Thursday, February 21, 2008



Ralph Iannotti here, standing outside Allegheny County Courthouse,
awaiting the beginning of the Trial of the Season.

The litigants walked past me into the courtroom just a few minutes ago.
Neither man or his respective representation chose to comment as Judge Charlie stood in between them.



A jury of Pensblog readers has been sitting in the jury room since early this afternoon at Judge Charlie's orders, in an attempt to remove them from any media influence.

We have learned from The Pensblog that they have chosen certain e-mails as opening and closing statements.
They want to emphasize that they are showing no favor to anyone.

You will be able to see for yourself that all e-mails were unreal.
You can read all of the jurors' e-mails in the closing statements.

Wait a minute, folks.

Mr. Lowe! Mr. Lowe!
Mr. Lowe, what is your interest in this trial?



Lowe: We used to have Conklin.
We are prepared to extend an offer sheet to him following the trial.

Iannotti: So, you are staking yourself in the Conklin camp?

Lowe: Of course.
How much is KDKA paying you?

Iannotti: Well --

Lowe: I'll double it.
Talk to you after the trial.
[ Walks into courthouse ]



Well, Mr. Lowe just made his way into the courtroom,
and the constables have locked the doors behind him.

It looks like we're about to get under way.
We'll send you into the courtroom.

.......................................................................................


ALL RISE! The Honorable Judge Pensblog Charlie presiding.


PLEASE BE SEATED.
WATCH YOUR BUTTS.

THIS IS CASE NUMBER 6687ROBERTS108771 IN THE DOCKET.
THE PEOPLE VS. TY CONKLIN.


MRS. BROCKOVICH, YOU ARE REPRESENTING MARC-ANDRE FLEURY.
DO YOU CARE TO MAKE AN OPENING STATEMENT?



EB -- Yes, your honor.

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury,
I come to you not as a lawyer, but as a fan.

Today you are left with one simple task -- to sort through all the useless facts that Marty the Chicken will fill your heads with, and come to one decision.
Who should the Pittsburgh Penguins starting goalie be?

The facts of the case are these.


Marc-Andre Fleury was the starting goaltending for the Pittsburgh Penguins.
He then was injured. Mr. Conklin has since stolen the job from MAF.

I can't tell you what to believe. I can only tell you how I and many others feel.
I received an e-mail I had to share from a Marc-Andre Fleury fan.

As counsel for Fleury, you must contend that no man should lose his job because of injury. It is a well known canon within the hockey world and should apply here. Fleury is the goalie of the Pittsburgh Penguins and a person whom we have invested considerable money and resources into. While the work of Conklin has been tremendous, it is not sufficient to deny the Penguins' goalie his job.

Ladies and Gentleman. That was from Josh M., a Marc-Andre Fleury supporter.
In the course of this trial, I will prove that very e-mail true.


THANK YOU, MRS. BROCKOVICH.

AND, MRS. BROCKOVICH,
DON'T THINK DRESSING LIKE THAT WILL WIN YOU POINTS IN THIS COURTROOM.

MARTY THE CHICKEN, DO YOU WISH TO MAKE AN OPENING STATEMENT?


MC-- Yes, your homoness.

Ladies, Gentlemen, and fellow chickens.

What is that smell? Do you smell it? It is my client. And he smells like victory.
My client has worked hard. He has given everything to the Pittsburgh Penguins.
He has made them winners this season.

And while Erin Joke-ovich will cloud your minds with her breasts and false claims,
I demand you to listen your hearts, to your minds.

Can you say Ty Conklin doesn't belong in that net?
You can't, can you?

The following is from Jesse at [Faceoff Factor]

And I, too, can pull out the same tricks as Erin Breastovich.

To get an appreciation of where Ty Conklin is, you have to look at where he's come from. We're talking about a guy that didn't even play during he lockeout, came in the "new" NHL rusty, and then had a major gaffe that cose his team a goal in the Stanley Cup Finals.
Most goalies would struggle to recover from that. What Makes Ty Conklin so invaluable is his ability to constantly make the routine save, control the rebound, and play the puck.
Those waiting for Conklin to come back to earth. Don't hold your breathe.
Ty Conklin is averaging .46 goals against less than the average. He is also first in S%. Someting Fleury knows nothing about.

Right there, folks.
That is all you need to know.

Nothing more, your gayness.

THANK YOU, MR. CHICKEN.

THE PEOPLE MAY CALL THEIR FIRST WITNESS.

EB -- YOUR HONOR, THE PEOPLE CALL GILLES MELOCHE TO THE STAND.

.....................................................................


Place your right hand on the Ice-Time Program.

Do you swear that the testimony you are about to give in this courtroom is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Roberts?



Oui.

YOU MAY PROCEED

EB-- Please state your name and occupation for the court, please.
GM-- My name iz Gilles Meloche, goaltending coach for the Pizzburgh Panguin.
EB-- Mr. Meloche, we could delve into your storied career as an NHL netminder, but that is not what is on trial today.
Would you please tell the court your impression of my client, having worked with him for the past two years?
GM-- Well, I took him under my wing when I waz hired by ze Panguin. He had already zeen hiz fair share of NHL ice time by then. In the time I have known him, Monseiur Fluree has blozzomed into a top-flight NHL goaltender.
EB-- What was his record last season?
GM-- 40-16-9. A goalz against of 2.86, and a save perzentage of .906.
EB-- Is this your first stint as the Penguins goalie coach?
GM-- Non. I waz hired in ze 1989 zeazon as ze Panguin goalie coach and held that pozition until ze lockout zeazon of 2004-2005.
EB-- 1989? Was there a still-developing goaltender under your tutelage during that time?
GM-- Yez, you can zay that. It was Tom Barrazzo.
EB-- Oh. What happened a mere two years later after working with Tom Barrasso?
GM-- The Penguin won back-to-back Stanley Cup Championsheeps.
EB-- Could you see this happening again with young Mr. Fleury?
GM-- Abzolutely.
EB-- Your witness.


MC-- Mr. Meloche.
GM-- B-b-bonjour.
MC-- Are you nervous talking to a chicken?
GM-- Non.
MC-- While working with MAF, you have also worked with Ty Conklin, correct?
GM-- Oui.
MC-- What is your take on the man?
GM-- I feel he haz kept ze Penguin above ze water while waiting for Mr. Fluree to return.
MC-- How would you rate his goaltending performance?
GM-- Above average.
MC-- 16-4-3, .932 save percentage over 25 games. Above average?
GM-- Yez, that eez ze definition. He eez better zen average.
MC-- Do you feel Mr. Fleury would have done any better than Mr. Conklin during this recent stretch?
GM-- It iz pozzible to improve on zat record.
MC-- SIGH. No further questions.

MRS. BROCKOVICH?



EB-- Mr. Meloche, esteemed goaltending legend and goaltending coach in the NHL, who gets your vote for #1 goaltender of the 2007-2008 Pittsburgh Penguins?
GM-- Mr. Marc-Andre Fluree.
EB-- No further questions.

YOU MAY STEP DOWN.
CALL YOUR NEXT WITNESS.

-- THE PEOPLE CALL MARK MADDEN TO THE STAND.

..........................................................................


Oath stuff.


I do.

EB-- Name and occupation.
MM-- Mark Madden, sports-radio talk-show host on ESPN Radio 1250. I have covered the Penguins for the better part of 15 years.
EB-- What was your advice to the Penguins as they headed into the 2003 draft with #1 overall pick?
MM-- "Take the goalie," referring to Marc-Andre Fleury.
EB-- Do you still stand by that?
MM-- Absolutely, chico.
EB-- What is your expert opinion on Ty Conklin?
MM-- He is a curtain-jerker, a flash in the pan.
MM-- Your witness.


MC-- Mr. John Madden...
MM-- Mark.
MC-- Yeah. What was your occupation before becoming a talk-show host and hockey specialist in the field of journalism?
MM-- I worked as a color commentator and magazine writer for professional wrestling.
MC-- No further questions.

YOU MAY STEP DOWN.

-- THE PEOPLE CALL CRAIG PATRICK TO THE STAND.

............................................................................


BLAH


I Do
EB-- Name and occupation.
CP-- Craig Patrick, and I don't know.
EB-- The court is aware of your Hall of Fame status as a hockey general manager.
CP-- I would assume so.
EB-- What did you do with your first-ever #1 overall pick as Penguins general manager?
CP-- I drafted Marc-Andre Fleury in 2003.
EB-- Your witness.



MC-- Mr. Patrick, first off, thank you for the two Cups in 1991 and 1992.
CP-- No problem.
MC-- But, gee, that was a long time ago, was it not?
CP-- It's all relative.
MC-- Whatev. Would you mind sharing with the court your draft choices since the 1995 season which in fact resulted in "winning" that #1-overall pick in 2003?

-- Craig Patrick vomits.

THE WITNESS IS EXCUSED. STRIKE HIS TESTIMONY FROM THE RECORD.
CALL YOUR NEXT WITNESS.

-- THE PEOPLE CALL ROD BRIND'AMOUR TO THE STAND.

................................................................................


You suck.


I do.

EB-- Name and occupation.
RB-- Rod Brind'Amour, Carolina Hurricanes forward.
EB-- We can make this short and sweet. Describe the events that transpired on June 5, 2006.
RB-- Ty Conklin relieved Oilers starter Dwayne Roloson late in Game 1 of the Stanley Cup Finals.
EB-- Stop there. Your homoness, we would like to enter video of the event in question as Exhibit "A".

MC-- Objection. This video wasn't on the list.
EB-- Your homoness, no one wants to look at Mr. Brind'Amour longer than absolutely necessary.


I'LL ALLOW IT



EB-- No further questions.
MC-- Stunned. I don't even want to talk to this clown.


--THE PEOPLE CALL "LOSER CHRIS" TO STAND

......................................


WHO?

EB-- Name and occupation.
LC-- My name is Chris. I run [ Taking one for the Team] and follow the career of MAF very closely.
EB-- Chris, should the Penguins goaltending job go back to MAF once he returns?
LC-- Not to take away from what Conk has meant to the Pens the last couple months, but MAF needs to play when he comes back. As things currently stand Conk may be the better option in net, but MAF has shown to have a higher ceiling when he gets hot and could easily outperform Conk if given the opportunity to play consistent minutes.
EB--In your expert opinion, does this decision loom large?

MC-Larger than your breasts. Come on.

[Gasp]

MR. CHICKEN, ONE MORE OUTBURST LIKE THAT,
AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE EATEN FOR LUNCH.

LOSER CHRIS, PLEASE ANSWER.

LC-- Looking beyond this year it becomes even more obvious that MAF needs to be given his fair share of minutes between the pipes for the Pens. MAF is poised to be the long term answer in goal for the Penguins, something that probably can't be said for Conk, but the front office needs to make a real assessment of just what they have in MAF and they need to do it now.

EB-- Your witness.


MC-Chris, you are known as a MAF apologist. Just say it. You hate Ty Conklin. He should be relegated to backup.
EB-- OBJECTION, DON'T ANSWER THAT!
MC-Chris, ADMIT IT!
EB-- OBJECTION!
MC-ADMIT IT, DAMMIT!!!
EB-- NOOOOO!!!
LC-- YES, HE DESERVES TO BE THE #2 GUY, AND I HOPE HE BURNS IN HELL!
MC-Owned.

CHICKEN, YOU'RE ON THIN ICE.
MRS. BROCKOVICH, CALL YOUR NEXT WITNESS.

EB-- YOUR HONOR, THE PROSECUTION RESTS.

...............................................................................

MR. MARTY THE CHICKEN, THE DEFENSE MAY CALL THEIR FIRST WITNESS.

MC-- YOUR HONOR, THE DEFENSE CALLS DR. JAMES MIRTLE TO THE STAND.


Do you swear on [ Mirtle.blogspot.com ] that the testimony you're about to give in this courtroom is the absolute truth?


I do.

MC-- Name and occupation.
JM-- James Mirtle. I work at the sports desk at The Globe and Mail and have been blogging hockey on the internet since 2004.
MC-- Rather than meandering through countless questions, can you give us your take on the Fleury vs. Conklin debate?

-- The bottom line in the Conklin-Fleury debate
is that the team has simply played better with Conklin in goal.

They've scored more goals, at even strength and on the power play.
They've allowed fewer goals, despite having more shots against at even strength.

And, as a result, they've won far more games.

Bring Fleury into the fold, but ride the hot hand. And if Conklin wavers under pressure, as he's known to do [ see Exhibit "A" ] , at least now you've got a reasonable option to bring in.

I've prepared a document in spreadsheet form comparing the stats.



MC-- Your witness.


EB-- Mr. Mirtle, where is The Globe and Mail located?
JM-- Toronto, Ontario, Canada.
EB-- Your honor, given the brevity of the hockey atmosphere in Toronto, we move to strike the testimony of this witness off the record due to the mental anguish he has been exposed to as a probable fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs.
His emotional state in regards to hockey makes his opinion unreliable.

I'LL ALLOW THE WITNESS

EB-- Your honor, I strenuously object. Mr. Mirtle cannot be relied on, since he has most likely not watched every Penguins game.

THE WITNESS IS AN EXPERT, AND THE COURT WILL HEAR HIS OPINION.

EB-- Fine. Nothing more.

MC-- Mr. Mirtle, in your expert, sports-journalism opinion, who gets the nod?
JM-- Stick with Conk. Bring Fleury into the fold, as you will have a reasonable option to bring in if Conklin falters.
MC-- No further questions.

CALL YOUR NEXT WITNESS.

-- THE DEFENSE CALLS GREG WYSHYNSKI.

.......................................................................


Whatev.


Woooo

MC-- Name and occupation.
GW-- Greg Wyshynski, writer for Fanhouse, Deadspin, as well as a respected voice in the internet hockey community.
MC-- We don't want to take up much of your time. What is your stance on this situation?

GW--------- There comes a point when you have to drop the log or get off the throne. And I decided to drop the log on ConkBlock within the last two weeks. He's the real deal, and he's actually playing better now than he was during his hottest streak -- even in those nights when he's like Elvin Hayes with the rebound totals.

I read a columnist is the (nice) Beaver County Times recently who said that if Conklin falters, MAF will return as the "rightful No. 1 goalie." Maybe he was "rightful" last year, and maybe he'll be "rightful" next year, but this is Conklin's team. He fits too well within the system they're playing to still consider him a placeholder. Sometimes the right guy finds the right fit in the right system; and that's how Kurt Warner has a Super Bowl ring.

So it is with a heavy heart that I concede Conklin is for real and, barring a complete reversal of fortune before the postseason, the "rightful" goalie for the Pens. I do so mourning the fact that I much prefer the derogatory "ConkSuck" to "ConkBlock," and the reality that these 24 quality games for Pittsburgh all but clear his name as a postseason laughingstock for that goof in the Finals. I'm especially sad about losing that latter go-to punchline; it's like when the Rangers stole 1940 from the masses by winning the Cup.

MC-- Your witness. Bitch.


EB-- No questions, your honor.

CALL YOUR NEXT WITNESS.

-- THE DEFENSE CALLS MARC-ANDRE FLEURY'S FORMER WATER BOTTLE.

........................................................................


Do you swear to tell the truth, so help you Roberts?


-Spits in Bull's face-

ORDER! ORDER! MR. BOTTLE, YOU WILL BEHAVE IN MY COURTROOM!

MC-- Name and occupation.
WB-- Mr. W. Bottle, unemployed.
MC-- Please, sir, describe your affiliation with the plaintiff.
WB-- I was Mr. Fleury's water bottle, from his days playing for Cape Breton until the Game 5 loss to the Senators last year, after which, I abruptly quit.
MC-- Why?
WB-- He commits to his butterfly stance too early. He gets beaten over his shoulder, and the only place for the puck to go is right into my face. The book is out on him.
MC-- Why didn't you quit earlier in the season?
WB-- I'll admit. I had faith in Meloche turning Fleury around.
MC-- No further questions.



EB-- Mr. Bottle, you had faith in Meloche turning Fleury around?
WB-- Yes, ma'am, but it just didn't happen.
EB-- Oh? Does a one-season, 27-win improvement constitute as a turn-around?
WB-- Well...
EB-- Does a 0.42 improvement in GAA constitute as improvement?
WB-- But...
EB-- A playoff appearance?
Please the court, we are not putting Gilles Meloche's coaching ability on trial. We are simply showing that Marc-Andre Fleury is rapidly turning into the franchise goaltender.
No further questions. Joke.

DEFENSE?

MC-- Am I a chicken talking to a water bottle?

YOU MAY STEP DOWN. CALL YOUR NEXT WITNESS.

-- THE DEFENSE CALLS DANA HEINZE,
EQUIPMENT MANAGER FOR THE PITTSBURGH PENGUINS.

................................................................................


I quit


All right.

MC-- Name and occupation.
DH-- You just said it.
MC-- Right. You've no doubt gained a knowledge of the equipment habits of Mr. Fleury, correct?
DH-- That is true.
MC-- We must now make the court aware that during Fleury's layoff, he has switched from his trademark yellow equipment to white equipment.
Any reason for this, Mr. Heinze?
DH-- Yes, he's been given advice by specialists that yellow pads give shooters the illusion that they have more net to shoot at.
MC-- I see. It has nothing to do with an apparent weight gain during his injury layoff?
DH-- Excuse me?
MC-- Your honor, we have a witness, a sports-medicine specialist, who can verify that Fleury's switch to white pads is a result of his lackadasical training regimen during his rehab.
His yellow pads simply are too small now after his weightgain.


EB-- I object. Your honor, we have Mr. Fleury's yellow equipment with us. If it pleases the court, we can simply have him try on his equipment in the courtroom.


I'LL ALLOW IT.
MR. HEINZE, PLEASE ASSIST THE PLAINTIFF.


[ Spectators gasp ]

MC-- It doesn't fit!

ORDER! ORDER! ORDER!

MC-- Mr. Heinze, can you explain that?
DH-- Yes, actually. His equipment has shrunk due to the enormous amounts of sweat protruding from the sweat glands of his gleaming bodice during his extensive rehab sessions.


MR. HEINZE, DO YOU, UH, HAVE A PICTURE OF THAT?

DH-- No, your honor.
MC-- This courtroom is a sham!

SILENCE! THE WITNESS IS EXCUSED! ANY MORE WITNESSES?

MC-- YES.
THE DEFENSE CALLS JASON SPEZZA, DANIEL ALFREDSSON, AND DANY HEATLEY.

..............................................................................


ORDER! THIS COURTROOM IS NOW IN RECESS.
I MUST CONFER WITH THESE THREE GENTLEMEN IN MY CHAMBERS.


............................................................................................

20 MINUTES LATER...

MC- Your honor, we call our final witness. Lord Michel Therrien.
EB--Your Honor, this man was not on the list.
MC--Rebuttal witnesses, Your Honor, called specifically to refute testimony offered under direct examination.

I'LL ALLOW THE WITNESS

.............................................


Do it

I DO.

MT--This ridiculous.
MC--Coach, a moment ago we spoke of playing time--
MT--Check Ice-Time Log, for christ's sake.
MC-- We'll get to the forwards in just a minute, sir. A moment ago said that you ordered Conklin to go into the game and make incredible Saves, or his spot would be in grave danger.
MT-- That's right
MC-- And Conklin was clear on what you wanted?
MT--Cryss-al
MC--Any chance Conklin ignored the order?
MT--Ignore the order?
MC--Any chance he just forgot about it?
MT--NO
MC--Any chance Conklin left your office and said, "The 'old man's wrong"?
MT--NO
MC--When Conklin spoke to the team and Told them he would play the puck and help the defense, any chance they ignored him?
MT--Has you ever spent time in a team huddle, son?
MC-- I am a chicken, sir.
MT--Ever ran conditioning drill with Gilles?
MC-- Once again, sir, I am a chicken.
MT--Ever have your ass chewed out by me for playing soff?
MC-- No sir.
MT--We follow order, son. We follow order or goals are scored against. It'ss that simple. Are we clear?
MC-- Yes Sir. (mocking) Crys-sal.
MC--Coach, I have just one more question. If you gave an order that Conklin was to be such an incredible goalie, and your orders are always followed, then why would you be sending MAF down to WB/S so soon for a quick rehab so to return so quickly?
MT-- Ty Conklin is a sub-standard goalie. He was being switched in and out with Sabourin because of the Fleury injury--
MC--But that's not what you said. You said he better make incredible saves or his position is in grave danger.
MT--(pause)
Yes. That's correct, but-
MC--You said, "His spot was in danger". I said,
"Grave danger". You said--
MT--Yes, I recall what-
MC-- I can have the Court Reporter read back your--
MT-- I know what I said. I don't need it read back to me like I'm a damn--
MC--Then why the two orders? Coach? Why did you?
MT--Sometimes the goalie take matter into their own hand.
MC-- No sir. You made it clear just a moment ago that your men never take matters into
their own hands. Your men follow orders or goals are scored against. So Conklin’s position shouldn't have been in any danger at all, should he have, Coach?
MT-- You little bastard.

EB--Your Honor, I have to ask for a recess to--

THE COURT'LL WAIT FOR THE ANSWER

MC--If Meloche told his men that Conklin’s position was not in danger, then why are you rushing MAF’s return? Coach?
MT-- [SAYS NOTHING]
MC--Conklin turned this season around, didn't he? Because that's what you told Conklin to do.

EB-- Objection!
MC--And when he gave up a bad goal on a rebound againstFlorida, you thought about cutting him, didn’t you?

EB-- Your honor!

THAT'LL BE ALL, COUNSEL

MC--You had Shero sign a phony waiver order--

EB-- Judge!
MC--You doctored the Ice-Time books.
EB-- Dammit Marty!

MC-- I'll ask for the fourth time. You ordered--
MT--You want answers?
MC--I think I'm entitled to them.
MT--You want answers?!
MC-- I want the truth.
MT--You can't handle the truth!
MT--Son, we play on a rink that has nets. And those nets have to be guarded by men with masks. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Charlie? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Fleury and you curse the high-ankle sprains.
You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: That Conklin’s play, while remarkable, can’t be sustained in the playoffs. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, puts people in the seats. You don't want the truth because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that bench, you need me on that bench. We use words like poke check, rebound control, glove save. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a chicken who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very entertainment that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a set of goal pads, and stand between the posts. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to.

MC- We rest our case.


WOW.

WE MUST NOW SHIFT OUR ATTENTION TO USER-SUBMITTED E-MAILS,
AS THEY WILL BE THE CLOSING STATEMENTS.

MARC-ANDRE FLEURY PROMOTERS, CLOSING STATEMENT?


[ Pensblog readers in MAF's Camp ]

TY CONKLIN SUPPORTERS, CLOSING STATEMENT?

[ Pensblog readers in Ty Conklin's camp ]

THIS COURT WILL NOW ADJOURN.
THE JURY WILL RETIRE TO THEIR QUARTERS AND REACH A VERDICT.

..................................................................................



Go Pens

142 comments:

J.S. said...

This has to be the first time somebody photoshopped Charlie as a judge.

I'll allow it.

Anonymous said...

This is without a doubt the best pensblog yet!!!! I can't stop laughing... you guys hit the motherload this time.

Anonymous said...

This is why I read this blog. Mother of Roberts that was some funny shit.

stokes said...

What a post. This kind of effort is what The Pensblog is all about.

sh0ez said...

This was absolutely incredible. When the Senators were called on as witnesses and Judge Charlie took them on recess, I about shit my pants. Amazing work, as usual.

Conk for now. Ease Fleury back in in back-to back situations (i.e. this weekend and the following one) and if Conklin starts to trip up, give Fleury the nod.

christina said...

this post belongs in the all-time greats of the pensblog. excellent work, guys!!

Sean said...

Nicely done! I feel bad for Sabourin who only got mentioned once during the entire trial.

Antonette said...

Holyfuck, that was the best thing I've read in a while.

Top 3 Pensblog posts of all time, hands down.

Fleury29 said...

Wow.

Anonymous said...

Epic, truly epic!

Anonymous said...

Solid....

Kristen PB said...

Well done, guys. Top-notch!

Matt said...

best post ever. all those blogging award websites better look at this.

Anonymous said...

I swear to Roberts, that's the best thing I've read scince your Shawshank parody!
In Roberts we trust, Go Pens!

ripney66 said...

Simply amazing. Easily one of the best posts ever.

Bravo gentlemen!

Ryan said...

Absolute epic.

Loser Chris said...

All I can say is WOW. I feel like I should attach copies of that to my resume from now on when applying for jobs.

MAF-ism aside... give Conk the next two starts and then play MAF against San Jose. From there, we'll just have to wait and see...

chris e said...

GreatestPostEverBlog

GO PENS!

Lady Jaye said...

You guys are amazing. I only have been able to read about 1/4 of the whole thing. Gotta run a training session in ten minutes. Would love it if our training session can involve Pensblog, but I don't think our customers would appreciate it.

Katebits said...

This might be the best thing I've ever seen on the internet.

AdamG said...

*Begins slow clap*


"...so help you Roberts" - Hilarious

This post is arguably one of the greatest things ever uploaded to the blogoshpere. Ever. Gems like this are the reason why Al Gore created the internet...Mr. Gore must be proud.

dying alive said...

Instant classic. People at work are starting to wonder what I'm laughing at all by myself in my cubicle.

I couldn't vote in the poll. I think they should platoon Conklin & Fleury for the rest of the regular season and then go with whoever is hotter for the playoffs. But then, I know fuck-all about coaching hockey, so I'll probably just defer to the experts.

Korn said...

That's gold Jerry, GOLD!

If there are awards for blog post of the year, this should be the winner, hands down.

PO said...

Marty > Erin

snoopyjode said...

WOW.

snoop = stunned

solid work, gentlemen!!! i can't wait to hear the verdict...

dogwithshftyeyes said...

can i get this post in audio book form?

Spencemo said...

Holy...balls...I swear to Roberts that was the best one this year. Judge Charlie? Genius.

Wyshynski said...

I'm sorry, but I have to call the credibility of this entire post into question.

I don't own a tie that looks like that...

Steve In Denver said...

Made

My

Week.

Holy Balls was that good.

wilsmith said...

I'm all about them splitting the load with Conks and Fleury. Conks has been hot as hell and deserves to play, but a little healthy competition never hurt anyone.

If one has an off night, play the other the next. If they want to keep playing, they have to keep performing

Cdubbs said...

Amazing simply amazing...Its too bad in the midst of all that comedy its actually a serious matter. Great freaking post

chris l. said...

Oh. My. Roberts.

Best post ever. The creativity and dedication on display here know no bounds.

I think you have to keep riding Conk, but MAF needs to be worked in. We will need both in top form to go long into the playoffs.

Big game tonight.

GO PENS!!!

malkinian said...

If you want my thoughts on this post just take every other comment that's been put up so far and add them all together. Phenominal.

"Mr. Heinze do you, uh, have a picture of that?" Unreal.

manicmadman87 said...

bottom line: it's all about the wins, baby. the team is winning with conks and you can't mess with the formula. the division race is so tight you can't risk losing a few game til the team adapts to fleury not playing the puck like conks and so on. if conklin falters, fleury should get the starting job but you can't just take the job away from conks after he's done nothing but win.

seeker said...

Time Out for NHL News Update:

Gagne done for the season

PHILADELPHIA (AP) -Simon Gagne appears to be done for the season.

The Flyers forward was told Wednesday to sit out the rest of the year because of lingering symptoms of three concussions suffered this season. Gagne visited a concussion specialist named James Kelly who suggested that Gagne not try and play again this season.

"His advice to Simon was to shut it down for the remainder of the season," Flyers general manager Paul Holmgren said. "As soon as we have had the opportunity to speak further with Dr. Kelly and Simon we can shed more light on this. Needless to say, we are very disappointed with this news."

StuporDave said...

IF Conklin continues to do what he has been doing, he is a legitimate Vezina contender. He should at least win the Cy Young award this year for that record. The Pens have a great shot at making a deep playoff run this year. Conklin saved this season and is surely looking for redemption in the playoffs. We know what we have in Fluery (sort of), sign him to a nice contract this offseason and let him play for his job next year. He can play if needed this year but Conklin has proven his worth. His hot streak is over and he is still playing very well. Conklin is arguably the best goalie in the league RIGHT NOW. Fluery is not. Love Fluery but not as confident with him yet.

StuporDave said...

Oh yeah... Amazing post. Thanks for helping me kill a couple hours of work every day.

Hooks Orpik said...

Epic indeed.

"Am I a chicken talking to a water bottle?" Best. Line. Ever.

lis said...

I think I like Therrien even more after reading this!

seeker said...

My head just exploded...

snickerdoodles said...

This post made my morning!!! I'm glad I have my own little office so I can laugh my head off and not get caught! This should be required reading for all hockey fans. Have the Honorable Judge Charlie make that into law right now!

TheStarterWife said...

Perfect casting - Bull in the courtroom.

Mike Georger said...

chicken reminded me of the hyper chicken attorney from futurama, which is a good thing

btw does charlie approve of this photo from today's CDT?

J.S. said...

the Honorable P.B. Charlie looked all business behind the bench.

I finally got a chance to read it (the entire thing), and that's good stuff.

Chris M said...

LOL, I hope Conk is able to win this case but who knows what EB will do to win the case.

Hooks Orpik said...

chris m-- Erin's wiles are lost on PB Charlie....Wonder what his position is on beastiality though..

Lady Jaye said...

Okay - WOW. I finally finished reading this today. I honestly never thought I would read a post with a chicken talking to a water bottle. How on earth do you guys come up with this stuff? The best part was the Therrien interview. Come on... how many folks were just waiting for the "You can't handle the truth line."

You guys are tremendous.

ShameFaced said...

Staff = Awesomely Awesome

If after reading a post i shake my head and say to myself "those guys are on crack" you done a wonderful job. wow. wow.

Go Pens!

ShameFaced said...

Staff = Awesomely Awesome

If after reading a post i shake my head and say to myself "those guys are on crack" you done a wonderful job. wow. wow.

Go Pens!

Anonymous said...

the LA Kings have a commerical out now too. Its pretty bad too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Uon9E14pR4&eurl=http://battleofcalifornia.blogspot.com/

cragger said...

conk block city.

roll the tape.

Nick Saia (usa) said...

roberts bless us. each and every one of us....

Eric K said...

i gotta go with wilsmith on this one, conks is #1 until he has a bad game. if Fleury is stellar in the following start, keep riding him. as for the playoffs, well, cross that bridge when we come to it, and trust in MT to make the right call.

Rich said...

its 77 -23 in favor of conk, i thought it would be closer...

Welcome to ConkBlog

jaos said...

absolutely amazing work.

sonofatruckload said...

you have to wonder what conk's value as a trade would be right now.

i imagine that trading conk is something that shero is seriously considering, depending on his value to other teams of course.

Anonymous said...

jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
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Erica said...

Best. Post. Ever.

It's a shame some idiot (Jason) has to spam commentorblog though. What the hell?

Johnny Wrath said...

•Exquisite work.

·Bring back the post moderation, please.

•I’m shocked by the user poll. 77%?

•I am worried Savard and Therrien are sure they know better than Shero. Earlier it was just a nagging thought, but if Shero really did sit down with MAF and assure him he’s the guy, what the hell is he going to do now? Offer him a 1yr bridge deal and present a 1A & 1B situation to try and play his way to a NHL Starter contract? That will be how many instances of degradation?

•Conklin’s ability to move the puck up the boards has eclipsed an ill-fitting “system”. I use quotation marks because I think the plan from the beginning was designed to allow all minor league players who are over the age of 23 to be recalled sporadically and placed on Sid’s wings, or on the 3rd line with Sykora until they each have 5 goals, as well as the opportunity for the 7th and 8th defenders to play behind the top line. It must be a heartfelt moment when the Baby Pens’ 5-on-3 configuration takes the ice ahead of Sabu.

•We almost dropped one or two points at home to Florida. They have 3 players who should be in the NHL; they’re essentially an AHL team that plays the trap with tenacity. It looked eerily similar to the Boston game we lost at home. That 1-3 PK unit. The strong side pressure. Darryl Sydor on the left point. Hockey is a game of mistakes, and if the mistakes are perpetrated before the play itself begins, we will again win 1 game this post-season.

•Who’s offer sheet will Fleury accept? Will it be Chicago, and will that cost us in the Stanley Cup Finals in a few short seasons? How about Colorado, or perhaps Detroit, who never really needed to assign “rounds” to their draft methods?

•Conklin has played 100 NHL games, 24 with Pittsburgh. He was swapped for a 5th rounder from CLB to Buffalo, 5 months after waiving him. Edmonton also waived him in 06. It’s so highly experimental to start him for the long term, and I think it won’t yield a victorious playoff round. I think the coaches are wrong, and I think you won’t win playoff games giving Rob Scuderi 20 minutes and first-choice PK duties. Fleury needs the playoff experience, but suddenly I think he’ll be attending to more pressing matters, such as selling his house.

Anonymous said...

jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.
jason is a fucking dick.

Hip said...

Amazing post. Thanks for all the hard work put into that one. Compelling arguements given on both sides, but I'll stick with what I wrote before.

Jason - suck me raw. Can someone delete that?

Hip

Pensblog Staff said...

Jason is about to go away

Polishkid said...

Not sure if anyone hit on this or not, but if you are sending text messages to your friends about that comeback win over Florida, and you use T9-word, and type 'Panthers,' it comes up as 'Panties.' Thats how you know your team stinks, what a bunch of wieners.

Oh and Conkblock should be our number one.

Anonymous said...

i can't read this all right now but i can already tell it's going to be EPIC.

pittsburgh Girl forever said...

Oh my goodness, that was pure gold. That was one of your best posts ever! "Place your right hand on the Ice-Time Program. Do you swear that the testimony you are about to give in this courtroom is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you Roberts?" is amazing.

(BTW Ovie got 0 pts. last night ...)

dying alive said...

@ 10:24AM Chris l. said:
"I think you have to keep riding Conk,"

Ha ha! That started me laughing all over again.

Flyer Hater said...

Don't employ comment moderation because somme automated bot is spamming the board.

I think all of us are forgetting one thing, Dany Crapourin. Don't laugh, he's starting tonight. He shouldn't play another game in a Penguin uniform when Fleury comes back but I guarantee you he'll play near the same amount as Fleury.

Therrien=joke

Mike Georger said...

hey anyone know where i could make some extra cash?

Jason said...

I love Pensblog Charlie

BlacknGold66 said...

@Everyone (especially you seeker)

Ms. BnG66 and I have tickets for both games this weekend.

We're heading down from Cleveland Saturday and looking to possibly stay in Greentree cuz it's cheap(er).

I have no clue what Greentree is like. Could yinz help a foreigner out by letting me know what kind of 'hood it is. Also, if there's anything to do around there withing "guy with a cane" distance?

I know it's not far from downtown, station square etc. But I just want to make sure we aren't staying in the ghetto.

Thanks! LET'S GO PENS!!!

(mike georger... you're killing me! haha!)

Nathan said...

Sabu starting tonight? Hunchblog. Montreal is basically Sabourin's hometown team, may as well let him have a go -- we've seen it happen this year with the Western Canada swing, starting lesser-used players against their hometown teams can sometimes push them to a higher level. Might also serve as a showcase if Shero's looking to use Sabu as trade bait.

Flyer Hater said...

Jason=stunned

Flyer Hater said...

Nathan, Crapourin blows. There's no way in hell he should ever be starting unless it's the second game of a back to back.

PittHockey said...

Epicly awesome.

The unofficial tv-movie sequel to Jobbers?

Nathan said...

I think there's something larger afoot with Sabu getting a random start. It might be that he's being shopped in advance of the deadline, or it might well be that the Pens are taking one last look at him to figure out if it's worth keeping him on the NHL roster once MAF returns, or if they'll try sending him through waivers. Something tells me giving Sabourin the nod tonight might not be Therrien's decision alone, if he even had a say in it at all.

Of course, there's also the chance that Shero's gambling on Conklin returning to his previously demonstrated NHL ability and shopping him in an attempt to sucker someone into giving up an upper-tier player at the deadline. If that's the case, then it might be that the orders came to not play Conk so he doesn't get hurt between now and Tuesday.

Or maybe Therrien's playing a hunch. But I think that's the least likely explanation here. I think something bigger is behind tonight's starting goalie.

Nick Saia (usa) said...

what a luxury to be having this debate.... take a step back and think about it.

FAUX RUMORS said...

1) VERY Funny post!!!!
Wish we had so much free time! LOL

Stoosh said...

BLACKANDGOLD66 - Greentree is a nice area. The big office builidng at the top of the hill is broadcast home of 102.5 WDVE and 105.9 The X (radio home of the Pens), among others. There's an Olive Garden on Greentree Road right off the exit off the Parkway (I-279). There's another place on Mansfield Road called Vincent's that's really good. It's not too far at all from the WDVE builing.

Dr. Turkleton said...

@blackngold66

I live on the City of Pitt/Greentree border...you'll be fine...not much happening in the 'Tree'...on the main drag, Greentree Rd., near the Parkway there is an Olive Garden, Starbucks & Boston Market...close by there is the Parkway Center "Mall" with 90% of it being empty except for 2 main occupants: Kmart & Giant Eagle....I believe there is still a sporting goods store, The Sports Deli, open for business....
If you need any other info, let me know....

stokes said...

BNG66:

I spend the odd Friday or saturday in Greentree and the most exciting thing that happens there is a major traffic jam on the Parkway. The Ugly Dog Saloon on Noblestown Road is a decent place, with pretty good wings.


Nathan: i think you are way over thinking it. I really think that, with Montreal being Sabu's hometown, and his stellar performance the last time against the Habs, that's why he's getting the start. But i would love to be wrong.

Loser Chris said...

Maybe Sabu is getting the start because Conk is about to be traded.

Sorry, just stirring the pot a bit.

Anonymous said...

Or because MAF is about to be traded...

Nathan said...

I doubt MAF is going anywhere. He's going to be an RFA, and he's younger than Conklin and Sabourin. Fleury's shown enough in the NHL to make it be idiotic for the Pens to give up on him now -- you'll see Conk and Sabu both go before Fleury.

Alexandra said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alexandra said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alexandra said...

I <3 this post! It's the best one, ever. I think that Conks deserves to be in the net, but who listens to girls like me?! Hopefully we have a good game tonight. Lets Go Pens!

IN ROBERTS WE TRUST!

Anonymous said...

Fleury to Tampa for Lecavalier. DO IT.

The ~D said...

Did anyone see this...

http://www.thefourthperiod.com/news/pit080221.html

Stoosh said...

JOHNNY WRATH -

I'm going to respectfully disagree with you on Fleury.

I'm not sure why this needs to be an "all or nothing" thing with Fleury and Conklin for this year. Even if they go with Conklin for the rest of the year (which I think they SHOULD), I don't the organization is even entertaining the thought of the next three, maybe four seasons without #29 in net. Contrary to what some local media radio types have said in the past, both of those situations can exist.

Shero will NEVER let this get to the point where teams have an opportunity to present Fleury with an offer sheet. It would be the height of insanity to let him go at this point of his career because he's still on the "uphill" side of the goaltender developmental curve.

Fleury will likely sign a three-year or four-year deal with the Pens and it'll be a very fair offer that will show a commitment on the part of the franchise to him as THE guy.

Fleury is 23 years old. Elite franchise goaltenders don't begin hitting their stride until about age 25. That's why - to me, at least - a one-year deal makes no sense. You're still not going to know for sure that Fleury is the long term answer after just one more season. It makes perfect sense to lock him up for the next three years. After the conclusion of THAT deal, Shero will have a much better idea of where Fleury fits in the overall scheme of things.

Let's not forget this...Fleury's first real NHL season was 05-06, when he saw 50 games worth of action and was probably the youngest goalie in the league to get the lion's share of his team's starts. He followed that up with a 67-game campaign last year that saw him post 40 wins, a solid 2.83 GAA and a respectable .906 save percentage. People say he was bad this year but overall, his goals against and save percentages weren't that far off last year's pace at all (2.90 GAA, .902 save %).

There's no reason for this organization to think that he's not the goaltender of the future. He'll sign a deal this summer before other teams even have a chance to get to him, and that deal will demonstrate in no uncertain terms this club's commitment to him.

Nate said...

Mr. W. Bottle, unemployed

...glorious

blades09 said...

What an incredible amount of work. Not to mention brilliant. Too many gems to mention. I'm going back to read it all again now.

me=stunned.

Flyer Hater said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Flyer Hater said...

Nathan, blah. Therrien is starting Crapourin tonight because they're lovers. Don't forget, Therrien tried to make him the number 1 guy this year when Fleury was fully healthy. I don't get the hatred everyoe has for the Flower. If I was Fleury, I wouldn't want to come back here with Therrien as coach.

If Shero can somehow trade Crapourin for anything more than a bag of pucks, he's the executive of the year in the NHL.

We were going to have a hard time winning this game anyway. Like Madden said today, part of me wants to see Crapourn give up 9 goals because if he performs well, you know he'll be in ne on Saturday.

Stoosh said...

THE~D - Not the first time I've heard the Ruutu/Havlat rumors. I love both of those players, and those guys would each fit very well into our core (Ruutu is only 25, Havlat 26).

But I'd be really concerned about the injury issues with both of them. Ruutu's had back problems in that past and that's got to be a bit of red flag at age 25. And in six full NHL season's, Havlat's missed 138 games (not counting what he's also missed this year).

I'd love the get them both here...I'm just not sure what it would cost to get them, and they're kind of risky acquisitions with their injury history.

Then again, Havlat's only signed through next year ($6M cap hit) and Ruutu's an RFS at the end of this year. We'll see.

Dr. Turkleton said...

maybe sabu in net to be showcased for a trade as rumored to SJ or Van?
with Conk & MAF splitting the games over the weekend

wilsmith said...

Leave it to Stoosh.

I agree that it's Conklin's job right now, but everyone knows what Conklin is and that this is the peak.

Fleury is still rising. In 3 years, Fleury will be at the top of his game and Conklin could be out of the league. You have to get Fleury into games, so I would venture to bet that the guys split most of the time. Fleury should get more than the back to backs and start after a rough game. You can't back away from the hot hand, but at the same time you can't let your future starter rot.

If one falters, the other is going in until he does as well.

StuporDave said...

I agree with Stoosh... Let Conklin play thru the year with Fluery there to step in if needed and sign Fleury to a multi-year deal with the intent of keeping him the long-term franchise goalie.

Anonymous said...

Didn't Sabu backstop a shutout in Montreal about a month ago?

Why not give him the chance to repeat?

Anonymous said...

seems this goalie debate is turning fans against each other...

Flyer Hater said...

Anon, there was a story I heard on Madden's show a month back when he was talking about Therrien. He said when Scotty Bowman was our coach, the backup would come in and perform well and he'd say "great job see ya in a month" Sabourin is owed nothing.

Nate said...

I also agree with stoosh. Conkblock should be the guy for now, using MAF as a backup until Conk has a bad game. Then, MAF steps in and Conk becomes the backup until the same thing happens. MAF has a bad game and its back to Conk... As Therrien said, performance dictates ice time.

Eric P said...

Great work.

Conklin > Fleury

Johnny Wrath said...

Stoosh, excellent points. My fear is that MAF will see this season as 2 career backups having the red carpet extended before and after a serious injury, both by the coaching staff and by the silence of the management. I wonder why he would want to extend here.

My opinion is based on both broad assumption on my behalf, and some rather obvious occurrences.

There's the contract extension MAF declined last summer, expecting to play his way towards a better deal. I'm shocked Therrien gave a legit shot to Sabu, and now the prospect that MAF won't be starting and will be benched during invaluable playoff minutes just seems like the last straw.

Much like Army and Orpik, Therrien has afforded every last opportunity for players with virtually no upside to take their place on the roster, and management/ownership seems OK with that.

If I had just won 40 games, 3rd in the league, and the two guys ahead of me either tied or broke all-time records, I would expect that career backups weren't receiving preferential treatment. I would be looking for an organization that didn't constantly degrade and embarrass me. I wouldn't embrace an organization that only played me after the #3 depth guy has a bad game.

I really hope we can sign him to an extension, but I really have no idea how they would guage his value. Everyone cross their fingers?

blufftalk said...

  There's a reason that this blog is an everyday read.

Stoosh said...

FLYER HATER -

I seldom question Madden's expertise with hockey-related matters, but he is so far offbase with these insinuations that Therrien was trying to make Sabourin the #1 when Fleury was healthy, it's ridiculous.

I'm not a big Sabourin fan at all, but let's not revise history. Here are the facts, whether Madden wants to admit them or not.

1. Sabourin made eleven appearances before Fleury got hurt. Two of those were mop-ups for Fleury. Nine of them were starts, the first in which he didn't even get out of the first period (6-4 win over Toronto, was replaced by MAF 15 minutes into the game).

2. Only TWICE in that time span did Sabourin get consecutive starts. He played three straight games once (lost at home to Montreal, won at Minnesota, lost at Colorado). The other time, he shut out New Jersey and then lost to Philly. Sabourin would start only THREE more of the twelve games the team would play before Fleury got hurt.

3. On two separate occassions, Sabourin won BUT WAS REPLACED BY FLEURY FOR THE FOLLOWING GAME. If Therrien was really making every effort to make Sabourin his #1, why did this happen even twice?

4. As I said above, in the twelve games prior to Fleury's injury, Sabourin only made three appearances - all starts - and TWO of them were the back ends of back-to-back games. In both instances, Fleury started the first game at home, and Sabourin played the next night on the road.

As I said, I'm not a big fan of Sabourin, but it sounds more like this is just another axe that Madden has to grind with Therrien.

Is that three-game stretch where Sabourin got every start really indicative of Therrien giving Sabu every shot at the #1 job? If so, why would Therrien go to Fleury in 10 of the next fifteen games?

Madden is WAY off base here.

BlacknGold66 said...

I think a lot of you need to move far away from Pittsburgh for one hockey season.

Then when you have a so-called goalie controversy you will be able to appreciate how awesome it is to have that "problem."

I'm not pointing my nose towards the sky by saying this... but not living in an NHL market, let alone within two hours of your favorite team really makes you appreciate them much more.

Maybe it's because I don't have the Pittsburgh media force feeding me garbage ideas, opinions, and stories to fuel the fire.

When I was in town for the Kings & Flyers games I was ecstatic to see Sabu in goal. Why? ...Because he's a Penguin!! They could've had "Tommy" from The Who in there and I wouldn't have cared.

I get the entertainment about debating over who should start and who shouldn't, etc. But I say let it go and just scream your guts out either way.

Sorry to get all Stoosh on ya.(he's much better at this than I am) I think I'm still bitter over the quitters from the last game.

LET'S GO PENS!!!

Dr. Turkleton said...

Off Topic but....

if the Pens get a W & OTT a L then there will be 3 identical records for 1st, 2nd & 4th in the Conf.
which leads me to what i'm irked about...the top 3 division winners securing the top 3 spots. The powers that be should change that rule to assuring that the division winners will at least get into the top 8, but how is CAR (right now) able to secure the #3 seed as being the 3rd 'best' team in the conference??? My alzheimers is kicking in a bit, but do they rearrange the seeds based on points after the 1st round ????

Jonny V said...

Not to mention the commentor wishing us to have 9 goals scored against us because his fat crush has a bone to pick with Therien and "Crapourin".

Anonymous said...

WHY DON'T YOU FAGGOTS GET A LIFE & STOP HARRASSING OTHER BLOGS

JUST WORRY ABOUT MINING EACH OTHERS HARBOR & DECIDE WHICH ONE WILL BE THE PILLOWBITER TONING

FireFox said...

This blog is unreal. You guys just made my day.

BlacknGold66 said...

@Johnny V

EXACLTY!

Thank you!

Anonymous said...

@ 6:49 anon

As Slick Ric would say "You can hate it or you like it. But you better learn to love, because it's the best thing goin today." WOOOOOOOO

Stoosh said...

BLACKNGOLD66 -

"Maybe it's because I don't have the Pittsburgh media force feeding me garbage ideas, opinions, and stories to fuel the fire."

Consider yourself blessed in that regard.

For the most part, I like Madden's show. It's entertaining most of the time, informative most of the time, and he's the only local media type who really talks hockey. When he's serious about it, the hockey talk on his show is very good.

Unfortunately for his listeners, when things are going well, there's not a lot to complain about, so he needs ratings. He needs to stir the pot. So he brings up an "issue" - like our goaltending "controversy" - and states his opinion on it. He then spends the next four hours berating anyone who attempts to disagree with him, even if it's a valid argument. He never hesitates to remind callers that he's closer to the team than they are, that he's been in the locker room, that he's the one who has been watching and studying hockey all his life. Heck, he even plays the "I'm the one who is the world champion dek hockey coach" card, as if that's really worth something. (The ironic part of that is that he's played the dek hockey coach card while also insulting callers who identify themselves as high school or lover-level college club coaches...is there really a difference?)

It's all schtick, of course, but it gets old, transparent and repetitive. Frankly, if I was able to get XM reception in my office on my radio or if my company didn't firewall streaming media (thereby blocking access to XM via the web), Madden would have one less listener.

Stoosh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Therrien as Nicholson in A Few Good Men is freaking genious. Laughed my ass off. Keep up the good work!

Flyer Hater said...

Solid points Stoosh.

Chris e said...

No gameday post so...

let's do this shit!

BlacknGold66 said...

Stoosh... word brother.

Thanks also everyone for the 411 on Greentree.

And thanks to you Chris E, for making my life complete as always!!

LET'S GO PENS!!!

Dr. Turkleton said...

you can DO IT, sabu!!! ☺

chris e said...

Man, I'm not happy. Someone is pretending to be me....oh well, its my own superstition. Still pretty gay to pretend to be someone else....

Let's do this shit!!

BlacknGold66 said...

Not happy about that either Real Chris E. Maybe get an AIM account or gmail or something.

ANYWAY... The entire team looks like they're on PCP right now. What energy!!

Chriiiiiiiiiiist!

sh0ez said...

So I guess Fleury isn't ready yet considering he played for WB/S last night. But Conklin is still hot and tonight's game is pretty big in the scheme of things. SO WHY ARE WE STARTING SABOURIN!? I understand he should be given at least a final chance before Fleury is back, but why in this game.

My proposal:

Tonight: Conk needs the start. Tonight is pretty important in the grand scheme of things. We are two points behind three teams. We are down 2-1 to MON in the series. This could tie us up and possibly help us later as well as move us up.
Saturday: Conk. Same thing with MON. Tied series. CLose battle at the top. Conk is too hot.
Sunday: Play Fleury if he's feeling good. If he isn't, THIS is the game you give Sabu a final shot. While every game is important, we could give this one up.
Tuesday: If Fleury is still not feeling good, then give it to Sabu. If he's fine and did decent, give it to Fleury to continue easing him back in. If Sabu did really bad against San Jose and Fleury is still out, then Conk.
Thursday: Fleury. (should be good then, if not, Conk. If Sabu played and was decent on Sunday, then give him the nod maybe.)
Saturday: Conk. Ottawa again. Easy call.
Sunday: Fleury/Sabu. Thrashers give us a hard time, but it's the less-worse end of the back-to-back and depending on how they did and how Fleury feels, that's who gets the start.

That seems to make the most sense. I just don't understand starting Sabourin tonight, at all.

BlacknGold66 said...

RUUUUUUTUUUUUUUU!

If you don't absolutely LOVE Tyler Kennedy, then you need to get your head checked.

Fucking guy is awesome.

Flyer Hater said...

Hey, imagine what happens when you get bodies in front and just throw the puck on net. Imagine that.

John Lennon is smiling.

Mike Georger said...

malkin's pass on the first goal = legendary. it was blind but not just a blind drop pass, he whipped that shit backwards blind tape to tape. astonishing.

ruutu, great player, or greatest player?

Dr. Turkleton said...

1st period = sabu-tage

ZERO goals [in regulation & OT] for Sabu in 123:43 v. MTL this year
(he did lose the game in a SO after he stopped 7 MTL shooters before giving up the GWG to Markov)

Therrien = GENIUS or IDIOT ????

40 minutes to find out

c'mon boys...we need 100% of the players to give 110% 100 percent of the time

Stoosh said...

BLACKNGOLD66 - I absolutely love Tyler Kennedy. In fact, I fucking love Tyler Kennedy. I admit, I didn't know a whole heck of a lot about him after he was drafted and came up through the system. I saw him play once in juniors and while he had terrific speed, I wasn't really blown away by him.

He developed very well as an energy player and looks like he's got the potential to score some points at this level. He's been doing a lot of the all-around things that I think they really wanted Recchi to do this year.

I just wish Steigy would knock off the "Tyler the Tiger" stuff. "Tiger" is a good nickname for him, but "Tyler the Tiger" just sounds a bit creepy.

Mike Georger said...

TK Mode is my nickname of choice for him. if you played a lot of goldeneye in high school you'll understand, and love, it

Flyer Hater said...

Dr. Give 110%, 100% of the time

Anonymous said...

Eddy Spaghetti!

Dr. Turkleton said...

@flyer hater...

hahaha...you got it !!!!!!

I love those NHL Network commercials!!!

Kennedy = right handed Talbot

Tim said...

next case: Crosby vs. Malkin

Mike Georger said...

happy trails dany sabourin

/pti

Mike Georger said...

wow. i dont care if any of them arent your fault, if youre playing for a spot on the team and give up three goals in sevenish minutes you lose your job. conkblock in plzkthx

snickerdoodles said...

Upon reading Law&Order Pensblog Unit for the upteenth time, I just now realized Judge Charlie's chamber is actually his dungeon. Now I am at my desk giggling at the thought of Heatley, Alfredsson and Spezza, a paddle, and the phrase "Thank you, sir! May I have another?" being shouted out. Now I must get back to work. Thank Roberts it's Friday!

One of many YBR bloggers! said...

GREAT work - best courtroom drama ever!

Will Judge Charlie release Heatley, Spezza, and D-Alf in time for the game today?

Ride The Conk!

Conklin35 said...

BENCH THE MAF!!!!

Anonymous said...

You can show the Edmonton empty net goal. Can someone find video of this?

Fleury in the 2004 World Junior Ice Hockey Championships gold medal game against the United States. The game was tied 3-3 with under five minutes left in regulation time when Fleury left the net to poke check the puck and clear a breakaway chance by the USA's Patrick O'Sullivan. The clearing attempt by Fleury hit his own defenceman, Canada's Braydon Coburn, and trickled into the net, resulting in a 4-3 final score and a gold medal for the USA.

Or maybe a couple video of the easy goals Fleury does give up?

Anonymous said...

@Anon t 7:07pm

Ric Flair says...

"Weather you like it, or not. Learn to love it, cause it's the BEST..... THING..... GOING..... TODAY!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Get it right.

Anonymous said...

fabulous post!

jason said...

hey, here is the site i was talking about where i made the extra cash, I was making about $900 extra a month...
check it out ..

tdmyhero said...

gotta love all the bandwagoners...everyone was on conklins nuts, but the real fans who know any hockey know that conklin was just hott...now the RIGHT goalie fleury is in and leading the penguins into the playoffs...GO PENS!

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