosby is a big deal.

But the refs get worried and call a penalty on Melichar with four minutes to play.

The Pens kill it.

The teams job around, and all of sudden there is one minute to play.
Maf gets pulled.
Empty net.
Leafs get it.
Miss.
Pens turn it over.
Leafs get it.
Miss.

One last dance, Rex flips it into the corner.
Gary Roberts is faster than a speeding bullet

He beats Bryant McCabe's ass, and gets the puck to Recchi.

Recchi to Gonch.

Tick-tick-tock-tick-tock

Gonch to Whitney
Shoots
Scores.

eyyahhhhh

four seconds left.
Its been that kind of year.

But now it just gets wierd.
After the four seconds roll off the clock to end regulation and the teams are ready for OT. There is a delay.
A fan apparently collasped after the Penguins tied the game.
Turns out he had a heart attack.

And by all accounts he was in trouble.
We would make a joke.....
It was probably Mats Sundin dad.

So after they pulled the lifeless body out of the stands, we go to OT.
Crosby puts on his pumps, and is flying around.
They can't score though.
MAF does all he can, but the Leafs win a faceoff.
Puck gets deflected

Game.

Stats:

• Croz: 1G
• Malkin: 1A
• Gonchar: 2A
• Whitney: 1G
• Fleury: 5IP of relief, 0 runs,4 hits, 4 k's
• Shots: Pit (36)---Tor (37)
  

Miscellaneous

• We'll take the point
• Still cannot believe someone collasped before OT.
• Nas has got to go.
• Staal play a lights out defensive game.
• First Place is only for a while
• Errey was pissed at the officals
• Leafs are gay
  

.......
American Idol---Schiff
Superroberts--Klye Jackson

Playoff Goals Trailer #2

We are putting the final pieces together for the Penguins playoff goals of 1991 and 1992.

The entire tape runs about 1 hour and 40 minutes, so we are breaking it down into a few parts.
But since it's a boring saturday...

Here is the second trailer.

Enjoy.
Excuse the quality.
The tape is 15 years old.





Go Pens.

In relation to playoff memories, we have a delectable post coming Sunday night.

Friday Night Posts

Say what you will.
But the battle for the Atlantic Division is going to be remembered by who choked.
You can just feel it.

The Devils played the hapless Flyers.
Thanks to Yahoo!, the game was broadcast all over the internet so people could kill themselves.
The Flyers kept it close, but the Devils got lucky.
3-1 win. Back to first place, cracka.

Look at the ref in the stands.

... Sabres smoke the Islanders 6 - 4 ...
The Islanders are fading faster than the Aztec.

... Ottawa beats the Habs ...

... The Battle of who's gonna play the Atlantic Division champ ensues as Tampa beats Carolina ...

... Vinny Lecavalier joins the 100-point club and is first to 50 goals this season ...

What a dick.
If there wasn't a self-imposed, one-week ban on Pensblog gay jokes, we'd be all over it.


... Florida beats the Caps in the battle of the cellar dwellers ...

And the Western Conference doesn't exist until April 11.

.............................................................
...Some links...

Pierre McGuire gives Bing more love.

"There will always be detractors and people who are jealous, but when it is all said and done Crosby will be one of the players and people in the game who will have lived up to the hype and did it in a way that made a next generation of player try to emulate him -- just like Bobby Orr, Wayne Gretzky, Mario Lemieux and Joe Sakic. We are lucky as hockey fans to be able to witness what this young man is capable of doing."


Joe Sakic -- maybe one of the most underrated players to ever play.
You can't beat him in NHL 2001.
Sakic backwards = Kick Ass.

..Gary Roberts may become a legend here before it's all said and done.

"Everyone was saying how much of a warrior he was," center Sidney Crosby said. "Now, you see it first-hand. Everybody feeds off the way he plays, the way he battles, the way he prepares."

Its too easy sometimes.

.......................................................

Should be a great night of hockey tomorrow.

Toronto has to win.

"We have four big points this weekend [with Toronto visiting the New York Rangers tomorrow], and we have to take them," Toronto captain Mats Sundin told reporters after a 3-2 overtime loss Thursday in Atlanta.


This does not count as a gay joke.

Go Pens.
..........................

Devils, Warrior - Schiff
Sundin - Anthony Costa

Boston Tea Bag Party. PENS WIN.

4 - 2

NHL.COM RECAP

It is so overstated these days, but -- back in October, if you told people that that Pittsburgh Penguins would have 100 points on March 29th -- Someone would've beat you within an inch of your life and crapped in your pet's mouth.
Good times.

But 45 seconds in, it looked like bad news. Andy Ference shoots one from the point, and Brandon Bochenski gets the rebound into an wide-open net.
1-0 Boston.

" Hey, MAF, it's cool. Let's go get drunk and have someone put the pictures on their blog to get hits. "
" Good idea, Sid. Go Pens. "

On the next shift, Armstrong gets owned into the boards.
Power play.

The big boys can't get anything going.
The second PP unit comes out ready to dominate.

Aaron Ward crushes Christensen into the boards then forgets about him.
The puck eventually finds Christensen's stick in the sweet spot in the slot.
He charges up his shot.
It was either gonna miss the net, kill goalie Tim Thomas, or go in the net.
Goal.
1-1.

Later in the first, the new NHL seemingly disappears.
Aaron Ward shows up again, hooking and tripping Crosby like it's his job.

Crosby fights along the boards and somehow keeps control of the puck.
Sid would be tits on American Gladiators.

Nitro was a machine.

The Pens keep coming, Christensen flips a nice lead pass to Army who backhands it top shelf. 2-1 Pens.

After a delay while jobbers fixed the ice, Lance Armstrong knocks a shot out of mid-air past MAF.
Tied.

Before you knew what was going on, the Pens come flying back into the Bruins' zone.
Christensen fires another wrister past Tim Thomas.
The best part was the awkwardness felt in the arena when the Boston P.A. announcer did his post-goal "wooo!" right after Christensen scored.
Boston is a mess.

Later, Zdeno Chara, the 8th wonder of the world, trips over himself while Laraque was just chilling there.

You're black, so that's a penalty pal.
Heil, Dave Lewis.

While the Bruins are on the power play, some monkeylicker hits Colby with a high stick.

That's legal.

The rest of the first was mud other than Zdeno Chara breaking out into the parking lot and flipping over cars onto 50 Causeway St. in downtown Boston.

..........................................................

Before we get to the second period, we wanted to wish the Bruins and their fans good luck on the golf course this off-season.

April 8th.

As back and forth as the first period was, the second was much more controlled.
Both teams playing good defense.
Midway through the second, the Pens get called for yet another too many men on the ice penalty.

do it.

MAF is focused and doesn't let the Bruins get anything going.
Malkin comes storming out of the penalty...drops a pass to Army.
Big Ben strikes one.

Towards the end of the period, the Bruins start coming in waves.
They hit the post on consecutive shots, and almost score even after those two.
Dave Lewis no question has rallied the troops.

This was only a matter of time.
Don't be offended.
We think every ethnicity and religion sucks.

The Pens fought back though.
Malone made a nice move on a breakaway, but Thomas said no.
Just before the period ended, the Pens drew a penalty.
Nothing doing though, as Boston ace Dice-K struck out Malkin with the bases loaded to end the threat.

Dice-K strained his scrotum and didn't make it out for the third.
....................................................................

The third period opened with the Pens on the powerplay.
But they couldn't get anything going.
Tim Thomas woke up and actually started play halfway decent.
After killing the PP, the Bruins gained the inevitable momentum.

Michel Ouellet helped out even more, as he mistakingly shot the puck into the stands from his own zone.
But the penalty killers stood tall yet again.
Ryan Malone fielded a puck with his glove and got it out of the zone.

Gotta make that play.

The teams continued to trade scoring chances, but the goalies were up to the task.
Midway through, Joe Melichar got faceplanted into the boards, hitting his forehead on the crease of the boards on his way down.
But he got up and laughed it off.

Joe Melichar might not be that great of a defenseman.
But he is tougher than you are.

The Ruutu-Malkin-Laraque line generated some chances tonight.
Laraque led Malkin on a sweet pass, but Andy Moog says no dice whitey.

Terrible goalie.

The hard work does pay off, though, as Aaron Ward takes his 400th penalty of the game.
You could almost picture Gary Roberts drinking an I.C. Light and nodding his head in the press box.

The Pens PP looked even worse this time.
But they keep jobbin around.

Right as the penalty ends, 87 finds 71.
That was more insurance than State Farm.
4-2.

He knows.

The rest of the third was Shutdown Township.
A few anxious moments -- but the Bruins melt down faster than Chernobyl and take two penalties.

Game.

Stats

• Crusher: 2 G, 1A
• Crosby: 3A
• Ouellet: 2A
• Aaron Ward's mom: One teabag.
  
• Malkin: 1G
• Fleury: 31 saves
• Power play: Pens ( 1-5 ) -- Boston ( 0-3 )
  

Miscellaneous

• Sole possession of First Place in the Atlantic Division.
• Gotta love the Pens trying to run up the score at the end.
  
• Ekman looked lost, but you never know when a guy like that has to step up in the playoffs.
• Gary Roberts was missed.
• Army got slugged in the eye. Guess high sticks are cool now.
• The refs really wanted to get out of there tonight.
• Furious work by the Pens when they had to get it done.
• Boston sucks.
  

..........................................

Hitler - Kevin Dobson
Chara - saculekim13 ?

2001: A Jobber Odyssey

The morning of May 22, 2001.

The sun broke through our curtains; the smell of playoff hockey waking us up.
That's the last time we uttered the phrase: "Huge Pens playoff game tonight."
By 11:03 P.M. that evening, it was over.
An exhausting season finally wrecked by the much-hated New Jersey Devils.

"We'll be back..."

Six long years ago.
So much has changed.
Everything has changed.

Here's what we've seen since 2001:

................................

Playoff Penguins of 2001


No clue why Hrdina was on this line. But it was solid.
Jaromir Jagr -- he was dying alive, but he was still scoring. 52G 69A 121P
Hrdina was mud.
Mario was Mario.



What a line.

Alexei Kovalev was disgusting -- 44G 51A 95P
Marty Straka -- 27 G 68 A 95P
Robert Lang -- 32G 48A 80P
In all-time Pens history, this line has to rank in the top 5.

Now, this is where the lines get foggy. But we figure someone reading this will know.


This wasn't a line for sure.
Stevens played 17 games in the playoffs.
Morozov was a joke.
And Josef Beranek had something to do with the tying goal in Game 7 in Buffalo or something.


Jobbers R' Us.
Rene Corbet was solid.
Wayne Primeau was sound.
Kraft was a farce. If you bought his jersey, you don't know what's going on.

The Defense


Darius Kasparaitis -- Bob Boughner
As solid as NHL D-men could be at that time.


Andrew Ference -- Janne Laukkanen
Laukkanen looks like he knows he's the man.
Ference was serviceable; a couple big goals in those playoffs.


Ian Moran -- Hans Jonsson
Ian Moran was shaky.
Hans Jonsson was "consistently inconsistent"... according to Mario Lemieux.
How did we not throw up when they were on the ice in a big situation?

Goalies

Johan Hedberg -- J.S. Aubin

Moose was out of control.

.....................

The 2001 Playoffs were a magical mystery tour.
Every series took years off our lives.
Marty Straka was surreal.

Here he is stealing the puck from a certain Capital defenseman and scoring the game winner in Game 6 Overtime:


Straka was one of many heroes in the legendary 7-game series between the Sabres and Pens in the second round.

We all remember Lemieux tying Game 6 late.
With Straka scoring another overtime goal to send it to Buffalo for Game 7.


And of course:


The Bryan Bell " mmmyyyeeeaaahhh! "

And then besides taking acid before the second period of Game 2 against New Jersey, the Pens had nothing left in the Eastern Conference Finals.
.......................................

Current Penguins

• Jordan Staal was 12. Crosby -- 13. Malkin -- 14.
  
• Sergei Gonchar was a Capital.
• Mark Eaton was still 5 years away from discovering his powers.
• Mr. Roberts' neighborhood was in Toronto.
  
• Mark Recchi was a Flyer.
• MAF, Talbot, and Army were in Juniors.
• Malone, Orpik, Whitney, and Scuderi were still in college.
• Melichar was just starting his Penguins career.
• Laraque was a second-year player for the Oilers.
• Ruutu was your average jobber for the Canucks.
• Nasreddine was working at Chick-Fil-A in Robinson.
  
• Ouellet had 40 goals in juniors.
• Lord Therrien ran the Habs.
• Ray Shero was getting people coffee in Nashville.
• Mike Yeo was most likely banging your mom in 2001.

...............................................

Early 2001 Events

• January 11 -- AOL and TimeWarner merge.
• February 11 -- Three Rivers Stadium is imploded.
• February 18 -- Dale Earnhardt dies.
• March 29 -- Pensblog Adam gets first pubic hair.
  
• April 9 -- Pirates play first game in PNC Park.
• April 15 -- Joey Ramone dies.

• Hotmail was the shit.
• South Park was in its 5th season.
• You could still go hang out at the airport.
• Having an AOL screen name was huge.
• If a hot girl talked to you on ICQ, you threw up on yourself.
• Google's plethora of web tools didn't exist.
• People thought Osama Bin Laden was a dish at Pasta Bravo.
  
• High-definition TVs were in their infancy.
• Satellite radio had about 20 subscribers.

Some shows that debuted 2001:






Movies that came out in 2001:





Music:


Napster was huge.


The gayness emanating from the backstage festivities at these concerts is only rivaled by the events that take place in the 2006-07 Ottawa Senators locker room.

Britney was unreal.

do it.

Tons of great albums. Too many to list.

Pensblog Favorites:


Everyone likes different music.
Suck it.

Things that didn't exist yet:

Of course, we're counting on you for more.
Go Pens.

LOOKS LIKE WE MADE IT. LOOK HOW FAR WE'VE COME, MY BABY. PENS WIN.

4 - 3

NHL.COM RECAP

Kind of fitting that we clinch our first playoff berth since 2001 with a come-from-behind win over the Washington Capitals.

Solid uniforms.
The color scheme is returning for 07-08.
If you don't think the Washington team's color scheme should be the America's red-white-and-blue, you're a mess.

We are told at the top of the broadcast that a Pens win puts them in the playoffs.
No crazy tiebreakers and crap.
Win and in.

About 5 minutes in, Semin explodes all over MAF's face.
Ovechkin sets him up with a pretty pass in front, and Semin takes his time before burying it past Fleury.
1-0.

Five minutes after that, Boy Gordon from Culture Club scores on a trash rebound goal to make it 2-0 Caps.

The Pens don't know what's going on and call timeout.

Therrien calls the players around to talk about how huge that shark was on "Planet Earth."

The timeout works.
The Pens get a power play.
Orpik shoots it from the point. It bounces around in front of the net.
One guess as to who was there to put it home.

It hit Christensen's skate, but Waste Management doesn't know that.

Soon thereafter, the Pens had to kill a double-minor penalty to Jarkko Ruutu.
Check.

The Pens work hard at the end of the first period, drawing another penalty...to the delight of the large contingent of Pens fans in attendance.

Capital goalie Olaf Kolzig's wife eats 17 of the Pens fans during the first intermission.

................................................................

The vaunted Pens power play comes out in the second and just dominates.
The Capitals forgot to show up for the first half of the second period.
Whitney scores on The Whitney Play (TM) to make it 2-2.

" Smoke some crack and watch The Bodyguard, 'cause it's tied, cracka. "

And then it happens all over again.
The Capitals go to the box again. And the Pens go on the power play again.
The Capitals still didn't know what was going on.
Gary Roberts dominates everyone in front of Kolzig. He is insane.
If anyone of us was as hard-working as Gary Roberts, we'd be something in life.

No caption necessary. If you get in Gary Roberts' way, you're dead.

Brooks Orpik goes back to retrieve the puck on an icing call.
He wakes up MAF when he's back there.

Orpik then wakes up everyone by laying out Donald Brashear with the cleanest hit of the 06-07 season.
Brashear's vagina was apparently hurt on the play, and so he took a retaliation penalty.

Pens jump on the power play again.

The Pens don't capitalize on the power play, but when Brashear comes back on the ice, he heads straight for Georges Laraque.

Big Mistake

Fact: Next year, fights will be substituted with Rock-Paper-Scissor duels.

While everyone including Olaf Kolzig was watching them and waiting for them to fight, Therrien calls the Whitney Play (TM). Malone sets it up.
4-2.

Besides Caps' owner Ted Leonsis posing for pictures with fans, the rest of the second period was mud.

Picture: Morgan Rodgers poses with Cap owner Ted Leonsis during the second period.
4 seconds after this picture was taken, Morgan was covered in whale feces.

...........................................................

The third period was a joke.

It felt like the third period of the Coyotes game.
Okay, no one get injured. Please.
No such luck.
Gary Roberts hurt his leg.
Don't worry -- he will heal himself.
Steigerwald and Errey are just jobbing around, having a good time.

Wow.
7 minutes left out of nowhere.

Okay. 5 minutes left.

The only thing happening is the Let's Go Pens vs. Let's Go Caps chant battle.

Goal judge.

Orpik wakes everyone up again when he owns some monkey into the boards.
The Capitals are on a power play to finish the game and pull Oli the Goalie.

UH-OH.
Fleury gets interfered with on a Washington goal.
What a blatant interference penalty.
If a game in the playoffs is lost because of a no-call like that, science help whoever that ref is.

The Capitals get together for one last chance:

Picture: Head coach Glen Hanlon lays out some possible vacation spots for A.O. to watch the playoffs from.

Gonch clears the puck.
Caps job around.
Game.

Pens are in the playoffs jack.

......................................

The smoke signals from Long Island indicate a Devils victory.
Apparently, the Islanders play every game at home.
Some guy named Clarkson scored for the Devils late in the third for the eventual game-winner.


Crazy-looking pics.

......................................................

Stats

• Crosby: 1 G, 1 A
• Malkin: 2 A
• Laraque: 1 Fight. 1 Assist...while fighting.
• Shots: Caps ( 30 ) Pens ( 29 )
• Powerplay: Caps ( 0 for 5 ) Pens ( 3 for 5 )
  

Miscellaneous

• We're in the playoffs?
• Caps are garbage. Did they even try?
  
• Great to see a crapload of Pens fans there. That's got to be sick to see another team's fans invade your arena. Suck it.
• We're in the NHL playoffs.
• Did MAF look shaky?
• Pens power play is a roller coaster.
• The Penguins are in the playoffs.
  

.............................


This is David Copperfield, signing off.
See you next March, boobsacks.

..................................

Ouellet -- David Keith
Laraque Bottom - Rick
Nolan -- Ron Jabo

Nitty Gritty

...Pens playoff tickets went on sale Monday morning.
2,000 tickets are all that are available for each game...
The tickets were available for about as long as Siegfried & Roy could go without trying to make out with a man.

Approximately 13 minutes.

We're pleased to hear some commentors snatched up some tickets.

...............................................

...Gary Bettman says people need to relax about the fighting issue in the NHL...

Bettman flashes a gang sign.

Great move by Bettman. Fighting is a part of hockey, and just because one jerkoff gets knocked out, people are gonna flip out?
Maybe they should take tackling out of football.

Take hitting out of football.
Maybe Jerome Bettis wouldn't have fumbled so much.

Football is mud, by the way.
60-minute clock...and, what, probably a combined total of 2 minutes of actual action taking place?
Hockey -- 60 minutes, non-stop.


The pizza-delivery guy from "Loverboy" shares the sentiment.
" I agree. It's not that we hate football. We're just using common sense and logic. "
Do the math.

Pittsburgh's Ron Cook and Paul Zeise want fighting gone from hockey.
They went on TV last night and made complete asses out of themselves...saying fighting is bad for hockey.
Ron Cook said hockey is a family atmosphere and doesn't want his kid chanting "fight, fight" when Laraque is on the ice.

Fact: You get dumber when you drink your own pee.

As for Paul Zeise -- No one knows who you are, so your opinion is mud.
Zeise, an African-American, even turned it into a race issue.

Paraphrasing -- He said that the NBA's Carmelo Anthony slapped some guy, and the media called him a thug. If it was a black player knocking someone out in hockey, the media would be 10 times more all over it.

John Steigerwald was stunned. He wanted to throw something at Paul Zeise.
What a stupid statement.

............................

...Marty Brodeur says Crosby is his pick for MVP. Kind of...
Who knew Marty Brodeur could read?

...Ownee Todd Fedoruk says the players should be able to keep their gloves on when fighting...

Picture: A coroner puts gloves on to examine Fedoruk's lifeless body.

....Something we don't do nearly enough is link other NHL sites. One of the best reads out there is NHL Digest.
Just good times. The guy who runs it entered a contest for best photo.
Not sure if he won or not, but this picture is glorious.

...................................................


Do it, douchebags.

We want to say that the Pens magic number is 2.

Montreal and Toronto are eliminated from catching the Pens.
The Islanders can get a maximum of 98 points.

Ottawa has 98 points right now, and they're in.
A win against Washington Tuesday night clinches a playoff spot.
Right?
But there's probably tie-breakers and shit that we don't even know about.

Post-Gayzette says a Pens win and Islanders loss to New Jersey Tuesday night clinches it.

Go Devils.
We want no part of Tampa Bay in the playoffs, especially.

...........................................

No huge games of note tonight.
Washington on Tuesday night.
At least A.O. will be better at golf than Sid.

Photoshops will be up at 9:12 AM Tuesday morning.

...............................................

One Step Closer To Clinching A Spot. PENS WIN.

5 - 0

NHL.COM RECAP

The big #3 returns -- to no pomp and circumstance from NBC.
NBC is garbage except for Heroes.

Staal starts off the game taking seemingly his first penalty of the year.

Talbot shaved before the game, and he apparently didn't factor in that the aerodynamics from doing such would increase his speed.
He flies to the net and owns Tim Thomas on a questionable goalie-interference penalty.

But the Pens PK unit stands tall again.

And then, 8 minutes in, we finally see Sidney Crosby on the ice doing something.
What's worse is on the next shift, Malkin drives into the Bruins zone and gets driven off the puck.
Malkin's errant stick jobs a Bruin in the face.
Another power play for the Red Sox.

Picture: Roberts, probably about to do something great.

And then while they're killing that penalty, Colby drives to the net and interferes with Tim Thomas.
Giant Gonzalez, the captain and therefore leader-by-example, decides to steal the 5-on-3 away from his own team by punching 4'7" Armstrong in the face.

Stupid.

On the next shift, some turd high-sticks Sid.
Pens get sent up with a 4-on-3 powerplay.
Roberts in front.
Gonch...to Malkin.

Goal.

The Pens started flying after that.
Whitney owned a shot past Tim Thomas, but it clanged off the crossbar and post.

Then the Bruins Tenkrat hooks, of all people, Brooks Orpik.

Gonchar blasts one to the net, and the puck enters Sid's force field.
He knocks it out of mid-air and into the net.
The Pens cycle again, and the Bruins can't handle it.
Yet another power play for the white-hot Pens unit.

After the Pens survive a short-handed scare, Sid comes flying down the ice and drops a pass for Mr. Roberts.
Slapper from the slot.
Goal.
3-0.

The Bruins are a mess.

The Pens dominate for the rest of the period.
Cycling, cycling. Your mom loves it.
Roberts passes up on another shot from the slot and gets it down to deep to Malkin.
In a skirmish near the boards, Malkin gets two minutes not speaking English.

...................................................

To start the second period, the Pens had to kill Malkin's penalty.
Check.
Then they had to kill a Gonchar slashing penalty.
Check.

Out of nowhere, as always, Crosby just flies into the Boston zone.
New Boston goalie Ronald MacDonald shuts it down though.

"Not in my house."

On the next shift, Mark Eaton gets an assist on a Greg Malone goal.
4-0.

On another power play, Recchi misses a wide-open net right on the doorstep; a testament to how much he's struggling right now.

The teams just throw the puck around for the rest of the period.

.............................

"He's one of those players that get no respect."
NBC's Pierre McGuire has never visited The Pensblog.

The Pens get to start their 42nd power play of the game to end the second period.

And that was it.

.......................................................

During the intermission, we see the Pens Verizon commercial...again.

.......................................................

Early on in the third, nothing was going on.
The Pens getting near chances, which had become commonplace in this game by now.

Ruutu-Talbot-Laraque = Wow. This is our fourth line.

After all the jobbers left the broadcast to watch the battle of New York, Sid gets another goal on a pass/shot from Colby. 5-0.
MVP chants ensue on the next shift.

After this game, Boston coach Dave Lewis probably wants to exterminate every penguin on the planet.

7:26 left.
Shut-out City.
Could MAF hold on?

2:12 left.
The fourth line jumps on and totally dominates the rest of the game.

Sid jumps on for a late power play to try and Gretzky another point, but no dice.

Game.

Stats

• Crosby: 2 G, 1 A
• Malkin: 1 G
• Roberts: 1 G, 2 A
• Gonchar: 2 A
• Shots: Bruins -- 29 ||| Pens -- 29
  
• Power play: Bruins ( 0 for 5 ) ---- Pens ( 3 for 6 )
  

Miscellaneous

• Does anyone care about the shift clock that NBC puts up?
• Dominating a nationally televised game against a team that still had playoff hopes. Nice.
• Give it to NBC, though. They have good mics and pick up some entertaining sound bytes.
• Props to Pierre McGuire. He runs the bench seat with excellence.
• What happened to the Bruins? Weren't they good a month ago?

...........................................................


3

Jossy Semi-steals The Show. Pens WIN.

2 - 1

NHL.COM RECAP

Huge game this afternoon.
Nothing like waking up at noon and knowing a Pens game is on at 1:00.
Thibault getting the start.
A nice chance for Thibault to gain the support of the home fans.

Early on, not a lot to talk about.
Everyone was trying to find a reason to hate the Thrashers.

Talbot gets douched in the face with an errant stick.
It draws blood, but no penalty.

The Pens working really hard.

Roberts gets a nice shot off in the slot. Malkin farts with it in front of the net.
And guess who's there.

Just your friendly neighborhood garbage man.

Goal.

The Pens were dropping like flies; first Talbot...now Armstrong.
Colby sacrifices himself and blocks a shot with the inside of his right knee.
You worry about Colby...but then you think about the PK unit.

Speaking of the PK unit, Malkin goes to the box on the next shift.

Out of nowhere, Viktor Kozlov gets sprung on a head-man pass.
Thibault comes up big with a stop.

The Pens start cycling, and Recchi takes an Alexei Zhitnik elbow to the head.
And this isn't Long Island, so that means it's a penalty.
Recchi's helmet flies off. 200 people are blinded from the baldness.

Come on, Mark. Let it go.

The Pens can't get anything on the powerplay.
Ouellet was outside the 15-foot radius around the net, so a nice one-timer chances goes for naught.

Keith Tkachuk came out this week and said play in the NHL is getting dirty.
So what does he do?
Spears/hooks Talbot because Talbot won a faceoff against him.
Talbot fights Tkachuck. No Comment.

Sutton tries to job Gary Roberts at the end of the first.
Is he serious? Who wants to do that?

.................................

GameDayChat.com = Glorious
Chat during the games.
.........................................

The second period brought Colby Armstrong-Gumby comparisons.
I've never seen Gumby block a shot from point-blank range.

Gumby didn't have a penis.

The Pens get sent onto the powerplay.
Kari Lehtonen stones Christensen on the doorstep.
The powerplay ends without fanfare.
The Pens power play is as hot right now as the mom from the Dodge Minivan commerical.
(*Note: She is Google-proof, her name is Nicole Greenwood but there are no pics of her)
Who cares -- she looks like trash anyway.

Back to the game.

The next shift, Laraque-Staal-Malone put the Yellow Jersey and cycle better than Greg Lemond and generate some nice chances.

He knows it.

The action started picking up.
Malkin gets it out to Whitney who sneaks in, uses great vision, and sets up a nice play for Christensen, but no dice.
Hovercraft Lehtonen would have nothing of it.

Halfway through the second, BGL wants to drop the gloves with Michael Boulton.

Don't laugh.
Your mom wanted his balls in her mouth in the '80s.

4-on-4 action commences after BGL and Boulton go to the box with 2-minute minors for jobbin around.

Melichar and Gonchar crap on themselves and give Kovalchuk the puck in the slot, alone.
But the Sphincter Boy misses the net. Who does that.

Soon thereafter, Roberts-Malkin-Ouellet put the Yellow Jersey on and start draining Atlanta's d-men.
It culminated in Ouellet getting off a nice shot from the faceoff dot, but Atlanta goalie Kari Lehtonen makes a nice save.

Finally, we can use "Atlanta" and "save" in the same sentence.
It still hurts.

Alexei Zhitnik is a mess. He hooks Sid, and the Pens go on the powerplay again.
The Pens generate a lot of chances, but no dice.
Nice to see Therrien changed up the powerplay units a little, too. Roberts gets some time with the big boys.

.......................................................

Apparently, Atlanta coach Bob Hartley said something about the ref's mom.
A surprise power play for the Pens in the third.
Nothin doin.

Pens Nation holds their breath as Rob Eaton is shook up.

How mud is Alexei Zhitnik? Holding Ryan Malone's stick. What a stupid hockey player.
Seriously. Then he goes to the box shaking his head, like he doesn't know what he did.
Wow.

Crosby didn't feel like scoring today.

Then one of the two known defensemen on the Pens has a terrible shift.
He couldn't get the handle on a one-time shot. Then he goes into the defensive zone and makes a horrible, blind clearing attempt right to a Thrasher.
The ageless Scott Mellanby finds the rebound.
1-1.
We'll stop talking about them after this statement: Melichar and Scoods have not made a mistake like that all season.
But Whitney scores some big-time goals, so he is excused.

So here we are yet again, we had to head down the stretch in a tight game.

You could feel the vomit coming.

Jordan Staal has fallen off the pace he set for himself recently.
But wait.
Staal turns the puck into one of those bouncy balls you'd buy in the machines outside of Hills Department Store.
It gets past Kari Lehtonen.
Cheap goal.
2-1 Pens.
Did anyone think Staal was laughing at Lehtonen then trash-talking the Atlanta bench?

Nevertheless, yet another huge goal for Jordan Staal.

All right. Time was winding down.
Before you knew it, there were two minutes left in the game.
The Pens travel back in time and find the 1-4 delay.
Tkachuk jobbing around to buy time and Bob Errey doesn't like it.

46.3 seconds left.
Bob Hartley has to change his tampon.

One heart-stopping moment in that final craziness, but the Pens hold on for the win.
Money.
Thibault loves it.

Game

Stats

• Crosby: ...
• Malkin: 1 A
• Thibault: Deposited himself in National City Bank.
• Shots: Thrashers - 26 |||| Pens - 28
• Powerplay: Thrashers ( 0 for 3 ) Pens ( 0 for 5 )

Miscellaneous

• Jocelyn Thibault is on fire.
  
• How many huge goals has Jordan Staal scored this season?
• Does Atlanta even know what's going on?
• The new lines looked effective.
• Powerplay needs something.
• Rex was on PCP

................................................



Montreal
3

Toronto
3

Islanders
6

If you consider all five teams that are jostling for 7th and 8th, the Pens magic number is 5.
Told you, it gets confusing.
Baseball is much simpler.

........................

Kovalchuk - Jason Schiffhauer

Huge Weekend

Saturday

Atlanta at Pens -- 1:00

Sunday
Boston at Pens -- 12:30



"Planet Earth" on The Discovery Channel.
Sunday -- 8 P.M.

Shot with Hi-Def cameras over a span of 4 years.
One cameraman spent 600 hours in a rain forest waiting to capture the mating dance of the blue bird of paradise.
Here's 15 things you don't know about the mini-series.
Number 16 -- It is going to be sick.

We talk about things other than hockey about as often as Chris Thorburn plays a game, but this 11-part documentary is going to be disgusting.

Don't worry.
We're not gonna start posting links about Britney Spears and American Idol.

..............................................

Commenterblog helped us out big-time today.
Jim broke the story, then Rachel gave us a link.

Lord Therrien's lines for Saturday:
(from PittsburghSportsInsider.com)

Christensen -- Crosby -- Armstrong
Malone -- Malkin -- Ouellet
Roberts -- Staal -- Recchi
Ruutu -- Talbot -- Laraque


Those might be the only lines Therrien will be worrying about if this doesn't work out.

The lines have remained pretty consistent for a month or so.
There's really no reason to doubt Therrien now, after everything that's happened this year.
A new look will be exciting.
But...

• Do you break up the Roberts -- Talbot -- Armstrong line?
• Malone shouldn't be on a line with any premier playmakers. Except when he gets a hat trick.
  
• Staal and Roberts might be interesting. Recchi is fast enough to maybe get the job done on that line.
• And the fourth line may be one of the best in the NHL.
• Ouellet somehow finds his way onto the second line again.
  

But we never know what we're talking about.

Oh and guess who may be returning soon.



..........................................................................

...Colin Campbell says it's time to question the role of fighting in the NHL...

Myth:
Fighting in the NHL is dangerous.

" Only if you are a clown and shouldn't be fighting. "

Myth: BUSTED.

...Joe Thornton is now a mere 6 points behind Crosby in the scoring race...

Myth:
Thornton is better than Crosby.


" Thornton - 75 games with Jonathan Cheechoo. Crosby - 71 games with Ryan Malone. "

Myth: BUSTED.

Myth:
The Pens have the best home record in the Eastern Conference.


" 23 - 9 - 5. "

Myth: Confirmed.

...............................................................................................
Around the NHL...

Only one game of importance...

Toronto blows a three-goal third-period lead to Buffalo.

If you remember how to beat this guy, you know how he and Leafs fans feel tonight.


....................................................


Derek Ausk
(click it)

.....................................................


Toronto loses to Buffalo.
Magic number shifts to 5.

Montreal
5

Toronto
5

Islanders
8

Dirty Deeds... Pens Lose.

3 - 1

NHL.COM RECAP

Well, right away, you could tell there was something weird about the ice.
The paint on the ice was brighter than your balls.
Then we are told that the Islanders put a new ice surface down.

Why change the ice now when you're moving into Running Bull Arena in the fall?

The Islanders came out flying tonight. They are fighting for their collective playoff lives.
Unreal.

During the national anthem, Ricky D. thinks about how he is going to show off for some little boys tonight.

Not too much was happening early.
Sidney Crosby played for about 8 seconds during the first 8 minutes.

Campoli tries to job Gonchar, but he gets caught.

Not much happened on that power play, other than Recchi forgetting what he's doing and brings an offsides call the Pens way.

The Pens take their 44th too-many-men-on-the-ice penalty of the season.

Huge save by Fleury on Miroslav Satan.
How long has Satan been in the league? Who doesn't lift that puck?

With about 3 minutes left in the first, the My Two Sons line comes up big.

Talbot gets an unofficial assist on the goal.
Roberts comes into the zone, dominates, and gets it over to Colby...who buries it.
A loud "whooooooooooooo!" resonates throughout the Nassau Coliseum.
Those away-team goal celebrations are what the playoffs are all about.

Ravishing Rick Rude celebrates the goal.
Look at those pants.

The first period was the period of Laraque.
You can feel he is ready to score some type of huge goal.
Lord Therrien used him well tonight.

.................................................................

A couple minutes into the second, Gary Roberts gets sent to his other neighborhood on the bad side of town -- the box.

The Pens get douched on the ensuing Islanders power play.
Jordan Staal breaks his stick.
The puck finds Trent Hunter's stick in the high slot. Goal.

Karate Kid says: Nice shot, Homo.

A few minutes later, Crosby springs Malkin on a breakaway with an 11-line pass.
Malkin tries to snipe it in, but Ricky denies it.

A little bit after that, Smyth flips Powder a nice saucer pass.
Powder buries it but is laid out by Armstrong. Blake gets mad.

Blake, who apparently was within seconds of making out with Ryan Smyth, gets pissed.

The next shift, a skirmish near the Islanders net sends Crosby and Witt to the box.
Did anyone else notice Ryan Smyth come in and drag Crosby away from Witt?
A nice gesture?

Well, soon thereafter, Malkin gets his second breakaway of the period.
He gets tripped.
The referee's arm flies out of his socket as he points to center ice for a penalty shot.

Is Gonch holding a doobie?

Fittingly, Malkin is stoned on the penalty shot.

No comment.

The next shift, Armstrong completely lays out Powder.
Lays out.

The hit causes a rift in the space-time continuum, giving Army a headache.

Tom Poti gets a penalty. But only a two-minute minor.
He dropped the gloves -- Guess that's cool these days.

Armstrong lining up Jason Blake.

On the power play, DiPietro slashes Gary Roberts.
5-on-3 City.

Every shot from the point during the power play is blocked, and the puck is cleared.

After the penalties are killed, the Iroquois spark a threat, but no dice.
Out of nowhere, Crosby is propelled at warp speed towards DiPietro but he misses the net.
Out of nowhere, you realize Laraque has been on Sid's line all game.

The teams job around for a while. The playoff intensity seemingly disappears...until Max takes a dump on the center-ice logo.

Ruutu decides to hit Aaron Asham to bring the intensity back. Penalty Kill City.

The penalty is killed.
Ruutu comes out of the box and nails another Islander.
Ryan Smyth flies back into the Pens zone on a 2-on-1.
Rob Scuderi silently breaks it up.

This second period was the mini-me verson of the last two minutes of the Devils game a while back.
Malkin elbows Andy Hilbert in the head at the end of the period.
Hilbert doesn't like it.

Hilbert on "Skating With The Stars."

...........................................................................



Happy Birthday to Danny P.

..........................................................................

Huge third period.
Mike Yeo told Bob Errey that Michel Therrien talked to the refs after the second period about the egregious play.
Bob Errey may be quirky, but he executes the job of a color commentator to a T.

Early in the third, Gary Roberts passes up a sweet shooting opportunity in the slot.
The Islanders come back and Viktor Kozlov beats Fleury straight up from the slot.

.

" I stopped harder wild pitches from Zane Smith. "
Go Bucs.

Give it to the Pens, though.
They responded to being down 3-1.

Therrien starts sending out Crosby and Malkin early in the third.
And then we get a look at an interesting Staal-Christensen-Ouellet line.
The My Two Sons line generates some offense, Rick DiPietro just simply wouldn't allow it.

Crosby, Malkin, Staal getting slashed and elbowed all game.

But Ruutu comes up big, drawing a penalty.
No one told the Pens they were on the power play, though.
New York, a team fighting for their life, kills the penalty with excellence.

How stupid are Islanders fans?
Their players are falling over themselves, but they are booing the "no calls." Get real.

To Isles Fans
Love, PensNation

Crosby goes flying into the zone and gets a couple shots off, but Rick DiPietro is insane.

The New York Islanders are a joke.
What is there infatuation with cheap shots?
Brendan Witt decides to kick Malkin in the balls.
Malkin whacks him, and Witt has no idea why he would do that.

BOOM.

We're shown a clip of Brashear douching Ryan Smyth.
And all of Pens Nation declares Brashear their favorite hockey player.

Brendan Witt slashes Crosby's stick out of his hands.
While Witt skates to the box, we get to play the increasingly popular game "Read Sid's Lips."

" You're A F***in Joke."

Well, the Pens pull the goalie, but nothing was happening.
A loose puck or two in those last skirmishes, but that's it.

Game.

Ted Nolan wasn't available for any post-game comments.


He helped the Nassau Coliseum crew clean up the garbage left by the fans.
Go Pens.

Stats

• Crosby: Played
• Malkin: Played
• Shots: Sioux ( 24 ) -- Pens ( 27 )
• Powerplay: Apache ( 1 for 4 ) -- Pens ( 0 for 6 )

Miscellaneous

• Dont't want to play the Islanders in the playoffs.
• Hopefully, the NHL knows the spotlight is on the officiating in the playoffs. Coupled with the Senators-BluesGate and all the cheap shots around the NHL recently, Bettman has to start looking at some shit.
• Mike Sillinger - assclown.
  
• Good performance by the MAFer. Third goal was legit, despite Spanky's opinion.
  
• FSN's Rob King has been on fire recently. But in the post-game show, he says, "Oh, the Pens have lost two straight for the first time in a month. Do you think too much is expected of this young team down the stretch?" Jay Caufield looks at Rob King and is stunned.
• Islanders suck. Dirtiest team in the league. Blame their coach.
  

...................................................



Montreal
5

Toronto
7

Islanders
8

.......................

PHOTOSHOP CREDS

Jason Blake, Walking Tall -- Jason Schiffhauer
Geno's Island -- Rachel F.
Hilbert -- Derek Malinsoky
Crosby, DiPietro -- Andrew Weitzel
Pissed off Max--Randy Longo

Quoth The Islanders, "Nevermore."

The team that is somehow more annoying than the Devils.

Here is the summary of the games played this year with links to our jobber recaps.

It started on Thursday, October 19.
Back in the days when the game recap was posted before midnight.
Gonchar scores in overtime to spark the Pens on that early-season five-game winning streak.
The origins of Ouellet's affiliation with Waste Management is found within that recap.
PENS 4 -- NYI 3

The Day After Thanksgiving.
One of two games we didn't see all year.
NYI 3 - PENS 1

A few days later, Fleury steals the show on his birthday.
Chris Thorburn's Lemieux goal early in the third periodis the game-winner.
PENS 3 -- NYI 2

And then a few days after that, the Islanders win.
NYI 5 - PENS 3

A scary game in mid-December.
The Pens led 5-1 in the third.
But the Isles score thrice in 2:21 to make it 5-4.
Then Sid made that one-man play on the boards where he kicked it to himself.
Malone buried Crosby's pass for the hat trick.
That was Sid's fourth point of the night -- giving him 10 in the last two games.
PENS 7 -- NYI 4

Then came the second game of the Pens' 16-game point streak.
Richard Park scored that sweet shorthanded goal on Fleury.
This was the notorious Jason Blake Spear game.
PENS 5 -- NYI 2

Finally, the aforementioned streak came to an end.
One of the best games of the year.
Recchi with 5 points -- never to be heard from again.
And the only other game we didn't see all year.
NYI 6 -- PENS 5

AND THAT BRINGS US TO TONIGHT

...........................................................................

D-Copp, break it down.


Do it.

Pens have 92 points.
Carolina, the 8th seed, has 80 points.

The three teams vying to get into that eighth spot are:
Canadiens ( 80 points -- 8 games remaining ) -- can attain maximum of 96 points.
Maple Leafs ( 80 points -- 9 games remaining ) -- can attain maximum of 98 points.
Islanders ( 79 points -- 10 games remaining ) -- can attain maximum of 99 points.

( Note: Sorry to insult anyone's intelligence, but you get 2 points for a win. )

So, which team could kick us out of the playoffs? And how do we eliminate that threat to us?
The Pens grabbing another 5 points would eliminate the Montreal threat -- 97 pts. to 96 pts.
Another 7 points would eliminate Toronto -- 99 pts. to 98 pts.
Another 8 points eliminates the Islanders -- 100 pts. to 99 pts.

Magic numbers as of 4:00 P.M. Thursday are

Montreal
5

Toronto
7

Islanders
8

WHEN ALL OF THOSE NUMBERS ARE ZERO, WE'RE IN.

Now here's the fun part....

Scenario -- Pens win in regulation tonight:

The Pens would then have 94 points.
The Islanders ( now 9 games left) would only be able to attain a maximum of 97 points, rather than 99.
The Pens would then need 98 pts. to eliminate NYI -- reducing their magic number to 4.
A Pens' win coupled with any of those three teams losing results in a 4-point swing with that team.
Pens' victories and/or any losses by the three teams shrink the magic numbers.


Simple.

Montreal in action against Boston tonight.

Buffalo's 101 points has/have clinched them a spot in the playoffs already.
They are now playing for home-ice advantage throughout.

...............................................................

If you scrolled past that previous section, you are a smart human being.
Who wants to read that garbage.

A brand-new Penguins blog has sprouted onto the scene.
http://theguinsblog.blogspot.com

They did some funny stuff recently about Staal vs. Paul Bunyan...and a Mr. Roberts' Neighborhood segment.
Good stuff.

...............................................................

Housekeeping

An illustrious Photoshop Expo is coming this Sunday evening.

The much-hyped Penguins playoff goals video is coming to a Pensblog near you on Sunday, April 8th.
We apologize in advance for the brightness of the video.
We weren't on the AV crew in high school.
We don't think a tape like this exists anywhere else on Earth, and we are just as irritated and annoyed as you will be at the video quality.
But you can hear Mike Lange in his prime.

Lemieux was on acid.



The "More From This User" tab on YouTube houses sneak peeks of some other goals.
Just click that video above.

...................................................................

Some random photoshops.
Just the first ones we grabbed.


Jen Giarrusso

Any thoughts on who that is behind Malkin?
Is it Troy Loney? Kinda looks like a young Paul Steigerwald.


Andrew McDonald


Tiffany Walters


Granville Kris

................................................................

And finally, commenter Antonette mentioned in the comments about somehow getting these photoshops to the players.
That would be pretty sweet.

Any ideas?

Go Pens.

http://www.imagehost.ro/pict/30125921460cdf79cb4c6.gif

Listen All Of Y'all It's A Sabotage

If the Senators clinch the 4th seed this year was the fix in?

If ESPN actually talked about hockey maybe we would of seen this last night.

The Blues had two huge goals taken away Monday against the Sens

Including this one.

This is a joke:

Sorry for turning this into youtubeblog, but Doug Weight goes off:

Here is the link of the second goal taken away.
Really just a fishy situation in St. Louis .
Andy Murray was on the verge of tears

We all really hate Byran Murray, coach of the Sens. This will make you hate him even more:

"One came well after the whistle and one didn't go in or else they would have counted it," he said. "We won the game 4-2, I think.

"For us, it was a big two points. They all are now. We're trying to make sure we're in the playoffs, and hopefully this will solidify that spot and we can worry about position."

This says it all

..............................................

Two days without a game and it feels like the Pens haven't played since October.
Needless to say huge game tomorrow night against one of the gayest group of men since the village people.

yessss

...Not a whole lot else going on in Pens land. Post Gazette jobbed an article about Niles Ekman
...Great article about Dana Heinze, the Penguins' equipment manager in the trib:

"You walk down the hall (in Philadelphia), and they have a big Philadelphia Flyers logo on the wall. Who wants to look at that? So, we cover it up. And the players walk in and see their name in their stall and that's big for them. It's all about treating them first class."-Dana Heinze.
Great stuff.

We wonder if Lord Therrien and Ouellet have their own room:

.....................................

On to some games of notes....

The Rangers smoked the Flyers 5-0.... two huge stories in this game.
1.Todd Fedoruk got rocked by Colton Orr.

BGL would of already buried him in the ground

2. Jaromir Jobr scored.

One other game in the East Buffalo is insane. They win with ease over the Caps 5-2.
Another must see fight in this game between Donald Brashear and Jason Peters.

..................................

And lastly Adam G sent the bios of the Channel 4 News team

Go Pens.



Photoshop creds
The Jerk----J Schiff
Islepeople-Chris Yarbrough
Titanic---K-Dod
Jagr girl---Tyler L
News Team-Adam G

Penguin Equinox

First things first.

Obviously.

We don't analyze the Pens in-depth.

We spend our time in the neutral zone here.
We state the obvious, somehow work Tommy Lee Jones into that obvious statement, and end it.
We're all Pens fans.
We're all jobbers.
We all have our opinions.

But as Owen Hart once elequently put it:


" Enough is enough. "

Rob, your thoughts on that late goal against the Rangers?

"It stinks," Scuderi said. "It bounced right off my stick and into the net."

When asked by the media about his stealthly effectiveness on the blue line and the plethora of goals he has thwarted during even-strength and penalty-killing ice time all season long, Scuderi had this to say:

"," Scuderi said.

Welcome to the world of the jobber defenseman.

The jury may still be out on him now, but when he takes to the ice with Armstrong and Talbot to kill a clutch 5-on-3 in late April...he'll be our best and only friend in the world.

Rob Scuderi is not a nugget.

Penguins defensemen in the 1990-91 Stanley Cup playoffs:

Paul Coffey
Larry Murphy
Ulf Samuelsson
Paul Stanton
Gordie Roberts
Peter Taglianetti
Jim Paek
Grant Jennings
Your Mom

.....................................................................

...Jordan Ravenstahl strengthening his bid for the White House in 2008 by trying to bring the All-Star Game to Wheatley Arena...

...Guy Junker makes his first appearance all year; saying John LeClair should be Pens MVP...

...Around the NHL for some notes... the Stars president complains about the Preds not honoring Mike Modano passing "Broadway" Joe Mullen as the all-time top-scoring American-born player (Modano scored it in Nashville.)

Dallas Stars President Jim Lites spoke in class today:

"I understand it's a competitive situation, but we're also working together to sell the game," Lites told the paper. "They get more money from revenue sharing than any team in the league, they voted against the new schedule because they wanted to have an easier schedule for themselves. They take and take and take and take and never give back, and I'm sick of it."

Dude. Chillll.

..........................................................................

Speaking of not getting along.......



Murray: "Crosby yelled at me."
Therrien: "No, he didn't."
Murray: "Yeah-huh."
Therrien: "Go practice for your Bingo game at the old-folks home. You're a joke."

In case anyone missed it, the mini-saga of Therrien and Sens coach Bryan Murray made some news.

Murray says that he was yelling at Don Koharski about a call that he thought Crosby embellished.
Crosby yelled back at Murray.
Therrien says Murray was yelling at Sid.
Murray also says that Sid needs to watch his foul mouth because he's the face of the NHL.

Sid...thoughts?


F you.

In case you didn't read all of that article. Little story about how T- Bo almost didn't start the Ranger game:

"Working on stopping shots with his neck wasn't part of the plan, but that's what happened when Eaton, using a new stick, got off a shot that managed to sneak under Thibault's mask and catch him in the throat."

"[The shot] didn't follow the same pattern as his usual shot," Thibault said. "It kept going up."

...............................................................

How long until someone in the national media thinks they're original when they do a piece about how the young Penguins won't be able to grow playoff beards?


Dan Potash, beat them to the punch.

...............................................
Lets sneak a peek at our gay Atlantic Division friends

The Devils are a mess..Save the Maple Leafs. Save the World? Leafs win.
Do the Devils even want to win the division?

The Isles lose in OT...

Ted Nolan your thoughts?

"I feel relieved with the way Ricky played after being out that length of time," Islanders coach Ted Nolan said.

Ted Nolan Ryan then went on to throw seven scoreless innings.

And who even cares -- Philly lost.

Not a division game, but equally as important -- the Sens job the Blues. 4-2

Picture: Coach Bryan Murray's life partner is all business after the Senators huge win.

...............................

Photoshop Creds

Potash -- Patrick Jackson
Eaton -- J Karpp
Teletubbies -- Justin
How To Lose -- Adam Garcia
Nolan Ryan -- Andrew Weitzel

That Gut-Wrenching Feeling -- It's the Playoffs. PENS LOSE.

2 - 1

NHL.COM RECAP

As The Commenterblog mentioned Monday afternoon, the Pens entered the game as the number-one team in the ESPN power rankings.

You have to think the Pens were up there when Lemeiux came back in 2000-01, but it's bad for your brain if you stay on ESPN.com for too long, so researching was for naught.

"The Pens are a young team. They are talented. Crosby is good."
Thanks, Linda.

Thibault is starting.
Good.
Fleury will be under the weather for a game in the playoffs, and Jossy will have to come in to win a Game 6 on the road.
That kind of cameo appearance is the only reason anyone knows how to spell Frank Pietrangelo's name.

No FSN tonight.

We get Doc Emrick and some guy who sounds like a Kennedy brother.
The Versus in-game correspondent is a waste.
He should go back to Journalism 101 -- Rob King and Dan Potash teach it everyday.

It's no use speculating that the Pens "come out slow" in games anymore.
These guys are so focused right now.

Versus must have a back door into our e-mail, because it took them roughly 15 seconds to discuss Gary Roberts and Sean Avery.

Jossy was coming up big early, having to face a fleury of shots.

Talbot and Armstrong set up a nice give-and-go, with Talbot getting a quality scoring chance.
Things don on everyone at all different times.
But did Talbot flying in there make you realize the Pens have three potent scoring lines?

It took 14 minutes, but Jagr finally made an appearance by almost splitting the Pens defenseman.

"What time is it?"
"7:25."
"Oh, crap. Peace."

Ruutu annihilates Sean Avery along the boards.

Does Georges Laraque still play on the team?

The Penguins have a solid blue-line corps.
Seriously.
People can disagree with this, and that's fine.
Scoods, Nasreddine, Melichar, and Orpik silently come to work and get the job done.
I wouldn't like it if I got in my car and drove to work, and everyone on the Parkway was rolling down their windows to tell me I'm a piece of shit.
We're looking at you, Meli-haters.
But Melichar is easily the first off the island when Eaton returns.

Will Eaton return on Easter Sunday?


He rises.

First period comes to an end with zero fanfare...besides the Rangers fans cheering the fact that their team has played the Pens to a scoreless tie in the first.
Wow...so, that is how far the Pens have come this season.
Nice feeling.

..............................................................

Mark Messier hands out a meaningless Leadership award to Glenn Holland during the intermission.




Boom.
When you talk clutch directing, you talk Mr. Holland.
This is John Madden, signing off until playoff time.
..............................................................

Early in the second, Orpik gets owned by a Ranger near the boards.
What does Orpik do?
Skates as hard as he can to get back into the defensive zone and poke checks the puck from Jagr.
Orpik then goes to the bench.
A Shift In The Life.

Speaking of solid shifts, Alain Nasreddine gets a hooking penalty soon thereafter.

It's easy to stop the Rangers' power play, because they only have one play that they run.
Jagr comes up the half-boards, swoops down, passes it down to the goal line and goes to the net.
That's it.

Speaking of our solid defensemen, Melichar gets an elbowing penalty.
Luckily, the Rangers try to cheat but get caught with too many men.

" Too many men? No such thing. "

Halfway through the second, Jordan Staal disturbs Henrik Lundqvist's nap.

Steve Avery is a joke.

Completely shut down the Pirates' bats in the early '90s.

He comes flying into the zone and even catapults himself into Thibault.
Then Avery is arguing.
Seriously. A total joke.
The whole team argues, but anyone can see that it was Avery's intent to douche Thibault.
Avery = 5 goalie-interference penalties this season.

Big-time penalty kill by the Rangers with a little help from Recchi getting in the way of The Whintey Play (TM).

Praise Mario that a commercial break came after the ensuing penalty on the Pens.
The Rangers' momentum came to a screeching halt.

Regardless, penalties are good now because it gives our insane PK units some practice.
Our lives will change forever when Talbot scores a shorthanded goal late in a Game 5 on the road to break a 3-3 tie.

The PK unit bends but doesn't break.
Thibault flopping around like a chicken trying to keep the MSG homos silent.

Later, Christensen trips a terd, but then Rozey catapults a Penguin into the net.
The only thing Rozsival has put in the net all year.

Holy hell, this game is still tied.

The four-on-four brought some nice action, with the Rangers getting all the chances.
Malkin and Staal were about 5 inches away from getting a two-on-one.
That would be money in the bank if you've ever seen it.

Some ass named Jed smoked Malkin. Whatever.

Instead, the puck stays in the Pens zone, and Orpik decides to make it 3-for-3 in making us look like clowns in our praise of the no-namer d-men.
A hooking penalty he didn't really have to take gives the Rangers yet another power play, but Thibault is insane.

Rangers outshoot the Pens 26 to -4 in the second period.

...........................................................

If your internet sucks and you hate ESPN, you had yet to see Jimmy Tootoo's punch on Dallas' Robidas until the second intermission.

Chris Simonitis is spreading.

...........................................................

The Rangers started the third on the power play, but the Pens killed it.
But the Rangers jobbed in a deflection goal to take a 1-0 lead.
Thibault is human.

The next shift, Thibault bounces back with a point-blank save.

The Rangers started buzzing like bees around a hive.
New York forgets that Thibault is on PCP.
Versus commentator Mike Emrick gets an erection from all the saves.

Some new Ranger jerk-off is on the ice taking runs at everyone.

Hey, Callahan -- shouldn't you be watching The Black Donnellys or something -- Fag.

Hollweg has had the worst 10 days in human history.
He has a nice shiner from Chris Simon, and then he gets crushed by 3'7" Mark Recchi.

Chris Simon Scalps Ryan Hollweg
Fact: He didn't hit him hard enough.

Recchi goes to the box.

Jagr is stoned by the right pad of Jossy.

The G-Train Roberts draws a cross-checking penalty to Blair Betts.

Power play.

The Rangers once again neutralize the opportunity.

Time winding down.

The Pens finally decide to show up.
Malkin owns a touch pass to EC.
EC, while getting hooked to death, shoots/passes...
And guess who is on the doorstep.

Your friendly neighborhood garbage man.
Goal.
1-1.

Huge goal. Pens right back in it.

The teams are jobbing and well it looks like we are going to overti --
Oh no.
Here is Jagr.

Goal.

WTF?
Jagr using the move that Ron Francis made famous -- gets the puck in front right before he goes behind the net.
The puck hits off of Scoods.
Nylander reacted, knowing that it was a goal, but the Rangers job a lot.
It's not conclusive at all.
No whistle on the play.
The refs meet.
Goal.

Sorry, Rangers. We didn't see the puck go into the net.
We must've been too busy looking down at you in the standings.
See you April 7th.
Schedule your tee times for April 8th, toolbags.

Game.

Stats

• The Penguins played.
• Thibault: 137 saves
• Lundqvist: 3 naps and a CrunchWrap Supreme from Taco Bell.
  
• Power play: Both teams ( 0 for your mom )

Miscellaneous

• Big win for the Rangers.
• Pens looked fine tonight. Just didn't win.
  
• Your mom looked fine tonight.
• Too angry to talk about anything right now.
• How many cameras does Versus have at the game? How the hell did the cameraman know to put an iso-camera on Blair Betts? The dude doesn't even deserve a hello from a Wal-Mart greeter, but he gets an iso. Stunning.
• Tons of F bombs tonight. Did anyone see Tom Renney tell someone f-you after the Pens scored?

.............................................................


Do it.
7

................................

Photoshop Creds

Roberts, Jagr -- Anthony Costa
G-Train -- Mike Costa
He rises -- Jeff Harr
Thibault -- Derek Kalinosky
Ouellet Trash -- J-Schiff

Our e-mail is getting owned with photoshops.
A brief description of the photoshop in the subject of the e-mail would help us enormously.
Thanks a lot guys.
If you've sent a lot and still haven't gotten love, please e-mail us and tell us.
Huge expo coming soon.

The Point is... PENS WIN

4 - 3
SHOOTOUT

NHL.COM RECAP

The battle of the Ens got under way amidst a palpable playoff atmosphere.

The best thing about it is that the Pens didn't look nervous.
These winning streaks and the presence of some veterans are paying dividends.
It would be ignorant to suggest the Pens didn't know the implications of this game, but seriously...they didn't look flustered.

The teams jobbed around for the first half of the opening period.
The early highlight was Georges Laraque backchecking his balls off to stop Chris Neil on a semi-breakaway after Scuderi wandered the deepest he's ever been into the offensive zone.

Pensblog Chris Note: Mark Recchi is coming down with Jan Hrdina Syndrome.
Just like Hrdina would always try to get it to Jagr, Recchi would sacrifice one of his pets to get the puck to Bing on any given shift.

Later, a high-sticking penalty put Ottawa on the powerplay.
No one in Pens Nation is sure when it happened, but you no longer assume a team is going to score on an early power play like that anymore.

Towards the end of the power play, Talbot is a maniac.
To further cement suspicions of him being on acid, he sparks a late shorthanded rush.
He gets it over to Ponch...who gives it to Gonch.
Gonch gets it back to a wide-open Jon Baker. He buries it.

Roger that.
( Steve Craig )

While you were having sex in celebration of that goal, Ottawa gets 22 shots on Fleury in a matter of seconds.
Antoin Vermette ouellets it into the net to tie the game.

Vermette eventually picks up the trash to tie the game.
It still doesn't change the fact that his mother was born at a flea market.

Later in the first, Orpik douches a Senator into the boards with an egregious cross-check.
No penalty.

But then Crosby gets messed with.
Penalty.

No dice.

MAFer came up big, stoning more Senators than Towelie during that first period.
Ouellet blocking more shots than a Secret Service agent.

.................................................

The Senators are clowns.

Three minutes into the second, Volchenkov stupidly interferes with Fleury.

Goal.

Crosby, whose selfishness will be the end of this Penguin team, steals a pass that was intended for Malkin and scores to overtake Malkin in the Pens goal-scoring race.
We get it, Sid.

Before you could fart, Alfreddson redirects a Joe Corvo point shot to tie the game up.
Remember -- it's not the playoffs yet so Alfreddson doesn't dissapear.

The next couple minutes saw Sergei Gonchar come flying into your picture to flatten Orange Sherbert along the boards.

Orange Sherbet, a cold six-pack, and a Pens game is as close to Heaven as some people will ever get.

Joe Melichar was playing in his 300th game tonight, and he celebrated by taking a holding penalty.

The PK unit stands tall again.

Christensen's name is starting to find its way around the NHL.
Dean McAmmond finds it necessary to hook Christensen and gets a penalty.
The Pens don't score, but holy hell...they are starting to become really scary...just in time, too.
Malkin hydroplaned during that power play.

Battling down deep, cross-corner dumping with pure excellence.
Gary Roberts is everywhere.
He even hosts a show on PBS.

The second Andrew Weitzel photoshop that has included blood spatters.
(If you didn't catch the first one, go into the previous post's comments.
The pic is not condoned by The Pensblog in any way.
Again...it's in the previous comments section.)

The My Two Sons (Roberts-Talbot-Army) line draws a penalty.
On the ensuing power play, Crosby one-touches it to Whitney, who then delays the play from happening.
But still buries it.
3-2.

Remember when we said Roberts was everywhere?
Well, that includes the penalty box, too.
But the Pens kill that penalty...and Malone and Staal almost scored a huge goal.

Roberts gets a penalty-box breakaway but forgets what's going on.

If you thought the second-period action was done at that time, you were wrong.
Chris Neil presses the R2 button and streaks into the Pens zone uncontested but rings it off the pipe.

That was it for the second.

.................................................................................

During the Devils game, Steigerwald headily mentioned that the Pens have to start getting into playoff mode; meaning that when you go into the third period with a lead, you better learn how to keep it.

We passed the test against the Devils.
Here we go again.

Erik Christensen sets up Roberts with a sweet play, but Roberts just misses.
Later in the same shift, the Pens miss their fourth or fifth chance to job in a goal.

The action goes to the other end, and Fleury flops around like Kerri Strug trying to keep the game tied.

Kerri Strug has disappeared.

And then we get an in-depth look at Gary Roberts' career as a fighter, as we are given the tale of the tape between him and some 12th-grader he rocked back in high school.

Then, out of nowhere, Mr. Magoo starts sending everyone to the box.
Even Dan Potash got a two-minute minor during that span.

Two minutes for dominating.

Dan Potash's penalty comes back to haunt the Pens.
Wade Redden jobs one from the point that goes through more traffic than I-376 Monroeville.
3-3.

Before you knew what happened, Ottawa was then catapulted onto yet another power play.

But Staal picks off a pass and heads off on another shorthanded rush.
He's held up, and Ottawa gets penalized.

Ottawa coach Bryan Murray, who apparently has never seen a penalty before, flips out when Alfredsson is called for goalie intereference.

Boom.
Bryan Murray drinks his own pee.

Huge save on Vermette by MAF to keep the game tied up.

The Pens fly to the other end and do everything imaginable to take the lead.
Steigerwald says the Pens are passing too much, but for the first time ever, that's not the case.
We may be right; we may be wrong.
But all of the plays still resulted in solid scoring chances.

Time ticks down.
Overtime City.

Before overtime, you would've been wise to remove your testicles so they wouldn't break when they fell off in that five-minute insanity.

Gary Roberts continues his four-game streak of murdering someone in overtime.
Joe Corvo gets owned.

Senators almost get a goal.
Praise whoever you praise that Mike Fisher isn't left-handed.
He would've one-timed an easy goal, and you would've started a 48-hour meth binge.

Overtime winds down...

Erik Christensen tries the Jussi Jokinen move and is denied.

Mike Comrie tries to Shaquille O'Neal one in, but no dice.

Evgeni Ruutu is next. Goal. Stunned. 1-0.

Dean McAmmond shoots it into Fleury's glove.

Crosby comes in and looks for someone to pass to. Denied.
Antoin Vermette is next. MAF's fake-pokecheck move is disgusting.

Game.

Stats

• Crosby: 1 G, 1 A
• Gonchar: 2 A
• Whitney: 1 G, 1 A
• Shots: Sens -- 35 ------- Pens -- 19
• Powerplay: Sens (1 for 6 ) Pens ( 2 for 8 )

Miscellaneous

• Gonchar was a machine tonight.
• Pens putting in more overtime than Robert Downey Jr.'s publicist.
• I wish we knew why Ruutu is the new number-two shooter.
• Billco is the better buy.
• Bryan Murray= Baby
  
• A win Monday night puts the Pens in a tie with the Devils for first place. The Devils will keep the throne since they have played fewer games. Regardless, does anyone want that division-champion bull's eye on our backs going into the playoffs?
  

.............................................


Do it.
7

Pensblog Nick:
Pens have 92 points.
Carolina could get maximum of 98.
NYR could get 99.
NYI could get 100.
Toronto can get 98.

7 more points...and it is assuredly Playoff City.

Ottawa -- Bring It.

7:30

THE BIGGEST GAME AT THE MELLON ARENA THIS SEASON.

THIS GAME WILL PALE IN COMPARISON TO WHAT WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH IN MID-APRIL.
.........................................

Crosby: 10 points in last 5 games.
Healtey: A silent 16-game point streak was snapped recently.

We hate doing analysis because no one cares what some jobber eating Cocoa Puffs for lunch has to say about the Penguins playoff hopes.

However, Sunday night's game is a highly probable first-round playoff preview.

The Pens got to prove that they can play with Ottawa on a consistent basis.
Especially in a home-ice atmosphere.
What a game to be attending tonight.

Dany Heatley might be late.

My uncle Mitch saw Heatley pulled over on I-79 near the Heidelberg exit around 4:00 P.M.

Obviously, our self-governed embargo on Dany Heatley jokes has been lifted.
Coupled with the excellence of Photoshop, Canada may shut down this blog.


Schiff


Heatley utilizes the eject seat.
( Jeff Harr )

Andrew Weitzel sent us a Dany Heatley that we simply cannot post.
Our morals have finally gotten the better of us.
Sorry, Andrew.

Photoshop things to pray for:

Talbot and Armstrong do something amazing.
MAF makes a save on someone named Fred.
Gary Roberts dominates.
Christensen scores.
Ouellet scores a garbage goal.

........................................................

We're getting drowned with pictures in our e-mail.
We are definitely not complaining.
PLEASE SEND THEM TO thepensblog@gmail.com
OUR YAHOO ACCOUNT WILL SOON BECOME INACTIVE.

We feel bad that some simply won't make it into posts or up top, but every pic will find its way onto the site, one way or the other...because these things are hilarious.

If you sent us one and it doesn't get posted by Wednesday, please e-mail us.
We lose track of things.

This isn't The Photshopblog, but we felt we had to mention it.

.................................................................................

More Housekeeping

We want to see if anyone is interested in doing a Playoff bracket thing along the lines of March Madness.
We'll post the playoff bracket and you fill it out.

From the end of the season to the start of the playoffs is only a matter of days, so we wanted to give advance notice that something like this will be coming.

Winner gets absolutely nothing...
maybe an autographed pair of Adam's boxers or something.

That should generate some traffic.

(that's sarcastic by the way)

......................................................................

...Mike Modano did it. He broke Joey Mullen's record.

...The Avalanche are a mere 6 points behind Calgary for 8th spot. Calgary also has played one more game than Colorado.
The importance of this -- A playoff berth will immensely help Paul Stastny's case for the Calder Trophy.

The homers in the Canadian press will him out, too.

Go Pens.

St. Craig Patrick's Day (He traded St. Patrick for a fifth-round pick.)

Once again everyone, keep the Photoshops coming. You are giving us some unreal material.

..............................

Huge day/night in the NHL.

It's a hell of a thing to wake up in mid-March knowing that you have to watch the scoreboard; and not because you're worried about where the Pens are going to draft.
Good times.

We start in New Jersey.

Tom Petty -- your thoughts on the New Jersey Devils right now?

And they're Freeeeeeeee, Free Fallin'

Carolina chases Marty B early so he can go bang someone's wife. Canes go on to win 7-2...Penguins four points back....WTF.


The Rangers refuse to go away -- huge win over Boston 7-0:

What a pic.

Side note to this game: Marty Straka got hurt.

Keep your head up next time, Marty. -- Loser.

Next up Florida and The Isles.
All Florida all the time.. Panthers win 8-5
Florida's goals were cheaper than Ted Nolan's wife.

Montreal survives with a huge 3-2 shootout win over the Maple Leafs.

Ottawa beats Philly 3-2 tonight.
Dany Heatley is driving the Sens into fourth place.

Dany Heatley jokes are unretired.
( It's time to piss off as many fans from other teams as possible. )
Bring it on, baby.

.............................................

Biggest game in Mellon Arena tomorrow since 2001.
Battle for 4th.
Battle for the Division.
Unreal times.


(Tee Jay)

Here is some great reading material from Justin to pass the time waiting for Pens to play tomorrow.



Dave P.
( Look at Kramer. Unbelievable. )
Hahahaa Ruutu.

Go Pens

Jesus Christensen. PENS WIN.

6 - 3

NHL.COM RECAP

"We all know they can score goals; we have to take advantage of their defence," Carbonneau said. "They like to go on the offensive and all five players join the rush. They like to take chances. We have to take advantage of the mistakes they make and get a lead on them early so they have to play catch-up."

-- Guy Homobonneau

Yeah, that almost worked.


( Justin )

....................................

Huge game tonight. Montreal was in a must-win position.
Somehow Dandenault forgot about that, and he took a penalty ten seconds in.
Nothing rolling for the pens.
Gary Roberts gets called for being to cool. 2 minutes -- box.

Montreal jobs around and the Pens kill it.

Bing gets the puck at center ice as Montreal decides to have a meeting in their own zone to talk about how gay they are.
Crosby takes a dump in Sheldon Souray's mouth, and everyone else stands there and watches.
David Aebischer is a joke.
1-0.

Because of the goal, Aebischer's girlfriend breaks up with him.

Montreal tries to get back in it, but Fleury in money in the bank.
We go to intermis......wait
David Aebischer fixes the game.
Jesus Christ-ensen is the benefactor.

( Brandon Hanlon )

Goal.
2-0.

The second period starts, and the refs feel bad for the Canadiens and want them to get back into the game.

Ryan Whitney tries to take some dude's arm off with a vicious slash.
Chris Higgins does his best impression of NHL 95's wrap around goal.
2-1.

Nothing really else going on in the second...until Mark Eaton Quantum Leaps into Joe Melichar's body to prevent a goal but takes a penalty just to make it look like nothing happened.

Silk Stalkings and Quantam Leap owned the USA Network in the early '90s.

With Melichar in the box, Sheldon Sourgay smokes one past Fleury.

2-2 Cracka.

The second is over.
You're thinking this has shootout city written all over it.

No dice, dick.

The Pens come out with some guts in the third.
Little cycling going on.
Malkin makes a sick pass to EC.

(Rick Sabella)

Gary Roberts, Max Talbot, and Armstrong are insane.

The come right back down the ice, cycle a little bit, puck goes into Mr. Roberts neighborhood.
Instead of molesting chickens, Roberts lights the lamp.
Goal.
4-2.

This is begging for a photoshop.

But Montreal wouldn't go quietly.

Recchi hit some jobber in the face.
Habs dominate the power play.
Some jerk scores on a sweet tic-tac-toe play.
4-3.

The pace starts picking up, and you know a goal is coming.
Fleury makes some key saves, and the Pens defense goes into prevent mode...
Michel Ouellet, who was mud all game, shows up.
He strips a Montreal defender, and springs Malkin.
Watching Malkin turn on the jets to start the 3-on-2 is what hockey is all about.

Ouellet rushes to the net. Malkin makes a pass that is just way too hard, but he makes it look easy.
He all but scores it for Ouellet.

Vintage Ouellet goal
5-3.

Montreal is on acid, though, and keeps coming.
But Saku Koivu hits the post, and Fleury is stellar the rest of the way.

87 adds an empty netter.

Game

Stats:

• Crosby: 2G
• Jesus Christ: 2G
• Malkin: 2A
• Ouellet: 1G, 1A
• Roberts: 1G
• Shots: Pens (31) Habs (28)
• Fleury: Money when he had to be

Miscellaneous

• Montreal is d.o.n.e
• How great was the guy in the scorers booth giving the thumbs up.
• Laraque needs to see more ice time
• Malkin makes sick passes
• 4 points out of 1st.. wtf

............................

Keep the random Photoshops coming. If we don't use them right away don't get mad. Some of them are unreal. We will try to use them all.



Go Pens



Do it

Magic Number
( Matt Godfrey )
9

Penguins of the Atlantic: Your Mom's Chest

Huge shout-out to Randy Longo.
You have to respect that pic.

.....................................................

Back on the horse.
We are so out of touch.

For the first time in a while, we can give a semi-close look at the NHL.

The same close look your mom gives TNT when "Primal Fear" is on.

Before the NHL is touched upon, we were e-mailed the exclusive fall schedule for the Sprint Center in Kansas City.

Catholic-rock band "Just A Little Faith" will be performing on Sept 15, 2007.


The following night, Al Davis and the Christian Crusaders bring their show to town.

It must suck not having a hockey team.

..........................................................

...Andrew Raycroft is still not getting the approval of fans up in Leafs Nation.

...Islander Chris Simon may be facing legal action for the Hollweg hit...

.

...The Islanders sans DiPietro also lose to the Ottawa Senators Thursday night...

Ted Nolan...thoughts?

Me not happy.
Playoffs no look good.

...New Jersey actually shows up and beats Carolina...Scott Gomez with a goal and an assist.

Picture: Scott Gomez's dad is overcome with emotion

...Boston kept their fading hopes alive...

Buffalo jobbed the Panthers...

and Philly owns ATL.

...................................

Standings:

Contrary to popular belief, the Western Conference actually exists.
Here's some division notes from the Northwest.
Roberto Luongo is money in the bank.

" Yes, your honor. I would like to make a case for Roberto Luongo for the Hart Trophy. "

............................................

Et tu, Ruutu?
( Justin )

.........................................

Huge game Friday night.


Guy Carbonneau's wife won't be making the trip.

Donnie Jarkko. PENS WIN.

3 - 0

NHL.COM RECAP

After arguably one of the more emotional 72-hour spans of our lives, the Pens played their arch-nemesis -- The New Jersey Devils.
Bring it.

Really no expectations for this game.
It definitely could've had 6-0 Devils written all over it.

Boom.

MAF got a much-needed break, and Jocelyn Pietrangelo got the start.

The first period was back and forth old-time hockey.
Both goalies made some solid saves.
The ice was a complete joke.
They should've just played the game in Claude Julien's driveway.

Too bad there are always too many little boys there.

For the second straight game -- no penalties in the first period.
The first period was meaningless.

The second period got started and it was still as exciting as a game of Connect Four with your grandmother.

My grandmother dominates at Connect Four.

Finally, we got something to at least get worked up over when Cam Janssen runs Brooks Orpik.
Either Janssen doesn't know the rules or he is just so slow or he thinks he is making a good hit.
Either way, he is a homo.

Still not a lot going on, but the Pens start getting the old Lance Armstrong cycle going, and Brad Lukowich gets called for holding...and acts like he has no idea what he did.
What an ass.

On the ensuing powerplay, Mark Eaton sneezes and Sergei Gonchar falls over.

The puck flies by Gonch......

And here comes John Madden all alone from center ice.

He poops himself.
Doesn't even hit the net.

The Devils kill the power play off, though.
Minutes later, Jarkko Ruutu gets tangled up with Brad Lukowich...

Ruutu gets called for the Penalty.

The Pens kill it off, and then Ruutu takes over the game.
He comes flying out of the box and is joined by Sid and Rex. Ruutu brings the puck into the zone, drop pass to Sid. Bing gives it back to him.
Ruutu looks to pass to Recchi in front, but it goes off some jobber's stick and into the net.
1-0

Come on, Marty. That goal was cheaper than your sister-in-law/wife.

The Devils look pissed and come back flying.
But Pietrangelo says no dice, and things get chippy.
Gary Roberts drops the gloves...

Roberts tries to eliminate Rupp in an impromptu Royal Rumble.

The third period began with the score still 1-0.
Halfway through the third, Lance Armstrong makes another appearance.
Ruutu is on acid and hits Christensen with the pass.

Goooooaaaaallllll.
( Steve Craig )

It was now 2-0.
The Devils offense was nowhere to be found.

Dora was stunned when she could not find any offense.

For good measure, Jordan Staal adds his 59th goal of the year on a pretty pass from Malkin.

The Devils get a taste of their own medicine.

Game.

Stats

• Crosby: 1 A
• Malkin: 1 A
• Staal: 1 G
• Ruutu: Sick.
• Powerplay: Devils ( 0 for 2 ) Pens ( 0 for 1 )
• Shots: Devils (24) Pens (22)

Miscellaneous

• Very convincing game.
• Pens: 5-0-1 in last 6.
• Georges Laraque, where art thou?
• Sidney gets a high stick from Recchi and acts like he was shot. A little too extreme.
• Thibault : Vezina Trophy
• How about the douchebag dressed up in complete goalie pads behind the bench.
• Last regular-season game ever at the Continental Airlines Arena for the Pens.
  

............................................


13

Emotional High

You may have been taking a shower. You may have been making a pot of coffee.
You may have been taking a dump.
But when the Pens arena deal crept into your mind and blindsided you a few minutes after you woke up Wednesday...what a feeling.

It wasn't a dream.

Welcome to the world of Penguins fans on Wednesday, March 14, 2007.

................................................................................

For any unlucky souls who haven't caught it yet, here is Lemieux's announcement at the Mellon.


Commenter Matt from Wait 'Til Next Year was right.
Listen at the :20 mark.
Versus' microphone had no chance of surviving.
Then at the :33 mark, Lemieux tries talking. There was no chance of that happening.

Goosebumps City.

.........................................................

Penguins stats from the Buffalo game Tuesday night.


Crosby: minus
Gonchar: minus
Recchi: minus
Malone: minus
Melichar: minus
Nasreddine: plus (meaning he's the best d-man on the team.)

Final score:

Pens 5
Sabres 4

.......................................

Random Photoshops


Ryan Patsko


Pat Jackson

And just wait till Erik Christensen scores a goal.

..............................................................

Steve Denny sent us this hilarious link about provisions to the new Pens arena.

Gold.

...Rick "Ted Dibiase" DiPietro was injured Tuesday night in a game against Montreal...

The Penguins: 30-year lease.
Rick DiPietro: 15-year contract.
Islanders: Mud without Rick DiPietro.

...Mike Modano scored his 50oth career goal Tuesday night; putting him 2 behind Slippery Rock Joe Mullen for the all-time NHL mark for goals by a U.S.-born player...

Joe Mullen = Stunned.

.........................................................

Pens - Devils
Wednesday night.
7:30


...Rich Lord, who sounds like he's a 42-year-old reliever from an early '90s Pirates team, comes out of nowhere with this article regarding the Devils new proposed arena...

........................

PenguinsBuzz.com snuck into our link list a couple of days ago.

Looks pretty solid.

Go Pens.

Don't Stop Believin'. PENS WIN.

5 - 4
SHOOTOUT

NHL.COM RECAP


Lemieux offered to build the new arena, by himself, by next Thursday.
But his back hurts. It's carried us for 23 years.

The lucky 17,132 in attendance tonight showered the Pens with the affection that we all wanted to express.

There's no use trying to put it into words.

Right off the face-off, it was nice.
No clouds hanging over the ice anymore.

Less than three minutes in, Sidney Crosby flies into the Buffalo zone and gets a shot off.
Ryan Miller turns it aside.

On a night like tonight, a real hockey player buries that.

It was looking like the highlight of the first period was gonna be Fleury's two great-looking gloves saves on Dainius Zubrus.

But no. Some front-of-the-net jobbing results in Jason Pominville popping in a rebound to make it 1-0. Gonchar had hooked him to the ground but couldn't keep the puck out of the net.

Goalie Ryan Miller sucking wind after running all the way from Buffalo on I-79 South.

But it took the Pens all of 41 seconds to tie it up.
Crosby and Toni Lydman were battling all game.
Lydman tries to knock Crosby off the puck.
Crosby goes down on one knee and finds Gonch open in the slot.
A pass/shot to Malone and the game was tied.

End of the first.

The second period didn't begin with the same pomp and circumstance as the first period; that was pretty much the only difference.
Each team was given a power play, but both teams managed to poop in their own mouths.

Picture: Gary Roberts gets bored during the second and starts slashing everything.

At pretty much the same time that Pominville scored in the first, Maxime Talbot Lemieuxs it past Ryan Miller.
2-1 Pens.

It took the classy Sabres less than two minutes to tie it up, though.
Chris "Great hockey player" Drury drags the puck enough to get Fleury out of position and then just tossed it in front of the net.
Dmitri Kalinin knocks it in to send the game into the third period tied at 2.

Early in the third, the Pens get a power play when Chris "I take momentum-shifting penalties" Drury heads to the box.

Gonch makes a great play to keep the puck in the zone and gets it across the ice to Whitney.
Whitney jobs it to Recchi.
Recchi can't remember the last time he had the puck in the slot. He just whips it to the net.
Crosby tips it in.
3-2.

Goal

More than 18 minutes left to play.
Even my dad's balls knew that this game was far from over.

Malkin drives to the net and is seemingly hauled down.
But it's Malkin that gets sent to the box for holding the stick.

Good call.

Regardless, Buffalo couldn't get anything going and had to eventually take a penalty themselves to subdue the Pens penalty-killing unit.
Talbot comes into the Buffalo zone on acid and draws a penalty.

20 seconds later, the Pens go on the power play again.
And again, they score.
Gonch from the point puts the Pens up 4-2.

Jack Edwards says, "There isn't a happier arena in North America tonight."

Beaker, your thoughts?

"Jack Edwards is a joke."

A 4-2 lead with 10:00 left isn't safe unless you're playing the team from UPMC Children's.

Two minutes after Gonch's goal, Daniel Briere gets a semi-breakaway and beats Fleury.
4-3.
Way too much time left.

Time was ticking down.
All of a sudden, Ryan Miller is pulled, and an extra attacker is out there.
Recchi has the best chance to throw it into the empty net but barely misses.

Buffalo rolls down the ice in the Flying V and gets the puck down deep.
6.2 seconds left...Chris Drury is more clutch than the kid in "Iron Will."

" We may lose the farm, but we will die fighting. " - Will Stoneman.
Best movie ever made.

Tied.

If there is one word to describe this game.

microcosm:

a smaller system which is representative of or analogous to a larger one.

It's never easy.
If you were ready to jump off the Liberty Bridge, you're better than that.

Crosby wasn't happy with a non-call during the Sabres' tying goal. It looked like the Sabres had run interference on both goal posts to free up Drury. The refs weren't hearing it, though.

Overtime looked like it was gonna turn into the last two minutes of the Devils game, but it calmed down.
An otherwise uneventful overtime led us into our 63rd shootout of the season.

Christensen comes down on Miller and drops the Cosbys into Ryan Miller's crease. 1-0.
Danny Briere comes down and fakes a slapshot from 7 inches away.
He tries to make a move but looks like a moron.

Okay, Malk --
What.
Ruutu must have naked pictures of Mike Yeo.
And you can bet some website out there would post the pics just to get hits.
Ruutu tries his only move but is denied.
He then fires it at Miller again, and Miller doesn't like it.

(thanks to Mike M.'s sister for this)

Drew Stafford is next for Buffalo.
WPXI'S John Fedko, in the stands, flashes Fleury.
Fleury never sees the shot.
Goal.
1-1.

Crosby is the Pens third shooter.
He does a move along the lines of Christensen's to give the Pens the 2-1 advantage.

Last shooter for Buffalo is Thomas Vanek.
He lines up... set...

WIDE RIGHT.
Go eat some wings, loser.

Game.

Stats

• Crosby: 1 G, 2 A
• Whitney: 3 A
• Gonchar: 1 G, 1 A
• Lemieux: 2 A, 3 saves
  
• Fleury: Uhh... 15 saves, 19 shots. Ouch. Buffalo's goals came from a combined distance of 15 feet.
  
• Shots: Buffalo ( 19 ) Pens ( 38 ) Buffalo with 2 in the 2nd period.
  
• Powerplay: Buffalo ( 0 for 2 ) Pens ( 2 for 3 )
• Melichar: -4....
  

Miscellaneous

• Great game. Good officiating. Entertaining.
• Gary Roberts is a machine. A proverbial wrecking crew.
  
• Laraque is a nice addition, but was he really missed tonight? We have people that can step in and get the job done. Other teams would dream of having that.
• A lot of Buffalo fans made the trip. Good people. Little too excited though. There was just as much intensity in the crowd as on the ice. Near fights everywhere.
  
• Laraque and Eaton formed a plan to solve world hunger in the press box.
• Gonch tied with Niklas Lidstrom for points lead among defensemen.
• Recchi's play was lackluster for most of the evening other than his assist.
  
• Petro stepped in and the team didn't miss a beat. This depth will be huge in the tournament.
  

.......................................................


15

Miracle On 66 Mario Lemieux Place

Just another jobber Monday night....

Unitl a little before 11:00 Monday night, when FSN's Rob King bet his girlfriend's uterus that the Pens deal was done.

When Rob King tells you something is going to happen, It's going to happen.

It all came to fruition when Bob Pompeani took control of our television set at 11:02 to bring us the announcement.

Mario Lemieux - 690 goals. 3 saves.

It is over.
After eight long years.
Countless sleepless nights.
The Pens are here to stay.
Words will never do this moment justice.

Grab whatever you're drinking and raise it to the sky:

This is to Mario. A legacy of greatness forever etched in the Grant Street concrete.

To Danny O, Lucky Luke, and Easy Ed.
To all the jobbers everywhere.
We may not always agree. We may not all get along.
But tonight we stand together.
We stand united.

Fight and believe and they may leave.
Don't care and you won't be disappointed...at least for a while.
And watching in your living room, many years from now, you would be willing to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies(Kansas City) that they may try, but they'll never take... OUR Penguins!
Now excuse us, we have a hockey team to support for the rest of our lives.
Let's kick the tires and light the fires, big daddy.

......................................

The rest of this post is the most meaningless of this blog's history.

...Penguins are 7th in ESPN Power Rankings...

...New Penguin Billy Joel Kwiatkowski talks about being lower on the totem pole than Ted Nolan's wife...

...Speaking of which, Teddy says Chris Simon's suspension was too harsh...

...In the story of the little rookie that could, Colorado's Paul Stastny is on an 18-game point streak...

Malkin: 73 Points
Stastny: 66 Points

...Joe D sends us all the link to the Chicago Sun-Times apologizing for their ignorant look at the Penguins.
The commenters really owned that guy. So great.

..............................................


Faber Drive is NHL.com's Band of the Month.
What.
What's that dude on the right doing.

.............................

The NHL was slower tonight than TSN reporting the arena deal.

The only game of really any importance:
The Thrashers beat the Caps.

.....................

Pens - Sabres
7:30

Arena Announcement

Arena Photoshops

Unreal Pics

Thanks everyone.
And thanks to the ones we got that had nothing to do with the arena.
They're all in the bank.
................................................................................


Kyle Jackson


Joshua Bromley


Joe Karpp




Jason Schiffhauer


Steve Craig


Robert Mangis


Mike M.


Brandon Hanlon


Josh Carpenter


Shorty


Dave P.


Mike Costa


Rico Fatastic


Joe F.

Find It

Where else on our site can this picture be found?

Send the link to the post to thepensblog@gmail.com

6th person to send us the link gets 2 Winter Classic tickets at face value.

We'll e-mail you right back.

The Skates of Wrath

Two things before we get started:

1.Thanks to Steel Town Mike for having us on his show last night. SteelTown Mike is money in the bank. You can listen to it here

2. Daylight savings time is the gayest thing since Cheer Bear from "Care Bears."

...................................

On to some NHL stuff.

NBC had Bruins vs. Red Wings.
Bruins dominated.
Dave Lewis shouldn't be allowed to coach nationally televised game anymore. His mustache has to make everyone uncomfortable.

So many jokes work; none will be used.

....Only one other game important to the Pens.
Jagr comes back from Wheeling Downs to help beat the Hurricanes.

...Chris Simon is suspended for the entire year.

Ted Nolan, your thoughts:

" Too bad the NHL wasn't around to dish out suspensions at the "Battle at Wounded Knee."
Dicks.

Simon's suspension is longest in the history of the NHL.




Hunter douches Pierre Turgeon


"I can't believe I shook that guy's friggin hand.."

.........................

Alexander Perezhogin Slash
(commenter Andrew)
...................................

On to some Pens stuff..

...Here is the "Coach's Corner" from Saturday night. Scan towards the end to hear Don Cherry make a case for Staal to be rookie of the year.
A lot of people like to job Malkin for no reason at all.
Look, Staal is money in the bank. But Malkin is rookie of the year. You can make great arguments for both.

....Bob Smizik goes nuts on Ed Rendell. Good times.

.....Ron Burkle might buy out Mario...

As long as the Pens stay, who cares who owns the team?

..And in case you forgot to watch ESPN for ten minutes, the NCAA tourney is starting.
Gary Roberts is the 10-seed in the Midwest bracket.

.................................

The first round of the Arena Photoshop will be posted Monday night.
Here is one picture we couldn't wait to post.
As always, click to enlarge.

"Reservoir Pens"
by
Jason Schiffhauer

Keep them coming.
Go Pens.

Solid Comeback. PENS WIN.

3 - 2
OVERTIME

NHL.COM RECAP

Huge game today.
The Rangers are fighting for their playoff lives for the rest of the season.

And the Penguins, if you look at their recent games, haven't really dropped off the pace that they set when they went on the 16-game point streak.
We were 3 seconds from getting a point against the Isles.
Tampa Bay annihilated us.
Lost 1-0 to New Jersey.
Lost tight game to Carolina.

..............................................

The girl who sang the national anthem at the game nailed it.

The game starts off innocently enough; a day game where the Pens actually had jump to start the game.

As expected, Jagr still gets booed every time he touches the puck.

It takes Ouellet all of 3 minutes and 21 seconds before being sent to the box.

Later, Jarkko fills in for Malone on the penalty kill when Ryan got sent to the box.
Two blocked shots for Ruutu on that shift.

New York's Sean Avery was on acid today.
Flying around, hitting people, drawing penalties.

.........

Halfway through the first, it finally happened.
Laraque drops the gloves to take on Colton Orr.

Jagr tried to place a bet on the fight.

Orr held his ground for a while, but Laraque delivered one solid punch that cinched the deal.

............

The Rangers only played two minutes of the entire game.
With about a minute left in the first, the Pens ice the puck and can't change.
The Rangers make them pay.
Karl Rachunek buries a slapshot top-shelf to take a 1-0 lead into the locker room.

A minute into the second, Matt Cullen comes in and somehow jobs one past MAF.
All of a sudden, it was 2-0.

Matt Cullen gets retribution for being owned by Jordan Staal last week.

The rest of the period was mud except for the last 20 seconds.
Gonchar gets a penalty-box breakaway with 6 seconds left.
His wrist shot is denied.
In that situation, it was a perfect play by Gonch.
He doesn't know exactly how much time's left.
If you try to make a move and the time runs out before you get a shot off, you look like an oaf.

..........................................

Big props to Andre Savard and Mike Yeo.
Stepping in for Michel Therrien.


Best performance by a substitute since Mrs. Kelper in third grade.
She let us play 7-up all period while she smoked cigs in the teacher's lounge.

.............................................

Down by two going into the third.

The Pens trail only the Sabres and Lightning in come-from-behind wins this season.
Good stat to own.

A late Marek Malik slashing penalty in the second period gives the Pens a power play to start the third.
The Pens don't get anything out of it.
And that's when boos from Pens fans were audible (probably from all the people who scream "shoot".)
Are you serious?

"Don't boo, homos. We'll move to KC."

Before you could wrap up your thoughts on fanboys, the Pens get set up with another power play.

Whitney (who dominated both ends of the ice today) keeps the puck in on a delicious play.
To Gonch...to Malkin.
Malkin gets the puck and cocks his stick for a slapshot.
Praise the Lord that Ricky from section E22 screamed for him to shoot, or else Malkin wouldn't had known what to do.

2-1.
The first hint of energy in the Mell since the Laraque fight.

Three minutes later, the Rangers take another penalty.
Gonch to Malkin to the net.
Sid grabs the puck from the air, lays it onto his stick, and ties the game. Sick.

If Sid played first base for the Red Sox in '86, things might have been different.
Wow, Sidney Crosby wasn't even born yet.

Lost among this early barrage of Penguin offense in the third period was that Jaromir Jagr had not returned from the locker room following the intermission.

The allure of being so close to Wheeling the entire game finally took its toll on Jagr.

Some huge saves that Fleury had made earlier now come into focus as the game goes into overtime.

Crosby and Malkin go to the locker room before overtime to make out.
Pens Nation is stunned.
The runway shows nothing, but the game must go on.

The final sequence of events all started because Nylander and Straka felt like they wanted to play the entire overtime period.
During an extended cycle, the Pens were able to change forwards.
Maxime Talbot keeps the puck in the zone with an heroic effort.
Armstrong walks in and shoots/passes it to the net.
It hits Marek Malik's stick and goes in.

Game.

Stats

• Crosby: 1 G, 100 points 2 years in a row.
• Malkin: 1 G, 1 A. He's been fired up lately.
• Gonch: 2 A
  
• Fleury: 26 saves. Solid game. Made some saves to keep us in it.
  

Miscellaneous

• Colby's third OT game-winner of the year.
• 11 Penguins now have 10 or more goals.
• The Penguins have the 2nd most points in the NHL since January 1st and the most in the Eastern Conference. Solid.
• This is the Pens' 23rd sellout of the season. Suck it, Chicago.
• Recchi has been extremely frustrated lately. He hasn't scored in 8 games. Maybe putting Jordan Staal on the powerplay and lessening Rex's role down the stretch run could benefit him and rejuvenate him for the playoffs. He did play 3rd line for Carolina during their Cup run last spring.
• We finally got to meet Dan Potash before the game on Saturday. He exudes charisma. Great guy.

................................................


The David Copperfield magic number is 18.

Magic Number (*)


It is the amount of points the Pens need to make the tournament, regardless of what any other teams do. It is in direct correlation with the point total of the 8th-seed team.
The Penguins have 14 games left.
The Pens could win their next 9 games, getting 18* points.

If Carolina (13 games left) would keep the same pace, winning their next 9 games, they would obviously still be 9 points behind the Pens in the standings.
They would have four games to attain 9 points.
Impossible.
Pens would be able lose out and still get in.

It might not be a foolproof method, but that Copperfield pic is nasty.
....................................................

Also, the word around the Mellon today was that the big-wigs were in Philadelphia on Friday night and they finalized the deal.
They're bringing it back here and having a press conference this week.

Our sources: Jobber Penguins fans like you and me.

Go Pens

Two Days After The Day After Tomorrow

Such an eerie feeling in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, today.

This is the definition of sports purgatory.

Sick.

"Mayor Luke Ravenstahl wasn't the same, " said a classmate after his graduation from kindergarten this morning.
.............................................................................

...Congress let out late Thursday evening.

Howie asks the question.

The same Howie who sang "Animals Don't Wear Underpants" and "Fish Don't Stink, Under The Water, The Fish Don't Stink" as Bobby Generic.

NO DEAL


Bobby's World.
Solid morning cartoon.

...................................................
Add another really interesting twist to the Arena mess.

Former Allegheny County Commissioner, Mike Dawida, and Philip Isaly of EI Production Group and Isaly Entertainment have come up with this.

"Right now in professional sports [ownership] the power has been taken away from the cities by the professional sports clubs. They say, 'If you don't give us everything we want we're leaving,' " Mr. Isaly said. "There's 2 million people in the vicinity. If we do a $100 stock offering, we'll be able to get $2 million in a hurry."

It's insane, but we will blindly throw our support behind this.
Especially if the Islays dude makes us a delicious chipped-ham sandwich




"When you talk about big time sandwiches, you talk about Islays chipped ham sandwiches, boom."

......................................

Moving on to something more pleasant.


Oh, wait.
Total opposite of pleasant.

What is Chris Simon thinking?
No one does that.
Simon has been infinitely suspended and been summoned to a hearing on Saturday.

Bettman : "Penguins arena, player's union meeting -- Thanks. I didn't have enough on my plate this weekend."

Bettman better be money in the bank for the next 5 days. In every sense of the phrase.
Our lives lie in Gary Bettman's hands.

Is Chris Simon kicked out of the NHL?
It might seem extreme, but this is pretty extreme.
Gary Melrose says to throw the book at him.
No question worst slashing incident since Michael Myers circa 1976 in Haddonfield, Illinois.

"Michael Myers kills people because he is a serial killer, and that's what big time serial killing is all about."

The two most controversial slashes of the season came from the New York Islanders.

.........................................................................

Attention: In the Pittsburgh Area

Saturday night, we will be making our first radio appearance in America.

Steeltown Sports: Live
WMBS - Uniontown : 590 AM

Somewhere between
8:00 - 8:45

The host is Mike from Steeltown Sports.
From what early e-mails tell us, it should be a laid-back show.

The concept of us being on radio is ridiculous.
We are terds who started a blog.
If you can, listen so you can at least laugh at us.

http://steeltownsports.blogspot.com/

.......................................................................

ANNOUNCING
THE
ARENA-TALKS PHOTOSHOP EXPO

We're starting to get a few pictures of the arena saga in the e-mail.


It is definitely time for Photoshoppers to dominate.

( Pic: Joe Karpp )

Every pic will be posted.
Give your name if you want credit for it.

PHOTOSHOP EXPERIENCE NOT REQUIRED.

Keep it clean.
You know, semi-clean.

..................................................................

The NHL will be going pink in March to support breast-cancer research.
Those pink sticks will be new to everyone except Michel Ouellet.

Glen Frey rates the goalies and crap on ESPN.com.



..............................................


Beer-pong table. (Alex)


........................

Go Pens.

Huge game against the (Ranger)

and as always..


God Help us all. ( Yes that is Dan Onorato)

Point Taken. PENS LOSE.

4 - 3
SHOOTOUT

NHL.COM RECAP

The game starts off just like every other Devils game does:
The ice-hockey equivalent of a staged reading of "Little Women."

Fleury makes a huge save on Langenbruner after a brain fart from Rob Scuderi.
Early on, it looked like Phil Bourque was going to bounce back just fine from being pulled in Ottawa.

After a great individual effort by Ryan Malone, the Pens get sent on the power play.

Sidney Crosby sighting on the ensuing power play; almost forgot he was on the team.
He gets an assist on a Malkin goal.
Mellon Arena ecstatic.

To add some drama to the first, Ouellet takes a stupid penalty.

Ouellet is awful.

In a surprise move, Billy Joel Kwiatkowski made his Penguins debut.

"Scenes From The Steelhead Wine & Brasserie"

Period two begins.
Steiggy and Errey discuss the propriety of referring to Jordan Staal as the pterodactyl after we all learn that the guys on the team refer to him as Gronk.
Gronk?
That's the nickname my uncle Cliff gave to his penis in 1976.

Carry-over power play for the Devils to start the second period. The Pens kill it, but another one was looming on the horizon...because Ouellet was on the ice and always takes penalties.

Ouellet is awful.

Some turd named Greene scores for the Devils to tie it.
The vaunted shot from the point.

Greene becomes seemingly the 3,000th opponent to score his first goal in the NHL against Fleury and the Pens this season.

Emily Pandolfo scored her first career field-hockey goal on MAF's sister in 2004.

The Devils controlled the period from that point on.
The Devils are winning some key faceoffs, and it eventually pays off. Brylin scores a goal from the Ovechkin position.
It was probably Ouellet's fault.

Ouellet is awful.

At some point in the 2nd period, Patrik Elias became a tough guy and took a run at Maxime Talbot.
Georges Laraque quickly informs Elias that he will eat his kids.

Amidst all of this, the arena meeting is a dark background against this game.

Rob King comes on during the break and informs us that Ben Franklin, John Hancock, and Patrick Henry have joined the meetings in Philadelphia.

" Give me a new arena or give me death....and the money you owe me from my contract in the mid-90's. "

The third period commences, and the Devils start clamping down the trap.

Devils coach Claude Julien invites little boys over to play MouseTrap at his house.
If the boys lose, they are molested.
Claude Julien's record: 120-0.

Gonchar puts on his Jordan Staal hat and picks up a shortie.
Cheap goal.
food stamps.

The arena is in a frenzy when Malone clears the puck on the PK to bring the power play to and end.

Never fear.
The Devils came roaring back to take the lead.
Good job getting it to the net and praying for a bounce.
3 - 2.
8 minutes left.

Dicks.

This one looks to be over. The Devils will trap until rapture.

Sid comes close, but the puck is poke-checked away.
Wow.
Mellon Arena about to explode.
Malkin is on the verge of something huge.

With less than three minutes left, it happened.
The Devils' first miscommunication of the 21st century gives Malkin the puck on a silver platter.
He dishes it out to the slot.

MVP! MVP! MVP!

Ouellet is a great hockey player.

Mayhem ensues in the closing minutes.
Malkin being taken down along the boards brought everyone in the Mellon to their feet, screaming.

Rasmussen takes a cheap shot on Rex.

Rafalski takes a cheap shot on Malkin.
Malkin responds with an elbow.

Malone plants Jonny Oduya with an inverted DDT.

People start getting out of the way of Gary Roberts.
Bodies, sticks, elbows flying everywhere.

Colby delivers the knockout punch on Brad Lukowich.
Lukowich is down on the ice, while the entire Mellon Arena crowd is still on their feet...and booing.
Great sight.

The referees lost all control of the game in those last two minutes.

The overtime was going good until Gretzky decided to go 1-on-6.
Was he tripped? Was it Michel Ouellet's fault? Possibly.

It doesn't matter as John Madden starts off on the longest breakaway in Mellon Arena history.
Images of the Montreal game dance through our heads as Madden streaks down the ice.

Madden urinates all over himself when gets down near Fleury.
Doesn't even get a shot off.

Maybe another couple heart-stopping moments in OT, but it doesn't matter.
Another shootout.

Crusher up first. Tries to shoot. No dice.
Fleury says no to Parise trying the Christensen move. 0-0.

Malkin can't find his groove either.
Rowengartner denied by MAF. 0-0.

Sid listens to Bob Marley.

Elias skates in.

Game.

Stats

• Crosby: 1 A (Actually played tonight.)
• Malkin: 1 G, 1 A (Best player on the Pens.)
• Ouellet: 1 G (H-A-R-T T-R-O-P-H-Y)
• Fleury: 2,600 saves
• Powerplay: NJD ( 1 for 4 ) PENS ( 1 for 3 )
• Shots: NJD ( 39 ) PENS ( 24 )

Miscellaneous

• Great atmosphere.
• Another point for the play-off drive.
  
• Another third-period comeback.
• Again, those last two minutes of the third were mind-boggling. What happens next time when Jay Pandolfo goes all OZ on the ice and shanks someone?
• Georges Laraque needs to play more.
• The Mellon Arena glass-changing crew was called into action tonight to make some repairs. Ottawa's crew makes them look like mud.
• We're not gonna catch the Devils. We'll gladly take the point.
  

......................................

David Copperfield now puts the Penguins magic number at 20.

Go Pens.
God Help Us All.

.......................................


Chris Simon two-hands Hollweg.

Correction: Props to commenter Phil.

It's Coming

Unbelievable.

Sleepless in Pittsburgh

The Book of Job 68:66:3-

"When the Son of Lemieux shall come in all his glory, and with Ravenstahl, Rendell, Onorato, Bettman with him, he shall then shall he sit upon the throne of Lord Stanley's Cup: And before him shall be gathered all of Pens Nation: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats: And he shall weigh Pittsburgh and the Mellon Arena on his right hand, but the city of Kansas city on the left. Then shall the King say unto them on his right hand, Come, ye blessed of Badger Bob, inherit the new arena and be prepared for you from the foundation of the world...Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed homos, into everlasting fire, prepared for the Chiefs and Royals..And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into a new Arena forever.
He shall say it is a Great Day for hockey."

If we're lucky enough to survive the night, Thursday changes everything.

Everything.

Either way, Mellon Arena is going to be a scene tomorrow night, man.

...Gary Bettman meeting with all parties in Philadelphia on Thursday...

A source told TSN that the meeting is expected to bring ''closure, one way or another.''


Philadelphia -- the site of yet another big deal.

.........................................................

KC has upped the offer

...The other big news of the day today? Co-owner Ron Burkle goes to Vegas.
Was he going there to explore relocation options?
Or was he at the craps tables, trying to win the $20 million to close the gap in negotiations?
He definitely wasn't at the roulette table. It reminded him too much of Michel Ouellet.

What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas

..................................

This is it, folks.

12/20/06 pales in comparison to 3/08/07.

When we leave the station of the roller coaster for the final time on Thursday....

Will we immediately have fun on the ThunderBolt?


Or start an endless climb on The Phantom's Revenge?

What we should be thinking about is how huge Thursday's game is.
But instead, we will all be refreshing postgazette.com, trib.com, espn.com, tsn.ca, sportsnet.ca and wherever else you get your info.


God help us all.
......................................

The only important game tonight is Tampa Bay playing up in Edmonton.

................................

Michael Shelapinsky e-mailed us his link to his "Save The Pens, Save The World" T-shirts.

Quality shirts.

If we could rewind a few months, and if we cared at all about making money off the site, this is the shirt we would have made.

If we could make them for free, we'd give them away.

............................

Some jobber from the Chicago Sun-Times tries to take a shot at the city of Pittsburgh and mainly our fans.
His e-mail address is provided at the top of the article, in case anyone would like to take shot after shot at him.

"The Penguins are threatening to leave Pittsburgh because of an impasse over a new arena. Which will come as something of a shock to most Pittsburghers. Not that the Penguins might leave but that the town has a pro hockey team."

This doesn't even deserve a reponse. But we aren't that mature.

Picture: The Great Chicago Fire
Summary: It didn't burn long enough.

The last thing anyone needs is some jerkoff taking shots at us.
Apparently, he missed the 20+ sellouts so far and the fact that the rest of the home games are sold out. Or maybe he had Pittsburgh mistaken for Chicago, where absolutely no one cares about their hockey team.
Bottom line: Shut up and go watch this documentary:

Hey Chicago. Don't forget how this ends, dicks.

As for the actual game on Thursday, a win would be astronomical. It would put us 5 points back of the Devs with a game in hand. Winning that in-hand game puts us 3 points back.
David Copperfield lists the Pens magic number right now at 21.

Do it.

Any combination of 21 points won by us or lost by the Hurricanes assures us of a spot in the playoffs.

If Martin Brodeur could save his marriages like he saves pucks, he'd be golden.

GO PENS.
........................

Derrrr

HARDCORE SPORTS : DRIVE THIS
CHANNEL 186
SIRIUS

At around 5:45 Wednesday night, the world stopped.
Probably the worst radio appearance in Sirius history.
I didn't even answer half the questions.
What a jobber.

Sorry, commenters.
We wanted to give a shout out, but there was no space to do it.

Go Pens.

Don't Give Up. PENS WIN.

5 - 4
SHOOTOUT

NHL.COM RECAP

After being continuously punched in the vas deferens for the last 24 hours, we could finally relieve our minds by watching some Pens hockey.

And we got some great news early:
The impossible relationship was finally ended.

"I just don't know how to quit you."

So, with a new-look lineup, the Pens welcomed back Nils Ekman.

And early on, the Pens came out flying.

They were rewarded with a Colby Armstrong goal that gave the Pens a hollow lead.
Coming out in Canada and silencing the Senators fans? That's clutch.

Almost as clutch as Kurt Russell landing that plane at the end of "Executive Decision."

So we're feeling good.
Everything going nice.
Ottawa doesn't even manage a shot on goal for the first eight minutes.

Then, everything collapses faster than Nelly's music career:

BGL gets called for being black.
Sens score.
The defense falls asleep.
Sens score.
MAF falls asleep.
Sens score.

3-1.

Pens Fans = Stunned.

.................................

The second period started, and we found Thibault in net.
Chalk this one up as a W for Ottawa.
Go watch "House" and come back in the third period.

Four minutes into the second, Dany Heatley squeaks one past the Thibault.
4-1.
And that was it for the second period.
Nothing else happened.
Nothing.
Crosby was talking more "trash" then Oscar the Grouch tonight.

......................................

The third period began, and we were all waiting for another Ottawa goal to put the final nail in the coffin.

It didn't happen.

We all thought the main highlight of the game was going to be us getting the chance to watch the Canadian gold-medal glass-replacement team in action.

The Pens watching the ladder man flying on his skates seemingly reminded them how to skate.

A mere minute after the glass is replaced, Jordan Staal brings his one-man show to Ottawa.
His 64th short-handed goal of the year.

Jordan Staal's dad as a one-man band. It's in the blood.

Okay. 4-2.
Should be interesting, but Ottawa will score real quick, right?

Less than two minutes after Staal's goal, Christensen takes full advantage of a dumb play by Mike Comrie.
He steals the puck and goes in with Gary Lemieux on a semi 2-on-1.

Get Roberts some Advil.
His back and shoulders have to be killing him.

4-3. Wow. Could it be?

But wait.
A minute after that, Staal uses the Bunyan to get the puck over to Malone.
Malone closes in.
The puck comes flying out of the net faster than you can say goal.

Shades of the Capitals game earlier in the season.
Okay. 4-4.
Keep the composure.

The next time the puck went into the Pens zone, you looked at Thibault with a curious eye.
You all of a sudden remembered a couple of big saves Thibault made to keep the deficit 4-1.

The rest of the third period was pretty rudimentary.
Ottawa kept coming, but the Pens defense really start clamping down.

A good team will be able to shift from cruise-control mode to score a goal at home to re-take the lead, but Ottawa couldn't do it.
Actually, a good team would never go into cruise-control mode in the first place.

Overtime came and went without a hitch.
One or two close calls on Thibault, but he was money tonight.
The overtime clock ticks to all zeroes.

Dany Heatley comes in first on Thibault.
Heatley put more effort into the pre-shot laps. 0-0.

Christensen comes down and does the move. Goal. 1-0 Good Guys.
"Money in the bank" - Paul Steigerwald.

Vermette is next for Ottawa.
Thibault flops like a frog and robs him.

Here comes Malkin with a chance to win.
He attends the Heatley school of shootouts.

McCammond is next for the Sens. Goal. This isn't happening.
Thibault is beside himself.

Big 87 hops over the bench. Scratches his mouth with his glove, bites his lower lip, and looks at the scoreboard for no reason at all.
He's standing at center ice, knowing he is the best player on Earth.
Standing center ice in the capital city of Canada.
He comes down on Emery and makes him look terrible.

GAME.

Stats

• Crosby: Only plays in shootouts.
  
• Staal: 1 G, 1 A (Rookie record for shorties.)
• Thibault: Very interesting.
• Shots: SENS ( 23 ) PENS ( 27 )
• Powerplays: SENS ( 2 for 46 ) PENS ( 0 for 4 )

Miscellaneous

• Amidst all the arena garbage, Penguins fans come out in droves to an away game in Ottawa. What exactly does that tell outsiders about Pittsburgh Penguins hockey?
• Danny Potash, a confirmed reader of The Pensblog, interviews Heatley during the second intermission. Were Heatley jokes swirling around in his head? Probably not, but it's still fun to imagine.
• Jordan Staal -- Yet another momentum-shifting goal for the Pens. What a hockey player.
• Hopefully, the Pens go on another streak. Why? 'Cause maybe then Ouellet will go the way of Thorburn and be held out of the lineup.
• You don't miss Thorburn, but then again, you do.
• We must again touch upon that glass-changing crew in the third. Pens down 4-1. Errey and Steigy were delirious, just trying to find something to laugh about. Gotta give it up to them. It's been a long road for them, but Pens fans are warming up to them.
• Nils Ekman turned in an awful performance. 2 penalties and on the ice for at least one Senators goal. You almost asked where Michel Ouellett was........Almost.
  
• Georges Laraque has more points than Crosby and Malkin in our last three wins. Good for now, but this can't keep up if we're going to push deep into the playoffs.
  

.................................

Stunning reports coming in from (who else?) TSN.

A meeting will be held later this week in Pittsburgh involving all the interested parties, including NHL commissioner Gary Bettman, whose presence would appear to be two fold.

The first - to implore the various levels of government to close the deal to keep the pens in Pittsburgh. But second - to make sure the Penguins' ownership isn't getting greedy with a lucrative Kansas City deal in their back pocket

LINK

Rendell speaks

Penguins play at home the next three games.
Are the stars aligning?


Get it done.

Stay PENS.

You Can Stand Us Up at the Gates of Hell

"...but we won't back down"

No way.
No how.
It may be over.
And if it is.
We all did all we could.
But that ship ain't sunk yet.

How money does Tom Petty look in that picture?

Realistically, as fans, all of our opinions and protests on the topic are as important as white people to Oprah Winfrey.

"hahah it must suck not to be me, cracka."

Sometime during Monday, you received the shocking news.

BOOM! Out of nowhere.

Hot off the Internet presses, here is a new story from the Post Gazette.

"A source speaking on condition of anonymity said, "I just can't see them leaving Pittsburgh. I think they're still negotiating, and this is a way to get the governor's office serious about completing the final details."

That's the source, so keep your pants on

"Sources close to the Penguins say, however, it's not so much the financial terms as it is a perceived lack of collaboration from public officials that has led to the impasse. They said the tone from the public side has been unduly adversarial for the last two months, including a table-pounding outburst by Mr. Rendell during a Jan. 18 meeting."

We are all so screwed
......

Is there anything to say that hasn't already been said?

Nothing anyone can say or do.
Who wants to come here and read 5 paragraphs of stuff that has already been said 25 times?
Just keep your head up.
If you've come this far, maybe your willing to come a little further.


We thought about rounding the troops tonight with a motivational speech, but nothing could motivate Pens fans right now.

Picture: Mario thinking about what his next letter will say.

.................

Greg Nardine sends us this.
Sorry, Greg. We just couldn't put it on the site.
We hope you understand.
.................

Enough of this crap...

On to the rest of the NHL. The Islanders and Rangers met on Versus in the only game of the evening. Rick DiPietro put about 3 years worth of his contract into this game with 56 saves.
It wasn't enough, though the Rangers won in a shoot-out 2-1.

Ted Nolan your thoughts:

"Much like my Indian people, we didn't fight hard enough."

Just kidding, he didn't say that.


Jason Blake scored his 33rd goal of the season on a wacky play in the first. 33 goals?!
Petr Prucha scored for the Rangers early in the third before Matt Cullen won it in the shootout.


The Eastern Conference has more drama then the Hills right now.
Whats that? Someone banged LC's boyfriend.
Wait! No! It was LC's best friend.
You're making this up!
Sickening.

BABE

......................

Huge game in Ottawa tonight. 2 points back.
The Senators and Pens haven't met since last November, which might as well be 1976.
The Sens are essentially the same team, but have added Mike Comrie and Oleg Saprykin.
They also have some guy known only in some circles as "DH."
The Sens lost to the Blackhawks in their last outing.

........................

Last but never least, hopefully this will give some fight to Pens fans everywhere. We know losing a hockey team and dying of cancer aren't even in the same league.
But Jimmy V was right.

Don't ever give up!

Requiem for a Playoff Run

"..We may lose, and we may win, but we will never be here again.."

What a time to be alive. Spring is creeping in.
The Steelers don't play for another 6 months.
The Pirates are in Florida.
Your girlfriend could be getting banged in Cancun right now by some new-age MTV personality, but you're cool with it.

The young team we have rallied around all year is making a run. The first run of possibly many.

Anything could happen. We are just happy to be here.

There's still a lot of questions. And adjustments to be made.
If you hear anyone say "Pens are going to the playoffs," punch them in the face.

Nothing is easy. This ain't the NFL.

.............................................................

For those of you who like old time hockey, great piece on NHL.com about Gilbert Perreault. He was 1/3 of the famed French Connection.
What a line.

1974-75
Sick season. Lost to the Flyers in the Cup Finals.


They were only surpassed by The BeeGees as the dominant trio of the 1970's.

Around Canada...

Saw this highlight on NHLDigest.com.
Don Cherry is insane.
How cool would it have been to grow up with Hockey Night in Canada? Unreal.

.............................................................................

Ryan Patsko sends us this:


Photoshops will never get old.
Ever.

..................................................

...Chuck Finder of the PG talks about the throngs of Pens fans coming out of the woodwork...

...Kara Yorio, who has quietly become a favorite on Yahoo NHL, talks about the "glaring" hole in the Pens' net...

...The NHL suspends Charles Manson three games for his hit on Tomas Kaberle...


Jason Blake says:
" Ha! Instead of Kaberle, just cheap-shot Crosby next time. You won't get suspended.
Excuse me for a sec; I have to go pee in my own mouth. "

....................................

Speaking of which:



The new-look Islanders.
Might be interesting to see what the Pens are in store for.
7:00

Plus, we're hitching our star to the anti-Islanders wagon as of right now.

Elite 8. PENS WIN.

4 - 3
SHOOTOUT

NHL.COM RECAP

Trap Game (n.) - A game in which you could easily get jobbed if you are already looking past it.

You had a bad feeling about this game before it even started.
For one, NBC's cameras were mud, and the puck seemed to keep disappearing the whole game. Secondly, everyone had to wake up 4 hours earlier than normal just to see it.
You were probably brushing your teeth when Mike York scored a goal off a jobber rebound.

Skank.

No worries.
Tara Reid takes a penalty, and Sid springs Recchi loose on the ensuing powerplay.
Recchi forgets what to do on a breakaway and Biron just blows the puck from his crease.
Sid then flies into the net. It looked like he got shot out of that big slingshot that the Pens cheerleaders use between periods.

NBC apparently doesn't find it necessary to show the power play clock for the entire game.

After that, you just knew the Pens probably wouldn't get a better chance on the power play...and they didn't. MAF morphs into Tom Barrasso and gives up an awful goal on another stupid bounce.

Picture: Derian Hatcher's wife throws up in excitement after the Flyers scored.

The verdict may still be out on this one, but Brett Hull, who is an absolute tool, says that the goal is absolute garbage. There's got to be someone out there who used to play in the NHL that can better express what they know about hockey for 20 minutes every weekend on NBC.

If I were NBC, I'd hire Petr Klima's anus before Brett Hull.

The refs decide that they're going to take this game into their own hands.
The Pens manage to kill 22 consecutive 5-on-3 advantages. Momentum swing?

The announcers make a point to say that Therrien is shuffling the lines by playing Crosby and Malkin together after the power play.
Pens fans everywhere are likely screaming at the TV at that point, knowing that anyone who has watched a single game this year knows that Therrien always follows penalties with Crosby, Malkin, and Recchi.

Some back and forth play and then good things started happening. The Flyers get a penalty.

Gary Roberts gets that goal you knew he'd be getting when the Pens traded for him. Posted up in front of the net.

You got to hope Gary Roberts iced his back after the game.
It had to hurt after carrying the team on Sunday.

2-1.
It's a game again.

Seven minutes after that, Christensen makes an appearance.

BOOM! Tied.

2-2.
Roberts was the number-one star at this point in the game.
Christensen apparently has a girl in the stands he looks to as he celebrates his goal.

It's great that Christensen is playing center on the second power-play unit which has been seeing serious ice time as of late.
How is that Jordan Staal can score 26 goals and not find a consistent spot on the top two power-play units?

Oh yeah, how could we forget:

What you can't see in this picture are the faces of Michel Therrien and Michel Ouellet.

Sid makes a ridiculous play to score, but it was called back immediately because he had high-sticked (high-stuck?) the puck earlier. Ehh.

Laraque almost gets through on a breakaway, but it fizzles out.
If he scores, the Mellon Arena roof literally would have blown off and fell on Jake Wheatley's house.

How long before Laraque gives interviews on the bench, previewing his shifts?

The Flyers finally score a real goal.
It looked like an awesome 3-on-2 play, but then after countless replays, we see that Mark Recchi decided he would coast back into the defensive zone.

Rex is great, but his play over the past few games has been lacking.
No points and a -2 since his 5-point game on Long Island.

" Hey, assholes, I'm 39. Relax. "

With time winding down, Ouellet makes an appearance and dumps it in nicely for Sidney Roberts.
He punches it to Ouellet, who then finds EC in front of the net.

Tied.

Overtime came and went with only a few heart-stopping moments.
We have the most talented selection of players to put on the ice on a 3-on-3 situation.
But it still scares the shite out of you.

Crusher up first. $$$. 1-0.
Rozey Rozicka up for the Flyers. Fleury shows some swagger.

Stoned.

Geno can't get anything going on his try.
Upshall comes in. He was a thorn in the Pens' side all game.

Still 1-0.

The Kid is up. Biron shouldn't have pissed him off earlier.

GAME.

Stats:

• Sidney Roberts: 1 G, 2 A
• Evgeni Christensen: 2 G, plus the shoot-out goal.
• Gonchar: 2 A
• Fleury: 31 saves and another perfect game in the shootout.
• Sid: 3 shoot-out winners this season. Clutch.

Miscellaneous:

• Derian Hatcher is still a goon.
• Gary Roberts is a one man wrecking crew.
• Georges Laraque can play hockey.
• The Flyers still suck.
• How does NBC not make sure they have a power play graphic working? That's a joke.
• Quiznos smear campaign on Subway is a joke.
• Biron learned not to job Crosby. We all remember when he was yelling at Sid earlier in the game on the mic'd up segment. Biron = Owned.
  

.................................

Here we come, Canada.

Helter Skelter

Everyone has been talking recently about the lunacy with which New Jersey Devil Cam Janssen plays the game of hockey.

Friday night, his hit on Tomas Kaberle was the biggest cheap shot of the year since Ovechkin hit Daniel Briere back in December.
Rumor has it Janssen had a copy of "Catcher In The Rye" stuffed down his hockey pants.

It looks like Kaberle is going to be all right.
He was taken to nearby Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital.

Toronto opinions on the hit:

TorontoSun.com

......................................................................


Dr. Rey of Dr. 90210 and Hurricane coach Peter Laviolette
-- Courtesy of Brett Paranzino

......................................

Crosby:
1 Gretzky record down.
60 to go.


Nice helmet, Wayne.
I had a helmet like that when I was younger.
But then my dad got a job.

...............................................

Tons of huge games tonight in the new NHL and tons with huge implications for the Pens:

First off, here are the standings as of 1:00 PM Saturday

Montreal vs. Boston : Root for both teams to kill each other. Montreal is reeling, and Boston may be done.
AO vs. The Islanders- Go Caps Go!
Florida vs Tampa- If Tampa loses, it's a great thing.
Toronto vs Buffalo - Biggest game of the year for the Maple Leafs. No one is catching Buffalo, so root for them to win.

St. Louis plays the Rangers. The Rangers are done.

.......................................................................

If you missed the "Georges Laraque: In My Own Words" last night, you missed a tearjerker.

BGL makes his Mellon Arena debut Sunday afternoon.

Pensblog friend Derek Ausk sent this along for a t-shirt idea:

Go Pens.

Stuck in Mud on Tobacco Road. PENS LOSE.

3 - 2

NHL.COM RECAP

Man, are the Hurricanes annoying.

Games like this make you want to:

A. Punch a woman
B. Vomit
C. Drink yourself to sleep

(If you can do it in that order, your name is Martin Brodeur.)

It all started out pretty well, with the Pens and Canes going back and forth.

Eric Staal and Jordan Staal got to face each other again.
Most likely the most important sibling rivarly since Tia banged Tamara's boyfriend on "Sister Sister."

Your 15 minutes are up, bittchezz.

The Pens came out throwing the body again.
BGL lit up Rob "The Bod"Brindamour.
The only bad part of the hit was that Brindamour would return.

Body by Jake flew in to makeout with Brindamour so he could return to play.

The Pens kept the pressure up, and some player wearing number 87 scored to beat Cam Ward.
Rumor has it that the player wearing 87 now has 200 career points.
FSN has yet to confirm.

The rest of the period was Penalty City.
The Hurricanes may be the biggest babies in the entire NHL.

The second period gave us the typical two-minute Penguins meltdown.
Scott Walker and his huge nose scored a goal, and then some jobber beat Thibault.

2 - 1
Melicar is stunned.

But, as usual, they regained their composure and threw the Talbot-Armstrong-Malone line out onto the ice.
They cycled harder than Greg Lemond and Malone was the benficiary of a great Army pass.

2-2.

Find us a more consistent duo this year than Army and Talbot.

But you could just tell something wasn't right.
Lord Therrien didn't have the magical touch with the lines.

Michel Ouellet hasn't scored since the eighth-grade picnic. No, seriously, he hasn't.

Two Chinese people are all smiles after watching Ouellet score 4 goals and chip in with an assist at the eighth-grade picnic.

More penalties followed, but neither team could get anything going.

The potent Penguins power play was reduced to an anal wart.

The most shocking part of the whole period of the game was Pens Radio guy Phil Bourque revealing Ryan Whitney is playing hurt:

"I know Whit is going through some stuff right now. We can't say."

Two concerns about this:

1. What is wrong with him?
2. And why is Phil Bourque the only one who seems to know about it?

Quite honestly, the third period is a blur.
Before you know it, there is nine minutes left and you're nervous.
The Pens couldn't get anything going, and after an extended shift by the second power play, the Canes get a goal from Scott Walker's Nose.

Look at that thing. It was one of the three stars tonight.

Jocelyn Thibaut shouldve covered the puck right before that, but what can you say...lucky bounce.
It was hard to believe the Canes were up 3-2.

The Pens kept battling, but it was all for naught. Carolina shut the door, and the Pens looked tired.
They got a late powerplay chance, but Carolina stymies it yet again.

Props to Carolina fans. Very much in the game. Nice atmosphere. Standing up to applaud that late PK....nice to see.

But give credit to Carolina. They play solid defense, if solid defense means punching helmets off people and clutching jerseys, but let's not go that route.
Good teams rise above the trash, and the Pens didn't have anything left.

Whatever.

Game.

Stats

• 87: 1G.. 200th point
• Malone: 1G
• Pens Powerplay: 0-for-your-mom
• Ward: 22 saves
• Thibaut: Solid but not good enough

Misc

• Laraque is scoring a goal soon. Great effort from him.
• Nice move by Roberts in third; nearly a goal.
• Mike Yeo got some gum from Chris Stewart before the third. He seemed impressed.
• Did it seem like Brooks Orprik played the whole game?
  
• Malkin has got to play with someone else.
• Ottawa and New Jersey lost, so this loss doesn't hurt as much.

Bring on the Jagoffs

A Nation Mourns

Picture: Adam on Friday afternoon, after checking out PostGazette.com on his lunch break.

Mark Eaton sidelined 2-4 weeks with knee sprain

Joel Kwiatkowski, anyone?
............................................

" One-dimensional game, lack of leadership, and no hope for a Cup. "

--- Barry Melrose talking about Jagr

..........................................................


Terry Frei smokin' the ganj....

ESPN.com's Terry Frei did a little column "20 Questions After The Deadline."
It's not worthy of a link.

Because here's one of the questions and his answer:

Q: What was the most significant trade that flew under the radar?

A: ....Though Nolan Schaefer immediately was assigned to Wilkes-Barre/Scranton, he will be challenging Marc-Andre Fleury for the No. 1 job by next season, if not sooner.

Wow.

................................................................................

As if it matters...Rendell says an arena deal is close, but, not really, well, kind of...


Derrrrrrrrrr.

........................................



" Here's what I like about Dominic Moore. He doesn't hesitate to get way down deep in the defensive zone, and he always seems to be in the right spot. The Wild has had trouble in the past with opponents getting open down low, but I don't see that happening very often when Moore is out there. He's that little extra insurance for the blueliners. "

Blog on http://www.wild.com

................................................

Pens - Canes tonight


Roberts back to his old stomping grounds.

7:00
Peace.

Games of New York. PENS WIN.

4 - 3

NHL.COM RECAP

Literally, the March of the Penguins begins.

The most anticipated Pens game of the season since October 18th.

The most anticipated appearance by a George(s) in Madison Square Garden since January 11, 1985.

Boy George dominated with an 8-minute version of "Karma Chameleon" in front of a packed house.
My uncle Ted was there.

Gary Roberts came out flying in the first period, hitting everything.
He should have taken a penalty. That would have been great.

Judging how the Pens played 5-on-5 and how their power play looked in the first period, maybe they should have taken more penalties.

The Pens straight-up looked awful in the first.

More turnovers than a playoff game at Heinz Field.

Whatever your respective reproductive organ is, it fell off seven minutes into the first period when Mark Eaton left the ice. No word on any injury. But his sweat cured four people of AIDs at MSG.

Also in the first, Paul and Bob gave Joltin' his just due.
He's too easy to hate.
But he's steady.

"Milk Money" was robbed of an Oscar in 1994.

...............................

Eaton goes out, and you can see how fast our fortunes could turn.

And If Eaton leaving the ice wasn't bad enough, then Pens fans throw up on themselves when we see Jordan Staal bent over going to the bench early in the second period.
Steve Latin 2.0 helps him out, and he gets back out there.

The Pens continued their semi-out-of-sorts play in the second while Fleury was making more saves than Dennis Eckersley.

Money In The Bank

The curse of Freddy Sanchez continues working on Sid in the second period.

The first 37 minutes of the game was mud.
Then it got worse.
Jagr "scores" a goal.
And then Fleury gets owned by Nylander on the short side to make it 2-0.
The New York Metropolitan-area teams have our number recently.

Picture: Islanders coach Ten Nolan shares notes with The Lone Ranger prior to Thursday's game.

2-0 at the end of two.
Georges Laraque wants to kill someone.
Speaking of which, Georges Laraque is fast as balls.

...........................................

The Rangers started the third period with two power plays.

What resulted was the most inspiring shorthanded performance the world has seen since the drummer from Def Leppard.

Jordan Staal uses his Bunyan to own Cullen and then pops it in to make it 2-1.
There have been a lot of huge goals scored this season. Don't forget this one.

The next Ranger power play soon afterwards gave Colby Armstrong a chance to Lemieux it past Lundqvist.

2-2.

Then the Rangers score while the Pens celebrate. 3-2.

Julia takes his first penalty as a Pen later in the third, but play is evened up quickly afterward due to a goalie-interference penalty.

The Pens were going to get a 7-second powerplay. No way they would score on it.
Oh wait.
Armstrong hits Mach 3 going into the corner, and Talbot gets the puck out to Gonchar in the slot.
Tied. Huge. Huge.

The rest of the third period saw Madison Square Garden being drowned with the tears of the fans.
Icing calls, penalties, shut up.

Check out Danny Potash. He is all business.

Third period ticks down.
Overtime City.

Overtime was frantic.
Playoff hockey.
Five minutes wasn't enough.

First up. Michal Nylander.
He touches the puck, our clothes go out of style twice, and he finally gets to MAF.
Nylander craps on himself.
"Pathetic" -- Bob Errey

Christensen does the move. Nothing.

Jaromir Jagr takes some medicine to cure his fear of shootouts.

But to no avail.

Malkin was next. Nothing doing.

Prucha comes in. Nope.

Sidney F'in Crosby. Game. Too bad that goal doesn't count on the stat sheet.
Probably the most overrated player in hockey. Pff.

Stats

• Staal: Momentum-wise, biggest goal of Pens season thus far.
• Gonchar: Clutch.
• Shots: NYR ( 35 ) PENS ( 33 )
• Powerplay: Both ( 1 for 4 )

Miscellaneous

• Georges Laraque = The Black Mario?
  
• Gary Roberts is cool with us. Is he cool with you?
• Do they call hooking anymore?
• The Rangers are gay.
• How dumb did the founder of the Rangers look?
• Phil Bourque almost killed someone in the stands if anyone was listening to the radio.

..................................................

In the rare occurrence of Pensblog news, we were busy at the trade deadline.

We've picked up Nick for the stretch run coming up.
He is money.
We won't skip a beat.