Friday, August 10, 2007

Steely McJoke

Helen Keller's submission in the Steelers mascot contest turns out to be the winner.


STEELY McBEAM
Should've just named it Art.
Or Gary Roberts.

Thoughts from Mascotblog:


"What a joke."


"Call me when you're in a movie. Dick."


"No Comment."


There are several embarrassing things about this Steely Mcbeam thing.

The first being that they let a 16-year-old girl name it.

Secondly, for the standard touchdown celebration what is this mascot going to do?
Is it gonnamake a workshop in the back of the endzone and mold steel?
Is it gonna go into a trailer and listen to Hank Williams, Jr.?

What a mistake by the Steelers.
Especially when you realise that they didn't do a background check on Steely Mcbeam.

In a story you will find only on The Pensblog, we found the real Steely Mcbeam.

His real name is Lewis Martin from Swissvale.
And he has a criminal rap sheet longer than Big Ben's injury list.

According to documents obtained by The Pensblog,
Steely Mcbeam has been charged with the following crimes.


  • Three counts of mail fraud
  • Assault and battery
  • Petty theft
  • 36 DUI's
  • One count of intent to distribute crack cocaine.
And the sickest of them all...

Soliciting a child on the Internet.

Sick.

................................................................



New Red Wings jerseys unveiled.

So, far the jerseys of the Original Six are still intact.

Original 6 remaining:
Maple Leafs, Canadiens, Blackhawks.

......................................................................

Uh-oh. The Senators signed their 98th overall pick in the 2005 draft to an entry-level contract.


Picture: Eklund working the phones to confirm the signing.


If you can't stomach pictures of gay men on the internet,
you're not built for the 21st century.

As always, we remind you:

If you can't take the heat...

Get off Al Gore's internet.
.................................................

Beware the Central Division


The Blues signed 8 of their players.

....................................

Winter in the Sun
Game #70
March 14, 2007
Donnie Jarkko. PENS WIN.


3 - 0

Ruutu gets called for the Penalty.

The third period began with the score still 1-0.
Halfway through the third, Lance Armstrong makes another appearance.
Ruutu is on acid and hits Christensen with the pass.


Goooooaaaaallllll.
( Steve Craig )

It was now 2-0.
The Devils offense was nowhere to be found.


Dora was stunned when she could not find any offense.

Commentorblog:

The hockey gods are smiling upon us dahntahners said...

its definitly a crazy world- we sell out all our games yet we were still treated to the thought that the pens would be leaving to greener pastures, meaning farmland behind cousin jimbobs doublewide, but the devils have one of the best goalies ever, dont even fill half the arena, yet they get treated to a new arena... which prices are supposed to jump 9 billion percent, jokes on kansas city now i guess

Did this guy register a blogger account for one post?
...........................................


56

57 comments:

Jonny V said...

Saw the perfect name for the new mascot in the comment section of your favorite blog...The Terrible Idea. I think that sums it up perfectly.

Kenny, you're quite the Bi-Polar Bear ain'tcha?

And Tiff, i'm feeling good, just have some halo effect...shit's a little bit cloudy and I have a big red bruise on my eye from the springs that hold the eyelids open. But hell if i'm complaining, my glasses are now resting in pieces

Hofmann said...

If KM keeps commenting here, I'm going to stop reading the comments.

Lana said...

I wish i had something to say... i feel like the new kid in class that wants to be included but doesn't quite fit in yet. Mmm... i'll keep reading maybe someday i'll come up with something interesting.

Tiffany said...

Ahh To Catch A Mascot...
Do you think we should be grateful that his 1st name is Steely instead of Woody??

Just a thought...


Lana, all in good time. :-)


And JV, siento mucho.
Maybe you could try listening to some music so you won't feel so anxious. (~_~)

Ellen said...

Tiff,

What an avatar! That gave me a good chuckle, thanks. I've never bothered figuring out how to make one. I was tempted with the Simpsons thing, but then mine would look surprisingly like Snoopyjode's and someone else's whose name excapes me right now. No point.

Ellen

snoopyjode said...

tiff, steely is only slightly > woody. even still, "steely mcbeam" sounds like a 70's porn star name. ugh. thank GOD i'm not a steeler's fan. my sympathies to those of you who are - that's not just a terrible name, that is one uninspired mascot all around.

and don't worry, lana - sooner or later something will either make you laugh so hard (or piss you off enough, if recent commentorblogs are any indication) that you'll have something to say! ;)

Ellen said...

Escapes, sorry, hard to type in the dark.

canaanmakesfood said...

steely mcbeam just got pwn3d by the pensblog.

Too embarassed to reveal my identity said...

I actually know the person who named the mascot and she is like a 50 year old woman, and surprisingly not a 16 year old girl..... terrible, terrible name..... I can only hope this is a joke that went too far.... like the Giant Douche and Turd Sandwich on South Park.....

Jesse Marshall said...

This was a very, very clutch performance on a Friday, gentlemen.

Kudos.

Jason said...

chris hansen is like walker, texas ranger on al gore's internet. solid post.

Kenny Melvin said...

Steely McBeam is an embarassment to the franchise even John Fedko said as much and who knows more about embarassments than John Fedko? The best name for the Steelers new mascot

Yinzer McDrunkerson

canaanmakesfood said...

Yinzer McDrunkerson...funny.


well, it was funnier when wallflower said it on LGP...

Kenny Melvin said...

I apologize Canaan if I don't read over ever thread in every forum on LGP

Kenny Melvin said...

The hockeynews picks the penguins to win the atlantic

Pens to win Atlantic

CityofChampsblog said...

Check out this new blog:

The City of Champs

snoopyjode said...

seriously, when the hell did commentorblog become plugmyownblogblog?!

Kenny Melvin's Mom said...

My son reads every thread at LGP. He wishes he could post there. His goal was to make fun of everyone with a disease. What he doesn't really know, Kenny Melvin has the disease known as Retardism. His dad also likes his balls dipped in honey.

Kenny Melvin said...

Snoopyjode wrote:

"When did this become plugmyownblogblog>"

hahaha, good stuff

Sarah said...

"Secondly, for the standard touchdown celebration what is this mascot going to do?
Is it gonnamake a workshop in the back of the endzone and mold steel?
Is it gonna go into a trailer and listen to Hank Williams, Jr."

I laughed for like 10 minutes...This is why I keep coming back :)

Hooks Orpik said...

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/basketball/nba/almanac_alltime_blocked_shots/

I never knew there was a b-ball player named Mark Eaton.

Anonymous said...

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/basketball/nba/almanac_alltime_blocked_shots/

Anonymous said...

i quit

Kenny Melvin said...

Anon, make a hyperlink

Anonymous said...

Sports Illustrated Link

Steve In Denver said...

Maybe we can pitch in and hire Randall Simon to come back and take out Mr. McBeam with a Louisville slugger during his TD celebration.

canaanmakesfood said...

steve, thats probably the smartest thing i've heard all day.

EmDubs said...

Brilliant idea, Steve. Steelygate 2007. I can see it now.

Stoosh said...

That new City of Champs blog has Kenny Melvin written all over it.

Stoosh said...

One angle I haven't heard yet on this whole Steely McBeam trip...

What's more pathetic? A) The Stillers resorting to one lamely-named mascot or B) the Pirates resorting to TWO mascots?

On its face I'd say the Pirates going with two mascots is a pretty desperate cry for help (or neon-bright display of cluelessness, if "cluelessness" is indeed a word). But one of the Pirates' mascots IS the Pirate Parrot, which isn't bad as mascots go. And besides, the Pirates have also become one of the more irrelavant franchises in US-based pro sports, so do two mascots really matter when the franchise has been a joke for a while now?

I can't believe I'm bringing this up, but I just believed it somewhat relevant since the entire region is up in arms over Steely McBeam.

Tiffany said...

Too embarassed to reveal my identity,
Haha good stuff.

Ellen,
Happy to know you got enjoyment out of it. I was just searching for penguin avatars & giggled when that came up. ;-)

Snoopyjode,
You're right about the porn star name. Now all I can picture is Steely McBeam & the Horny Manatee doing a skit on Conan...lol.
Something is terribly wrong here...


P.S. Canaan, what made you think of the dinglehopper??

Kenny Melvin said...

Stoosh the Pirate's mascots are much more pathetic because they're employed by the Pirates.

Stoosh said...

Lana,

Just jump in with any spontaneous thoughts, ideas, etc. And in most cases, elements of good taste generally go right out the window. Especially with Tiffany. She's sick like that.

:)

FritoWill said...

classic pensblog

FritoWill said...

i really need to learn the hyperlink stuff, i am so out of it when it comes to html anymore.


guess i was to busy playing freecell my senior year of highschool to remember.

3 computer classes....not lying here 11267 games in one year.

Kenny Melvin said...

Fritowill,

Insert description

Jonny V said...

This Mark Eaton is the godfather of the rugged, grizzled look.

While this Mark Eaton is known for his boyish good looks and unreal ability of willing Penguin victories with his mere presence.

Tiff, Rroowll that avatar is super sex...oh God what is that?!? You're gonna get it!!

canaanmakesfood said...

tiffany,

little mermaid > awesome

scuttle is king.

just sayin.

wallflower said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tiffany said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tiffany said...

Here ya go, FritoWill...

<a href="http://your.link.here">click me</a>


Stoosh, HEY!!! ;-P

Jon, hahaha.

And Canaan, there's no arguing that. ;-)

wallflower said...

Steely McBeam's true story was enough to finally get me to comment here. To Catch a Predator photoshop = tremendous.

That and KM's stealing of my [admittedly] horrible joke. Come on, man, seriously?

Kenny Melvin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
KM is a megadouche said...

you get all of your links that you post here from lgp and even made a blog post about something somebody said on lgp. stop being such a fag and get a life/be original.

Anonymous said...

Please, Don't feed the trolls

canaanmakesfood said...

lol...i prefer the trolls from David the Gnome

marc said...

guess who is on the nhl frozen moment??

i'd make a link, but i cant do it

snoopyjode said...

i'll do it - it's our boy bing!

canaanmakesfood said...

here ya go marc:

Sidney Crosby

Oh and this: Adam Caldwell. Singing.

snoopyjode said...

DAMN YOU, CANAAN!!!

PittPensFan said...

Who really cares who put the last stick on the '93 shot, other than loser chris? It was all for naught, because Ulf stupidly pinched (Ulf, I loved ya, but what the HELL were you thinking?). And also because Barrasso got douched by Benoit Hogue in the third.

Kenny Melvin said...

Wow it's like your whole childhood is a farce. In tough times I could always say "Yeah life sucks but Ron Francis touched that puck last instead of douche Rick Tocchet." Sing it with me,

Amazing Grace how sweet the sound
When Tocchet touched the puck that saved a playoff run.

canaanmakesfood said...

CCCHHHOCOLATE RAIN!!!

Kovy27 said...

Canaan...I'm gonna kill you. That song blows, that guy blows harder....

Stoosh!

canaanmakesfood said...

weird, kovy, you are the one that burnt me the cd.

Kovy27 said...

I thought that was the limited edition of *N-Sync featuring LFO. You begged me for that CD.

canaanmakesfood said...

pishaw...you knew i already owned that one...i totally introduced you to LFO...you didnt even like abercrombie & fitch before i introduced you to that song

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