Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Melt Your Balls Off


Lance Anderson, cousin of Colby Anderson says MeltYourFace-Off is a joke.

That site said Crosby's contract is actually a veiled threat to the Pens organization.
My cat actually died when he heard me read that aloud.

That site could do some more fact-checking instead of using blanket comments,
but they're too busy riding DEADSPIN's coattails.

..................................

We're late on this, but...


Sheldon Souray is out of Montreal.
He stays north of the border, as he signs with the Oilers for 5 years.

The last time the Oilers had a defenseman with a hard slapshot, that defenseman's wife was a bitch and wanted to move to Anaheim, California.

But the Oilers don't have to worry about Souray's wife wanting to move to California.


Oops.
Turns out his wife is Angelica Bridges.
She was on Baywatch, that show on the beach.

......................................



Tom Fitzgerald of 1996 Game 7 fame has been hired by the Pens as their new director of player development.

If you know your Pens history and One From The Heart, you know that Scotty Bowman was once the director of player development and recruitment.

Researching Tom Fitzgerald took us down some interesting paths.
In one of those, one thing leads to another we ended up reading about the 1995-96 season.
First of all.
Does anyone really remember this season?
The Penguins were a game away from th Stanley Cup.
Have we all blocked it out of our memory?
Check this out:

How disgusting is that?

The top three scorers.

Combined for 429 points.
It took the top six penguins scorers to surpass that this year.
The entire team scored 362 goals.
Buffalo led the NHL this year with 298.

Also:
Petr Nedved was on PCP, 99 Points.

Sick

....And how could we not mention Thomas Sandstrom.

Solid 70 point season.


As for the rest of the NHL in 95-96.
  • Detroit lost 13 games---131 points...sick
  • Hartford and Winnipeg were still around.
  • At least 10 players scored 100 points
  • John Leclair had 51 goals
  • If the Penguins would of made the Stanley Cup finals, the leagues top five scores would of faced off ( assuming Ron Francis would of played- he broke his foot)

...........................................

The Senators' massive gay orgy in the locker room will have a new face.

They've traded Peter Schaefer to Boston for Shean Donovan.


Picture: Two Sens fan celebrate the big trade.

..........................................

Why did they get rid of Schaefer?
They need cap room to sign Ray Emery.

Emery is going to want $4.25 million a year, like Henrik Lundqvist got with the Rangers.
If Ray Emery is worth 4.25 million dollars, we are all in trouble.

......................................................

Scott Niedermayer is 33 years old.
He has won 4 Stanley Cups.

He is still contemplating retirement.

Anaheim GM Brian Burke, thoughts?



Damn it, Niedermayer.
You just helped us win a Cup.
Are you really worth about $13 million over the next two years?
No way. Retire. Peace.

..........................................................

A Winter in the Sun
Game #47
Friday, January 26, 2007

PENS - 4
STARS - 3


Do It For Daddy. PENS Win.


Mark Eaton = Money in the Bank

Overtime arrived, and it was insane. Was there only one whistle during the entire five minutes?

Roughly 18 seconds into the overtime, a Dallas shot looked like it was on its way in, and even Steigerwald cried out, "Scores."
The fans stood up thinking it was goal, but it barely trickled wide.
Gotta give it to the Dallas fans, though. They stood up for the entire overtime. Great atmosphere.

The Pens got their opportunities, too; the best coming when Christensen had at least two good looks but couldn't put it in.

With about 10 seconds left in OT, Bing grabs the puck at center ice...and you could hear all the Stars fans collectively say, "Oh, shi...."

He flies into the zone and powers past some terd. He gets a "shot" off that could've easily went in, but it took a fortuitous Dallas bounce, and the Stars cleared it.

You know what that means....



Commentorblog:

seth said...

8-3 with eaton in the lineup

....................................................



Day Number

+


-


We tried to use Roberts or Francis. But computers don't understand minus in front of them.
......
And remember

Thanks to Don K Show

29 comments:

BurghGuy said...

Yeah, OK, if Emery signs for $4.25 million, I'll grow a third testicle.

The Senators' orgy must be too good to let go.

Jonny V said...

burghguy, a hearty thank you for not being gay and doing what seems to have been going on for weeks with the first post...
I'm sure i'm not in the minority on this, but just thinking about Francis' broken foot leads me to believe there wouldn't have been a 7th game. I also believe that Mario was better than Gretzky, so I guess I believe in alot of moot points.
And when are yinz going to start the countdown to the start of the season? Barrasso35 mentioned that we're past the halfway point. This count-up is killing me.

BurghGuy said...

Oh, and on a completely unrelated, but related note: Wikipedia has finally fixed the Gary Roberts page.

Roberts' accomplishments now include:
2007- Hit 281 Home Runs and hit an inside the park home run bringing home the MVP trophy.
2007 - Voted sexiest man alive by USA Today
2007 -Invented time travel by attaching a flux capacitor to Optimus Prime.
2007 -Honorary signee of the declaration of independence, it was reported that Roberts signature was 50 times that of John Hancock's

PittPensFan said...

Was Barrasso checking out the hottie in A-21 on that goal? He certainly looked distracted by something.

Anonymous said...

Uh, guys?

Hate to burst the counting bubble, but it's not Day 100 yet. (Check the arithmetic again.)

Anonymous said...

I noticed that, too. How about Coffey+Francis+Eaton.

Anonymous said...

in other news, this page is chock-full of images awaiting senators photoshops...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Guard_%28grappling%29

marc said...

i went to penstation yesterday, and if anyone cares, player name and number t-shirts are half off!
sweeeeeeeeeeeet!

Anonymous said...

Do they have the white ones??? I want white dammit!!!

Korn said...

Can someone please work on some nice yellow t's that say "PLAY LIKE GARY ROBERTS TODAY"? I'd plunk down some cash for one of those in a second.

snoopyjode said...

holy crap, the senators fans pic... i really did spit out the vitaminwater today. thanks, guys! :p (ha ha)
***********************
That site said Crosby's contract is actually a veiled threat to the Pens organization. My cat actually died when he heard me read that aloud.

it's nice to know i wasn't the only one who thought that was the most ridiculous thing i'd read on the internet in years.

Kenny Melvin said...

Photos of Sens fans never ever get old. I think it's a shame how we forget that 96 team because they were one of the best in Penguins history. I still say if Kenny Wregget starts that 7th game we go on to the cup finals and give the Avalanche a run for their money. Great Gary Roberts photoshop and can anyone find a pic of Steve Mckenna when he was captain for one game?

Loser Chris said...

That Dallas game was so sweet. I'd never been so happy to spend 6+ hours in the car.

'96 is arguably more painful for me than '93. The boys were just cruising along until Ronnie broke his foot. There's no way Florida beats the Pens with Ronnie in the lineup. And how classic would that Pens/Avs Final have been? The world may have spontaneously combusted in anticipation.

Staff said...

countup is now fixed. No clue what we were thinking.

Jonny the countdown will begin soon good call

hooks orpik said...

The name 'Tom Fitzgerald' makes my stomach turn, but it's nothing like He Who Shall Not Be Named in 1993, because that was the perfect storm of shittiness. No way it even goes 7 games if Ronnie Francis was healthy. But, as they say, those are the breaks.

It's hard to imagine Pittsburgh gets swept by Colorado in the finals, like Florida did but there's no guarantee that's the 3rd Cup (unlike '93, which would have been a lock). Either way that would have been a tremendous matchup against Sakic, Forsberg and Roy..The starpower that series would have had is mind boggling.

PS Sakic has 18 goals in 22 playoff games that year. Official Pensblog chicken Marty had to drop acid to try to make sense of that.

Dwayne said...

Offtopic, but the offseason fucking sucks. I'm going through the full games that are available on Google Video now, just to try to get me through the summer.

>.<

Jason said...

i'll always be partial to the 93 team. 4 guys topping 100 points is ridiculous.
speaking of which, i was looking at the stats this morning, and i had no idea joey mullen was still putting up big numbers when he joined the pens. i was 8 or 9 when the pens won their cups and i always figured mullen was chipping in about 20 goals a season, not 30-40.

Jesse Marshall said...

Your cat died. That blows.

However, the Dallas game was clutch. What a class-act by Dallas fans, cheering Recchi's big goal. Props.

Kenny Melvin said...

Dallas is one of the few southern markets that seems to know a lot about hockey. Definitely a lot of class from them.

Joshua said...

hated Fitzgerald and I didn't know why until I saw the game 7 pic. Wow that hurts.

Loser Chris said...

Yeah, the Stars fans were awesome. Pens fans made a solid showing at the game too.

snoopyjode said...

holy crap. imagine gary roberts learning how to kill a man with his bare hands. somewhere, michael rupp just crapped his pants.

and who wants to bet roberts ends up being selected as the new drill sergeant by the second day he's there?

snoopyjode said...

um, okay, i'm not sure why that link doesn't work... try this link for the rupp pic.

Spencemo said...

Somehow, I think Gary Roberts already knows how to kill a man with his bare hands...he just chooses not to...

Barrasso35 said...

"Does anyone really remember this season?"
-The Pensblog Staff

Does anyone remember it?

Let me paint a picture for you.

It's the summer of 1996, the summer before my senior year of high school. I moved from the mostly hockey-less land of Missouri to the totally hockey-less land of Kansas. I had no friends, I had no car, I had no life.

All I had were the Pittsburgh Penguins.

My main man was in goal, Mario, Jagr, Francis, Nedved, Sandstrom, Zubov, Smolinski, Glen Murray, Dave Roche, Francois Leroux, J.J. Daigneault and completing the dynamic netminding duo was Kenny Wregget. Those were my friends.

The Penguins dispatched the Caps and dismantled the Rangers (the game where Mario and Jagr combined to score 6 goals was fucking amazing... I still have that one on tape) but the Panthers, or, more specifically, John Vanbiesbrouck, ended what I was sure was going to be another Penguins victory. If it wasn't for Beezer, I don't think the Panthers would have stood a chance.

I was more sure in 1996 than I was in 1993. I believed they were going to win, I knew it with every fiber of my being... and then, Tom Fitzgerald took a shot from Mount Washington.

I sat there, on my couch, Lemieux jersey on, stunned. I couldn't move, my mouth was suddenly dry, I think I blacked out, I was probably making those motions like a fish out of water, gasping.

This can't have just happened, I thought to myself, reply will show that it didn't go in but it did go in. The Pens couldn't equalize. Then the two teams were lining up for the handshake. The game was over, the playoffs were over, my life was over.

Have you ever hit your head on an overhead cabinet or something you didn't see, really hard? It hurts, you see stars, you get that ringing in your ears and you feel stupid all at the same time. That's how I felt at that moment

Fuck Tom Fitzgerald.

Oh yeah... This article points out a very interesting fact

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07199/
802382-61.stm

Tom Fitzgerald was on the 1993 Islanders.

http://www.hockeydb.com/ihdb/
stats/leagues/seasons/teams/
0000521993.html

Now I hate him even more.

Kenny Melvin said...

Great story Tommy. Every fan of every team has a story like that so thanks for sharing.

Loser Chris said...

My subconscious must be taking care of me here, because for the life of me I don't remember that Fitzgerald goal. It's probably for the best. I do remember Dave Roche rearranging his face with a butt end though.

And did people really forget he was on the '93 Isles? And now he's getting checks signed by Mario? Sick.

Jesse Marshall said...

Holy Crap, I didn't know Fitzgerald was on the 93' Isles!

Kenny Melvin said...

This doesn't really have to do with anything but look at this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQ_RR9WjUlI

Ouch

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