Tuesday, October 31, 2006
102 times out of 100, we like to come up with our own original ideas for content on the Pensblog.
However, we were reading the Chuck Norris Facts that have spread like wildfire across the internet, so we thought: Mario Lemieux can do all that stuff, too.
(We have no intention of copying Chuck Norris facts, but one or two may have seeped into our subconscious. Please forgive us.)
- It's a little-know fact that during the 04-05 lockout, there was an NHL all-star game. It was Mario Lemieux vs. himself; the game is still going on.
- Mario Lemieux can score a hat trick...with only two goals.
- Mario Lemieux can smoke two packs of cigarettes with one match.
- There wasn't a second gunman on the grassy knoll that killed Kennedy. It was a Mario Lemieux slapshot that missed the net...and he wasn't even born yet.
- Mario Lemieux can find the square root of a negative number.
- The doctor couldn't catch Mario Lemieux when he came out of the womb...Mario Lemieux deked past him, got in his 'vette and drove home.
- Mario Lemieux doesn't use a Mach3 razor...he uses a rusted pair of skate blades.
- The Civic Arena is the house that Lemieux built. No, seriously, Mario Lemieux built it...by himself.
- When Mario Lemieux chooses to hit the post with a slapshot, it registers an 8.2 on the Richter scale.
- It's called the Richter scale because New York Rangers goalie Mike Richter almost died twice from a Mario Lemieux slapshot.
- Mario Lemieux was first line center, with Jesus on right wing.
- Mario Lemieux fired a slapshot into the ground...and it killed three people in China.
- Area 51 isn't heavily guarded because of UFOs, but because Mario Lemieux trains there in the off-season.
- Mario Lemieux wears hockey skates to funerals.
- We, in fact, did find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq: Mario Lemieux's slapshot and wrister.
- The Mellon Arena doesn't need a zamboni; Mario Lemieux just breathes on the ice.
- Mario Lemieux farts on sand and it turns into glass.
- Mario Lemieux coughs and immediately gets credit for an assist.
- The goal light never comes on when Mario Lemieux scores because the shockwave of his slapshot kills the goal judge.
- Mario Lemieux can curve the blade of his stick just by looking at it.
- Mario Lemieux's saucer pass is illegal in 17 states.
- Mario Lemieux's hands are so good, he can give an instant orgasm to any creature...dead or alive.
- Mario Lemieux can speak braille.
- One time, Mario Lemieux passed a puck so hard that it went one week into the future...and Lemieux was there to accept the pass.
- Mario Lemieux lost his virginity before his own father did.
- Mario Lemieux's slapshots create crop circles.
- Mario Lemieux can solve Sudoku puzzles by only using the number six.
- Mario Lemieux can solve a rubik's cube with hockey gloves on. In 16 seconds.
- Mario Lemieux once scored a goal in a celebrity softball game.
- Mario Lemieux names his slapshots. His last one was named Katrina.
- Mario Lemieux's average bowling score is 305.
- Back in '86, Mario Lemieux skated from Los Angeles to New York in 22 minutes to score a goal on John Vanbiesbrouck. Blindfolded.
- One time, Mario Lemieux played an 18-hole round of golf and shot a 14.
- Mario Lemieux won the 1994 WWF Royal Rumble.
- On April 24, 1984, while playing for his junior team, Mario Lemieux got a 5-minute major for high-sticking. He scored twice during his penalty.
- A Mario Lemieux slapshot brought down the Berlin Wall.
Leave your own in the comments section.
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