Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Mighty Morphin Power Penguins

Ever wonder what Crosby would be like if he had Mario's size?
Or how much more dominant Rob Scuderi would be if he had some of Malkin's skill?

Yeah, we do, too.
We can't show you that. No one can.

However, we can show you what they would look like.

The following is not for the faint of heart.
(Special thanks to Pensblog Jeff for this)







It only gets better:


Would if BGL and Crosby were brothers?


More favorites...

And oh yea.

We present to you.
Team morphed Gary Roberts:

Sit down.
This only gets better.

If you thought Orpik looked like a serial murderer before...

Oh, by the way...

You're welcome



Yep, that's what they're called.
Cleveland Dan tracked down the Wikipedia page. [ Wiki ]

Allen wrench
Saran Wrap

Boobloads of more on the Wiki page. It's staggering.



Crosby's slapshot to the foot has gone under the radar since Saturday.

But he practiced Tuesday morning and is expected to play Wednesday night.
He took some shots off the foot and is ready to crap on people. [ PG ]

A team spokesman for the Pens says there are tickets still available for pretty much every home game this year.
The only problem is, they're all basically single seats. [ PG ]


...Come on down.
Rookie Carey Price is starting Wednesday night when the Habs come to town. [ TSN ]

...If you remember last year, Saku Koivu basically tried to slice Orpik's throat with his skate while the two were on wrestling on the ice in a game at the Mellon late last season.
Well, that little rivalry was bolstered in the preseason this year, when Army leveled Koivu.
It's something to watch for. [ PG ]



7 - 1

Poor Vesa

Jason Blake was in the lineup and almost scored his first goal as a Leaf.
But as you can see, Carolina was all business.
Seven different players scored goals for the Canes.


Around the NHL

Gretzky is selling personal items to benefit a couple of schools. [ TSN ]
Hate him or hate him, he's still a decent human.

Unbeknownst to many, Gretzky even has his own wine. [ Calgary Sun ]

It's made with actual tears from his 1988 press conference.

Almost forgot:



Chris at Tournament of Logos needs help.
He wants to do a tournament of best center-ice layouts.
If anyone has a good shot of Mellon Arena's center ice, give him a look. [ NHLToL ]

Also, the NHL Powered by Reebok Store will be open for business on October 12th. [ ]


Speaking of uniforms, John Buccigross jobs Roenick and the Sharks in his latest column. [ ESPN ]

" Upon further review, the San Jose Sharks are wearing arguably the ugliest uniforms in any team sport in the history of team sports. When I see these Sharks uniforms on television, I think I'm watching a skit from "Full House" in which Joey Gladstone goes five-hole on a stumbling Uncle Jesse. These Sharks are so 1991.
These things need to be put into a dumpster, set on fire and rolled down a mountain as soon as possible. Then again, maybe that's why Jeremy Roenick is off to a good start. He thinks it's actually 1991. "


Six things we already know for the new season ( in the column ):
  • Jerseys
  • Roenick
  • Blackhawks
  • Senators
  • Rangers
  • Mick McGeough

If anyone recalls this news from earlier in the offseason, whatev.
The Islanders have set aside a "Blog Box" at the Nassau Coliseum, where bloggers have a spot in the press box to blog about the games.

As Fanhouse discovered, bloggers are getting jobbed and not seen as real journalists. [ Fanhouse ]
It was an interesting read to us for obvious reasons.

Probably the worst thing the Penguins could do (besides seeing us as real journalists) is give us access to players and coaches.

Case in point:


Don K. Show sent this in.

If we had $105 lying around, we could order a bulk of these.

Go Pens.


Leafs -- Will Smith
Marty -- Karri


bob said...

what the f

pensblog jeff said...

Give some credit to snoopyjode. She picked some of the combos. I can do this with any two nhl players in about 15 minutes.

Ashley said...

wow Jeff...that was incredible. You kicked Photoshop's ass with those pics. Nicely done.

And I'd love to see you guys get access to the players and coaches. You'd be almost as feared around the league as Gary Roberts. Almost..

As for Carey Price, I would have loved to see him kick ass in his first NHL game, but since Carbo's stupid enough to play him against the Pens, I hope the Habs get an ol' fashioned ass kicking. A final score of 12-0 would be nice...Go Pens

wilsmith said...

dude, jeff. you must show me how to do this.

hashmoney said...

so it looks like the Gary Roberts Team is just going to give everyone the shits and have the wraith of God put upon their poor soul or they will catch on fire just for looking at one of them

MummRaTheEverLiving said...

And when he had opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth beast say, Come and see. And I looked, and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Gary Roberts, and Hell followed with him.

Barrasso35 said...

WWGRD? bracelets... I'm thinking $105 isn't that much. Can we get them in black and gold?

How many people in Comentorblogland would throw down on one of those? I would.

Oh, Jeff, those photoshops were disturbing... yet I could not look away.

snoopyjode said...

thanks, jeff! i picked some combos and sent you some pics, but you did all the work!! nicely done, my friend!!! :)

guys, he was a MACHINE on these! he made 52 of them! and honestly, by the end of it, he was putting them out in about 5 minutes. my computer blew up every time he sent me a gary roberts morph. when he finished the gary team, we decided that maybe pensblog should become garybangedEVERYONESmomblog for the day! :P

snoopyjode said...

oh, and don k. - we NEED to get those bracelets off the photoshop and into reality.

i'm with you, barrasso35! i said it yesterday and i'll say it again: i really would buy those bracelets!!!

Don K. Show said...

the $105 would cover 100 bracelets @ $1.05 each, and they would be available in black. Blue was the first pic I found in google images that I could work with. Staff has the address of the site, which I think is something like

Like I mentioned to them in the email, I'm sure between here and LGP, moving 100 wouldn't be hard. It's coming up with the $105 + shipping. Even if whoever set it up charged $2 per bracelet, I'm sure they'd move.

pensblog jeff said...

I'd chip in 20 or 30 bucks if someone promised to send me one in Korea.

canaanregulatesblog said...

fun post, guys. (nice work korean jeff)

p.s. jimmy fallon must die.

Teej said...

I'd buy one.

Erica said...

Um, I know everyone doesn't really know me, but I've read the Pensblog since last fall... Anyway, I would put down some cash money for the WWGRD bracelets. :)

wilsmith said...


Well, not really. but I'm down.

Jason said...

perfect timing with the topic of genericized, my reading of Pensblog in law school classes instead of paying attention to professors can be dubbed "research"

Jason said...

i think thats pretty solid proof that gary roberts has actually banged every woman in america. some of his morphs still looked almost exactly like the player (colby, crusher, eaton, whitney). max's was a little disturbing and i'd almost bet money thats exactly what malone looks like 15 years from now.

lis said...

I'm with Erica...I read religiously everyday and I would buy one too!!

Korn said...

I'm in for a bracelet. Although I'm still pushing for someone to make the "Play Like Gary Roberts Today" tees a la the Notre Dame "Play Like a Champion Today" sign. You could use the same font, but in black letters on a gold tee.

Are we going to have much of a crowd tonight for Game Day chat?

Jeffry said...

i need something to compliment my wriststrong bracelet, im in.
jeff, you are insane. but i knew that, most jeffs are.

Anonymous said...

someone needs to quit talking and order the bracelets. charge $2 each and make everyone pick them up or have them in the parking lot at a game. i know at least 8 people that would buy them.

Hooks Orpik said...

I'm down for the bracelet too....Maybe someone could set up a PayPal account and everyone could chip in like $1.50 or something....Then when there's enough $$, the admin of the paypal account could buy it and keep whatever's left over for their troubles.

Also how about James Mirtle's most excellent slam on Eric McAsshole, who whined about how the Isles treated bloggers like fans and not the respected journalists that the Caps did to Offwing.

Mirtle (paraphrased): Then why wasn't there any critcism from the blog for a team who's been in the basement for the past 3 years.

Solid burn there.

Steve In Denver said...

I'd put $10 in for 5 bracelets.

That photoshop of Roberts/Malone could be a Halloween prop. I think it's scarier than Orpik's.

Big mistake putting Carey Price in vs the Pens. I predict 5 or 6 goals. Get a Montreal train wreck photoshop in the works!

the general said...

the paypal idea for the wristbands is huge. i think passing them out at the arena would work too.

maybe 100 wouldnt be enought though...

what if someone got gary roberts himself to wear one during a game . . . .

wallflower said...

This post is absolutely frightening...yet completely made of win.

Which is really what you guys seem to excel at so, nice work.

MummRaTheEverLiving said...

The Roberts/Flower morph (Gary-Andre Fleurberts?) looks like something straight out of a Romero movie.

We need a morph of Gary Roberts and Francois Leroux to create the most indestructible force in the history of anything ever.

LeRoberts could take down Chuck Norris, Cthulu, and a fleet of Correlian gunships with one bulky arm tied behind his back.

Anonymous said...

Skip here,

Set up a paypal account, take pre-orders for the bracelets, and ship them out. That way you can do shirts, hats and other PENS BLOG merchandise in the future. $5 total for the bracelets that would include shipping and handling, and whatever is left over to be put towards future items. I am ready to buy a WWGRD bracelet to wear.

Anonymous said...

if GR wore one the arena would explode

Matthew said...

I'd be all over a wristband or two! WWGRD for people living outside of Pittsburgh? I'd pay for more than one, but it'd have to be in person before a game or during intermission at a game since I only go down there from Cleveland for the Pens games.

I seriously think the braclets are a realistic and fantastic idea. Sort of a word-of-mouth thing. Excellent! Go Pens!

snoopyjode said...

i've got a paypal account - maybe i could do it. :) at around $2 a pop, it should be easy to cover shipping costs (postage + packing materials). actually, i would probably just buy them outright instead of waiting for the money from everyone, and then send them out as i got paid for the orders for them...

let me look into how complicated this process would be. it sucks because i don't have a lot of free time because of work, so sending them out without help could become cumbersome. but if i can come up with a solution to streamline the process, and if i can get reasonable assurance that i could unload 100 of them, i'll do it.

i'll get back to you here in commentorblog.

Spencemo said...

The force of the Gary Roberts Team was so great that it knocked the wind out of me...twice.

Seriously, WWGRD bracelets? I'd be all over that like Wanda on cheesecake!

Don K. Show said...

korn, I did a 'play like gary roberts today' photoshop a few weeks ago. I wish I could remember who to originally give credit for the idea. I know there was a "Play Like Mark Eaton Today" 'shop that was on the top of the page and I just ran with it. me

Anonymous said...

snoopy, you are the shit! please let us know.

Anonymous said...

Today, we spell redemption S-I-D.

Don K. Show said...

and I nearly forgot to bow down to PBJeff for Robertshopping the team. Wow, I'm not sure I could compete with that on my best day.

excellent stuff

Adrienne said...

A WWGRD bracelet would be clutch. I'd definitely kick in money for a couple.

The morphs were actually kind of frightening, but not as atrocious as the picture of Tampa's center ice. :( SIGH!

And Buccigross came off with one sick job at Roenick.. Damn.

Don K. Show said...

I'll have to list the right URL on that other GR shop when I get home.

Shawn said...

I feel like a complete tool for asking this, but what's the deal with the WWGRD?

Ashley said...

I would LOVE a "Play Like Gary Roberts Today" t-shirt

Staff said...

What Would Gary Roberts Do?

Odds are he would buy one of these bracelets.

This isn't gonna be something that will "sell" a year from now unless Roberts comes back, so instead of buying in bulk and waiting for orders to come, we're gonna have to do a pre-order.

We'll put a poll up in the sidebar to gauge how many people would buy one.

But we're guessing that even if we don't get 105 orders, some of us will buy up more than one.

This will be done.
We hope.
In a perfect world, these would be sold at cost.
But seeing that stamping of potentially 105 envelopes would be $42.00, a cost of $2.00 per bracelet would seem reasonable.
We're not out to job anyone.

We'll be in contact with Snoop and Don K, though.

-- AC

p.s. we're adding the actual days of games up in the flash bar, due to many requests.

and p.s.s.

Caps fans on a message board jobbing us and Pittsburghers

Shawn said...

"What Would Gary Roberts Do" That makes a hell of a lot more sense than my Google results of "What Would Gay Republicans Do". I was starting to wonder what the hell gay Republicans had to do with the Pens.

EmDubs said...

Malkin-Roberts looks like he is about to cry

Louis Lipps is my homeboy said...

Ahhh... about the Caps site.

Nothing like blind sports fan hate.

You know, the type that causes not just to hate a team, but their city, general geographical area, as well as their grandmas that live in Florida.

Oh course, this hate only exists online. When you meet one of these folks and tell them you're from Pittsburgh, they're usually pretty full of pleasantries when they're in person and by themselves.

The only things bigger than beer-balls are internet-balls!

Tell the Caps fans to come talk shit to us when they can actually sell out a playoff game with THEIR OWN fans.

Don K. Show said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Don K. Show said...

try this link for the Play Like Gary Roberts 'shop

Korn said...

Don K, that's quality work. Now I just have to have it put on a tshirt. I will be the envy of millions (AND MILLIONS!) of Pens fans...

That Caps message board was pathetic. That wasn't even half hearted anger... no wonder we always destroy them in the playoffs. And while they are 3-0, it's only three games. But honestly, I'd much rather them be more competitive, it's better for the rivalry.

Don K. Show said...

The Caps fans talk of "juvenile writing" and within in the same breath, some dipshit suggests the chant of "Cyn-di, Cyn-di, Cyn-di." Yeah, that's original. Take a guy's name and make it into a female's name. Even Jim Rome thinks that joke is not only lame but also played out. At least the good folks at Mellon Arena have never decided to make urinal cakes out of the opposing teams' number.

It would be too easy to troll the Caps board. I'd almost consider it, except that I'd lose interest in what they had to say after a half hour, since it takes the average Caps fan that long to write a complete sentence...before correcting for errors.

Hooks Orpik said...

don k--thanks for the link. I'm totally going to make a shirt w/ Play Like Gary Roberts on the front, and then on the back have his stare and a great saying on it.

And ease up on the Caps fan....They'd be like the Flyers were to the Pens in the '80s...
PLUS they don't have this generation's #1 talent
PLUS they've gone 1-6 in recent years in the playoffs
PLUS Penguins fans almost outnumber them in their own building
PLUS they've won one playoff series since 1998.

you'd feel a little bitter and insignificant too.

Don K. Show said...

if somebody can find that in a bigger size, I'll see what I can do with it.

Skippy44 said...

WWGRD? Wristbands are now available on ebay!

See link below!


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