Saturday, September 22, 2007

Chris Chelios Sucks. Pens Lose


1-0

Whoa.
Someone could've at least said there was a game Friday night.
WTF is going on.

There was no TV, radio, internet.
Welcome to Helen Keller's life.

If we offended any blind people that read this, we apologize.

So, yeah, apparently Chelios scored in OT.
Why was he even on the ice?
What a joke.
.....................................
Late edit:
Reader Matt Nelson went to the game last night and emailed his take:
re game:
The Red Wings skated on to the ice and the fans started cheering. My friend yells "RED WINGS SUCK!!" and the only person in the rink who couldn't hear it was Chris Chelios.

First period:
Absolutely nothing happens. Seriously.

Second period:
Some jobber for the Wings named J. Kindl takes a bunch of homo-erotic penalties, in true Detroit fashion. First he gets 2 minutes for Holding The Stick. Then 2 minutes for Douching. Then 2 minutes for Trying to Start a Rugby Game. Then Detroit gets penalized again: 2 minutes for Not Knowing How to Count to Five. Sadly the Penguins couldn't capitalize on any of the power plays. They were restricted to only using one hand on their hockey sticks because they had to use the other hand to guard their assholes from the freaky european Red Wing players.

Third period:
Chris Chelios forgets he is on the ice and trips a Penguin. Shortly after, another Red Winger jobber gets sent to the sin bin. Butt sex ensues in the penalty box while the Penguins keep getting owned by Detroit's goalies.

Overtime:
Chris Chelios's revenge for the Penguins beating his Blackhawks in the 92 Finals: scoring on Ty Conklin in a preseason game. This is assuming he even remembers that far back.

More proof that Detroit sucks:
Big Beaver Rd.
Dix Highway.

The end. Never go to Detroit.
................................................................................


Pens play Saturday night
Game will be broadcast on Pens TV.

Go Pens

14 comments:

Hebrew said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ashley said...

the Pens will have their top guns on the ice for tonight's game. hopefully there'll be a little more offence.

go Pens!

john said...

#2 Steely McBeam offered to save the Penguins by contributing the proceeds from his underground gambling parlor.

http://www.steelymcbeamtalltales.com/

I'm pretty sure Mario saved the Pens. Somebody please job this website

Staff said...

That site is the worst thing to happen to the internet in at least 5 years.

Awful

Anonymous said...

Anyone remember Chelios sitting on the Blackhawk bench, shoving his stick in Paul Stanton's face in the 1992 Finals?

What an asshole.

wilsmith said...

argh, the devils of the west.

Loser Chris said...

Yeah, I mentioned the Stanton incident here a few weeks back. Typical Chelios crap.

Anonymous said...

Anyone else without audio on Pens TV / CenterIce tonight?

Ashley said...

Anyone out there blacked out from the Pens/Wings game? I can't figure out why the hell I'm being blacked out...it's not like it's on TV here in Nova Scotia.

Anonymous said...

how do i watch this game? when i click on the link, then open the portal, it takes me to a coby army video.

wtf

help please


OMG EATON SCORED!

Anonymous said...

OK i figured it out, you have to sign up for the center ice preview for free.

How long did it take for them to send you the email, it's been a few minutes have mine still

thanks

GO PENS

Anonymous said...

Ashley, the free preview seems to only be good for games in your own broadcast region

Ashley said...

Yeah, I figured out that I only get the games where Canadian teams are playing. Seems a little crazy that I can watch the Canucks play 3000+ miles away, but not the Pens.

Oh well.

bwzimmerman (PHX) said...

the lack of audio is killing me.

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